WE want atleast 4

DH and I have always wanted 4 children and now that we have #1 makon we have said that we may not stop at 4
BUT everyone is so unsupportive and says but they will miss out on soo much and what about money and blah blah.

It really upsets me as we have both said we want a lot of children. and even his mum who had 3 says we shouldn't!
why isit that people dont want large families to be created (especially with a slowing population) we have enough space and enough love for a football team, but all we get is negative reactions when we say WE want a large family.

elli.its crap isnt it,when we tell people that we are thinking aboiut having another it is always the same response"omg are you crazy,youve got rocks in your head"i know a couple of people with large families and i dont look down on them at all infact i think they are truley marvelous people it shows me that they are loving selfless people,i think those who dont agree with us are infact jelous because we have all that it takes to create and nurture a large family and they just cant cut it....
nikki

Well Elli...I have 4 boys and absolutely love every minute of it and don't care what others think..I would have another tomorrow if DH didn't have the snip..after 3 m/c he said enough was enough...so you go girl and don't let anyone get you down!! Funnily enough DH is fro family of 7 but have not been very supportive of us having 4..all his brothers and sisters only have 3 and think we should have done the same!!! Go figure!!!
Jan xx

Yeah, look people will judge no matter what. People commented that we were mad to have more after the twins, but people also comment on those who choose to only have one child ( wont it be selfish, lonely etc)
I get constant comments about the havent you got you hands full, and I say nope but my arms and heart are.
Tell everyone to butt out, and you will live your own lives, and you suggest they do the same.

Hi Everyone, Ive got 4 boys and 2 girls and am 19 weeks pg with no.7 - yaaayyyy! DH and I were saying today that this might not be our last :shock: :lol: !!
I'm 31 and love always having a baby in the house! I just tell me family that if they are not happy, I dont want to hear about it ;)

thanks girls
sometimes i think i just need reminding that i can do it!!!
Rayla your a women from my own! iwould love 7 or 8!! wow

you all are marvelous women!!

I am definately proud of you girls(esp Rayla!!)but am also jealous as nicole said..but not because i can't or don't want to have a large family, but because my husband is absoluteky against it..he is adamant he's having the snip after #2..he bases this decision on financial reasons(saying he wants to buy everything for our kids)which i can understand his point of view, but i see the benefits of having a large family are way more influential than material objects..he loves babies and kids and always makes the comment that if we won lotto we'd just have heaps of them (11-a soccer team)but we'd always said this until now we have owen and he's changed his tune..very difficult..
sorry for hijacking your thread..just wanted to say that i'm jealous but also so proud of you to bring as many babies as you are blessed with into such loving families!!

This is probably the main reason why we won't tell anyone we want a large family. Both DF and i are only children, so would like a big family as our kids won't have any cousins, aunts or uncles. We want 4 or 5, but if i can help it, it'll be more lol.

i would love a minimum of 4 too. Unfortunately this may not happen as we are still yet to conceive number one :(

dh has said he will "see" after 2 --- i will have to do some serious persuasion once we learn to conceive! lol

I say you go for it Elli!
I have four gorgeous children. After our first was born I always knew I would have at least 1 more but I found mothering my first daughter quite difficult. I am a nurse - I like order and she came with a whirl of things that I couldn't make order out of!!! I went back to work when she was 12 months old and my dh stayed home.

When we had ds 5 years later it was a completely different experience. Maybe age and a learned ability to embrace life a bit more made it a much much more positive experience. It unleashed the Madonna in me and I don't ever wanna stop!!! I love everything about being a mother. I am a SAHM now and I love it. I do some work for a uni from home and even that I resent at times. Mothering a big family has amazing rewards and precious lessons!

We have lost 3 precious souls on our quest to make our family bigger. So many people have told us we're mad: "Big families do without so much". "Don't you want to do things for yourself"? Yet some of those very same people comment at the fun that is in our house and how beaufully they play together. Large families are truly an absolute blessing. People (including the big people) in big families learn acceptance of different personalities, they learn to show love and kindness to a sick sibling, they learn to negotiate. They learn tolerance.

