Page 1 of 9 123 ... LastLast
Results 1 to 18 of 153

Thread: TTC after Recurrent Miscarriage/Stillbirth or Loss after the first trimester

  1. #1

    Join Date
    Oct 2005
    Location
    A Nestle Free Zone... What about YOU?
    Posts
    5,374

    Default TTC after Recurrent Miscarriage/Stillbirth or Loss After the First Trimester

    If you have found yourself in this forum you no doubt have had a painful journey. TTC after recurrent miscarriage/stillbirth or Late Loss takes special courage and support. The aim of this forum is to provide a place where women who have endured loss can share their stories, friendships, treatments and triumphs!



    My greatest wish is that you all leave this forum with nice big fat positives in the shortest possible time!!!

    If at any time you'd like to make a suggestion, complaint or provide any feedback for this forum, please contact one of your following moderators

    Flowerchild ~ [email protected]
    Tiggy - [email protected]
    Cailin - [email protected] Admin

    or alternately you may contact Kelly at [email protected] (however she may take a little longer to respond at times!).

    We appreciate all your feedback as it does help to make our forums a much happier, relaxed place to chat! We will always take your comments seriously - all comments are treated confidentially...

    Also, don't forget to check out the informative BellyBelly Conception Articles.

  2. #2

    Join Date
    Oct 2005
    Location
    A Nestle Free Zone... What about YOU?
    Posts
    5,374

    Default

    Welcome to the new thread Lovelies. You can catch up on the previous one HERE

    Well hello everyone. So sorry that I have been MIA. A birth I was asked to attend happened a few weeks earlier than anticipated! It was a very looooong labour of 27 hours. The end result was the birth of a very gorgeous little girl to a Mama that laboured so beautifully. She had no intervention - but we all needed some kips afterward! Then it was our Evie's birthday yesterday and we had a party of course with lots of little friends.
    My DH is at a training day today as he is to be the Under 8's Footy coach this year - so I am trying to catch up on Belly Belly news and do some other work at the same time!

    Mel - implantation occurs between 5-10dpo - 5-8dpo being thought the "usual". I have heard women report "implantation" cramping but I have never experienced it. Women say it feels similar to period pain. It IS TOO EARLY TO TEST!!!! So don't feel down about a bfn. Try and wait it out my love until around 12dpo. This way it is likely that you will get a positive on a good quality early testing kit. I know it's hard I do - I am in the tww too. It sucks. Let's hope this time next week we have news of a for us both!

    Spring: If you know when you posted if you could copy and past the url and email it to me I will fix it up for you. YIPPEE at feeling Lil Spring move about! In a month or so you will be feeling more movement that will reassure you no end. I hope you are feeling okay...

    [B]Lynn:[/B] I haven't forgotten your moonstone - it's coming - I did get a message on my machine to say they weren't in yet but would be in this week so I will get it to you ASAP. How are you feeling???? I know it is a real bummer at your results. I am imagining they didn't do a follie scan with the levels as they were... Are you having more bloods done tomorrow? Just remember we are all here and we are all barracking fo you. This is going to happen and you are getting direction and information that you haven't previously had. That is a wonderful thing... Big big hugs from me :hugs:

    Bailey Yippee to you being a WIFE!!!! Congratulations Bailey - I hope you can top off the month with a bfp as well!!! Ovulation pain for me is like a sharp pain on and off over a period of 24ish hours. Some women only get an ache but it does feel different to period pain for me. Some women get the pain only once and others for a day or so.

    Nat: How are things my love...


    Chelle: Good on you for the walk - I love it when parents do this type of thing. It really does show kids that life isn't as easy in other places as we have it here. One of my dreams is to take our kids to India for 3 months working on an aid project. I will work and my DH will be with the kids . This is how we plan to spend his long service leave in a couple of years time.
    Where are you up to in your cycle Chelle?

