OK, I haven't even had my baby yet so please take all this with a pinch of salt but I've been reading heaps on labour and birth from bellybelly forums, my pregnancy books plus getting unsolicited advice from friends and strangers which until last night had taken me on this sort of journey so far:

1. Don't want to read about it but I should.
2. Why wouldn't I just have a caesarean?
3. Ohhhhhhhhhh ... that's why I wouldn't have a caesarean. Major abdominal surgery, longer recovery etc. etc. etc.
4. ... and if I don't want a caesarean I should try to avoid an epidural as it increases my chances of a caesarean.
5. Now an expert on all forms of pain relief. Also an expert on the types of intervention medicos may try to force on me.
6. Now see childbirth as a battleground. Have heard about escalation of interventions that can lead to caesareans. Quite relishing the challenge of waging my smartypantsness against medical staff, saying no to this, that and the other and challenging their presumptions.
7. Don't want caesarean but what if I can't cope without epidural? Still scared. Due to hospital stuff-up, antenatal classes don't start until I'm 35 weeks. Have never been v good at the whole breathing, visualisation stuff so really not convinced that this will work for me.
8. Phone mum in UK for her experiences. Can't get much sense out of her. Only thing she seems to remember is eating a pear two hours before I was born! Not v helpful.
9. Still scared.

Then yesterday I bought Juju Sundin's book on childbirth. I cried when I read the first chapter. I was just so relieved. Basically, her philosophy fits with my basic approach to life which is that you can have no regrets as long as you've given something a red hot go!

In terms of childbirth, she sees it like this. Ultimately, it doesn't matter if you end up having a totally natural birth, having an epidural or caesarean, whether you have the baby at home, in a birthing centre or in hospital. What will make a difference to how you feel about your birth is how much you think you've given it your best shot.

Once I read this, I was much more open to reading about all the stuff she said about breathing, visualisation and basically getting the body to distract itself from the pain. Because it quite literally took the pressure off. Instead of thinking - how on earth is this stuff going to help me when I'm in agony?", I'm now thinking "well, I can use x, y and z and if that's enough great; if not I'll try something else and if I can't cope and have to have some pain relief, well so be it, I will have done my best."

It's not often I rave about something but I found this approach incredibly well-balanced and I no longer find the whole idea of childbirth scary. Infact, I'm quite excited.