How can I explain it to my husband!

DH and I have been ttc for 17 months. We started first IUI in December last year and we are in the 2ww on our 2nd cycle. We have been having some stress in our relationship which I am putting down to the long term TTC and also the drugs! I'm like a bull to a red rag!! I know it's wrong but I just can't help it (at least I AM aware of it!). Are there any articles online that can explain to DH what I am going through.....he's a little naive when it comes to women's emotions at the best of times. I am aware he is also under some stress however i really need his support! :crying:

I cant help but just wanted to say good luck with it all!

Thanks Milly! That's very kind!!

Hi b2b,

I can sympathise as probably so many others can. We have had x4 failed clomid cycles, x2 failed IUI and we are about to move onto IVF. We have had the crying screaming matches and the stress was definately beginging to show we then sat down and talked really openly - without the telly on, with no mobile phone distraction we just agreed to set aside a night to really talk. During that night i showed him the thread "empty arms, broken hearts" (in LTTTC) and i had bought a book "getting pregnant by prof. robert jansen" and i had marked the chapter "releif from suffering" which talks about all the emotional side of things. He then also read other chapters and i think now understands the whole process so much better it gives him confidence and understanding.

We had to go for our first counselling session to be able to start IVF and in that they talked about how women want to talk about how they are feeling and just because he may "seem disinterested or unsupportive" it may just be his way of dealing with the stress also - WE SOUNDED COMPLETLY NORMAL;).

I would also contemplate a counselling session - does your FS clinic offer a service?

Hang in their hun - it's a very difficult road ;) Look after each other and take time off if you need to - we have!

xxBella

Thank you soooo much bella! It's nice to know that I'm not the only irrational female around!! Our clinic does offer counselling. I have been once, on my own of course, and was in tears during most of it! I'm at hollywood fertility (in perth) and it's one thing I haven't really enjoyed about the experience....I didn't like the counsellor - she spent most of the time telling me about the the stats and how IVF is better than IUI!!! Something i didn't really need to hear especially when it's your OB's decision to put us on IUI.........not mine!

hi Baby2Bee :)
I spent 3 months on the synarel spray before we started IVF. I was so horribly moody and emotional and it was extremely hard for me to get DH to understand how I felt. Even when I told him that i was aware that I was getting angry with him and DD and yelling at them, I just could not control it...It took a friend of ours telling him about medication that she takes and how it would affect her the same way, for him to understand how I was feeling and what I was going through. I think he needed to hear it from someone else that i wasn't deliberatly being a monster!

Talking,talking,talking...you can never do too much of it when you are going through long term TTC and AC...
Your clinic counsellor sounds like a nutter too! Is she the only one available?
Lotsa hugs...

Nic

We've been TTC for over 6 years now and what we do is just keep the communication open, no matter how uncomfortable or silly or whatever we are feeling is. Talking is so important.

And even at this point, everything that we have been through over the past few years has made us stronger and I put that down to our communication.

Talk talk talk!!!!!

Nic and Sue - thank you so much for your words of advice. They are really appreciated!!!! Nic I read your email to dh last night and finally...i think he may be starting to understand why I'm the way I am!!! I also watched the video you mentioned yesterday and i started crying as soon as the bloody music started!!!! What a wonderful movie. I'm actually going to send it through to some friends of mine. Again THANK YOU!!!! :clap:

well men , what can i say. maybe he needs to read men are from mars book. men are not the best at coping with these issues but if he can understand how you are feeling i am sure it may be easier. most fertility clinics offer councelling and although i havn't used them yet maybe as the others said it may help. hope you get some answers soon. good luck

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Nic and Sue - thank you so much for your words of advice. They are really appreciated!!!! Nic I read your email to dh last night and finally...i think he may be starting to understand why I'm the way I am!!! I also watched the video you mentioned yesterday and i started crying as soon as the bloody music started!!!! What a wonderful movie. I'm actually going to send it through to some friends of mine. Again THANK YOU!!!! :clap:

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That is excellent Baby2Bee! Hopefully this will be the start of bigger and better things to come (and a BIG Woohoo to your DH too) :)

Nic

Hi Baby2bee..
I could've posted this thread myself.. I'm on my 3rd cycle with Clomid and it has gotten worse with the mood swings... I started on DH first thing yesterday morning and continued on after he got home... He's thinks i'm being hard on him but when the hormones are kicking is when I normally spit out what's bothering me.. And spit out I do.. quite venomous.. It's like I can't bite my tongue... I hope that your DH understands more now.. I'm on an uphill battle with mine.. He just says don't worry about it... :wall: Good luck hun.. i hope the TWW flies by for you and that you'll have your BFP at the end of it...

cheers!! I tried not to laugh at your post but I couldn't help it!! It's soooo nice to know i'm not alone!! It's going to be a VERY slow process with DH as he's trying to understand.....but i can only imagine how hard it is for him!! The worse feeling i keep getting is that DH must absolutely #*#@& himself everytime he walks through the front door, wondering what mood i'm in! LOL!!

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cheers!! I tried not to laugh at your post but I couldn't help it!! It's soooo nice to know i'm not alone!! It's going to be a VERY slow process with DH as he's trying to understand.....but i can only imagine how hard it is for him!! The worse feeling i keep getting is that DH must absolutely #*#@& himself everytime he walks through the front door, wondering what mood i'm in! LOL!!

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OH MY!! That is soo funny...My DH was the same.. He would actually stand at the front door with it open, and lean inside and call out that he was home to see if I ventured out or if I gave him a friendly hello back.... I caught him doing it one night, he was scouring the area for me, looking like he was ready to dodge a flying bullet at a nanoseconds notice PMSL! He will openly admit it too.

hahahahaha That's hilarious!!! oh well...at least we can laugh about it!. I'm sure that's not what the dh's are doing though!

:rofl: I might have to print this out and show DH so he doesn't just think it's me... They just don't get... Wow.. it's so nice to laugh... :hug:

I call Dh my Whipping Boy!!!

Baby2bee... oh hun, don't we all know that story. I am lucky though, my DH came around really quickly (after about 15mths) when I told him to just shut up and hug me after clomid day 2 hysteria struck the second time. Since then he's realised that I don't expect him to fix anything, just be there and tell me he knows its hard and maybe if he has a moment, tell me its hard for him too. I had to tell him outright that the worst part was feeling alone with the pain of not having a child because he seemed fine with it.

We had the IVF initial meeting and I was the opposite of typical I am sure lol. The nurse kept checking I was alright and I kept checking with DH to make sure he could cope with the drug induced moods lol.
He knows whats me and what isn't, and does his best. And I try to make it up to him by being extra gentle and kind when not overly hormonal.

You just gotta keep talking and touching each other, as every one else has advised.
:hug: to you both, its a steep learning process for us all.