    I have to have my progesterone level done tomorrow - 9dpo. So, I will be interested to see what that is - I won't get the result until Tuesday morning. Of course I am hoping and praying that I have conceived but I just have to WAIT!!!!! I am not going to test until Thursday morning - I am not going to do my head in... I feel like I always feel post ovulation. I must say pregnant or not I feel exactly the same in the tww - so it's no indication for me.

    I hope you are all having a beautiful weekend - when the kidlets wake up we are off to clean out the chookie pen - woo hoo!!!!! We have got two eggs so far!!!! Very exciting.

  3. #3

    Join Date
    Oct 2006
    Location
    home sweet home.
    Posts
    1,995

    Default

    Wow flowerchild, you have been busy. I didn't know you attend births. Was it as a friend or as a Doula/nurse? What a long birth, 27 hours and natural, that woman and her support team definatley deserve a kip. How was Evie's birthday? No wonder you have been MIA. Best of luck for Tuesday, does that mean that your TWW is almost over? Glad to see you back anyway hun, enjoy chooks, I hope there are some warm fresh eggs waiting for your and the clan when you get there. Might be quiche for dinner.

    Thanks for fixing up my email showing, there are two pages (both the same post I think one has been archived. ) they are
    http://bellybelly.com.au/forums/arch...p/t-28403.html
    and
    http://bellybelly.com.au/forums/showthread.php?p=601999

    Mel: Wow, kidney stones blasted, that sounds ouchie. I know how a general can knock you around. I hope she is feeling better. I am sure as she sees her gorgeous daughter Mel she will feel heaps better. You know how you talk about the movements being the most wonderful feeling, to be honest, I never had it with Harry. Every time he moved instead of being excited that he was growing, I was like phew there's a movement, thank God he is still alive. I think it goes hand in hand with the other feelings of dread I had in my first pregnancy. I am actually looking forward to feeling movements this time, so fingers crossed it happens soon.

    Anyway, I need chocolate, so I am finally giving in and going to get some and make a pig of myself.

    Luv Spring

  4. #4

    Join Date
    Oct 2005
    Location
    A Nestle Free Zone... What about YOU?
    Posts
    5,374

    Default

    All done Spring.

    I was in the role of "brith attendant". It's the best role ever. Just there for a family and their baby. She is a friend now but I didn't know her before her pregnancy. She contacted me as she wanted some continuity and support that couldn't be offered through the service she was birthing in.

    Anyway I must get out of here - I will pop back later!!!!

  5. #5

    Join Date
    Oct 2006
    Location
    home sweet home.
    Posts
    1,995

    Default

    Thanks Flowerchild.

    Wow, what an amazing priviledge to be asked to join a family during a birth. I bet you remain very special friends for life.

    Luv Spring

  6. #6

    Join Date
    Dec 2006
    Location
    Sydney
    Posts
    459

    Default

    Hey Gals,

    Spring - I love your new ticker. I hope we can all have a pregnancy tickers too soon. That's great that you are starting to feel lil spring jumping around in there. It's the best feeling isn't it. Also, congrat's on reaching your halfway mark with DH eing away. It'll go quick from here for sure.

    Mel - Sorry about the BFN, but Flowerchild seems to know what's going on and if she says it's too early, then I would definately take her word for it and try not to test for a few more days. I hope you still get to send those good news easter cards yet. I hope your mum is ok.

    Lynn - How are you doing today?

    Flowerchild - Wow, I don't know if I could be a birth attendant, I was having a hard enough time at my own babies birth's and they were c-sections. Wow, to labour all that time and have no intervention, that's a tough cookie. Thanks for the info on ovulation, I'm not sure if that is what I was feeling. I have never really paid too much attention to what my body is doing, but now I feel like I have to, every little niggle or pain is making me take notice.

    Hi to Dream and Chelle too!

