Courage to TTC after recurrent mc and loss...?

Hi

I'm new to this forum. I belong to another forum but there aren't many women who have been through what I have and mostly their whole experience is sunshine and roses, very different to mine!

I had 3 miscarriages across 2 years. First one was deemed a chemical pregnancy, 2nd was at 7 weeks and 3rd was at 9 weeks. The FS couldn't find any reason.

I got pregnant the 4th time and struggled with the stress of it all. I took it easy. I went on a strict diet. I was so careful, I didn't drink tap water or stand too close to the microwave or even put petrol in my car. DH and I were worried the whole time that something would go wrong. Every day I thought I would lose her. I went into pre term labour early and gave birth to a baby girl 10 weeks early in June 2006 but she didn't make it. They can't tell me why. All of the obvious things like incompetent cervix have been ruled out. DH and I have had major tests and they can't find anything wrong to cause these problems.

My DH is keen to start again. He wants to have another baby. Some days I do too, some days though I am terrified. I don't know how I could go through it all again. And losing another baby is just something I don't even want to contemplate.

I want a guarantee everything will work out fine but no one can give me that so how do I get pregnant and live with the worry, every day and not go crazy?? 9 months is a long time to worry... so how do I get the courage to try for another baby? I

Any advice you can give me would be great.

Eloise
DH - Phara 31 years
Me - Eloise 30 years
Furbabies - Arun and Simmy

Hi Eloise,

I am sorry to hear of the loss of your little girl and also your other angels :hug:

I dont really know how to advise you to get the courage to TTC, it is simply a personal choice and I understand that it is terrifying. I lost my son Nicholas at 36w1d and I also keep thinking about the fact that it is possible it will happen again because I have a blood condition which caused me to lose him. If I was to lose another baby how would I get through? Although the dr says it is unlikely, no one can guarantee. The thing is my desperation to have a baby outweighs my fears though, I am a mum but I dont have a baby to look after and really that is all I want in the world.

Is it possible to get some more testing done before you start TTC just to rule out particular problems? Have they given you any idea of whether they "think" it is likely to happen again? Have they given you any possible causes for you to go into labour so early?

As I said I cant advise you on how to get through your next pregnancy, all of us just have to take each day as it comes and lean on each other for support. While I cant give you guarantees your journey will be easy, I can give you guarantees that the women in this thread will help you get through. They have supported me through some very dark days and without them I would not be able to survive this journey.

You may not feel like TTC just yet, but please feel free to hang around this thread and chat to us anyway. Not all the girls are TTC, but they are all just as welcome and cared for as the girls who are. Maybe eventually you will make the decision to TTC and you will already have that support network in place and all of us wish that each other comes away from this thread with a healthy baby in their arms :pray:

I know I probably havent helped much but mainly just wanted you to know that you have friends who understand your journey here.

Take care,

Mel

Thanks for replying to my post Mel.

I understand what you mean, after my m/c's eventually the urge to have a baby outweighed my fears and we went for it again. We thought we would try one last time.

The dr's have done every test under the sun. I have had laproscopies done, blood tests galore, DH and I had genetic testing done both karotyping and looking for something more definative. They cannot explain why my placenta broke down or why the umbilical flow ceased. There were no problems with the cord itself or the placenta. No infections. No history of preterm birth. Nothing.

I was reassured everything was fine throughout my entire pregnancy. I went through a high risk clinic. I had fortnightly scans and still something went horribly wrong. There are no more reassurances they can give me. They told me to "get pregnant and we'll do our best". I spent 1 month living in the NICU and I have seen so many things go horribly wrong, I am surprised when someone has a baby without complications now.

Sorry to be so negative, DH is just so desperate to have a baby I don't want it to cost our marriage if I just can't bring myself to do it...

