Advice anybody?

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January 3rd, 2009, 11:20 AM
Ange1979

Advice anybody?

Hey Everybody!

Some of you guys here are familiar with my story, but I'll just give you a short background so you can see where I'm coming from - and hopefully offer some wisdom!

I'm now smack on 35 weeks pregnant and my fiance - who is a Pom - is back in the UK sorting out a very complex and nasty divorce. He's had a few hiccups and as a result, at this moment won't be back until after 24th February. Our little girl is due 7th February, but the legal team are hoping to sort things out so he can be back in Australia in time!

Fingers and toes crossed on that one.

Anyhow, I don't have any family at all because we fell out very bitterly a number of years ago due to major problems. Long story!! The only family I have are my fiance's mum's family who are in the UK and Germany. I am particularly close to my fiance's brother's wife, who is lovely. She's in the UK.

Anyhow, in Australia I have my ex husband - who is a good friend of both myself and my fiance. I live under his roof at the moment for financial reasons. We have to work out financials and the like, and although things are relatively congenial, the distraction surrounding my fiance's forced separation from me (i.e. him having to be in the UK to sort this mess out) and consequential disruption to my productivity with cash flow is annoying my ex husband to no end, because of the financial strain he is under. And add to that pregnancy hormones on my part and the fact that a nutty pregnant woman is under the same roof - missing her fiance to NO END! LOL!!

I really do need the support, especially with the upcoming birth - particularly if my fiance isn't going to be here - but my ex seems to think paying for a doula is a waste of money, considering he is out of pocket (by a lot of money!!) because of me and would prefer I fix my debts up with him first. He was really helping myself and my fiance for over six months and he has been a real saint - everybody can vouch for that including myself and my fiance. But yeah, he wants me out of the house ASAP, but won't throw me out or anything like that because he cares for me, the baby and for my fiance too. He wants to move on, understandably so!

I have two companies and can generate a great income - it's just been the distraction and stress that has slowed me down productivity wise. But I am getting back to work as we speak and doing a lot of stuff.

As a result, I feel a bit depressed about this at times, and my fiance - on the other side of the world dealing with the huge mess of his divorce - is feeling completely helpless and upset as well.

What would you guys do in a situation like this?

I am getting a great deal of support from my future sister in-law in the UK and her husband - and of course my fiance. And his mum too, plus his sister in Germany...but yeah...it's a tricky one.

I am just focusing on the future my fiance and I will have together. Our baby and of course our wedding which will hopefully be around the middle of this year. I'm a tough nut. I've been through quite a bit in my life and am remaining positive. But yeah, if there is support out there I can add to my support collection, then I'd gladly do that!!

I am happy to be a support for anybody else out there in a similar situation to me - or anybody who just needs a family-type friend if you know what I mean! More than willing to give of myself if it helps somebody else!

Thanks guys for your input! Really appreciate it!!
January 3rd, 2009, 01:19 PM
Nai

Ange, maybe look into getting a student doula which won't cost as much? That way you can save that money and try to get ahead.
January 3rd, 2009, 01:30 PM
Junglemum

When is it too late to fly? If i was you i would rather be in the UK where all the support seems to be....... otherwise student doula or a friend who has had a positive birth experience might be the go. Best of luck.
January 3rd, 2009, 02:29 PM
Ange1979

:

When is it too late to fly? If i was you i would rather be in the UK where all the support seems to be....... otherwise student doula or a friend who has had a positive birth experience might be the go. Best of luck.

I think it's 34-36 weeks.

I know it's a nice idea for me to just hop on a plane and go to the UK to be with my fiance, but the thing is I'm not British and in the eyes of the British Government, I have no reason to be in the UK aside from visiting as a tourist, since my fiance and I aren't married yet.

They won't let me go into a foreign country and have a baby there without me being a citizen/permanent resident. My OB said it's not an option.

And they won't let me into the country if I don't have traveller's insurance, and I'm told I can't get traveller's insurance because I'm too far along with the pregnancy. In other words, I'm too much of a risk.

