Welcoming the Gremlin - 29.05.09 (loooong!)
Make yourself a cuppa, grab a choccie biscuit or three, and get yourself ready cos this will likely be very looooong!
I can't do justice to Emerald's arrival without looking a little at how she came into being so will briefly run it down for you - sorry to those that know this, but i want to make sure it's done in a way that reminds me later - and will let her know her history when she's old enough to read this.
Getting Pregnant with our Gremlin...
DH and I started trying for a baby in February 2005 - it wasn't a conscious decision as such, just something that happened. kinda a "trying without trying" thing. On April 25 2005, we found out we were pregnant for the first time. we weren't honestly expecting it, and it was something of a shock - but in a good way! unfortunately we lost that angel baby only four days later. it was so very hard ringing DH and telling him on the phone while he was working away - but it was after this loss that we realised we really did want a family.
we got engaged a few months later and were planning our wedding, so trying for a baby just didn't enter the equation. i didn't have a regular cycle, so it's not like we were actively trying or avoiding anything. On December 3rd, 2005 i went shopping in Melbourne for a "mother of the bride" outfit for my mum, and to get some extra stuff we needed for the wedding - we'd barely made it to the shops when i started to bleed heavily. it was bizarre - i'd had nothing since the loss earlier in the year, and hadn't even suspected a pregnancy. DH had lost his brother only days after we'd become engaged, i had changed jobs, DH had changed jobs - everything was so up in the air... i began to think something wasn't right, but had my kitchen tea that night so just got on with everything for the day. the next day we had it confirmed that i'd lost another angel at about 9 weeks - we're not sure exactly how far along we were, but it was damn hard. i laboured and had to deliver the fetus which was scary as all get up and painful physically and emotionally.
after this second loss, we decided that we did want to actively try for a baby, and early January 2006 we went to a GP for immunology testing to make sure all was ok (rubella immunity etc) and the GP decided to check for hormonal issues due to lack of cycle - i was confirmed as having PCOS. over the next few months, we had so many tests and scans, and were eventually referred to a gyne for more investigation. ovarian golf balling surgery, and metformin/clomid didn't force me to ovulate over the coming months so in December 2006 i had my first visit with the fertility specialist
January 2007 we started ovulation induction for IUI - two cycles cancelled due to failure to respond to the meds, then a change to protocol and we started to respond. it took a couple of attempts before we had success in August 2007 and unfortunately we lost that angel as well. In November 2007 we moved to full IVF - our EPU resulted in 22 eggs, but only half were mature enough for attempt to fertilise, and from that, only five fertilised. one transferred, and four frozen. we had no success until our last FET in May of 2008 when the last two embryo's were transferred. we got the news we'd been hoping for on my birthday, but lost the baby only days later, on Mothers Day. we couldn't do another full IVF cycle for a few months due to finances and room in the local clinic so we booked that for November 2008 but decided to throw in a couple of IUI's in between to feel like we were achieving something - July 2008 we got good news again but unfortunately angel number five was taken only days later
August/September 2008 we decided on one last ditch IUI before our next IVF attempt. this time we decided to add some accupuncture into the mix and on September 19 2008 we got confirmation of what we'd known for a few days - i was pregnant again. even though the HCG numbers were low to start with, something just felt right - maybe it was the morning sickness that kicked in straight away. i dunno but i was confident. a series of follow up blood tests and then our first viability scan and suddenly it was all very real, our little Gremlin was on it's way
Pregnancy took it's toll on me - severe nausea 24/7 for the whole pregnancy, increased risk of gestational diabetes and pre-eclampsia due to family history - and my having permanent tachycardia - it was pretty stressful - but we got through it. our NT scan results were reasonable (not great, but nothing to stress on) and at 20 weeks (ish) we found out we were having a little GIRL. she was named and we started to bond with our princess more closely from that day on - it was just perfect
i had no diabetes, no real issues with pre-eclampsia until 36 weeks - and that's where we're at now...
The lead up to Gremlin's birth...
