TTC after Stillbirth/Recurrent Miscarriage or Loss after the 1st Trimester

If you have found yourself in this forum you no doubt have had a painful journey. TTC after recurrent miscarriage/stillbirth or Late Loss takes special courage and support. The aim of this forum is to provide a place where women who have endured loss can share their stories, friendships, treatments and triumphs!

My greatest wish is that you all leave this forum with nice big fat positives in the shortest possible time!!!

If at any time you'd like to make a suggestion, complaint or provide any feedback for this forum, please contact one of your following moderators

Flowerchild ~ flowerchild@bellybelly.com.au
Tiggy - tigga_m@hotmail.com
Cailin - cailin@bellybelly.com.au Admin

or alternately you may contact Kelly at info@bellybelly.com.au (however she may take a little longer to respond at times!).

We appreciate all your feedback as it does help to make our forums a much happier, relaxed place to chat! We will always take your comments seriously - all comments are treated confidentially...

Also, don't forget to check out the informative BellyBelly Conception Articles.

Good morning my lovelies,

You will find the last thread HERE

Hey everyone, thank you all so much for your support - It really does mean alot to me!

Spring - :hug: I am thinking of you, DH, Harrison and lil Spring today and I hope that Canberra takes it easy on you. Enjoy the time you have with DH, albeit a small amount of time.

Lynn - I know you are probably right, my family are usually very supportive especially my older sister. My mum and dad dont even really talk about it with me anymore. I ended up texting mum last night and asked if she had forgotten what today was, she said that she didnt mean to make me feel like he had been forgotten but they didnt think I'd want to talk to them and they were going to call today so I said a message or something would have been nice and she apologised. I told her that I know it is hard for them to know the right thing to do but that I need something, I dont know what, but more than what I am getting from them. DH is so beautiful though, I was crying when we went to bed and said to him that I feel really alone and he said I am not alone cause I have him. I agree with the "WTF" about your friend being too busy, everyone gets busy but you have to make time for people you love. And I'd probably feel same as you with the comments about how hard it is on your parents, I guarantee them no where near as hard as it is on YOU! And I dont think you should have to put on a happy face at all, it may be hard on them but as we have learnt life is hard and they just have to deal with it, like we do. On a different note, :crossfingers: you get those results through soon.

Deb - I am glad to hear that the bleeding has stopped. I :pray: that the Clomid is a little easier on you this time round. BTW your garden sounds lovely, I dont have a green thumb at all but I would love to have the knack. Not that it would help much with these water restrictions but anyway.

Michelle - I dont know because I am not pregnant but I can imagine how hard it must be on you with your bub being at Caitlyn's gestational birth age, I imagine it is going to be a long and stressful road from here on out. I actually noticed your ticker about a week ago I think it was and thought then that you were coming to a tough time. You have everyone here to help you through this and it wont be long before you have that bub filling your arms with so much warmth your heart will skip a beat :hug: And I agree, as hard as it is to cry I think it needs to be done and it surely cant help to hold it all in. That is so beautiful your ILs included Caitlyn in Christmas. My MIL did practically nothing for Christmas this year and strangely she made my Christmas easier because she told me she just couldnt get into it because Nicholas should have been here.

Bailey - I hope you are doing ok today, we have all been thinking of you.

Hi to everyone else.

Today I am feeling a bit better than yesterday, DH has the car today (cause he slept in and missed his train) so I am going to go on a really long walk to the shopping centre with my ipod cause I need to go to the post office, and I will pick up some zucchinis and stuff to make a slice for dinner. Hopefully the walk will help clear my head - I should be walking all the time but to be honest I have no motivation for anything these days.

I hope you all have a lovely day, and thanks again for being there for me.

Mel

Hey everyone,

Mel - how are you doing today? How was your walk to the shops? Are you making zuchini slice????? I love zuchini slice :) I'm glad that you are feeling a little bit better than yesterday. I think we need to help each other get out of this big hole that we are in. That is what it feels like for me anyway. I think the hardest part for our family and friends is that they don't know what to say and when. I told everyone that acknowledgement of Cooper was the most important thing for me and that if they don't know what to say because they are scared of saying the wrong thing, just say it because saying nothing at all is the worst thing to do. Now that you have spoken with your mum, I'm sure she knows what you want now and will try to be there for you when you need her.