So that's the sucky thing about this!
January 3rd, 2009, 03:02 PM
2CheekyMonkeys

why does your fiance have to be in the UK to settle the divorce? surely he can do it over the phone, or through some other means of communication??

if you have time to suss it out, maybe you get some sort of student (like student midwife or doula -like nai said), someone who needs the work experience?

dunno if it may be stepping over the line or not but what about your ex? he seems to be very helpful and supportive in other ways but i dunno if it might be a bit too wierd for you all.

other than that i am not sure. what if you speak to a GP or other health care professional for advice or services that may be open to you? good luck.
January 3rd, 2009, 03:08 PM
Ginger

i think you need to seriousley consider getting a doula. put it on your credit card if you have to, it sounds like you have the ability to generate enough income to pay it back later. you really need some support here, and a doula would be a very very wise investment.
January 3rd, 2009, 03:09 PM
Ange1979

:

why does your fiance have to be in the UK to settle the divorce? surely he can do it over the phone, or through some other means of communication??

if you have time to suss it out, maybe you get some sort of student (like student midwife or doula -like nai said), someone who needs the work experience?

dunno if it may be stepping over the line or not but what about your ex? he seems to be very helpful and supportive in other ways but i dunno if it might be a bit too wierd for you all.

other than that i am not sure. what if you speak to a GP or other health care professional for advice or services that may be open to you? good luck.

Long story! In a nutshell there have been some legal hiccups and he can't come back to Australia until it's all ironed out. It's a really messy situation.

As for ex hubby going in with me, we were all okay with this, but the closer I get to the date, the more 'off' the idea of the ex being there I am becoming.

I'm of the opinion that if my fiance - the dad - can't be there, my ex shouldn't be!

Trying to find a student doula to help out, but not sure how much luck I'll have!
January 3rd, 2009, 03:11 PM
Ange1979

Good idea!

:

i think you need to seriousley consider getting a doula. put it on your credit card if you have to, it sounds like you have the ability to generate enough income to pay it back later. you really need some support here, and a doula would be a very very wise investment.

I think this sounds like a plan! :) I pay cash anyway - don't like credit cards!!! LOL!

I do think the support will be a good thing. Like I said, I do feel a lot of love and support now from my fiance and his mum's family overseas, but yeah...they're just not face-to-face, in person right now.

Will see how we go! Anybody know of anybody in Sydney?
January 3rd, 2009, 03:13 PM
2CheekyMonkeys

i think there is a 'doula for hire' type section on belly belly somewhere.
January 3rd, 2009, 03:37 PM
Junglemum

What a sucky situation. Yeah i'd be going the doula route. Or do you have a close friend who would be a good support?
Fingers crossed he can make it.
January 3rd, 2009, 03:50 PM
Ange1979

Thanks!

Thanks guys!

Have posted on the doula section, so hopefully will get some responses there! :)

Yeah, it's a bit of a sucky situation! No, I don't have any friends who can come into the delivery room with me. Everybody is everywhere but here! LOL!!

But it'll be okay! :)

I'm sure my fiance will be back either before baby's birth or very soon after. :)
January 4th, 2009, 02:32 AM
Footsteps

got no advice ange,
wish you the best of luck with everything in this crappy situation.
keep us informed huni.
love rach xxx
January 4th, 2009, 09:36 AM
Toomanytoomany

:

Thanks guys!

Have posted on the doula section, so hopefully will get some responses there! :)

Yeah, it's a bit of a sucky situation! No, I don't have any friends who can come into the delivery room with me. Everybody is everywhere but here! LOL!!

But it'll be okay! :)

I'm sure my fiance will be back either before baby's birth or very soon after. :)

Maybe a doula will respond who is generous enough to defer payment or allow you to pay in instalments - not sure how that stuff works. I think that your ex is going above and beyond the call of duty and it wouldn't be fair to expect him to pay more, at this stage. It's great that you are good friends and he has been able to offer such support. I hope your situation is resolved soon - it sounds incredibly distressing.