    Well, D-now-H is off tomorrow for his trip, so me and my monster will be on our own for 12 days Nah, we have good fun together. But that probably means that you guys will be hearing a lot more from me!! We have been tryong to DTD as much as possible (TMI I know, but we ARE in a TTC thread after all) so I am crossing everypart of me that I possibly can that I get that BFP this month.
    to everyone and to Spring

  7. #7

    Default

    Hi Girls,

    Lynn - Havent seen you around this weekend so I hope you are ok :hugs:

    Spring - I know you didnt get the good feelings that come with pregnancy with Harry and Pumpkin, and I think it is such a shame. I know this pregnancy will be stressful but try to enjoy it for the wonderful thing it is - you have a little life inside of you that you have every right to enjoy. They really arent in their for long so cherish every movement you feel. I used to get so frustrated when Nicholas would boot me in the ribs cause it hurt but god I would love to feel that again. I really hope you get some moments of enjoyment out of this pregnancy with lil Spring, especially when everything is so different this time and that has to mean the outcome will be totally different. Although the real enjoyment will start when you get to meet him/her in the flesh

    Deb - You have been a busy little beaver! The TWW is a [email protected]@@ isnt it, but I promise I will try to hold off testing until Saturday - then if I am lucky enough to get a BFP I get to stay home and enjoy the good news with DH. I have for both of us to get BFPs next week, and for Lynn to O asap, and for the newlyweds to get a BFP too. I dont feel like I am pregnant at all though, no feelings of AF except for the cramping that one day, no sore or swollen boobies, nothing. Oh and also I think it is very admirable to be able to help women through their own births when all you want is one for yourself, I honestly dont think I could do it - but then I am bitter and twisted I think LOL.

    Bailey - Thats no good that DH is going away, at least you have DS to keep you company - but I guess it not the same huh, especially in the night. But dont worry, we will keep you company Oh and I wouldnt worry about TMI, like you said this is a TTC thread so if anyone is shocked at the fact we happen to DTD from time to time, they are definitely in the wrong thread LOL.

    Hi to all the others - Nat, Chelle, JLK, Michelle, Clare and everybody else,

    Well my mum is good, they took us for a drive to see their block of land. They are building a house which has just been started so they wanted us to have a look.

    Back to work tomorrow. I so wish I was a lady of leisure... but then on the other hand I was recently for a couple of weeks and I spent the whole week sitting around crying - so I will shut up and stop whinging!

    Enjoy whats left of the night girls.

    Mel

  8. #8

    Join Date
    Oct 2006
    Location
    home sweet home.
    Posts
    1,995

    Default

    Hi girls, well I just need to vent so just ignore me if you feel like it, I understand.

    Well DH called earlier and said that his mum had called him. She asked if it would be ok to call me. Why she didn't just call me I will never know. It says to me that she knows she is in the wrong. What, so now that I am pregnant you want something to do with me????? Didn't I predict that she would kick into MIL of the year mode.

    Well DH thought it was a good opportunity and told her how upset I was with her for basically falling off the face of the planet for the last 5 1/2 months. Apparently she got on the defensive and said 'well maybe some people don't know what to say'. WTF, stop thinking about yourself you self centered dim wit ..... It has been almost 6 months, to much time has passed for you to try to disguise your absence with some pathetic poor me excuses. I told DH I didn't want to talk to her and then I decided, why should I keep this inside. I was going to be polite but truthful about how I feel when she called. Well surprise surprise, it is 8.30pm and no call. I should have known. It would have made her too uncomfortable to actually own up to the fact that she has totally abandoned her son and DIL not to mention her grandson.

    I am about to write a email to her. I just can't be bothered talking to her if she doesn't call tonight. I consider myself to be a fairly easy going and forgiving person, but being a cowardly self centered person doesn't rate very highly in my book.

    Sorry for going on and on, my heart is racing and I just needed to vent.

    I'll be back once I have written to her.

    Luv Spring

  9. #9

    Join Date
    Oct 2006
    Location
    home sweet home.
    Posts
    1,995

    Default

    My vent continues. Here is the email I sent.