Spring - I know that you are probably busy with work today but I just want you to know that I am thinking of you. I hope you have a nice night with DH. Take care.

Deb - your garden sounds beautiful. I wish I was a green thumb! I try to be. I hope Clomid is kind to you this month. I will be joining you soon on Clomid I'm sure :rolleyes:

I got my prog levels from my BT which I had yesterday which was 9dpo - 18.3. Not good - so it looks like the wicked witch is coming over to my place real soon! That's ok, I sort of expected her this month anyway because I o'd sooooooooo late. Anyway, me being me, did a hpt this morning. I was feeling a bit nauseous yesterday so thought I would do one - negative. I think I was nauseous because it was such an emotional day.

Today has been a better day - I've been painting again because I stuffed up the walls last week by using gloss paint on the walls. So they are all fixed up now. So I have a fun day planned tomorrow - not! Cleaning. Oh well, these things have to be done.

Hope everyone is well.

Big :hugs: to all my special girls

luv & hugs
Lynn

Lynn - sorry about the lowish progesterone. Tell me what's the plan LYnn? Is it metformin and clomid together??? I am so glad you are feeling like you are in good hands with the FS. We are all gonna graduate from here soon. Keep the FAITH!

Mel - Zucchini slice sounds really good! I hope your day was better than yesterday... :hug:

Well, I have had a frustrating day. The fish tank sprung a leak - can you believe it! Googly the fish died :( and I have to drive to the coast to get a replacement. There is always a silver lining though and the pet shop will replace the fish tank with the next size up as they have been very slack in getting a replacement lamp for the tank in. So on Thursday we will head down and get a replacement "Googly" and tank!
The fence man came eventually and has finally found some old railway sleepers to do our front fence. YIPPPEEEEE!!!!!!!
It is raining and cool here and the kids and I are gonna have scrambled eggs on toast for dinner tonight.
Take care everyone and I will "see" you tomorrow... :hug:

Hi Girls,

Spring - I am thinking of you and your DH today on Harrison's 5 month birthday. How are you doing? How is Lil' Spring behaving today?

Mel - I am sorry you are feeling a little down and forgotten. I am sure that it is just that
people don't think about the dates. No one said anything to me really either, but I think it is the same old thing where they just think they don't want to upset you (like it can get any more upsetting right?) But I know what you mean, it sort of comes back to that feeling that life has gone on for everyone else, and we are just stuck here, standing still. Like Lynn has said, there is no way that anyone can understand what we have been through unless they too have had to go through it. I hope you are feeling better, I think that it is a huge milestone the 6 months. Now, what is Zucchini slice?? Sounds yummy!

Lynn - Glad to hear that you are having a better day. I am not really sure what all of your medical stuff means, but I am sorry that it wasn't all great news. At least, like you said the other week, your Ob has a plan. I hope AF comes soon for you so you can have a fresh start this month.

Michelle - I have never really thought about what you have said about from here the pregnancy is all new to you. That is such a milestone for you. I hope you find the rest of the pregnancy boring and uneventful until the day you get to meet your little one. Congratulations!

Flowerchild - I am glad to hear that your bleeding has stopped. How are you feeling now?

Hello to everyone else. Hope you are all well.

I am feeling a little better today too. I had a bit of a meltdown last night, but I think that I needed to have a good cry and get it out. I have decided to try to eliminate stress from my life, as really, there is just no need for it. Nothing can compare to losing your child, so I am not going to let things like work and bills etc worry me. I am going to leave work (well in a couple of weeks - I am going on holidays at Easter, so no point looking for a new job before then) and have a fresh start.

