Help with approaching my mother

I am too scared to tell my mother that I am very likely to have another Caesarian and I have been putting if off. It could happen as early as this weekend or the following. I had an emergency c/s last time due to my bub having inhaled mechonium etc, and the first thing my mum said upon seeing me was "don't worry you will have a natural birth next time". All pregnancy she has been harping on about this time it will be natural etc and acting dubious every time I tell her any opionions about my pregnancy of my obtetrician. Despite hoping for VBAC this time, things have not gone so well and bub is small for dates and potentially iugr, me Rhesus neg and other factors mean very likely C/S. The thing is I am OK with this and have no feelings of failure or being less of a woman not having had (and as this is my last will not experience) vaginal birth. My mum is looking after my son when we are in hospital so will have to tell her but I am dreading her dissaproval and judgement. Sorry this is long winded but if anyone can give me any advice about telling her I would appreciate it.

hey creesmum

firstly you should not feel bad or daunted about telling your mum you are having a c/s...she has had her birth experiences and it is not for anyone to put their wishes or expectations upon you :)

perhaps just tell her how it is...and say you appreciate her desire for you to have a 'vaginal' birth but you have considered all options and have opted for a c/s...which is still birth

good luck

xx yogababy

would she really be disapprovng? Maybe she is just trying to be supporting and ressaruing becuase she thinks/knows you want a VBAC (sorry I am making assumptions here) I would hope thats what it is anyway.

Why would your RH factor mean needing to have a c/s? Sorry just curios as my mum and lots of members of my family have rh -ve and it hasn't been as issue as regards vb/cs births.

I found if people had forceful opinions I didn't appreciate (read MIL and SIL), I would agree with what they said and go ahead adn do my thing anyway, argue the point later. Handing over the baby for a cuddle can provide a good distraction from A Lecture iykwim?

Maybe you could tell her you still want VBAC very much, but closer to the birth, or even after the birth, explain why it didn't work out. The reasons you posted can't really be argued against. Maybe you might just blurt out "MUM, I love all your support and I'm trying my best but if things don't look good for a VBAC, could you support me in that too please?

good luck
xoxoxoxo

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firstly you should not feel bad or daunted about telling your mum you are having a c/s...she has had her birth experiences and it is not for anyone to put their wishes or expectations upon you :)

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I agree with Natalie on that one.

Maybe if you tell her the situation with the baby she might understand better. Although even if you bub is IUGR you could still have a VBAC. My dd was 3lb 3oz birthed naturally @ 31 weeks and coped really well. I was prepared for a C/S by one OB then another said that I could have a SVD- I thought all prem bub were born via C/S but the 2nd OB told me that even though they are small this (vb) is what every baby is "designed for" and are able to cope with.

I hope everything goes well for you.

ok Firstly, I agree with everyone else, I think just sit her down and explain how greatful you are for her support and that you appreciate that she is supporting your want for VBAC, but explain that you may need another cs and all the details, before she can say anything jump in and tell her that you are 100% fine with it, and will just be glad to have bubs here happy and healthy.

HTH

BTW whats IUGR?

thanks for all the kind words. I am feeling more confident about telling her. I could still have a VBAC but my ob not happy for me to go past 40 weeks because of iugr (mel09 - it's basically growth restriction due to most likely placenta prob) and won't induce because of prior c/s. So heres hoping for some action in the next week. I'll be drinking lots of raspberry tea, and having a few curries. Anyone have any ideas for getting things going? Tried the sex thing last time with no luck, would be hard pressed to convince my DH as he has the "oh no way that's my daughter in there cannot possibly do it" thing happening. Sorry I am off on a tangent now. Thanks all.

Have you used Rasberry Leaf before? How did you take it?

In a loose leaf tea from a apothacary type shop. Not really sure if it helped in any way but some people swear by it for helping labour come on and making it shorter.

i swear by it too!
I came home from a great big shopping day and had 3 cups (heavy on the honey!) half an hour apart - Hey presto bubs born 5 hours later.

I really feel it kicked things along.

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Maybe you could tell her you still want VBAC very much, but closer to the birth, or even after the birth, explain why it didn't work out. The reasons you posted can't really be argued against. Maybe you might just blurt out "MUM, I love all your support and I'm trying my best but if things don't look good for a VBAC, could you support me in that too please?

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I'm tending to agree with Lulu here - after all, you're trying but the health of your baby and you beats all other desires IMO.

If your mum is aware of the problems you're having now, then she can't fault the decision you're making on medical advice.

I think your mum's great for encouraging a VBAC, and hope all works out well for the 3 of you (plus your poor DH!)

Right Lulu2 I'm off to get some raspberry tea now! were you having any labour signs prior to this? I have had none really, maybe the odd periody type niggle.

Thanks kazbah - your right she is great for being pro vbac, she is just so anti medical advice despite my own trust and confidence in my ob. He is brilliant. She poo poos all the scans test etc. But anyway when it boils down to it i'm sure she will be fine. After all her grandaughter's well being is most important. Thanks for your words!!! :)

Creesmum, have you thought about accupuncture?????

I used RLT alot swear by it, and also accupuncture, had 3 visits and he came. Don't know if it was just a coinsidence but either way it started, and only took 3 hours, so I was happy with it.

no but have an accupuncturist in our local gp clinic so might give him a call. thanks. I have had it before for stress/anxiety and it really helped me so I am definately open to it. thanks

Hope he can help you. I know not all accupuncturist will do pregnancy accupuncture. But some do. There was only like 2 in my local area that did it. Even if he can't he might be able to recommend someone near you that does. Fingers crossed he does, and he can get this happening for you soon. Good luck, will keep an eye out for your progress.

I think if you want to really kick it along you have a cup half and hour apart, but only 3 max (or something like that - check the box), or maybe one every 2 hours after the initial 3.

Now I think about it, shopping had a big part. With #2 I REFUSED to give birth until I found the perfect outfit to deliver in (2 days before EDD). Which I did, came home to the Rasberry Leaf and the rest is history.
With #3 I REFUSED to give birth until I had a new couch, I searched everywhere found the perfect one (3 weeks before edd), finalised my business before mat leave. Dah, dah, Elizabeth arrived about 12 hours after I bought the couch. We were home before the couch was.....

mums! what's with them? sounds like you are doing very well to maintain a good relationship with yours if she has a hard time hearing you. and LOL at your DH for not wanting sex, what a bummer. bet you could change his mind tho ahhahaaa. apparently giving oral sex means you can ingest the prostoglandins (or whatever)in semen that triggers labour. and dont forget, nipple stimulation! i think it needs 20 or so minutes of whole areola stimulation, but is a powerful method. there's a few for yr DH even tho his daughter's in there. clary sage essential oil, someone told me. good luck, and let us know how it goes!

Thanks xtml - I'll inform DH tonight. ;)