Ob visit when i was 36w2d showed my blood pressure had gone up a little - it had been borderline high for the bulk of the pregnancy, and wasn't a surprise. the Ob decided to do some blood and urine testing over the next 24 hours, and some fetal monitoring at the hospital a few days later. collecting my pee over a whole day wasn't the most fun experience, but something that had to be done - so off i went. went in for monitoring on the Friday (my birthday) and got test results - all was ok, so off we went for another few days. initially i'd be under shared care with a GP but the Ob took over full care from this point on
at 37w2d, same thing happened, BP up a little, so off we went for more blood and urine testing. was told that no news is good news, so unless we heard from the Ob, to just show up the following week. on the Friday of that week, i started to get very dizzy while i was in the shower so a call to the midwives at the hospital, and off we went for more monitoring - all came back ok from the tests, and CTG was perfect again. baby doing exactly what she was supposed to, so off we went again
at 38w3d things were pretty much the same as it had been the previous couple of weeks. Ob said he doubted we'd go post-dates due to the BP issues - but if we did, it would be no more than a couple of days. VE showed cervix high and not at all favourable. in fact it bloody hurt! i left the appointment in tears! i have a notoriously difficult to reach cervix, but had never expected that much pain. Gremlin wasn't engaged at all at that point - still floating nicely and quite content to stay where she was
at 39w2d i went to the Ob again for my appointment. DH was away so mum came with me. BP was up more than expected, protein levels in my urine were a bit on the high side. Ob scanned bubba and did a quick VE. cervix more favourable - and this time he listened when i told him my cervix was stubborn so he was more gentle and found it very easily. apparently it's tilted to the right or something odd like that! anyway, while i was getting dressed, he walked into the other room and started making calls to get me booked in for gentle induction starting ASAP. he tried booking me in for that night, but they were busy, so i was told to ring early next morning for a 7am start. i left a little shell shocked - hadn't thought it would happen like that - but it did, so i was on the phone to hubby to get him home quick smart. went back to mum's for dinner and while i was there, i got a call from the hospital - they had decided they wanted me in that night to start the induction with gels to make it as gentle as possible. i was in a tailspin - hubby not home, things about to get kick-started....
Time in hospital.....
TUESDAY
mum took me to hospital after dinner that night - was admitted around 7.30, obs taken, and CTG monitoring for half an hour or so before the Ob registrar (Sharon) came in to administer the gels. she was fantastic and we'd already had dealings with her at the two previous monitoring sessions. she administered the gels and i was left on the CTG for the next hour to see what was happening. i started getting some niggles that got progressively more uncomfy, but never closer together than about 10 minutes. DH finally got back to the hospital about midnight i think - he was fresh from work and had met my brother at the hospital to swap and give bro the work car and to get our car there for himself. he was able to come in and see me and even contemplated staying the night as they'd put us in a labour room with double bed - but after an hour of chatting about things, i sent him home about 1am to get some sleep and come back the next morning ready for the full induction with drip etc. i ended up caving and taking some pain killers and sleeping tabs that night about 1am in the hope of getting a more solid "night" of sleep - not quite - but at least from about half 1 until 5 i was only awake every 40 minutes or so... better than every 10 minutes... i also had to have some maxalon due to the degree of nausea...
WEDNESDAY
DH got back to the hospital about 8am just in time for the Ob registrar (Daniel) to come in to check on how things were going, and, as we believed at the time, to get us moved into the other labour ward ready for induction. unfortunately the gels, as painful as they'd been, had done minimal in terms of making my cervix soft enough to believe that the induction would work, so another painful VE and then a second dose of gels was used - another day of waiting to see what happened. My Ob had been clear about keeping it about gentle progress due to my tachycardia so i appreciated what they were doing, but when the Ob walked out to get the middie to administer the gels, i fell apart in DH's arms - i just felt like my body had failed - even WITH drugs, we were in no better place than we'd been 12 hours earlier...
another 24 hours of hellish discomfort - 10 minutely pains - but nothing seemed to be coming of it - i did manage to lose part of my plug on the Tuesday night and more during the day on the Wednesday so that helped me feel like at least SOMETHING was happening!
they discussed using another dose of the gels on the Wednesday night - apparently you can have a maximum dosage of 5 (mg i think) and i'd had 4 already, so in consultation with my Ob, they decided no more, to let what i'd had continue to work, and to let me sleep. wish i'd been able to sleep though - again about midnight, i opted for pain meds, maxalon and sleeping tabs. DH had gone home to bed and was coming back in the early hours of the morning for the real deal
THURSDAY - induction day!