    I am writing this to you in an email, because I am too upset to say it in person.

    DH mentioned that you might call. To be totally honest, I didn't really have anything to say, but it didn't matter because you didn't call anyway.

    It has been almost 6 months since DH and I lost our child, your grandson and you both have basically fallen off the face of the planet, not one call to me, not one. I understand that you are grieving also, but why did you choose to totally distance yourself? I found it hard to function, let alone call family members, but my Mum and Dad, Sister and closest friends made sure we knew they were there for DH and I and called us to make sure we were surviving. At first I was confused, had I done something? But then as the days passed I realised that I had fallen into the too hard basket and my confusion turned to anger and disappointment.

    Every day of our lives is an absolute struggle, you would have no idea what we have been through because you have chosen not to be involved in my life. I can't even begin to explain the dark days I have faced. When you were going through everything will your daughter (which mind you was totally self inflicted by her) I tried to offer support, advice and an ear to listen when you needed. Yet at the time when I needed my family the most, you weren't there.

    I am not telling you this to upset either of you, I guess I am telling you this because the longer I stew on my feelings the worse I will get. I feel like now I am pregnant again you will think that I am all better and want to start to be involved again. I do not hold grudges, but I believe in honesty. I only hope that if one day you experience a tragedy that takes away every little bit of happiness and purpose that you have, that your family are there for you. I know that DH and I will be there.

    I don't know where to go from here. I guess you will need a bit of time to process this. I don't know if I can talk to you at the moment so I would appreciate if you could write to me before calling me so that I get a chance to try and see if there is some reason for me to understand why you have done what you have.

    I am not an unreasonable person, I do not hold grudges. Our relationship can be mended, but ball is in your court.


    I don't know if I will regret sending it in the morning, but I have been stewing on this for almost 6 months and it needed to be said. No doubt there will be a barrage of pathetic excuses to come. I just feel so

    Luv Spring

  10. #10

    Default

    Hey Spring,

    I feel so bad for you that you are so angry with MIL, I cant blame you really. You have spoken to me about her in the past and in all honesty she probably needs to hear all of that. You have worded the email very well, you havent "attacked" her you have just been honest about how hurt you are. I think you should be proud of yourself because it takes a lot of courage to confront these situations, I am proud of you

    I said to someone just tonight that "there is one in every family" and I think in your case it is your MIL - you know one who only ever thinks about themselves, and one who really will just NEVER get it! Dont regret sending the email in the morning, see it as a weight lifted off your shoulders and if you dont get a response I would take it as she is afraid of the confrontation which shows how weak she truly is. But you may find this is the kick in the pants she needs and you may get a reply.

    I think you are right that the reason she asked DH if she could ring is because she knows she has done wrong!

    Let us know how you go, I will keep my fingers crossed for a positive and heartfelt response.

    Mel

  11. #11

    Default

    to all of you other lovely ladies.

    Lynn - You are a very special person and I you O asap :hugs:

  12. #12

    Join Date
    Oct 2006
    Location
    home sweet home.
    Posts
    1,995

    Default

    Well no response from MIL yet. Big surprise.

    Lynn, I hope I haven't done anything to upset you. Please just let us know that you are ok. Sorry to bother you with the emails, texts, I am really starting to get worried.

    Take care.
    Luv Spring

  13. #13

    Join Date
    Oct 2005
    Location
    A Nestle Free Zone... What about YOU?
    Posts
    5,374

    Default

    Goodmorning everyone!
    Spring: Yes, it is a privilege to be invited into someone's birthing space. I LOVE it and it is an honour. I would love to do it as a business one day when my children are older. It is so very time consuming and I just haven't got the flexibility with small children. I have lots of plans - I would love to have a service that helps women from pre conception through to early parenting. I have a vision!!!
    Your letter to your MIL sounded balanced and fair. Sometimes people no matter how much we want them to just can't give to us what we need. I am so sorry that you are feeling like this. I have spoken in here a little of my experience with my MIL so I do really understand. :hugs:


    Lynn: Are you out there my love???? I am thinking of you and sending lots of ovulation vibes. Please come back!

