We are struggling

I have really bad Rheumatoid Arthritis. I am taking very strong medications. Two years ago I went off my medications to try to fall pregnant. I was in severe pain and could hardly walk by the time I went back on my medicines. We only tried for 4 months before the pain became too bad. I was then told that I would never have a baby because I wouldn't be able to go off my medications long enough. This was absolutely heart breaking and my husband and I struggled to come to terms with this news.

Around a year ago I changed to a new Rheumatologist that specialized in pregnancy. We made a plan and things were slowly improving. I had run out of one of my strongest medications that I take once weekly (Methotrexate, also used to treat Cancer patients, and can be used for abortions). I was feeling good and not having much pain and forgot to go and get some more.

My period was a week late and I was feeling "different", so I went to the shop and bought a pregnancy test. The test came back positive. I was in shock and started to cry, then I went and bought another test and again it was positive. We booked in to go to the Dr that day as I was very worried about the medicines I was taking and if they would harm the baby. I was told to go off my medicines, had some blood tests done and was told that everything seemed to be fine. They said I was 5 weeks. I was still in shock and could hardly believe it.

Half way through the following week I started spotting. I went back to the Dr again and they said it was quite normal and not to worry. I miscarried at 6 weeks. I was and still am absolutely devastated. It was eight weeks ago that we lost our baby.

My husband?s sister (who was also one of my closest friends) and her husband were so supportive and were just what we needed. They helped us through the next few weeks and they even came along to our "goodbye" thing that we had at the beach.

2 weeks ago they came over to tell us that they were 7 weeks pregnant. I could hardly breathe. They had gotten pregnant 2 weeks after we lost our baby!!! My husband and I feel totally betrayed by them. It?s going to be so difficult being around them now. The worst thing is that now we have a constant reminder of what we lost.

Then 1 week after that one of my other closest friends came over to tell me that she was 7 weeks pregnant. This was not as difficult as her and her husband had been trying for a year and a half. I am trying really hard with her and have kept in touch and we go walking together every week. I was a little upset last week when she invited me out to lunch with her and her husband and some of our other friends. I said ok, then she said "there will probably be baby talk". I said "that?s ok". Since then I have decided not to go because I am not ready for that yet.

I just can?t stop thinking about all this stuff and it?s taking over. I can?t concentrate at work and have no motivation to do my job.

On the other hand my relationship with my husband has never been so good. The other positive is that we know we can get pregnant now. We are planning to start trying at the beginning of 2010. It?s a long way off, but hopefully I will be healthier and stronger by then.

Thankyou for allowing me to share my story. I would be interested in if any of you have any advice, or if you have been through a similar experience.

Welcome. I only joined the site a few days ago and have already had an overwhelming welcome with lots of prayers and encourgement so you are in the right place.
I just wanted to say I am so sorry for your loss and the struggles you have faced. I lost my son at 21 weeks just over 2 months ago and I have avoided all my friends with babies since then. I was honest and told them that I just couldn't be around them for now. Be honest with your friends and tell them how you feel and they will understand. I guess it's natural to feel betrayed by your sis in law and it would certainly heighten your sadness but know in your heart that they didn't get pregnant to spite you. Perhaps keep some distance until you are ready to deal with it but my advice would be to have an open chat with her and tell her how you feel. Good luck and I hope you will have your own news to share with all soon.

Hi and welcome to BB. I am so very sorry for the loss of your precious baby. It will be very hard for you now that your SIL is pregnant as will be like a constant reminder of what you have lost but it will get easier for you. The pain never goes away but we learn how to deal with that pain. I really hope when you start your TTC journey that you will have a beautiful healthy baby to hold in your arms.

Regards,
Dianne

Big hugs my love and I am so sorry that you have had to say goodbye to your precious baby... :comfort:

Slowly you will begin to feel like you are living again rather than just existing... Slowly in your time.

It is always hard when those around us go on to hold their babies in their arms when we can only hold ours in our hearts. I truly understand this. A woman in my son's class (well she is a mum too of course! :redface:) was pregnant the same time as I was with my DD angel - every time I see her little boy I think ... my baby girl would be doing that now... But then I turn it to happiness for her that she has her little one. For me that's how I have coped.

Take youur time - heal in your time. I know you will receive much loving support and friendship here at BB. :hug:

Sorry to hear of your recent loss.

That must be so hard to have someone so close be so close in gestation to what you should be.

I wish you all the best with ttc and i hope you are blessed with a little miracle soon.

Katy - I am so sorry for the loss of your precious angel. Nothing will ever take that pain away and sadly nothing will make it easier but time.
It is womderful that you and your DH can support each other so well - that really is a blessing.
Seeing others fall pg around you, especially those that are close, is truly heartwrenching.
I've been through the guilt of feeling angry and resentful over and over again but I still haven't really found a way to avoid it. Its been 7weeks since i lost my 5th and 6th angel babies and I have only now come to some "peace" with the situation. I look at other pregnant women and small babies and just try and think to myself.. " that will be my joy soon". I hope your joy comes sooner than you realise!