Yep, it's true I can't imagine us boarding a Qantas flight to London any time soon but boy do we have a ball at a beach house for a week or for a week in a city. We don't do without anything much I don't think, but feeling those soft hands on my face or the giggles as they chase each other around the paddock. I am blessed beyond words!!!
I think bigger families need a popularity boost and I am the woman for the job!!!

People have made some pretty hurtful comments about why we would keep trying for number 5. I am gonna keep on going though!!

You keep going too Elli if that is what you want. I guarantee you won't regret it.
I remember when I was pregnant with DD #3 - an old lady asked me how many kids I had and how many I wanted. I told her I wanted 6. She looked at me with a real sadness in her eyes and told me she had wanted 6 too but only had 4. She said "keep going dear until you get your 6th because you can never ever go back and do it". I will always remember those words. How true they are!

Big Hugs:)

DH always joked we would have 12 but we are hoping to stick to having 4.
If we are told no more after having #3 then that will be it but i would like 4.

Someone reminded me the other day that i will have 3 kids under then age of 4 but that doesn't bother me at all.

I love being pg and i love having the kids around.

Flowerchild, I love you, LOL.
You put that point across so beautifully. That was really lovely to read. I agree about the material things as well. My kids dont miss out. We go to QLD every year and have a nice holiday. We stay at the beach and at my fathers farm. I am very lucky to have such supportive people around me. They play sport and have everything that other kids have - I make sure of it. They also have a fantastic support network in each other which I hope will continue through their lives. They all pitch in to teach my autistic daughter to talk and I love hearing them do that.

Oh Ellissa....bugger your family...go for it!We cope a lot of bad advice from my family to.COrey and I would LOVE to ahve 4 but my mum and dad totally freaked out saying money money money!!Argh!!Wish they;'d just realise that I'm a grown women and not on her apron strings anymore!ROFL!!

All my life all I really ever wanted was a big and close family. Tonnes of people always in the house, lots of noise and activity, running from one thing to the next, things getting totally crazy - this completely appeals to me!! I never had that but DH and I would love to have 6 children if we could. Unfortunately that has so far been very elusive. If you can, and you want to, then forget what anyone else says and you go for it and have yourself that big happy family.

I know my next preg will be my last (well with DH hee hee)...
I'd love 6 or more too, but my DH says 2 is enough, I ahve convinced him to try for #3... I wonder if I can get some fertility hormones to have triplets!!!??? hee hee

Flowerchild, I keep telling DH, we can always find money & take holidays, buy material crap etc... but cant turn back time to have anymore babies!!!!

I am envious, keep going til you are complete!!!

I want to be a mum to 5! Especially now with Shay living away from us and Ariani talking about moving out in a couple of years, I'm going through the empty nest thing at 36! Lol!

Actually I thought having Charlie would put me off having any more, with having to go through nappies and sleepless nights and teenage-hood again, but you know what? I love having a baby in the house again, and would love another. I'm still young enough surely?

But DH says IVF is too expensive, esp for us, who have crap luck in that dept! And it's true, I don't think I could go 8 cycles again like I did to have Charlie. But maybe 1 or 2 goes? I'm working on him to give it a go!

I agree with the old lady, you will regret not doing it, but I don't think you will regret having them. I always wanted 4 and convinced Dh to go for no.4. We are so glad we did. While we have decided that 4 is our limi, if I accidently fell pg I wouldn't care. My kids don't get everything they wnat but they get everything they need and thats more important And they have grandparents who spoil them. My house is noisy and constanty being messed up but if that is the worst thing that could happen then that id ok!
Don't listen to people who tell you what you shoudl do, they don't have to live with youand your kids, and really it doesn't effect them Sometimes people just say things to say something IYKWIM. Like to hear their own voice LOL
hugs michelle

forgot to plug in for the notifications so have to message again lol

hmmmmm now let me see.... tough choice here, what would I want?

Money? Or love?

Since love doesn't divide, it multiplies, then thats stacks of love. Who needs stacks of money when you can have stacks of love instead ;)

You're all amazing!!! I would love 4 but dh is set on two. I refuse to argue with him about it now though - I'll save all the energy for after no2 arrives. I always say that I'd like to have enough kids that they don't need to take friends on holidays - hehehe.

I don't know why everyone has to comment - everyone lives the life that they choose. I think many people these days are way to selfish to have too many kids because they want the latest of everything. When you look back on your death bed you're not going to say - geez I wish we didn't have the last two kids and got that plasma tv instead...hehehe....

I argued with DH about no. 4 when no 3 was born and slept through at 3 weeks old LOL, helped that Jemma was an angel baby cos Dh was happy to have another.

And Kristie that is exactly the point, I don't think you'd regret having them but you will regret not

I guess I come from the other direction; I'm sure my DH would love 3 or 4 but I would be happy with two. I come from a family of 6 kids and although we certainly did without (my Dad was unemployed alot), I can certainly vouch for what amazing imaginations we all had to make up for it all. There's alot to be said about coming from a large family - so many life values to be learnt and although there certainly were times when I wish I could have things that my friends had; I don't think I would have ever been happy as an only child.

My DH came from the polar opposite to my world. One of three kids with a professional father and a Mum that occasionally worked to pay for those extra things. He had the trips overseas so his Dad could work in various countries; and most of things he wished for. His parents didn't spoil him, but they certainly didn't do without. Perhaps that's why he struggles so much with the concept that we are struggling to financially keep our head above water? I'm not happy with the situation and I know that all of the hard work he's putting in now will eventually lead to a better place; but I've been there and I know that we'll make ends meet. Some might argue that having Maddy at this time wasn't the best decision but I wouldn't swap all of the money & items in the world for our daughter; and her brother or sister that we hope to have in a few years time.

To be honest, money is important. Sadly more important in our society than I think most of us wish it was; but everything these days seems to be about having the most, the biggest, the best. I dont personally agree with the argument that having three instead of four is going to leave you so much more financially capable. Sure, I honestly believe there are couples out there that shouldn't have any more children for financial reasons...but that's not because they can't afford to take their 5 children overseas to Disneyland; it's because they can't afford to clothe or feed them.

The other girls are right, you can always earn more money and buy more things; but love is truly what makes you happy at the end of the day and NOTHING is more beautiful than the love that a child brings into your life.

If you and DH both want it, go for it! I can't think of anything worse than looking back in 10 years time and saying 'Man I wish we'd tried for that fourth child that we both wanted'. Sure, you might have more of the house paid off or own the car outright; and the family might think you made the right choice; but there also could have been a special little prince or princess making your life just that extra bit special! :)

I love you ladies!
Why haven't I seen this thread before???
I have seven. Eight if you count my angel boy. Six of my own and two foster boys.
I love it and I would go back again in an instant.
My father was always going off at me about having money and a career and that if I kept having kids they would go without. The week before he died, he said to me that life had nothing to do with money, it had everything to do with family and having people around you who you loved. Bless him, it took him until his dying day to find out something I have known all along.
We don't go without, we just do things differently. We are planning a camping holiday next, beach front! Our house is noisy and messy and I love it because it's full and challenging and ALWAYS interesting!

yay Tiff! I can imagine just how noisy it is cos mine is super noisy and there are 4 lol, I love the way that you took on your "boys" and I think you and your DH are terrific parents. And so glad that your Dad truly realised in the end how right you were.
hugs Michelle

Dh and i have been talking alot lately and i think our number might be 8 or 9 now!!!
but what we think we will do is TRY and have 3 relativley close then a gap maybe 5 years then 3 more another gap and then finish off the family!!!
this we haven't shared with the family and probably wont!!!

Yeah well Elissa I think it's best not to share, then you won't have to listen to everyone else's opinion, and if you decide not to they won't htik they talked you out of it either LOL You have the time to fit them all in so wat ever you want to do you should.

Sounds perfect to me Ellissa! ;)

I just wanted to say that I so know how you feel, this is a real issue for us too we have so many family and friends saying why ???? why would you want more than 2 what about money what about the way the world is what about this what about that they will miss out on so much its not when they are young its when they get older blaa blaa blaa, and it drives me mad we want 4 deffinately and may even have more but will see how things go,

so many people think they have the right to tell you the way it should be, I am of the opinion that they do not have to raise them or pay for them etc... so it is not their business, you are all an inspiration.

I am a mum thats what I am and thats what I want to be I have never really had any real career aspirations and this is what I love to do so whats so wrong with that, why do people have to have an opinion about it grrrrr.

I love the thought that when our kids are older they will have eachother I love being close to my 2 brothers I am so proud of them and love being around them and watching the things they do with their lives thats family and what is more important than that ???? nothing IMO

Amy I agree with you wholeheartedly!
IMO, people are going to be judgemental, no matter what. You have to do what is right for you!

I have 4 beautiful but mischievious children and have just discovered that #5 is on the way. I don't think i really knew how many i wanted to start with i just knew i didn't want to start until i was 23. Lol i had 3 at the age of 21! At the beginning of the year i joked about having another baby then got serious and taked hubby round.

Just before i found out i was pg i changed my mind and decided i wanted to concentrate on my dancing career... woops! Anyway i figure i can still dance through my pgcy and then later hopfully will still be able to teach and perform.

Congrats allidancer on no.5, I am sure you will have plenty of time for the dancing LOL The more the merrier!
hugs Michelle

Congratulations Allidancer.

I always thought I`d want 4 children but lately DH has been talking about 6 children and bear in mind I also have 2 DSS`s, so if we go along and have 4 of our own that`s 6 in total or if we go along with DH`s thoughts of 6 that`ll be 8 in total.

I`m onto #2 myself (well it`s still cooking but YKWIM) or #4 if you include 2 DSS`s.

I`m going to get this one out of the way first then go from there, whatever we decide on 4 or 6 they will all be close in age as I`m 32 already so don`t have much time up my sleeve before problems might arrive.

Take Care

DEe

Even though we just had our youngest (number 3), and for a while my wife who had not originally wanted 3 (after having two she decided 4 - 6 was not going to happen) has now decided we will be trying for number 4 no later than about a year (time will tell). Right now I feel content but have wanted and still want to be open to the possibility of more children. I think unfortunately we have to apply a tough skin when facing others with the desire or fulfillment of our desire to have large families. At one time every one had large families and then went through this phase where 2 was the max and the norm. We all are having to break that norm. Who knows, we may all be pioneering the next wave of large families all across the globe...lol. Heidi (DW) and I some what defuse the situation by making a joke upfront. We just tell people "hey, what can we say, were breeders!". If you want more children to love and hold, don’t hold back because some family member (other than you and spouse) can’t handle it or because the general public wants to be snooty about it. Go for it! Besides, later on odds are the family member will be unable to imagine life with out that extra child or his/her additional siblings to be!

Well said Rob and welcome to BB! Nice to see a male opionion. Sometimes we still mention no.5 but on the whole I am content with my 4, needless to say if divine intervntion gave us another we would love it just the same but I am now content in myself feeling that 4 is enough for me.

They sure are Lindie!

My hubby would love another one...Me ..im not sure...I think Im like Michelle at this point and not wanting to try but if divine intervention decides well then lmao!

Jo

lol Yeah the thing is I do try to stop it lol. I am wanting my DH to make the final choice and have the snip, it is his turn o provide protection and OI am on the pill and want to give my body a rest. My DH would love more but also as he is self employed and I am not working we also don't want to cripple ourselves fianlcially. I guess there are always fors and agaisnts but as long as you are true to yourself then nothing else matters.

Its so true isnt it Michelle....gets so expensive!

Jo

well the prob is realistically most of us have financial obligations and these do inevitably help us make a decision as to how many kids we have. 4 is def a stretch so you guys with more well done, cos I know we do ok but lucky for us we have a very small mortgage. Otherwise I would def have to work, and I feel it is important for me to be home at this time, esp for myself as much as for the little girls. Also would be not worth me working as childcare for 2 is far too expensive. And it is dear enough when they are little but way dearer as they get older. I shudder to think of the time when all 4 are in school, we will have 2 in sec and 2 in prim school, as will some of you others, or worse 3 in sec.

Lindie- our deadline was 30 as well, and Jessica was born a 6 wks bf my 30th and 8 wks bf Dh's 30th. So it all fitted perfectly. I also consider mysef so lucky to have had 4 children who are healthy and have no problems either mentally or physically. I guess sometimes the more you roll the dice the more chance of something going wrong.

I hear you on the huge gap Lindie! It feels like having a first all over again doesnt it!

Jo

Oh I have to agree on that one too girls! Somedays I feel like a first time Mum!