DH arrived nice and early (about half 7) so that he was there when the brekki tray came around and the next step was discussed. no pleasant visit from the Ob, just the middie coming in as i organised stuff for the shower asking me to get clothes ready for post birth, shower and we'd be moving to the other room. she seemed abrupt at the time, but Wilma was a good middie to have for the start of our labour - she was assistant ward manager and was used to doing admin stuff, so being in a labour ward was a novelty for her, and she just made it really relaxing and talked to us heaps. Syntocinon drip went up at 10am and was gently increased from the lowest level they could, up to the maximum in half hourly increases. i was on constant monitoring due to BP and induction so was very limited in movement - not happy, but had to do what i could to get this baby out. by 12 it was at maximum dosage and stayed that way until Daniel came back in to do another VE to try for artificial rupture of membranes. don't know WHAT it was about him, but he was as rough as guts, and just couldn't do it. Thankfully my Ob - Dr Mc - was on his way into his clinic - they ambushed him about 3pm at the nurses station and he came in - membranes ruptured within 30 seconds! can i just say ewwwwwwwwww - that's a bloody awful feeling!
from the moment my "waters" were broken, things really took off - contractions started coming thick and fast which was a fantastic feeling - it was finally happening. we had managed to secure the CTG that had cordless signal so i was able to get up and move about only having to worry about the drip, not the cables for the CTG - which was awesome! i could go to the sit on the fit ball without worrying about any extra set of cables. it didn't take much for things to get painful - i could handle the pain in my tum no drama but after about an hour or 90 minutes or something (i wasn't looking!) the pain moved to my back during each contraction. they were only about 3 minutes apart and the pain radiating to my back was horrible! i was rocking through the contractions on the fit ball with DH rubbing my back - gotta love him! after about two hours we started discussing pain relief options. i'd been on the syntocinon drip since 10 am (so about 7 hours) and had been given a litre of fluid through the IV due to mild dehydration. i wasn't keen on the gas option due to the degree of nausea i was feeling, and pethidine wasn't really an option as my tachycardia had become significantly worse during previous recovery from surgery when i was given peth. so it was either natural stuff or an epidural. VE showed i'd managed to progress to 6-7cm in just two hours, so epidural was a no go if things were to continue at this rate, hot shower it was. i have never loved hot water so much!! DH kept one of the shower heads on my back all the time, and when the contractions hit, i'd direct the other to my tum. it was fantastic!! with the progress we'd made to that point, the middie (Emma had taken over around same time as rupture of membranes) suggested we call in SIL as we'd told her it would take somewhere around an hour for her to get there. so SIL was called to come in and play photographer for us when our little girl arrived. during the VE we'd had a scalp clip monitor applied to our girl to monitor her heart rate - meant we weren't having to keep chasing her heart rate on my tummy as she descended!
after about an hour in the shower (give or take - was losing track of time!) it started to get a bit too much for me - i hadn't slept properly in days, had only a light lunch that day and was feeling exhausted as well as being in pain. i tried sitting in the shower and that didn't work, so i told the midwife i needed something more and what did she think - i'd give the gas a go if we were progressing, but if it had slowed, i'd have to opt for the epidural. the Ob registrar was called and another VE showed no progress at all in the previous hour at all, so he called in the Ob on call for the night, and anaesthetist. the syntocinin drip was turned off to prepare for the epidural and i was sitting on the edge of the bed feeling very deflated about lack of progress when my SIL turned up thinking she may have missed the birth. one look at me and she asked what was wrong. i know i was flat and just said i'd failed - i couldn't do it and i needed an epidural - nothing had happened since DH had spoken to her over an hour before. she put all her stuff down, came over and sat with me and said some of the most amazingly positive things to me - i can't remember exactly what she said, but whatever it was it made me let go of the guilt of having to resort to pain relief and i had a bit of a cry with her and that was all it took for me to refocus. having an epidural wasn't the end of the world - it was what i needed - i'd worked damn hard and given progress had ceased, it wasn't like i was "giving in" so as not to feel the pain of birth - i was doing what i could to make it more managable as it appeared it was going to be a long haul for us. she got all her gear stashed and then got ready to take some photos.