Eloise
DH - Phara 31 years
Me - Eloise 30 years
Furbabies - Arun and Simmy

Hi Eloise,
I am so sorry to hear about your angels. My daughter was stillborn in november at 33 weeks and even though we know why she died, and it is highly unlikely it would happen again, I am still very scared about being pregnant again. I would second the advice that Mel gave you, that the want for a baby outweighs the fear of losing another. However it is a long 9 months to worry isn't it? Before I found the ladies on this site, I doubt that I would have been able to get through the journey of TTC, but I know that here I have found some wonderful people who are going through similar feelings, hopes and fears as I am, and that helps me. I know there wasn't much helpful advice there, but I just wanted you to know that you are not alone in your fears. Good luck.

been there sweetie, but look at my ticker

after the s/b of my daughter I was adament no more babies I can't do this I told my husband, but eventually the desire for a baby in my arms outweighed those feelings I went on to have 2 more m/c before having Jack, I spent the first 24 weeks scared and sick felt great for 3 whole weeks then was diagnosed with a heart condition, and then went into my first of 3 yes 3 threatened preterm labour bouts, 28 weeks 29 weeks and 34 weeks

things do go wrong m/c happen babies are born too early we have no control over these

you will again have the courage to go on and TTC I :pray: next time you have a healthy happy 9 months

Hi Eloise,
Welcome to Belly Belly. I am so very sad to read your story - the death of your daughter and your tiny Angels. You have been through such a heartbreaking experience - you have come to a wonderful place to be supported by women who have travelled similar paths.

When and if to TTC again is such a personal decision. How you get to that place is different for each woman/couple. I have not had the same experience but I have suffered through the loss of 3 mid trimester intrauterine deaths. Like you there was no definitive cause. However, after MUCH exhaustive (my husband thought I was a woman posessed!) research, 3rd, 4th and 5th opinions and more independent research! I found that many of my test results just scraped it in as "normal". It is believed conclusively by all of the specialists I have consulted that I have some type of condition that is mimicking "antiphospholipid syndrome". There is some info HERE on it and other conditions that cause miscarriage and loss.
In telling you this I am trying to highlight that sometimes there is a reason but we just don't know what it is. Was your daughter (do you feel like sharing her name?) growing = to dates? You said her placenta and cord appeared normal and I am assuming that they were sent to histology for testing?
My last earth child was much lighter (3lbs lighter) than her siblings. This disparity in weight with my other children and the subsequent losses we have endured lead doctors to believe that a clot was likely to be the cause of her lighter weight. I simply don't grow little babies and she was little.
Anyway I am feeling my post is a little disjointed - please excuse me I haven't had a lot of sleep this week!

In a nutshell if you haven't already I would seek out more opinions. Ask for your records to be released from your doctor - pathology everything. Make appointments with well regarded specialists. GP's won't have much idea. Seek out an "obstetric immunologist". If you are in Sydney I can recommend someone if you contact me flowerchild@bellybelly.com.au

It is really scary to take the plunge again. I know for me I very much want another child - I ache for another child. That keeps me going. When I gaet a negative pregnancy test there is a small part of me that is relieved - I don't have the stress of pregnancy for anohter month. I let go of that and work hard on those thoughts because they don't serve me but I won't deny I have them fleetingly.

What you have gone through is painful and gut wrenching. However, knowledge can help to alleviate some of the stress. I urge you to get some more opinions. If they are the same as your original doctor - wonderful! You can forge ahead with some feelings of confidence. If they are not the same then you will have more information and more help. Either way you win.

When you are ready to embark on TTc you will be welcomed with open arms by the women in the TTC thread HERE

Big big hugs my love... :hugs:

I'm new here but have had 6 m/c. I have had all the tests done that my Gynae and I can think of(and DH had his chromosomes and sperm tested)but so far, nothing untoward except DH has 8 -11% normal morphology which is or isn't a factor depending on who I talk to and I am Oestrogen dominant. The last 2 m/c were via D and C so that the baby could be tested. Only the last m/c was a successful test of tissue taken - showing a boy with trisomy problems.

I do have children, but the m/c make me want to have a baby more and more each month. I've been TTC for 3.5 years with 4 m/c in that time.


Feel like we've tried everything, diet modifications, TCM, Acupuncture, Sharkeys( not recommended - bad experience) eliminating coffee, alcohol , numerous supplements, herbs, goji berries, hypnotherapy etc etc.
My age is now part of the problem but I'm still TTC and finding it emotionally very difficult now.
Jo

Hi Jo,

I am sorry for what you have been through :hug: It sounds like your dr is on the ball and doing everything to find out the problem. Are they still looking into it? What have they told you for the future?

