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Thread: TTC after Stillbirth/ Recurrent Miscarriage or Loss after the First Trimester

  1. #145

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    I hope you girls dont mind but I really need to get something off my chest that has been bothering me all day and right now I am sitting here crying about it, and it has just been made worse by a text message from my friend in Brisbane...



    You girls are the only ones who have acknowledged Nicholas' 6 month birthday/anniversary today My friend just messaged me a beautiful thing saying basically she didnt know what to say but she thought it best to tell that than to say nothing which was a perfect thing to say. But I have heard nothing from my family or DH's family, I totally feel like everyone has forgotten and it really upsets me. I feel so alone, I like to think people understand me but let me stop fooling myself, they dont. I feel like I am going through all of this alone and I know everyone tries to support me but what about today? This whole weekend has been bad - actually the whole past month or 2 have been bad and I dont even know what I want or expect from people, but maybe just a little bit more than I am getting.

    Sorry but I needed to get that out so that I can hopefully stop crying all the time and getting more and more depressed with every day, minute, second that goes by.

  2. #146

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    Mel - I am so sorry that you are feeling like this. I wish I could give you a big hug and tell you that it is all going to be ok

    I'm sorry that your family did not acknowledge Nicholas' 6 months birthday. Please don't feel alone, you know that you have all of us here to support you every step of the way. I know that family is important and that you want their support and perhaps they were like your friend and didn't know what to say, but instead of telling you this, they didn't say anything at all which is the worst. I'm sure they were thinking of you and Nicholas.

    I know how it feels because I got the same on Cooper's 3 month birthday but I just thought that people were thinking of me and Cooper and just didn't say anything - that is what got me through. My mum acknowledged it but that was it, no-one else except for you guys - no friends or family. One friend emailed me the day after and asked how I was doing and said that she was thinking of me on his birthday but was too busy to ring (WTF!) how hard is it to find 2 minutes!!! Another friend rang me the day after and asked how I was going (but not knowing what the date was) and I told her that the day before was a hard day and she asked why.......................when I told her what day it was, she said oh yeah it was too.

    I have come to the realisation that unless you go through something like this, you don't understand. I mean how could they, but sometimes it would be nice if they could try. Even yesterday my MIL upset me because she told me that it is hard on her and my FIL to see me unhappy all the time and it isn't fair on my mum and dad to see me like this. What does she think - that I enjoy being unhappy!!!! And is it fair on me for feeling like this!!!! Is it fair that I am going through this! Does she want me to put on a happy face and pretend that everything is ok????

    Mel I am so sorry that people have made you feel like this and I hope you are having a better day today. Unfortunately people are just insensitive and it hurts us but we are strong and we will get through each day together. Take care and I'm thinking of you today.

    Luv & hugs
    Lynn
    xxxx

  3. #147

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    Hi Everyone!

    I hope everyone is having a better day than yesterday! It wouldn't be hard would it!

    Happy 5 months birthday Harrison, send your mummy and daddy lots of hugs and kisses and help them get through the next few months.

    Spring - I am thinking of you, DH and Harrison today. I hope you had a nice flight to Canberra and that you are enjoying your time with DH. I know today will be a hard day but I am sending you a big Take care babe.

  4. #148

    Join Date
    Oct 2005
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    Good morning everyone,

    Spring, thinking of you and your family today and I hope Canberra isn't too cold and windy :hugs:

    Mel - :hugs: I think what Lynn said is so true. When someone hasn't gone through what you have it is very very difficult for them to understand. I am sorry you have felt so hurt and sad.

    Bailey how are you???

    Well my bleeding has all but stopped so that is nice. I began my clomid last evening - I got hot flushes last cycle on clomid and really grumpy so that's something to look forward to hey?!
    It has been raining so much heere and today the weather can't decide if it's going to be fine or to rain. The fence men are supposed to be coming to finish off our front today but they have run out of old sleepers! GRRRRRRRRR - oh well it's only a fence I suppose and I will just have to see what they come up with!

    I am going to spend the morning in the garden - we have created a tropical Balinese style garden out the back and my husband is going to build a boardwalk through it. So, while he is away I am clearing all of the weeds that have sprung up over the last few months.

    I hope you all have a better day than yesterday.

  5. #149

    Join Date
    Jan 2006
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    Mel - :hugs: There were very few people who acknowledged the milestones after Caitlyn's birth and that included family, friends and even DH on occasion. Not that they didn't care, just that it wasn't within their radar.

    Today is a critical day for me. It is the gestational age that Caitlyn was born. From this day forward I am experiencing pregnancy for the first time. DH is aware and held me close last night while I cried. Mum and Dad are aware but that is because I told them. My BB friends have acknowledged this stage because they have experienced this themselves (or they have seen the ticker or have read my concerns). Except for my best friend (and possibly one other), I do not expect acknowledgement of this day from anyone else. Not because they don't care, just because they don't follow my pregnancy so closely and it is not something they have considered.

    Lynn is right. Unless you have walked our path, you don't really understand how important the acknowledgement is. How much not acknowledging hurts us and makes us feel like our baby is not remembered.

    My IL's are a reserved bunch and I didn't realise what impact Caitlyn had on them (still - not at the time) until Christmas. MIL had made a star for the top of the tree with Caitlyns name and and statement "our Christmas star". That was so special for me. The acknowledgement of our daughter at Christmas for the whole family to see.

    Cry. Allow yourself that time. I still do it (already a few times today ). You are not alone and what you feel is completely normal

    Spring - thinking of you today too :hugs:

  6. #150

    Join Date
    Oct 2005
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    It's time to lock this thread. You will find the new thread HERE

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