how long did you stay angry?
Hi everyone, in the past 12 months I have had three first trimester losses, one of them an ectopic, then IVF, followed by two miscarriages, after a heartbeat had been seen.
I have grieved, still am really, and I know that has to happen and is normal.
The emotion which worries me the most is anger. And I feel plenty of it. I am angry at the unfairness of it all, angry we had to go through all this, angry at the women who smoke and drink and have babies with no dramas, angry at people who dont care for their kids properly, angry at people who don't understand or acknowledge my loss, or trivialise it, angry I have lost the innocent joy of being pregnant, angry that when I am next pregnant (assuming that happens) it will be 'high risk' as I have antiphospholipid syndrome...and so on.
Being angry and bitter doesn't help me I know that. Sometimes venting feels good and lets of steam, but the underlying simmering anger surely is only damaging me, and stopping me from reaching a place of more peaceful acceptance.
At first I realised anger was a normal part of grief and a normal response. But how long is it ok for? My last miscarriage was at the start of February. I guess each person's journey is different. I talked to a friend today who is pregnant and has had two previous miscarriages. I said I was still really angry, and that when DH pulls me up on it, I say "well its normal to feel angry" ...she said "its normal for you to feel that way..." meaning, I think, that its the way I feel, which is OK, but that not everyone feels that way. Maybe she was never this angry? It just made me think...maybe I really am too angry still? And of course I am a worrier...worry way too much what other people think!
thanks everyone