If you feel like joining the TTC thread you will be very welcome, everyone is so supportive and although we cant fix things we can be there with you every step of the way :)

Take care,

Mel

Hi Mel,
Thanks for your welcome.
The Dr's now say to keep ttc as each baby is chromosomally different and if I can emotionally handle it, the odds are in my favour to succeed eventually. However, most times after a m/c I am pg within 3-4 months and this time it's been 6 months, I'm worried something else is wrong.
Where is the TTC thread?
Rgds, Jo

Here is a link to the thread: https://www.bellybelly.com.au/forums...170#post753170

My son Nicholas was born sleeping at 36w1d in September last year and my DH and I started TTC as soon as we could (about 6 wks later I guess) and now find we are having fertility problems. We are so ready and desperate to have another baby, we were ready for a baby 18 months ago! I have thought about giving up so many times but the strength all of these ladies give me helps me continue on this painful and frustrating journey.

Pop in and introduce yourself to everyone and you will be welcomed with open arms :)

Mel

Thanks, Mel- I admire your strength and courage. I was ready 3.5 years ago and am starting to feel like quitting, but DH won't let me! I'll see you over there soon.
Rgds, Jo

Hi Jo

This is my first post in this forum, I have been lurking for some time and felt compelled to reply to your post.

Firstly, I'm sorry to hear of your losses, it is not an easy road to go down.

I wanted to share my experience with you as although I haven't had as many losses, the circumtances sound similar.

In 2003 I naturally and easily conceived my DD who is now 3. When she was 18 months old, DH and I decided to try for #2. Again I conceived the first month of trying only to lose our bub at 6 weeks. Another 3 losses have followed in the past 18 months. Our second loss showed a chromosomal abnormality (Trisomy 17). After our third loss, my Ob. referred me to a miscarriage management clinic who assured me that the odds were on our side and that a fourth pregnancy/birth was not beyond our reach, according to a study one the UK. So with blind faith we tried again, and fell pregnant within 2 months. Like yourself, I fall pregnant one or two cycles after a miscarriage and/or a D&C.

My FS explained her theory of why this happened to me. She said that I am able to conceive and implant embryos that are chromosomally abnormal (comensurate with my age) and that instead of getting a period (and essentially suffering a very early loss) and be none the wiser, my body continues to sustain pregnancies that are not sustainable, beyond 6 weeks. She said its about quailty control and my body doesn't cull embryos that are not normal.

My last loss was in January and we have just finished an IVF cycle, hoping to use PGD to biopsy an embryo for abnormalites. Unfortunately, due my age, I was only able to have four eggs collected, and by the time we were due to transfer (after 6 days) none were suitable for biopsy; I transferred an unbiopsied embyro last Friday and I am waiting on the results next week.

So I guess the essence of this long post is that you're not alone and your post really struck a chord with me.

I wish you well in your endeavours; it's not easy to take that step to try again, but with luck, it will be worth it.

Regards
Susan

Hi Susan
I am totally amazed and sad to read that you also have had a Trisomy 17 loss. We sound so similar!~ My last loss was a Trisomy 17 which my specialist assured me is extremely rare- he has never seen it in all his years of practice.

This baby is the only one to have been successfully tested over the years.
My first 2 pg m/c at 9 weeks, the firts one was triplets whose heartbeats slowed and stopped over a few days. That was in 1995, as was the next m/c. Then I had children but felt like I really wanted one more baby.
I have been ttc this baby since Oct 2003 when I got pg easily- first go but m/c at Christmas 2003. Then I had a break of a few months, and ttc again but after many months and tests was unable to conceive. A polyp was discovered and removed, then Clomid was tried for 3 months on the lowest dose- half a tablet! of the lowest dose but no pg. Then I started the natural path with AP, Vitex and Chinese Herbs due to my age and got pg 3 more times in 2005 & 2006 every few months but lost the pg at 9 w 1 day or thereabouts even after seeing a heartbeat.

My Gynae and a MMC specialist have tested me and DH for everything as described above. These Drs feel I should keep ttc naturally if I can emotionally handle it until I'm successful. I am keen to keep going most days as I believe it's worthwhile but sometimes the horror of 6 m/c overwhelms me. I still also believe there is a chance, so keep ttc.
Rgds, Jo