When to have baby shower?

When is a good time to have my baby shower?? i'm kind of in an awkward position because my birthday is mid april and i am due mid july, i dont want it after my birthday as i worry people will buy presents for the baby and not for me(it happened at christmas and i was veyr upset by it) because its the last birthday i will ever get by myself, so i want it to be about me(is that selfish??). So i want my baby shower to be BEFORE my birthday so people will buy baby stuff for baby shower and other stuff for me on my birthday, btu i dont want it to close because then i'm worried people will stinge out on good presents for me because they spent all the money on baby(again..is that selfish? i want good prezzies its the last proper ones i'll get...) so when is a good time?


obviously next baby i have will be in about 5 years or more and will be planned to be far away from xmas and my birthday to avoid this problem!

Hehe I know exactly what you mean about the dates. My birthday is on the 28th of this month and I will be exactly 34 weeks - I didn't want it before then because of Christmas and so many family members bdays in January. So the baby shower is planned for the 8th of Feb which is not even 2 weeks after my birthday but any later and it's cutting it a bit fine! And yep, I do feel a bit awkward having them close together, and I'll kill anyone who buys me stuff for baby for my birthday! I really don't care about the presents, it's just I feel bad for my friends and family feeling obliged to buy presents for both occasions so close together.

Anyway, so you want it before April? I think that's fine otherwise you can be blunt (like me!) and warn people not to buy you baby stuff for YOUR birthday and then have the shower sometime in May/June.

timing of your baby shower honestly won't change what people will buy for you for your birthday - whether you have baby shower before or after, you're still going to have people that will buy what they want to buy - and unless you specifically say "nothing for baby" aroundy your birthday (which a lot of people would find offensive) you will just have to be gracious and accept that people have at least made an effort to buy you something! i think you're better off graciously accepting any gestures people make, than to feel "ripped off" - your baby is an extension of you - and you may find that people will buy you things that help you out - which isn't a bad thing

from what i've read from others, early in third tri seems to be the best timing for baby shower - you're far enough along to appreciate it, but not so far along as to be too big and exhausted to enjoy it - i'm due May 31, and baby shower will be sometime in March - so around 8-12 weeks before EDD.

ETA - another option is to say "no presents" for your birthday as you are aware people will buy for baby later. i think this will be what i do as my birthday is only a couple of weeks before EDD...

I've already decided if i make invitations then i'm going to write on them not to buy presents for baby, and i've already told a few people that. and they understand why but theyre close friends....

my parents think may is a good time? early may of course because my sisters birthday is mid may so i wouldnt want to outshine that, its not very fair to her!

most of the ones I have been to are around 30-35 weeks, where does that put you date wise?

Mine's organised for 35 weeks...just hope I'm not too exhausted to enjoy it :)

if it were me i'd be inclined to combine birthday & baby shower. normally i dont do anything for my birthday anyway, but given the option, id combine. personally i wouldnt be worried about what people are going to buy, its a celebration of your baby!

If you have your birthday before your shower and you get lots of presesnts for baby at your birthday you could organise that for your baby shower you get presents for you!

On the invites for the baby shower, you could get whoever is organising your shower to put something along the lines of....because Jellybeanmummy has EVERYTHING for baby, we are having a mummy shower! Please think of the mummy-to-be when buying gifts.

(I am not good with words but I am sure you can think of something to write). Then people could buy you massages, facials, etc.

Correct me if i'm wrong but its there 3-4months between your birthday and baby due date... April (ur bday) May, June, July (bubs comming!)

so there really shouldn't be to much of a problem having your birthday April, and baby shower in June...

I also think it is quite rude to say only buy ME presents and then buy for baby... Your birthday and baby shower you should not be expecting presents its about celebrating...and being with family and friends... well thats what it is for me...