the anaesthetist arrived and explained how an epidural would work, and then we got down to business - took five attempts to get the needle in the right space apparently - i dunno - the local worked pretty well at numbing the area! eventually we got the right curve in my spine by me sitting on the edge of the bed with my feet on DH's knees where he was sitting on a chair and me just leaning forward into him. ended up with a "text book" epi though - pain gone, but could still feel everything! was fantastic. lost a little bit of feeling in my right leg off and on, but nothing too drastic. the Ob turned the syntocinon drip back on at the lowest infusion and said it was to be left there and so the long night started. it would have been just after 7 and the Ob registrar (still Daniel - the big meanie! lol) planned to come back at 1 to check on me.
contractions started again, but not strong, and not regular - and it continued like that for a few hours. i sent DH to the other room to get some sleep - i knew he was exhausted too, so wanted to make sure he was "there" for the business end of things! so off he went, and SIL, middie and I had a rather interesting night of just chatting. SIL and I were both fascinated by the CTG trace so Emma was explaining different things they look for. SIL found it quite amusing to count down and tell me when the next contraction was starting...
FRIDAY - D-Day
somewhere around midnight i sent SIL to wake DH ready for the Ob coming back at 1. i knew he was exhausted and would take ages to wake up properly so she went to wake him and send him to make coffee before coming back in to the room to keep me company/support me through next Ob visit. Daniel came in at 1 as he'd said he would - VE showed i was now barely past 7cm, after a further 4 hours of contractions. i remember asking at what point things started to look like more intervention was needed. he kept saying the ideal was a natural birth - i knew that - but i needed to know how long they'd let me go like that - but i got no answers! dammit!
he toddled off to get some more sleep and we kept labouring. by this point, i'd developed a slight fever, so between SIL and DH they kept a cool compress on my head all the time, i was pumped full of antibiotics and everything was done to keep me cool enough. contractions had become seriously irregular and i was barely able to feel them anymore. over the next couple of hours, the baby's heart rate stopped peaking during contractions the way it should, and was actually getting too low - while mine was going nuts - the tachycardia was becoming a problem. the midwives had swapped over somewhere around midnight i think, so Kathy was now looking after us - and after an hour or so of watching my heart rate peak regularly higher than the baby's, i decided enough was enough. something had to be done. so at around 3am,i spoke to DH and SIL about what was happening, and then told Kathy i wanted the baby out NOW - that there was more to consider than JUST the baby, my heart rate was insane and it was putting me under further stress. i had bugger all energy left, and i needed to know something was going to be done. she reminded me that the registrar had said he'd be back about five and i asked if she really thought i sounded like i was waiting that long for someone to do something! somehow we'd ended up with the nurse unit manager for the night in there about that time, so they contacted the registrar and told him where things were at, and before he even got to the hospital, he'd called the Ob that was on for the night to come in as well. i can't remember exactly what i said, but i know i was apologising to SIL (not so much the middies!) cos i was being more abrupt than i wanted to be but felt i needed to do it and wasn't backing down - our girl needed to come out before it got dangerous for one or both of us.
Registrar turned up and asked me why i wanted a c/s - i told him in no uncertain terms. i know i mentioned that there were TWO "patients" to be followed i'd also warned the middies before hand that he wasn't to do any more VE's on me cos i simply wasn't prepared for the on call Ob to fob me off - it was his job to do the right thing now. Dr S turned up and did VE and admitted i'd made no progress since last VE so a c/s would be in order. yay - finally! i was sooooo far beyond tired! anaesthetist turned up to top up the epidural for the c/s - and we headed down to the theatre to get ready.
