Friends or.....not? Stay or....not?

Hey there,

I'm in a sticky situation and don't know which road to take.

For the last 6 mths I've been working with people who I initially called friends. I met them at the job and we all got along great! I was so happy working with this bunch, until.....

I don't know what happened! They became much more cliquier (is there such word lol?) and I went from being in with them, to being out in a massive way. The manager is one of them, I did try to being tactful but honest with the manager about my feelings but they became quite defensive in reply so I dropped it and just said I need to take a break for a few weeks which the manager was okay about.

I bent over backwards filling in shifts at the workplace that not only I was changing my shifts at my other employment to help the manager out, but my DH was too - just so I could get to the shift, times he couldn't change shifts I would end up dragging my kids out in the mid of winter so I could still be there to work.

The straw has really snapped since they are moving ahead with a project which was totally my idea, I pushed for it, gained client interest in it etc.....and now they're moving forward with the project leaving me out of the picture totally.

The thing is - I really adore the clients that I get to deal with, that's the only thing really holding me there - besides one specific task I have (which I really love to do too), that if it wasn't for this employment I would lose out on that task entirely. But at the same time this group of people who were initially friends are nice enough to my face, but I dunno, when my back is turned....possibly not? I have no evidence, I haven't heard anything, I've just seen a big shift in 'them' and 'me'. If I defriended them on FB so I wouldn't see the posts that peeve me then that might cause more issues....it's only 2 hours every week, and I have little interaction with them whilst I am there....

What would you do?

I'd hide or unfriend them on FB!

I would just hide them on facebook, I would also put them on restricted access to your profile as well.

I have done this and it is great they are still in your friends list but they dont see anything and you have to click on their name to see their posts.

If you love the job and it sounds like you do, keep going be your usual happy self, do not stoop to their level and you will find that one day you dont even care anymore.

Good luck


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Yup, what Keike and Frantelle said. Also consider not bending over backwards too much. They clearly wouldn't bend for you and include you in the project that is your idea so reorganizing your life around them probably isn't going to change things and could lead to resentment. Look after yourself In this situation honey- your the only one who will.

First biggest rule... Do not have work colleagues on Facebook. Second biggest rule, in most cases you should never work with friends as if it gets messy it destroys friendships. Next is don't make scenes. Ignore them. Do your job and steer clear. If they are preventing you from reaching the career goals you have set for yourself I would look for a other job.

I think it's really important to have working relationships that don't cause stress. That doesn't mean you have to get on like a house on fire with anyone/everyone but it also means not having angst. It sounds like this is a bit angsty.

So I guess the choice is - can I keep going to work and just accept that things are never going to be the way they were and I'm always going to feel on the outer? How will I feel about that?

Or, you could look for another job.

Depends whether you can accept your current circumstances or not.

What Rouge said.

I think for me I would have to decide whether I could detach from them emotionally or not in terms of just becoming task focused at work and enjoying the enjoyable bits. I would stop making so many concessions in my life for them. I would bend over backwards for close friends or family but not for a work situation. If you can detach and get to a place of task focus, then keep going. Otherwise I would look for alternative jobs where I could do the same type of work or even look into setting up my own business - sounds like you have great ideas and good relationships with clients!

Oh geez, I'd have hardly any FB friends if I didn't have my work colleagues :-/ Sad life I live!

I did restrict their access to me on FB though....

Saga slightly continues, yet in a positive light.

Got a text message from the manager about now including me in the project after all...In the SMS just said 'we want you to feel part of the team' etc - so I'm guessing someone has leaked info! Argh, FB - you will be the death of my life. So I did accept - I'm still on the 'break' though, its a crazy time of year work wise.