Not Scared Any More...

OK, I haven't even had my baby yet so please take all this with a pinch of salt but I've been reading heaps on labour and birth from bellybelly forums, my pregnancy books plus getting unsolicited advice from friends and strangers which until last night had taken me on this sort of journey so far:

1. Don't want to read about it but I should.
2. Why wouldn't I just have a caesarean?
3. Ohhhhhhhhhh ... that's why I wouldn't have a caesarean. Major abdominal surgery, longer recovery etc. etc. etc.
4. ... and if I don't want a caesarean I should try to avoid an epidural as it increases my chances of a caesarean.
5. Now an expert on all forms of pain relief. Also an expert on the types of intervention medicos may try to force on me.
6. Now see childbirth as a battleground. Have heard about escalation of interventions that can lead to caesareans. Quite relishing the challenge of waging my smartypantsness against medical staff, saying no to this, that and the other and challenging their presumptions.
7. Don't want caesarean but what if I can't cope without epidural? Still scared. Due to hospital stuff-up, antenatal classes don't start until I'm 35 weeks. Have never been v good at the whole breathing, visualisation stuff so really not convinced that this will work for me.
8. Phone mum in UK for her experiences. Can't get much sense out of her. Only thing she seems to remember is eating a pear two hours before I was born! Not v helpful.
9. Still scared.

Then yesterday I bought Juju Sundin's book on childbirth. I cried when I read the first chapter. I was just so relieved. Basically, her philosophy fits with my basic approach to life which is that you can have no regrets as long as you've given something a red hot go!

In terms of childbirth, she sees it like this. Ultimately, it doesn't matter if you end up having a totally natural birth, having an epidural or caesarean, whether you have the baby at home, in a birthing centre or in hospital. What will make a difference to how you feel about your birth is how much you think you've given it your best shot.

Once I read this, I was much more open to reading about all the stuff she said about breathing, visualisation and basically getting the body to distract itself from the pain. Because it quite literally took the pressure off. Instead of thinking - how on earth is this stuff going to help me when I'm in agony?", I'm now thinking "well, I can use x, y and z and if that's enough great; if not I'll try something else and if I can't cope and have to have some pain relief, well so be it, I will have done my best."

It's not often I rave about something but I found this approach incredibly well-balanced and I no longer find the whole idea of childbirth scary. Infact, I'm quite excited.

I agree totally Fiona!

I have loved reading her book too!

It seems so balanced...practical and realistic!

My cousin is one of the women featured in her book...and she used the techniques for her last birth. She said it was absolutely fantastic!

So glad you are feeling so positive about the birth...wishing you all the very best!

Fiona - thats so great that you are feeling excited!! I went through a similar process - VERy dead against epidural, , induction and cs... I ended up being induced .....giving labour a very red hot go!!! and ended up having an epidural and cs - at the end of it all - 36 hours later! ...I had my beautiful healthy girl and I knew that I literally did EVERYTHING in my power to deliver vaginally and Im so happy with the knowledge that I did that. I think its a really healthy approach and I wish you all the best for delivering a healthy bubby!! Good luck!
Forgot to mention that I stood in Kmart for about 40 minutes - at 39 weeks pregnant thinking it was too late to buy BIrth SKills (not realising that I would go 11 days OD!!) and read as much as I could! Its brilliant!!

For me I think the difference between being scared or excited of birth is being informed. I got induced with ds and ended up with a c/s and I believe the reason it affected me so badly is because I didn't know what to expect, didn't know what the obs were on about, didn't know I could refuse things and didn't have an advocate.
I am having a homebirth vbac this time, and while I know sometimes things are taken out of your hands, if I end up transferring, or having another c/s I too will know I have done everything I can to have a great birthing experience with minimum intervention.
Birthskills is a fabulous book, my doula actually lent it to me, I have read a hypnobirthing book too and I think the more options you have for pain relief in terms of vocalising, moving, whatever, the more likely you are to be able to cope with things and have an enjoyable birth.
I am glad you are looking forward to it, and I hope you have a wonderful experience.

Thank you all so much for your encouragement. Hey, I'm even convinced that the stress balls might be worth a go!

Fiona - I think you've got the right attitude! Be open and have a go. If you can go into labour with the mindset you have - you'll be fine at the end of it! It took me a long while (well, it felt like a long while!) after I had DD to hit that mindset (that so long as I gave it a red hot go I didn't need to have any regrets!).

Good luck with everything!

MG :)

It is a great position to be in isn't it?! That is definitely the key - go in knowing your options, do what you can and go with the flow.

I agree, I think the more you are informed about your options, the more in control you feel. I was a lot more prepared for Nic's birth and wrote a birth plan and spoke to my Ob in great detail about the type of birth I wanted to achieve (of course being flexible in case intervention was needed). I felt completely in control during the birth and gave birth the way I wanted to and it was beautiful. I think it is also important to have an open mind though, in case things don't go the way you hope, but knowing what your options are and being prepared for what might happen (epidural, c/s etc) will help you to feel good about your decisions.

hey fiona, in my experience this is what i have to say you can never tell anyone really what birth is like unless you go through it yourself i just went through it with my sis inlaw told her its not a walk in the park i wont lie to you its the worst pain eva that you will eva go through in your life in most cases but after your first it gets easyier she didnt believe me and she had a really rough time poor girl scared off for life she is haha not trying to scare you just being realistic she also said she is totally against all pain relief but she had everything,lol.
Poor thing is really struggling being a new mum but she will get through it she just had a real rough time with the midwife she was so nasty so dont listen to a midwife if she sais this is right this is wrong with your baby you do what you feel is best for your baby,so she has low self esteem but she will get there cause she is a great auntie and ive tried what ever i can to help her, just remember to breath away the pain and squeeze the hell out of your partners hand lol, youll be fine just keep thinking you will see your baby soon yay,you never know you could be one of the lucky ones and have a great birth, fingers crossed hey and good luck.
Ebonee

Ooh that's so cool you're excited about birthing! I was super excited about it, there wasn't any fear leading up to, or during labour and it was a great experience going into it like that! Made ALL the difference. There was no screaming/cursing, drugs nor stitches for me.

Ebonee - I have to disagree with you re. 'lucky' ones having 'a great birth'....a good birth isn't luck at all (IMO). Education, confidence, excitement, calmness and no complications is what helps.

Thanks everyone.

Chocolatecatty, I agree. I'd hate to just put things down to chance and luck. This may not be a great analogy but the best one I can come up with is it's like going for a job interview.

Some people prepare well; others wing it. Neither can control what the interviewer asks (ie. the pain) but usually the one who's prepared well will win out over the person who goes in unprepared. It may very well be that I'm back here in a couple of months saying that I had the full works in terms of epidural and caeasarean. That will be fine by me because I know now that I'll do my best and what "doing my best" entails.

Ebonee - it sounds like your sister-in-law is having a rough time at the moment. I hope things get better for her.