Hi girls,

Lynn - Sorry your results werent as good as you hoped, but I will keep my fingers crossed that AF arrives soon (as big a PIA as she is) so that you can start looking forward to the next cycle. Bummer about the painting, although at least it will keep you busy. I am glad your day today has been a bit better :)

Deb - So sorry about Googly, I hope your little ones werent too upset by it. I remember crying when my fish Freddy died as a kid :( Glad you found that silver lining though... mmmmm I love scrambled eggs!

Bailey - So glad that you are also having a better day, seems like a much more positive day in here in general huh. Good on you for deciding to quit your job, I have to admit it is definitely one less thing to worry about for me now and I dont regret quitting for one second. Its so hard to not stress about things like bills etc, but you are right that in the whole scheme of life there are more important things to worry about. A holiday sounds great, you will feel so relaxed when you get back.

Spring - Still thinking of you and hoping your day has been as good as is possible under the circumstances. I assume we wont hear from you tonight seeing as you have been in Canberra all day. Sending :hugs: you way.

:hello: to everyone else.

Didnt get to make slice for dinner, just before I went for my walk I realised DH had my eftpos card so only had enough cash on me for postage and a roll and banana for lunch so DH got stuff on the way home and made me a baked potato. We are seeing his kids for dinner tomorrow night, and will have to take them to Maccas cause we dont have time to bring them home. I dont eat Maccas though so dunno what I will have.

Oh and Bailey, zucchini slice is different for everybody I think - I make it with zucchini, carrot, eggs, flour, oil, cheese, onion and S&P and it is so yum, and we have it with salad! If you want to recipe I can give it, the recipe I have is actually from a kinder cookbook so your son might eat it too.

Mel

Hey everyone,

Mel - yeah big bummer on the test results but what can you do hey! Never thought I would say this but 'hurry up AF'. Glad you are feeling a bit better tomorrow. Hopefully tomorrow will be a little bit better again and you can find a smile. Thinking of you - big :hugs:

Bailey- I think it is good to have a cry and let it all out. I hope today has brought you a smile :) Good on you for quitting work. Less stress the better.

Deb - I'm sorry to hear about googly. I presume he was one of those fish with the big eyes? Hope the kids weren't too upset. Sounds like you have had a busy day. How is the clomid treating you?
I can't wait to graduate from here! Although I want all of us to graduate together. Ok the plan - gotta love a plan! I am on metformin 1500 and will take Clomid 50 on CD4-8, then my FS will monitor me with BT and ultrasounds from CD9 (does he know that I have the longest cycles in the world!!!!!!). By doing all of this, he will be able to see what my body and little eggies are doing and then can tell me when to DTD - so hopefully at the end of the cycle I will have a BFP! Won't that be nice!

Have a nice night (whats left of it anyway)

Sweet dreams my special friends :grouphug:

I love a plan too Lyn!!!! I've gotta have a plan or I feel like a fish out of water... Which leads me to Googly (RIP). Yep he WAS a fish with big googly eyes - thus the name. The kids were upset but they are fairly used to the cycle of life so Googly wasn't such a huge loss to them. (sorry Googly)

I have long cycles on clomid too Lyn so I empathise. I had u/s on one cycle of clomid with my new obs - I found it fascinating to watch my ovaries grow their follies. I hope you get your period soon so you can begin on the next phase of your journey. I :pray: it will be a short journey to a :bfp:.

I am going to have a big day tomorrow methinks! My illustrious fence man just phoned to advise me that he now isn't certain that we can get the railway sleepers for my front fence. *&(*((**(&^ !!!!!!!!!!! He however has accessed some at Caboolture (50 minutes away). So, he has asked me if I can go down to pick them up. So, it looks like Evie and I are going on a trip in Daddy's ute! I had bigger plans for tomorrow but anyway...

Chris just phoned from the airport. He is leaving Switzerland about now for Spain. He caught a train from Zurich to Lucerne yesterday afternoon and said it was beautiful. I have put in an order for some blue and white pottery and a pregnancy icon from Spain. I am sure he will come back with Mother Mary but that's okay - I am into icons! We need all the help we can get.

