Thinking about baby coming home...

The third trimester can be a very exciting time for pregnant couples with baby not too far away. However it is also a really important time to start thinking about when baby comes home.

When I was in my ante-natal classes, I asked to learn more about topics on how to cope with baby coming home and why it isn't in the program a great deal - they told me they tried running such classes for pregnant women but with very little response - they all just wanted to know about labour and that was it!

I don't think some couples realise how important this is until they finally do get home with baby. Perhaps we think it will instinctively pop into our heads as to how to manage, or we'll expect it to be somewhat easier, but sometimes it can be a rude shock! No-one told me that you have to 'teach' a baby to sleep, during which time baby will cry continually until you are able to get him to sleep :?

It is so ironic that when pregnant, we spend so much time learning about labour (which will last hours and will likely not go the way we plan!) yet bringing a baby home is a totally new lifestyle and we tend to learn more about it by crash course when we run into trouble!

So this thread is all about the things we wished we knew about when baby comes home. Mums can post the things they wish they knew and pregnant couples can ask questions! Enjoy!

Catalyst,

That last suggestion you made, I feel, is SO important. There are very little accesible resources for detecting PND in women and having partners and families read material on the topic, particularly before it happens, can be something of a challenge. I am currently looking into this for BellyBelly in the Men's and Grandparents sections, as I believe it truly is a huge key to how couples cope when they get home - letting PND go undiagnosed can be a very unfortunate thing to happen.

I have to tell you a funny story from one of my antenatal classes. The MW was talking about time, and how much we have each day to do things with a newborn etc. Like time to feed, sleep, shower etc etc. And she was saying how 8 hrs of the day is spent feeding the baby (this includes prepping and burping etc...I worked it out and for the first few weeks its true LOL) and this one DTB stood up and said "You must be joking! Thats worst case scenario right?" and she looked at him and laughed "No thats best case" and his response was "Where is she supposed to find time to do housework and cook dinner?" and the whole room went quiet...and the sad thing was he was serious :shock: The MW just looked at him and laughed and continued talking, everyone turned around and stared at him, and he promptly sat down and didn't speak again :lol:

*hugs*
Cailin

Ok guys, does anyone have anything to add?

I would definately go to a class about what happens when baby is born. I am totally clueless about what to do with a newborn.

My biggest concern is how do I know what he is crying about????

I wish I had known more about what to do if breastfeeding wasn't working too well.. I feel that I gave up on it too easily as it was much easier to just make him up a bottle of formula. I also wish I had been prepared with bottles and breast pumps etc when I came out of hospital... I just assumed I wouldnt need them!

Sarah - I found it really hard to know what he was crying about as well, and it was quite stressful for the first few weeks.
The two main reasons that I could pinpoint was that he was either hungry, or had wind pains... usually the latter. You'd be surprised how much crying can be caused by belly/wind pains. I wish they had taught us more methods of burping etc in the hospital.

It is an area of unknown isn't in?

I am still not sure when I know to feed him?

I think our Maternal and Health Care centres have classes and these end up being the mother's groups but they aren't for a few weeks after bubs is home...

I'll be on BellyBelly for sure saying HHHEEELLLPPPP!!!!!!!!!

Hey guys,

I've actually started a topic on working out baby's crying HERE as at first it can be so daunting to work out, that you can just have a mind blank or panic. So I have created a list which is great to think through during crying spells - stick it on your fridge even to help during times where you just can't think!

It wont be long and you'll soon work out baby's different cries and what they mean. They often have different tones and pitches for different needs. I can tell when Elijah has a hungry cry, as opposed to a tired cry, bored whine etc.

In the early days, they mostly like to sleep and eat - so you can pretty much take a good guess at what to try there ;) Usually cries of pain are more high pitched, you hopefully wont hear many of these, but you can often distinuguish them very well. It's easier when you are used to their cry though, and some just cry more than others.

Regardless, you'll all do a great job I'm sure of it ;)

A friend said to me after having her baby that she hated that scared feeling and it was because she could control just about everything else around her but when it came to this baby it just wasnt possible and i thought she had a good point.
And just a note on the different crys they have, my son actually used to cry the word hungy when he needed a bottle, so i would be walking back from shops to home with this little baby crying hungy. I am sure that he didnt know what the word was but it was damn spooky all the same.

Wow! Good idea for this post Kelly!
I honestly thought that ante-natal classes covered the "going home" stuff too?? How naive am I?
Thankfully I have a very supportive Mum so I am hoping I can fall back on her when I need advice. In saying that, her youngest is 21 now and a lot of stuff may have changed. Still, it's good to surround yourself with a support network, right?

I actually looked at Neil last night and laughed. When he asked what I was laughing at, I said; "Do your realise in a few weeks, WE, yes, WE are going to be in charge of a little human being? We are going to have to figure out what is wrong when it is crying and WE will be responsible. We can't give it back when we get sick of it.... WE are going to be parents soon!". He just rolled his eyes and said, "Let's cross that bridge when we get to it!".
Oh dear! What a rickety bridge it is going to be!

Lol Deb, isn't it funny how much a man will try to deny these sort of things. It's like they are so used to being able to control everything but this is one thing that they can't. It doesn't matter whether or not they are ready for bub, bub is coming whether they like it or not and there is nothing they can do about it.

Mark is being exactly the same. You'd think by now that he'd know that there is nothing that he can say or do to change the inevitable.

On the bringing home baby note. I think that the first few weeks are trial and error. I guess when you think of it, it's like starting a new job, you have to find your feet. There wil always be someone for you to call or chat to (even on BB) that is ready to help out but ultimately in the end it's up to you to sort out any problems.

Usuallly if bub is crying you'll go through your mental list - hungry, wet, dirty, wind pains, overtired (the worst). When you have gone through that list it's time to start it all over again. Sometimes bub just has a crying day like we do. Funnily enough as I am typing this I am thinking to myself - Trish try and remember this in a few weeks time, when you sleep deprived, hungry and cranky.

Remember to always take some time out for yourself, even if it's only for 10minutes in the evening to have a relaxing bath - by yourself......

I think that parenting classes would be a great idea and yes they do need to focus on that abit more during antenatal classes. Afterall, there are only so many different ways they can teach you to push ;)


Take care
Trish

I also wish that there were classes about beyond birth. I'm still pretty clueless about what to do. It is trial and error really. But we're getting there!

I can clearly remember my Mum picking us up from hospital & on the way home, she said we will stop at Chemist get some MORE mattress's, OOOPS! I mean Maternity pads, a dummy & something else.

I stayed in the car, I was spinning out that the Shops seemed to have grown, tree's were much bigger, cars next to us looked too close, people seemed to be staring at me, I hated it, I felt really Alien to all around me!!!

Then we walked in the door, Mum had lunch & said, Well Ok, I am off to work! I panicked & pointed at DD saying, "What am I gonna do with her though!?" Mum laughed & said it will be good for you to get used to her by yourself!!!! I literally SH*T myself as Mum kissed us & walked out of the door, she only worked 4hrs per day, but I was panicked!
It all worked out fine & I think having the week of being left alone with her for those few hopurs (as Dad also worked F/Time then!) gave me the courage to try different things without others making judgements, I was so scared to bath her too, but it all worked out & it truly is trial & error!!!

I have to agree with what catalyst said in the earlier posts... things like health things, colic, reflux etc etc and how to settle your baby. I was emotionally devestated everytime Matilda cried for the first few weeks... and sometimes I still am...