    Mel: How is the TWW - it's torturous isn't it? I hope that your comes this month sweetie. I don't find it hard - I am fortunate to have good birthing memories as well as the sad ones. I just hope I get to have another beautiful one to end my child bearing season...

    Bailey: How are you going without DH around? Where are you up to in your cycle Bailey? Is it nearing testing time for you too???


    Chelle and Nat: Hi there!

    Well I am feeling pretty flat at the moment. I am nearing my last Angels EDD. As some of you know one of my close friends is due at the same time (a week apart). I am finding it a bit tough. I don't think I have conceived this month - just a feeling and I just want to get on the way to having a baby! I am 39 and my clock is donging in my ears each month that goes by. Anyway I will come back later when I am feeling less morose!

  14. #14

    Join Date
    Dec 2006
    Location
    Sydney
    Posts
    459

    Default

    Lynn, the first thing that I want to say is that you are NOT a failure. It is so unfair on yourself to think that way, there is nothing that you could have done to save Cooper and what happened to him was not your fault. I know that your head knows this but I also know how hard it is to convice your heart of this when you are feeling so low. I am so sorry to hear that your sister is being so inconsiderate towards you. I know that it is easy to say, but you cannot change how people are so I think you have to change how you let it affect you, well that is what I have tried to do in the last few months. People just don't understand what it is like for us to have lost a baby, and how it so totally engulfing it is to live with this emptyness everyday. It is going to be hard on you for the next few months with your sister being pregnant, but do not let that or her stop you from TTC and fullfilling your dream of bringing home your baby. Because it will happen Lynn, it will. I have only known you for a couple of months and we have only met twice, but honestly you are one of the sweetest, amazing and bravest people I know, and I hate to see this get the better of you. I know that you must be feeling so lonely right now, but we are all here fighting this long hard battle together, so don't ever think you can't come here and vent. I hope you are feeling a little better and please know that I will be thinking of you and your little man Cooper tommorrow.
    Kel.

  15. #15

    Join Date
    Dec 2006
    Location
    Sydney
    Posts
    459

    Default

    Hi Girls,

    Spring - Have you heard from the MIL? Wow, that email was really well written. I think you did it in a good way, you told her your feelings without being petty or nasty, so she can't say later you were being a b**ch ( I censored myself there) You have also made it clear that you are leaving room for reconciliation. It is stuff she needs to know. I hope you feel a little better getting it out.

    Mel - Have you held off testing again? Ooh i was so tempted this morning, but then I thought about how Deb said that it takes 5 days for implantation etc so I held off. I decided I would try one in about a week, but I don't feel like I will get the BFP this month even after all that BD'ing. Oh well, I guess I can get on the Pina Colada's in Bali then.

    Flowerchild - I hope you are feelingbetter. Due dates are hard aren't they. Yeah, coping ok without my new hubby. He find's it so hard to leave DS though, he had massive tears in his eyes yesterday morning when he had to go. My ticker says 12 days till testing, but I am going to try one in about a week, but as I just said to Mel, I don't feel overly confident.

    Hi to everyone else, hope you are all well.

  16. #16

    Join Date
    Oct 2006
    Location
    home sweet home.
    Posts
    1,995

    Default

    Oh Lynn honey, I am sorry if this is not my place to say but I feel like slapping your sister in the face.

    I am disgusted and angry that you are having to go through anymore pain. It is her right to have a baby, don't get me wrong, but she has no right to disrespect you as her sister or as a person. It is not Ok just to blurt out that she is pregnant, your reaction is totally warranted and natural. I don't blame you for feeling sick to the stomach and betrayed. I don't know why she is conducting herself like this... There is no reason that is good enough. Surely she knew the effect that her pregnancy would have on you. I know that one day you will be able to be happy for her, but she has to realise that you are going through an intense grieving period and need to be taken extra special care of.