I wish I could grant us all :bfp: and babies to take home crying and pooing. That's my wish. So for now it's baby dust all around. :bluedust:

Hi ladies

I haven't had a chance to read through all the posts yesterdays but I just wanted to pop in quickly before work. Yesterday was ok, I cried a fair bit at work and the first one on one I had with my new Boss resulted in my balling my eyes out. He was very understanding but I just felt so Silly. Yesterday was one of those days that I just couldn't hold it in.

I saw DH, but only for a few hours because he had to work back. We went to a cafe to have dinner and DH found a fly in his meal so we left before finishing :angry: we just ended up sitting in the departures lounge having a cuddle and a chat for about an hour which was nice. There were only abour 15 people on my flight so it was good. The captain of the Wallabies Rugby (don't remember his name) was in the seat in front of me.

Anyway, I just wanted to say thanks for all the wonderful messages and texts yesterday. It really does touch my heart. I will make time to do personals when I get home tonight. Oh well, off to work for me.

Love Spring

Hey Spring,
It's great to hear you are feeling ok and that you got you got to spend some time with DH on Harrison's day. Shame about the fly though..eww!

Hey everyone,

Deb - hmmmm, I thought Clomid was supposed to help reduce your cycle??? Well it hasn't happened for me yet. Well my temps dropped this morning but still no sign of the witch. I hope it will be a short journey too! I have already calculated my due date if AF arrives today and if I conceive this month!!!! I know it won't be exact because I o so late but it is nice to have dreams and like my mum always says 'dreams are free'.
I hope you had a fun road trip and that you can get your fence finished.
I love Lucerne - I have been there twice now because it is just so beautiful. I hope you get your icon - whatever it may be! Yes I need all the help I can get too - hence the full fat milk now, rose quartz stone next to my bed and now I have baby dust next to my bed. It came in the post last Friday and I have no idea who sent it to me. I hope it works :pray:

Spring - don't ever feel silly about crying. You are entitiled to grieve the loss of your child and if that is by crying, then do it. You shouldn't feel silly for doing it. I'm glad that you got to spend time with your DH although it wasn't for long. One more sleep and you get to see him again. I will be thinking of you tomorrow. It will be exciting for DH to see his lil' Spring for the first time :hugs:

Mel - how are you going today? Got any big plans for today? I just went off to the bank to open a new account and she asked me if I worked, I said no. She said was I on centrelink, I said no. She said oh are you a student, I said no. I just couldn't bring myself to say that I am a stay at home mum because I knew there would be questions, how old, where are they etc etc. Anyway I just said no my husband works and I spend it! Ha ha!

Nat - thanks for the chat yesterday. I'm thinking of you and your grandma :hug:

Bailey - I hope the witch is treating you ok. Hope you are well.

:hello: to everyone else - hope you are having a nice day!

Luv & hugs
Lynn
xxxxxxxxxxxxx

LYnn,
Clomid doesn't always reduce the length of your cycle. I found when I researched that it is not uncommon to ovulate a bit later. My first round of clomid I got a positive opk on cd21 (I did conceive my last mid term Angel that cycle). My second I got a positive on cd19. My third I got a positive on cd16. This will be my fourth round - obviously not consecutive and that can make a difference. Sometimes the first cycle is longer and then they get shorter. That was certainly my experience with two rounds in a row.
Having said that many women will do the "right" thing and ovulate between cd13-15.

Well we are back from our trip to Caboolture and we have the sleepers! However, it's raining cats and dogs at the moment so there won't be any fence building today I imagine! :(
I have never been to Switzerland Lynn but my husband said it was very beautiful. I was counting just the other day how many years it's been since I have been out of the country... TOO MANY!!!!
Can I suggest that you add to the Rose Quartz a MOonstone? Moonstone and Rose Quartz reportedly work together to aid fertility and pregnancy. I have mine in a pair of yellow booties that a very special lady made for me :hug:.

Spring - I was thinking of your family yesterday. Cry all you need to my love... :hug:

Bailey, Mel :hugs:

Hi Girls,

Boy Ive think ive been reading for......not to sure now! Im glad to hear that everyone seams to be feeling better even just a little.

