I have really bad Rheumatoid Arthritis. I am taking very strong medications. Two years ago I went off my medications to try to fall pregnant. I was in severe pain and could hardly walk by the time I went back on my medicines. We only tried for 4 months before the pain became too bad. I was then told that I would never have a baby because I wouldn't be able to go off my medications long enough. This was absolutely heart breaking and my husband and I struggled to come to terms with this news.

Around a year ago I changed to a new Rheumatologist that specialized in pregnancy. We made a plan and things were slowly improving. I had run out of one of my strongest medications that I take once weekly (Methotrexate, also used to treat Cancer patients, and can be used for abortions). I was feeling good and not having much pain and forgot to go and get some more.

My period was a week late and I was feeling "different", so I went to the shop and bought a pregnancy test. The test came back positive. I was in shock and started to cry, then I went and bought another test and again it was positive. We booked in to go to the Dr that day as I was very worried about the medicines I was taking and if they would harm the baby. I was told to go off my medicines, had some blood tests done and was told that everything seemed to be fine. They said I was 5 weeks. I was still in shock and could hardly believe it.

Half way through the following week I started spotting. I went back to the Dr again and they said it was quite normal and not to worry. I miscarried at 6 weeks. I was and still am absolutely devastated. It was eight weeks ago that we lost our baby.

My husband?s sister (who was also one of my closest friends) and her husband were so supportive and were just what we needed. They helped us through the next few weeks and they even came along to our "goodbye" thing that we had at the beach.

2 weeks ago they came over to tell us that they were 7 weeks pregnant. I could hardly breathe. They had gotten pregnant 2 weeks after we lost our baby!!! My husband and I feel totally betrayed by them. It?s going to be so difficult being around them now. The worst thing is that now we have a constant reminder of what we lost.

Then 1 week after that one of my other closest friends came over to tell me that she was 7 weeks pregnant. This was not as difficult as her and her husband had been trying for a year and a half. I am trying really hard with her and have kept in touch and we go walking together every week. I was a little upset last week when she invited me out to lunch with her and her husband and some of our other friends. I said ok, then she said "there will probably be baby talk". I said "that?s ok". Since then I have decided not to go because I am not ready for that yet.

I just can?t stop thinking about all this stuff and it?s taking over. I can?t concentrate at work and have no motivation to do my job.

On the other hand my relationship with my husband has never been so good. The other positive is that we know we can get pregnant now. We are planning to start trying at the beginning of 2010. It?s a long way off, but hopefully I will be healthier and stronger by then.

Thankyou for allowing me to share my story. I would be interested in if any of you have any advice, or if you have been through a similar experience.