DH got changed into some very ugly overalls and joined us in theatre as they were getting ready to start. i was really nervous about the whole thing - i was hoping all would be ok, but i was so tired i didn't know if i'd stay awake - and i really wanted to be awake for it all - i wanted to welcome our girl into the world properly! the Ob and registrar were really abrupt - but then, they'd both been dragged out of bed for this. the anaesthetist was fantastic - he didn't talk down to me, he didn't make me feel guilty for needing the c/s - he just stood there and explained to me what was going on on the other side of the curtain. it seemed to take forever but i guess it wasn't that long - just my perception - i got the shakes from the meds so was shivering like a loony, DH was beside me trying to keep me calm, i was feeling sooooooo dry and all i wanted was a teeny weeny drink! they had the gas beside me the whole time so even though i wasn't directly sucking it down, it was getting to me. i think i was also so tired that everything seemed very exagerated! when things finally started happening, the anaesthetist told me what was happening - he explained that they were having a bit of trouble getting her out and were using the forceps, but it wouldn't be too long before we had our girl. and then she was here!
she was taken straight to the paed to be checked - they were concerned that my fever would impact her, so they took her over to the table, and sent DH to be with her - all i could do was watch from the sidelines, kinda holding my breath for that first little peep from her. it took almost two minutes for her to take her first breath - and i swear, that was the longest two minutes of my life! DH could see what was happening, but i was in the dark! i eventually heard the sweet sound of her crying which was the most amazing sound. i heard them telling DH to cut the cord and things. the whole time the anaesthetist was filling me in on what was going on, and stroking my hair to keep me calm - i can't remember his name or anything, but he was the most reassuring presence in the operating room! he confirmed we had a little girl (i knew, but confirmation was so important!) and was telling me each step of the way what they were doing until they could bring her to me
then they bought her over for me to meet her - they sat DH back beside me and he was able to bring her to me so i could see our little miracle girl for the first time. i can't describe the feelings - i didn't cry when i met her - the tears had fallen when i first heard her cry - from then on, all i wanted to do was see her and make sure she was ok - and she was just perfect! even with muck on her face, she had a gorgeous peaches and cream complexion and i just melted. she was trying to open her eyes, no crying - just curiosity. it was the most amazing feeling to have been through so much hell to get her, and then to know that, even though it wasn't the birth we'd hoped for, our girl was here, she was safe and it had soooo been worth the wait!
Emerald Nevaeh Rose
born 29 May 2009
04.48am
36cm head circumference
52cm long
weighing 3680g
(8pd 2 on the old scale apparently!)
apgars 8 at 1min, 9 at 5 mins
first stage 18.49
second stage 0.00
third stage 0.01
Emerald was taken off to the nursery for some testing immediately after our snuggles - due to my fever, and the length of labour and things, they wanted to check her blood sugars, temp and to take a swap of her skin to check for infection - which all came back clear. i was taken to recovery and kept there a bit longer than expected due to bleeding more than expected - but over the next little while, all came good. we were returned to our room to find SIL snoozing in the chair waiting for picture opportunities. i was transferred back to the bed to wait for the epidural to wear off, and the snapparazzi went crazy (well, it seemed that way - everytime the flash on her camera went off, it set off a sensor tap so it was really quite amusing!). DH helped to dress Emerald in her own clothes, and we got down to having our first try at BF after i'd called mum and my bro to tell them i was a Mummy at last!
My Ob came in the next morning with the registrar to check up on me - and he told me he was proud of me and what i'd achieved. he agreed that making a stand about my own health being just as important as the baby was one of the strongest things he'd had a patient do in a long time, and said he regretted he'd not been the Ob on call the night before as he'd have made sure i felt more supported through that part of my labour. as much as i'd known in myself i did the right thing for myself and for Emerald, having him confirm it was a fantastic confirmation for me that it wasn't just fear that pushed me to make a stand (though some of it was) - there was a lot of logic and thought put into it and i'd done the right thing! it wasn't the ideal birth - i would have loved to have an intervention free birth after so much intervention to get us pregnant - but i still felt like i had control of the situation - and i now feel that it was an experience that i can't regret.
after 3.5 years TTC, 9 months of morning sickness hell, and a loooooong labour, we finally have our girl - and what an amazing experience it has been. i might have to do a bit of blogging to get us up to date with where we're at with our precious little 8 day old Emerald Nevaeh Rose!