Spring I was thinking of you all day yesterday, sorry I didnt post but you were on my mind.And as Lynn said never feel bad about crying....I think we should do it more often it makes things seam so much more clearer after. How is little spring going in there? Oh and by the way the sedatives can humans take them........I may need some! Im so glad you got to spend some time with DH, how was Canberra? make sure you take it easy.

Lynn Hows today going, it was great to talk to you yesterday, I needed to after may morning. You dont realise how emotional draning it is dealing with death while the person is still alive.......I do remember after my grandfather died I slept for about 2weeks, while at the time I just kept going. anyway not to be a downer the slice was great I just had left overs for lunch and next time we do lunch I will make it for you!

Mel My love I just want to send you a great big :hug: Im also sending lots of positive vibes for DH Im sure all will be good tomorrow, I will be thinking about you both. Oh yes what was with last night I did make zucchini slice for dinner.....it must have been the weather!!! And i do the same recipe as you some times I put bacon in as well but very much with a good salad. Keep well and looking forward to a BFP soon.

Bailey Sorry AF arrived I hope its over soon and you can start for that BFP boy seams there may be three of you all with big bellys soon! Hows you DS? Im glad to hear you putting you first. Are you off to somewhere nice at easter?

Deb Im glad the past is now the past and you can work on that angel getting here. Im very jealous of Chris's job I would love to be OS at the moment I know I know hes working but hay a change is as good as a hoilday! Did you get the sleepers? what a women, I hope there are some big strong men to load and unload for you!!! Your garden sounds very wonderful and relaxing. Sorry about Mr Google. sometimes kids have the right idea they deal with things so much better.

You asked about me.......do you really want to know? Saw Dr S wednesday week ago he agreed that I should have a break for 3-4months and get "some weight off" (WTF) I took it as ok I must have to do this!!! BUT he wants us to wait with the surrogacy for at least 18months, he wants us to try again with added clexcane. Increased at 6w to 60-80mg rahter then 40mg, I had some test results come back from last mc that sugested blood clotting worse the first thought. He also wants us to do maybe 1 round of IVF and do PGD to rule out and gentic problems and narrow down putting only the best embryos back , this is only since I have had so many mc and woulds not recommend this to most people.So for now Im off predns. still on metformin 2000mg, have lost 2kilos in one week, yeahhhhh:dance: but O this month, big time :wall: which of course I knew would happen!!! I am feeling so much better and my moods are better (DH & DS very happy) but ontop of this both my dad and grandmother have cancer, dad should be fine , my grandmother its just time now, very advanced through out....in saying that she is very old and I would hate for her to suffer with kemo or ray and she has been very lonely since my grandfahter passed away 5 years ago, I think she is ready in her self to go, this may sound cold but after spending the day with her yesterday I feel very comfortable with this and only hope I live as long and have as much courage and peace with life as she has now. I told you , you shouldnt have asked!

I do hope you are all having a much better day and boy that group hug helped so maybe if I send one more things will be even better so :grouphug: Jo and anyone else ot there I hope you are well and life is beening good to you. Talk soon luv Nat xxx

Hi Deb, we posted at the same time!!! Where did you get the booties?

Nat, Of course I really wanted to know! That sounds like a good plan - does it feel good to you? Well done on losing 2kilos in a week. How did you do it?
The prednisone has packed the weight on me. I can notice it in my face...
I am so sorry about the illness in your family. I am glad your dad will be okay. I do understand what you say about your Grandma. She sounds like she is at peace with her world and her life and is ready for the next step in her journey. It is a sad sad time when we have to say goodbye - I am sorry Nat :hugs:

Deb - thanks for the tip on the moonstone. Any ideas of where I can get one from?

Nat - Again I am so sorry to hear about your father and grandmother. I hope your grandmother isn't in too much pain and that your father is doing ok. Thinking of you all :hug:

Nat - Woo Hoo on the 2kg!!! :clap: