To TTC or Not to TTC?

WHY is it so difficult to decide?

There is no logical reason for us to have another bub - we have two gorgeous little ones already, we all get along wonderfully, as soon as #2 is a little less attached I will be able to get fit and healthy again, take up other interests, maybe get a job so we'll have enough money for all the extras we'd like for the children. If we have another we will need to build onto the house, get a bigger car, find another $2000 or so for the homebirth etc. I will probably not get a full nights sleep for another few years, I won't be able to work, study, exercise or have any life of my own. We won't be able to afford a holiday for ages. Hubby and I will be outnumbered by the littlies. I can hardly manage these two, so who knows I might have a nervous breakdown or something with the third... Also we didn't conceive #2 until #1 had weaned himself. Dd shows no signs of weaning herself, so I will probably have to wean her if I want to get pregnant, and I really don't want to do that yet.

But in spite of it all, I have this irrational desire for one more. A little nagging feeling that our family is not yet complete. Is this a good enough reason, or is it just the "I might not be having any more" freak-out?

IKWYM about the little nagging feeling. I would LOVE another, as DS is now 14 mo. I am not ready physically, or mentally, but i really have the urge to do it NOW!
I know it is going to be hard with another, and probably wont cope well, but...You only get this chance once in your life, and lets face it, life is all about our kiddies anyway. Good luck, i hope you come up with a decision soon. Lord only knows why we have these urges LOL!

I was of the same opion as you isabel but one thing that i have against me is my age and also the fact our little man is only 7 months and dd fed till the age of 2 so i wouldnt be able to fall just yet.
That would make me 36/37 to fall again. Im worried thats to old. Plus dh says ' 2 is enough'.Not much i can do without him really. Decision made.

I know what your saying though. You only get one go then once you chance is gone will you be always saying i wonder what if.

That's a tough decision Isabel, I can see why it would be difficult to decide. I'm still weighing up the pros and cons of when to start TTC #1 so I can only imagine what a dilemma it would be deciding on #3. All the very best with your decision!

It's always a tough decision, whether it be a first or "another". If you really think about it, there is never going to be a "right time". There will always be something to do, pay for or try to achieve. Sometimes though, I think our children give us the incentive to get on and do it.

I personally felt that I would never want another child. I have three boys, a 14 year old from my first marriage and my 8 and 7 year olds from my second. The two younger boys both have ADHD and other conduct disorders and things were/are really really tough with them at times. If you'd asked me 3 years ago would I ever consider another...the answer would have been a firm and resounding "NO WAY!".

But...things change, situations change and people change and when I was pregnant with Zac I was really happy and content. BUT...when I lost Zac in the 2nd trimester, I truly realised just how MUCH I wanted that last little one to complete my family and surprisingly my DH felt the same. Hence, our continued attempts to conceive again.

A girl would be lovely to round out the three boys, but I also realised when I lost Zac that in the scheme of things, gender didn't really matter. What I truly wanted and what I hope I'll achieve sooner rather than later...is a healthy baby with a heartbeat.

Good luck with your decision. Follow your heart, not your head is my advice. Don't waste your time and then live later on with "what ifs".

Lisa

I'm also in the process of deciding to TTC #2 - it's tough mentally to think about the changes it'll make to our lives but i now in my heart the strong desire i have to further extend my family. I wish u the best of luck with ur decision :)

Angelfish - reading your post was like reading my mind. My DD #2 is only 5 months old and i already yearning to be pregnant again. Like you i think what i can give my two girls in the future, and what it would be like if a third came along - would i be able to give them as much.
I have a 'nagging' feeling that i am not 'done' with having children. Its an incredible urge and i honestly think this urge (gut insticnt???) will overide the need to buy a bigger car, a bigger house, more sleepless nights etc.
I just have one slight prob - at the moment DH is in the 'we'll see' mode. So ive got a bit of work to do......

Thanks for the input everyone :) I'm glad I'm not the only one who has trouble deciding! One problem I have is that it is pretty much going to be my decision. My other half is happy to stop at two, but also happy to have a third if that's what I want.

Lisa, you are so right about the time never being absolutely right, I guess if we were 100% rational (ie thought like computers instead of people) hardly anyone would ever have children at all. Hoping you get your "healthy baby with a heartbeat" - of course you can never replace Zac but you deserve for some happy news after what you've been through.

As Lisa said, follow your heart not your head. All the things you mentioned can be dealt with in one way or another if you really want. They are only mental obstacles not real physical ones.
I hope you come to a decision that makes you happy.
Good luck and best wishes,
Debbie

Of course I have yet to be in that position - but Im thinking that perhaps you do still want another and there is nothing wrong with that - but perhaps just now is not the right time. I would say just hang in there for a while - maybe until the eldest is at school or something, to take some of the pressure off a little.

Im sure you will make the right choice for your family. :)

It is such a difficult decision, but I would follow my heart if I was you. As the others have said, we only get one chance at this and in some ways you get back what you put in. Our third has really changed our lives because I can't believe how busy we are but I don't regret our decision for a moment. I have heard people say once you have three, if you have more you don't notice the difference so much. Don't know whether that's true but it was a big jump from 2 to 3. It's a lot of fun though.
My grandmother ummed and ahhed and wrote lists with pros and cons about whether to have a third and ended up with twins so she got more than she bargained for! Beware the double whammie!

I think the bottom line is you have to do what is right for you and no-one else can tell you that. All the advice in the world will not change what's in your heart.

I have been dealing with all of these thoughts recently. I (we) have decided to just go ahead. I need to stop thinking about all the hard work that will follow, and look at my gorgeous girls and think how wonderful it will be to have another. (hopefully it will work out this way) Now I am excited about trying for number 3.