Child borrowing clothes at DC. Do you think this is ok??

My girls BF goes to the same DC. She isn't fully TT and has some accidents whilst there. I am a pretty laid back person and have said to DC that I have no problem in them using clothes out of my girls bags if there is not enough in said childs own bag. Sometimes the mum can be a bit airy fairy and things don't get done properly. I totally understand that having enough clothes in the bag isn't said childs fault hence I have no issue with the clothes. What is happening though is that these clothes don't ever come back to me. The girls at DC have told me they have talked to said childs parents about the constant need to borrow clothes and that they need to ensure that there is enough clothes etc.

Today I have sent a separate bag of clothes in the bottom of my girls bags that is clothes if needed for said child. They are things I have no problem with them not coming home again. I emailed the director I get on well with and explained about the bag of clothes.

Again, I know that the lack of clothes isn't the childs fault, however I also feel for the child if she doesn't have enough clothes in her bag. I'm thinking that I might go to the op shop and buy some clothes that are her size and just leave a set in my girls bag so if for some reason, the DC girls need more clothes, they at least have something they can use.
The mum doesn't really see the TT as being a big issue so whilst I have mentioned it and DC have, I suspect this will be an ongoing issue.

Does this sound like an ok thing to do or does anyone have other suggestions?

I don't see why you should be packing extra clothes for someone else. Certainly not buying them. It's for the parent and daycare to work out. What would happen if she didn't have enough of her own clothes anyway? It would be up to the daycare to sort out, and they should have spare clothes there.

My DD wets through if she hasn't been changed for a while before she falls asleep, she holds on and then just soaks through in one go. I always pack a spare change of clothes in case, and don't think I should be expected to fill her bags with clothes - if they get her to the toilet or change her happy often enough they won't be needed. The times she has come home in daycare clothes I've opened her happy bag and found they've only changed her three times in the whole day, so no wonder she wet through.

But yeah, I wouldn't worry about it,let them sort it out.

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I don't see why you should be packing extra clothes for someone else. Certainly not buying them. It's for the parent and daycare to work out. What would happen if she didn't have enough of her own clothes anyway? It would be up to the daycare to sort out, and they should have spare clothes there.

My DD wets through if she hasn't been changed for a while before she falls asleep, she holds on and then just soaks through in one go. I always pack a spare change of clothes in case, and don't think I should be expected to fill her bags with clothes - if they get her to the toilet or change her happy often enough they won't be needed. The times she has come home in daycare clothes I've opened her happy bag and found they've only changed her three times in the whole day, so no wonder she wet through.

But yeah, I wouldn't worry about it,let them sort it out.

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I agree as do DC that I shouldn't have to do it, I feel bad for the child though.


Am I stepping on toes by doing it though...

It's not your responsibility to provide spare clothes for her. The carers or director need to talk to her about sending more spare clothes.

Maybe instead of buying clothes from the op shop for the child, donate them to the centre to use as spares.

I think it's very kind of you to consider her needs and support her as part of your community, regardless of whose job that is. I think donating some more spare clothes to the centre does seem a better way of doing it though and relieving the burden on your children to carry extra clothes every day.

I know at DD1's kindy if the kids run out of spare clothes, they use the ones in the lost property bin.

Perhaps you could email the director and suggest that be done instead of offering up your clothes? Then they can chase it up with the parent instead of you :)

You are a lovely friend, but you are being taken advantage of! It's not your responsibility to provide clothes for another child, nor is it DCs responsibility to provide them. It IS their job, however, to deal with the parent. It sounds like she gets to be "airy fairy" (ie irresponsible) with no reason to do otherwise. I would expressly ask DC not to use my child's clothes and perhaps suggest if the parent of this other child continues to ignore requests to properly provide for her child that they call her when her child runs out of clothes and ask her to either bring clothes at that moment OR collect her child immediately. The director should be managing this!

err...no, don't pack extra clothes for someone else's child. Nice thought and I get that you feel sorry for them but they need to work it out themselves with the daycare. I would tell them not to use your clothes anymore as you don't get them back. Donating some is a good idea if that's what you want to do.

I think donating clothing to the centre is a great idea :)

I think it's lovely that you care for your friend and whilst it is her responsibility I'm not aware of her situation so I can't judge.

Most child care centres/kinders have spares. I know once at Kinder DS had taken out his spare clothes from his Kinder bag by accident as he was looking for something. And it wasn't until he had an accident and they sent him home in kinder undies that I realised (because the spares were in another compartment I never went into) and sure enough the bag of spares was hidden under his bed ;)

Borrowing clothes once or twice I would be okay with. However, you supplying clothes on a regular basis and not ever seeing them again is a totally different story. I think daycare need to take a tougher stance with the other Mum - either she supplies extra clothes, or she may be called during the day to bring some in, or collect her child.

Our school has spare clothes that are used if a child has an accident, and they have written the school's name in large letters across the back of the clothing in permanent marker. This makes the clothes quite useless to parents as they wouldn't wear them elsewhere! Maybe if you donated clothing to the centre, you could suggest marking them in a similar way to ensure they are returned.

Does your friend know they are your clothes her dd is borrowing? Maybe ask if she has some of them and cluld you collect them? It's nice that you are helping them out but she should be responsible for making sure her dd has enough clothes and in the long run its not helping either of them if that makes sense as its part of being a parent to ensure they have clothes etc. just my opinion. My girls both took a lot to tt so we had to pack a lot of clothes and always sent the borrowed ones back the following week. Your DC should be talking to her and explain they need borrowed clothes back and that she needs to supply more.

I think your motivation is lovely, but I would take a step back. Your friend needs to learn to be responsible and provide what her DD needs for CC. It's up to the centre to address the issue with her. FWIW, I'm sure they won't leave the little girl in wet or dirty clothes and not having your spares to use will motivate them to address the issue with the child's mother. Very kind of you, but I would ask the staff to stop using your clothing as it is not returned and leave them to sort it out.

I would also stop providing extra clothes and tell the centre not to use your spares. It sounds like you are being lovely, but I am sure the centre will not leave her all day in wet clothes and it is up to them to find spares or contact the mother to bring more in or pick up the child. If the child is having that many accidents then perhaps the centre needs to be more vigilant in putting her on the toilet or changing back to pull ups if she is still miles away from fully trained.

It really isn't your responsibility and I can see that your intentions are good but it is only enabling the mother to be slack. She needs to sort it out herself.

I think donating spares to the centre is a great idea, if they've need of them. I know I've been caught out without sufficient spares, too, and have appreciated the loaners.
Then the centre will be reminding the mother directly to a) send spares and b) return the stuff that's been loaned to her, and it's no longer on you.
It's very nice of you to think of the little girl, though, good on you.

I donate spares, especially knickers, to childcare and kinder. For some reason most parents don't return the loaner clothes, so they need all they can get hold of.

We used to have this issue in a centre where I worked. In a very affluent area, where a 2 bedroom house wouldn't get any change out of a lazy million. And kids, more than one, never had spare clothes.

So we had centre spares, and we wrote the centre name across the back of them in BIG letters. They never came back. We put boys in pink frilly pants. They never came back. We ended up billing the family $5 per item and BAM. All of a sudden there were spare clothes.

Cool story bro.

Anyway, donate some if you want to, but don't feel like you have to. The kid won't be left without clothes.

You sound like an awesome friend!

I think it's a great opportunity for this mum to learn to be more on top of this sort of thing, or the poor child will spend the next 18 years not having their lunch money, excursion permission note etc etc and will miss out on things. So I would be letting the mum suffer the consequences - like having to pick up her child early. It'll only happen once!

Give clothes to a child, clothe a child for a day.

Teach a mother to clothe her child, clothe the child for a lifetime.

I think you are being kindhearted, but ultimately not helpful.