Disappointed with the counsellor's negativity

So I have finally got the ball rolling on my second cycle of IVF, yeeeehaaaa!! My first was in 2008, at the age of 38, and quite frankly, I was so bloody lucky that out of that cycle which produced 2 good blast embies, I got two pregnancies. My first one unfortunately ended half way due to an unrelated problem with me (monster fibroid) and my second pg went to term. So fast forward 3 years..........

I am now 41. I get it, I have progressed hugely on the 'graph' they keep showing you, and how the fertility goes down a huge slide. Literally. I recently went to a 'top up' counselling, and was quite surprised at the negativity of the very young counsellor. I have lost count of how many times she said 'IF you end up having another baby'. OK, so I know it will probably take longer, much longer perhaps, if at all, to get pg, but how about just a teeny weeny bit of positivity? Did the counselor have to paint such a bleak picture for me, leaving me almost with no hope at all?????????

Sorry for the vent, but after months and months of firstly convincing DF of hurrying the F up cos I ain't getting any younger, then getting over the emotional hurdle of facing the whole treatment again (jabs, more jabs, prods, more prods and then more jabs to get the eggs out) I was actually looking forward to the cycle in January. Now I am feeling quite flat, a lot less positive than I was a few days ago, and now paranoid that it won't work because I'm too old!!

Ok, rant over, no need to reply, just had to get that out :(

Ack I'm sorry you left without hope. I guess her job is to give you a realistic idea of expectations (and sometimes that can be offensive/confronting/upsetting)... but realistically you don't have zero chance, sure your odds are less than last time but they aren't zero. I hope you shock the pants off her by coming back with a BFP :D.

:hug:

I'm really sorry you had such a negative experience at your counselling session. Try not to let it get you down though - these days there are plenty of women 40+ having babies all the time with IVF - might not be as easy as a 25 year old but it still happens.

Best of luck for your cycle in January and hope to read your PA soon.

Thanks Marusche, I know her job is to provide me with realistic expectations, but every time she said IF, it kinda left me feeling like it's not gonna happen iykwim? Honestly, considering my age, the statistics, etc, I still felt a little optimistic even at 41, given that I fell pg on both occasions from my two embies, but would it have hurt her to say 'I really hope that you get pg again, but don't expect it to happen so quickly this time'? Dunno, maybe I'm reading too much into it :(

Thanks for your hugs cheezelmonster :hug:

Aww, thanks Lulu, I really hope it happens for me again. All I want is a play buddy for my wee man :)

:hug:s. What does your FS say about it all? This was 'only' the counsellor who doesn't necessarily know all your fertility issues I'm guessing. Just remember it was one person, one opinion, and hopefully you can mentally regroup to go into your cycle with a fresh and hopeful outlook. xx

Hi there, I understand feeling dejected. There is so much emotion invested in what you are doing.
Do you have to do back to this counsellor? If you do, perhaps you could request someone more positive. (I had a counsellor once who told me that "**** happens", different circumstances but still very upsetting for me...)
Stay positive, you know your body can make a baby. You have done it before, you can do it again
xoxox

Hi hun, I've got my appointment with the FS on 19 Dec to discuss the cycle and get my drugs. He's pretty positive going by my last cycle, and in his words getting eggs won't be a problem, just what quality of embyos we'll get, is anyone's guess. He is a pretty positive guy overall, I'm sure he'll make me feel a bit better. Thanks for the hugs hun :hug:

Thanks so much JoyMama, I don't have to see her again, only if I want to (not!!), the hour long session was compulsory. I know I can do it, damn it!! lol.

BAH, she doesn't sound like a very good counsellor to me, I totally get that they need to give you realistic expectations, but using IF, IF is almost a little patronising, I think it goes without saying there are no guarantees with AC

When we went back this year our FS was frank with us and said that 3 years on obviously our fertility would be declined (even further) and talked about expectations (we got pg first time) etc etc, and it would be more likely take a few cycles this time - however luckily once again we got pg from our stim cycle. Lucky - yes, we were prepared that we may have used up all our luck last time, but we went in with a positive attitude hopeful it would work....... Anyway, I guess my point is that you have to have a positive attitude it will work, otherwise, why bother. So it therefore stumps me why a counsellor would be quite the opposite.

Massive hugs to you Miss B, totally get your vent :hug:

MummyNaomi, I'm so thrilled for you hun! Congratulations on your pg :) It's great to see that the treatment worked for you guys the second time around. I agree with being positive, I think that's what got me through the first cycle. I think I will be a lot nervous the second time around doing the fully stim cycle again (second cycle for us was the FET which was much much easier). I know there are no guarantees with AC, but how about some encouragement and positivity? GL with it all hun, I hope it all goes well for you :crossfingers:

Sending pregnancy vibes right back to you Miss B...... :crossfingers:
Oh, and if you need me to give the counselor a punch in the head, just let me know Bwahahahahahahaha :rofl:

Awwww thanks MummyNaomi, you're such a sweatheart ! Hehehehehehehe you'd be the perfect person to give her a good whack on the head and then blame it on your pg hormones! hehehehehehe :)

When we went to the councilor she never said a thing about my age...we had a bubs naturally after DH had a vasectomy reversal then DH developed a blockage.... I think I was 38 when we started. I had two transfers and got 14 and 13 eggs from each one.....I also got pregnant on 4 out of 7 transfers but not until the last one did I get one to stick....all along my FS was super confident. I got my BFP just before I turned 40!

I know they like to be realistic that fetility decreases as you get older but not everyone is the same. I had no trouble getting pregnant naturally later in life and even though I had a few losses my body obviously has no trouble producing eggs or getting pregnant even at my 'advanced fetility' age.

Goodluck Miss.B I hope it wont be long before you get to hold another little one in your arms!