Sorry - I kind of agree with Briggsy's Girl and Cass on this. There is a full three months between your birthday and your EDD. Your OP seems to be about the timing of having a baby shower - which is a fair enough question but you seem to be asking it because you are trying to time and dictate the type of presents that you receive? (Sorry if I've misunderstood you but that's how it reads to me).
No matter when you celebrate each event, people have the right to buy or not buy you presents as they wish and they also have the right to choose what they will give you and/or your baby.

I don't think you can even expect that people will automatically want to buy you or your baby a present - most will of course - but expecting it and being worried about whether people buy you "stingy" b'day presents because they've already spent money on the baby does sound a bit selfish TBH. Finances are a big issue for a lot of people at the moment with the global financial situation.

My birthday falls right before Christmas and I actually asked for baby stuff for my birthday and Christmas because I didn't want my family to feel they had to buy for me now and then again for baby only a couple of months later. Mostly I still got stuff for "me" though, with a few things for the baby. I was asked the other day by a close friend if I wanted a baby shower. I am 32 weeks now. I am seriously considering not having one because it just seems like an excuse to 'make' people buy things for the baby and that makes me feel guilty. I am really not sure what to do because I want to catch up with everyone before the baby arrives but living where I do, most of my close friends/family will be travelling at least two hours to attend and that feels like enough of a gift in itself. I have been trying to work out how to STOP people buying things for the baby without causing offence. I know this is unusual and is my issue and I'm not trying to put it on you as the 'right' way to be because lots of people really enjoy getting involved and giving gifts. I guess though I am coming from almost the opposite direction on this issue.

Look, at the end of the day, it's your birthday and your baby shower and you can do what you want. I don't think waiting until after your birthday is leaving it too late at all though - look at me!! If I have one at all, it will be at 36+ weeks. The only thing I would say would be to wait until your baby is at least viable - so towards the end of the second tri.

Kaz

maybe you could include a small verse in your invites saying that you don't want any presents, just a celebration of the life you're creating, and a last hurrah with your friends and family before your life changes forever...

i have worked out what we have and don't have for baby, and created a list of potential present from all budgets because i know the people that my mum will invite will want to buy something - they're all local, mostly people i've known my whole life - so i've gone and written things as simple as socks/singlets, and right up - but i'm making clear to everyone that i don't EXPECT presents - just offering guidance if they want to buy something. these are people i've know for a looong time that want to celebrate us finally having success (a number of them know about the IVF) and i'd be happy for them to just hang out and have lunch in a nice relaxed atmosphere as i never get to catch up with them!

Thanks BG. I had thought of doing something along the verse lines. I know my attitude to this is odd - I have no problem being generous myself with gifts for friends and family and when I find the right gift, I never care what it costs me, I just struggle to accept them back in return. I have even struggled to accept some hand-me-downs from a mate who no longer wants them. I want to pay her something for all the baby gear because she could be selling them on e-bay or something!! Weird huh? I am trying to focus on the fact that the presents will be for Dot, not me, therefore I shouldn't feel guilty LOL!

i'm sooo the same - and have even had a go at one friend who told me off for buying stuff for Gremlin cos we'd "get lots of presents" - i dont' expect presents, and i certainly don't expect people to get exxy stuff (like cot sheets for boori cot) - so i told her i'd buy what i wanted when i wanted. we can afford it, so why not?

i'm very generous with gifts, but don't expect it in return - i don't buy to get something back - i buy because it makes ME happy - i don't expect anything back. actually i lie - a simple thankyou and some gratitude goes a looong way!

Glad to know I'm not the only odd one!! LOL! Sounds like we have a similar independent streak!

I buy for others because it makes me happy too. I need to see it from that point of view - if people buy for Dot, it's because it makes them happy and accepting it graciously (on behalf of Dot), is what I need to do. I've been stressed lately about how disorganised we have been (I feel although we are getting there), and people have made the same comment "Don't worry people will give you heaps of stuff" etc. I just can't see it happening and I hate the perception that I would be automatically expecting it.

maybe we need to start another thread to get other opinions!

i'll get it going now...

started a thread here