Feeling like you don't belong.

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January 7th, 2013, 12:27 PM
Mel_B1981

Feeling like you don't belong.

I'm starting to get concerned about myself in a way and was hoping someone here might be able to help.
Lately I've been feeling like a don't belong pretty much everywhere in life, to list a few examples:

- Here as my IVF journey was put on hold and doesn't really commence again until February, I don't feel I belong in the LTTTC area of the forum.
- I'm on several weight loss support groups and feel like I am getting no support whereas others get plenty of support with similar enquiries/questions/problems.
- My husband's family all basically ignore me (to the point where my sister-in-law removed me as "sister-in-law" on her facebook profile the other week) and I get the very strong feeling none of them think of me as part of the family.
- At work I feel like I'm the only one who doesn't socialise with work colleagues outside working hours or during really either.

I just don't know if I'm being paranoid, or if I'm slipping into a depression of some sort.
Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated.

Sorry if this is the wrong forum - I just couldn't find anywhere else to put it?
January 7th, 2013, 12:35 PM
TeniBear

Feeling like you don't belong.

Didn't want to read and not post :( :hug: You're always welcome here! If you don't feel like you have a place in the LTTTC threads, you're more than welcome to join others.

I get the not-fitting-in feelings sometimes as well, especially in the babyloss communities. I sometimes have to take breaks from trying to connect with people, otherwise it makes me feel even worse about myself :(
January 7th, 2013, 12:53 PM
Mel_B1981

Thanks TeniBear. I have looked at other forums on here... just can't seem to find anywhere on here that I do really feel I belong at this time.

I'm not a parent, my step-kids want nothing (and I mean absolutely nothing) to do with me, the closet thing I have to a family of my own is my pets (consisting of: 6 cats, 1 dog, 3 turtles, 5 chickens, 5 ducks). I've never experienced a miscarriage, so definately don't fit into any of the 'loss' forums.

I know I do belong in the LTTTC forum, it was recommended to me when I first signed up and several times since.... but I just see all the posts there from people who are already going through IVF already and feel I don't belong cause I'm not there yet. Like I don't know what each stage of the IVF cycle is all about etc.

Please don't get me wrong in saying this, the people in the LTTTC forum have been very welcoming to me and offered me nothing but encouragement towards my IVF future, but I just don't feel I really and truely belong in there...yet.
January 7th, 2013, 01:00 PM
Phteven

Everyone fits in in this thread
https://www.bellybelly.com.au/forums...33#post3256733

:hug: Your IL's sound like dills so maybe you don't need to fit in with them.
January 7th, 2013, 01:04 PM
Traveller

Re: Feeling like you don't belong.

I agree with zazou, your in-laws sound like idiots. Sorry you are feeling so down, have you spoken to your partner about how you are feeling?
January 7th, 2013, 01:09 PM
LionsandBears

Sometimes we don't have exact groups to fit into, so we try to fit in as close as we can get. For instance, there's no specific LTTTC with Recurrent Miscarriage and multiple Late Loss group, thankfully. It doesn't actually matter if you don't understand the IVF lingo. Whilst many of the LTTTC'ers use IVF, not all do. It's not just for talking about cycles. It's there as an emotional support too.

Do you have any hobbies? Gardening, sewing, crafts, exercise? Maybe we have a group there that you can join in on. Pets, for example :) I'd love to have 6 dogs. Do you live on a farm?

I'm not someone who has ever been fussed about socialising with work colleagues. Things like that can hurt if it's something you value. Do you have other friends to hang with IRL? Do you family on your side to support you? Your in-laws aren't worth your energy.

I hope you feel welcome here. Feel free to join on any thread that interests you. Sometimes it takes people a little while to respond directly but all constructive opinions are valued.
January 7th, 2013, 01:23 PM
Mel_B1981

Yes I have. It's almost like as though he doesn't care about it. He tells me I'm being stupid and "of course they see you as part of the family!"

It's been going on since Christmas 2011. We were really close with my BIL and his family, and would spend most weekends at their place....but shortly after this Christmas went by we stopped getting invites to their place.

Not long after Christmas 2011, I got a phone call from BIL's wife telling me she was pregnant (with their 3rd "whoopsy"). We spoke for hours on the phone that night, laughing and carrying on.....then we didn't hear from them again. Next time we heard from anyone on my husband's side of the family it was for my nieces engagement party. At the party I felt like no one wanted me there, everyone was having conversations and talking LITERALLY around me...every time I joined a conversation the backs were turned or conversation changed.

After the party it was complete silence for months and months. BIL's wife has baby (July 2012), we hear about it via a photo on FB BIL posts. I made a comment on the photo and get a PM from BIL and have a brief conversation with him, then silence again for at least another 2-3 months. September/October 2012 get a PM on FB from BIL's wife asking for my help with something. Help her out....no....work my ass off to do what she wanted my help with, then nothing again till I get a FB message with a RSVP for the Boxing Day 2012 party we were holding saying they will be there.

We then get a invite to BIL's place for Christmas day. We go to their place Christmas day, finish the day with "see ya tomorrows"...............they never turn up the next day, no message to say they won't be coming, no call - nothing. Have not heard a word from them since.
January 7th, 2013, 01:25 PM
Mel_B1981

:

Everyone fits in in this thread
https://www.bellybelly.com.au/forums...33#post3256733

:hug: Your IL's sound like dills so maybe you don't need to fit in with them.

I keep seeing that thread title popping up....but haven't actually looked at it cause the title doesn't make any sense to me! LOL Maybe I'm just having a stupid moment there though....
January 7th, 2013, 01:27 PM
LionsandBears

:

I keep seeing that thread title popping up....but haven't actually looked at it cause the title doesn't make any sense to me! LOL Maybe I'm just having a stupid moment there though....

It's just a random thread to interact on.
January 7th, 2013, 01:28 PM
TeniBear

Feeling like you don't belong.

:

I keep seeing that thread title popping up....but haven't actually looked at it cause the title doesn't make any sense to me! LOL Maybe I'm just having a stupid moment there though....

:lol: It's basically our "talk about anything" thread :) Originally they were just everyone being silly, now it's where we go to talk about things that don't really warrant threads of their own :) Or, that's how I treat it at least.
January 7th, 2013, 01:35 PM
Mel_B1981

:

Do you have any hobbies?

Closest thing I have to a hobby is my cats - I'm a registered breeder and show my cats.

:

Gardening, sewing, crafts, exercise?

I kill gardens. Sewing/crafts I enjoy, but simply don't have time for them, Exercise I am doing big time as I'm desperately trying to lose weight.

:

Do you live on a farm?

Kinda - we're renting a house on 1 acre in the middle of a 100 acre cattle farm.

:

Do you have other friends to hang with IRL?

The only real and true friend I have lives in WA. I've never been one to make friends easy so since she moved across I haven't really developed new 'friends' just acquaintances (IE other cat breeders)

:

Do you family on your side to support you?

I try to avoid seeing my mother - she's the sort of person who when I told her I was going to be trying IVF she responded with "Well then you better get off your fat ass and lose some weight then hadn't you?" My brother is a grumpy turd....even worse when on the grog (which seems to be more and more since his first and only serious relationship broke down). My Dad and I used to be really close, and he kinda does live with us (he spends at least 1-2 nights a week at our place), but he's got this friend (who's only about 1-2 years older than me) that just sucks up all his time with her dramas....several of Dad's relationships have broken down since Mum and Dad split due to this woman cause his partner has been telling him he treats her better than he treats my brother or myself.

Closest thing I have to a hobby is my cats - I'm a registered breeder and show my cats.