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I want to have a rational discussion about the big bed. I am a reasonable human being and don’t like to see anybody get their feelings hurt.
Daddy, this post is specifically for you as I can tell you are struggling with your place in this family during the night hours. The question looms every single evening: Who does mommy belong to?
It’s easy for me to point out the obvious fact that she and I are blood relatives while you two seem to have some sort of contractual relationship, but I want to acknowledge your emotional problems. Who wouldn’t want to snuggle with her? She’s soft and smells great.
Daddy, are you scared of the dark? It’s OK if you are (LOL) but I just want to know because I am. I know the two of you are convinced that the Fischer Price Ocean Wonders Turtle Nightlight thing is some kind of proverbial night watchman, but I assure you if an owl tried to collect my eyes at 10PM, that $50 construction would prevent nothing.
My own personal security aside (!), I know that my nighttime requests, occasional flatulence, REM screaming, and kicks to the face can be disconcerting. There’s also only so much space in our bed and I fully own up to taking up 70-80% of it.
Delicate question: Is it the pee pee? I know rising for a fresh new day partially drenched in someone else’s urine isn’t ideal but I looked it up on Wikipedia and my liquid waste is sterile. You won’t get sick. You may even repel bears during the day. <– I haven’t had a chance to confirm this.
I feel as if I’m missing something when it comes to your attachment to the big bed. Something I can’t quite put my finger on.
Bottom line: Nobody likes to sleep alone. You need a restful night’s slumber to prepare for a day of….I don’t know what, and I see how I’ve been a barrier to this.
Daddy, I see you. I hear you. You’ll be thrilled to know that I’ve come up with a solution that you are sure to find not only satisfactory but quite generous if I do say so myself.
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Wait for it
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Read on - 