    I don't know what to say to make it better, I don't know if there are any words that are good enough. All I know is that I am here for you.

    I am home tomorrow, I am spending the day with my friend from Brisbane, but I am here to talk to you 24/7 if you want to talk. I also respect that you might want to be left alone so I am here for whatever you need. Also, If you want me to ring your sister and tell her off I'll do that too.

    Just hang in there sweetie. Will your mum be with you tomorrow? I want to drop a little something off to you. My friend will be with me but she has offerred to wait it in the car if it would be more comfortable. If you just want to be left alone, I also totally understand.

    With all my love :hugs:
    Spring

  17. #17

    Default

    Lynn, huge :hugs: to you. I so wish I could do more to help you, but the only thing I can try to do is encourage you not to let your so called sister alter your path. You have been TTC for while now and dont let her stop you, it is something that is really important to both you and DH and you need to live your life for yourselves. As I said last night, you dont have to go through a pregnancy with her. You dont have to go through anything with her. There is no law that says just because she is your sister you have to communicate with her, and there is certainly no law that says you have to be happy for her and support her! If you happen to get pregnant you will be going through it with all of us (preggies and non preggies) in here, not her. You will have all of our support through everything and, sadly for your sister, you will also have your mums support and I guarantee you her main concern is you at the moment and when you eventually get to announce your own pregnancy your mum will feel so overjoyed, and you will STILL be giving her an earth grandchild - whether your baby is first born or not I promise you yours and DHs next baby will always have a special bond with your parents simply because they will be Cooper's brother or sister.

    Please dont be so hard on yourself, you did not fail anybody! Do you remember an email I wrote to my mum recently which I showed you and asked your opinion for? Well I said a similar thing in that and you told me I didnt fail, so if I didnt fail Nicholas you certainly didnt fail Cooper. Do you want to know what my mums response to that was? She told me that it made her sad I felt that way, especially because out of everyone I was the one who was missing out the most. She said I need to remember that I got ripped off in this life as well, and I really want to say that to you too (and remember mums know everything )

    Ok well I have babbled enough now, you know we are always there for you and I am so proud that you found the courage to post. You have strength that you dont even realise you have, I know you feel like you have taken 200 steps back, but put that selfish person out of your mind and focus or you and the people you care about and most importantly care about you. She is totally not worth your energy and I really do believe what goes around comes around - it may not be immediately but it will be eventually.

    Take care of yourself and you know how to get me if you need to b**ch or cry or anything

    Love Mel

  18. #18

    Default

    Hi everyone else,

    Spring - Dont worry too much about MIL not replying just yet. Maybe she needs some time to digest what she has read and think about it before she responds. I have a feeling you will hear from her eventually, and if you dont I think you officially have just cause to write her off completely - no point in

    Bailey - Would you believe me if I said I have actually held out and not done another test? It is killing me though and I am very tempted to try tomorrow but I wonder if it is still a little too early? I also dont have a very good feeling this month but at this stage it is out of my hands and I wont worry too much until AF actually arrives... then I will be a complete mess. I will still keep my fingers crossed for you this month though.

    Deb - The TWW is torturous!!! I am trying to chill out a bit though, what will be will be - but I think it is only easy to say atm cause I know it is still early. Getting closer to the time I will be stressing out. I am sorry you are feeling a bit flat, I can imagine how hard it is for you that your friend is due within a week of your angels EDD. My sister had a bub 2 months after Nicholas was born and another friend 3 months after, and since then there seems to be pregnancies and babies everywhere When was your actual due date? I would like to know so I can think of you and them on the day.

    Hi to everyone else.

    Mel

Page 1 of 9 123 ... LastLast

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •