Not Again.......

:( Hi everyone, well I'm losing the baby, I started to bleed last night and it just got heavier and heavier, and now I have really bad cramps, so I'm pretty sure I'm losing the baby!

Rang Dr. and he said there's nothing I can do or him for that matter, I see him on Tuesday for an ultrasound just to make sure.

DH and I were up half the night me crying and talking to him and vise versa, we've decided and this was very hard for me to do coz I do want more babies but I strongly feel that this is again nature's way of telling me I have 2 beautiful healthy children and that's my quota if that makes any sense!

I'm now well on Tuesday going to talk to the DR about having a hysterectomy, this is something they've suggested happen after my (well this pregnancy ) was over so it's not a light decision it's one that's been happening for quite a long time.
So Christmas or just after is probably when it'll happen.

I kinda just feel angry but numb, Im angry at my body, coz I can't understand why I can't do this again, so I feel that my body just can't or won't do it again and I honestly can't go through this again, I don't have the strength, and I feel in sayng that, that I'm selfish after all you brave amazing women keep going and going and I'm just giving up, but I just can't anymore.

I feel that now that I've made my decision I need the stength and determination (for lake of a better word) to follow through and put it outta my mind to become a Mummy again, as I said b4 I have 2 amazing wonderful children that I am going to focus on now and love and watch them grow, this desire I have for another will I guess just fade away (hopefully).

I'm not sure what else to write or say nothing can be done or this can't be fixed, I have to except it and move on.

Thanks all for everything I love you guys.xx

Oh Nadia I'm so sorry hun :hugs:

Nadia, i'm so sorry sweetie :hug: :flower:

Oh nadia, it breaks my heart to read this. Hun do not feel like you are selfish for not trying any more, you are simply doing what's best for you and your body and your family, I'm sure no one here will think you are selfish.
Know that we are all here for you :hug: You are in my thoughts, take care.

Nooo!! Nadia, I am so sorry!! :cry:

Not sure what else to say

Heaps of hugs
Love
Tanya

Nadia(((hugs))), I am so sorry for what is happening to you. Like Bec said, you are not selfish sweetie. Take care of your self and remember we are all thinking of you.

so sorry to read this, nadia :hug:

you do what's best for you and your family.

BW

Oh no, Nadia, I'm so sorry to hear that. Sending you lots of love and hugs.

Thinking of you :hug:

Nadia, darling, please let me know if there is ANYTHING at all I can do for you.

:hug:

Words are not enough.

Love to you and your family.

Nadia, I am so sorry to hear of your loss! :( Please remember there are scores of wonderful ladies (and a few men!) here at BellyBelly ready to support you.

Thinking of you; hope you feel better soon!

Oh Nadia, sweety... I am soooo sorry. :hug:

I am so sorry that this has happened, and you are not selfish!!! sending you lots of love Roslyn

Nadia, I am so sorry for your loss...the decision you have made must be so hard.

((hugs))

xoxo

Nadia, I'm so sorry. Sending you lots of love and hugs.

Oh Nadia I`m so very sorry for your loss. Hugs to you. I`m thinking of you.

Take Care

Dee

OMG, Nadia, I am so sorry matey. When I saw your name next to the post and read it my heart sank and all I could do is cry for you. Its just not fair!
My heart goes out to you and DH and please know I am here for you if you ever want to chat. :hugs:

Loadsa Love and Hugs
Kazz
xoxoxo

So very very sorry :(

Jo

Nadia I am so very sorry for your loss. I hope your dr can give you some good words next week. :(

Nadia I am so sorry to hear your news. My thoughts are with you & your family at this difficult time.

Nadia - so sorry to hear this sweetie. You are in no way selfish or weak to be making such a tough decision. It is never an easy thing to experience and its only natural to have to make such decisions at this time.

You take care of yourself at this time and dont be so hard on yourself.

Oh no Nadia :( Big hugs for you and DH.

I was devistated to see your ticker had been changed the other day and I checked out this forum and had a bad feeling this is what I would see. I am so sorry sweetheart. Take time to get over this before making any rash decisions hon... :flower:

Awww Nadia, I am so sorry you have lost another precious one :hugs:

Nadia I, too, want to say how sorry I was to read your post. Take care.

Nadia - very sorry for your loss and the tough decision ahead.

Oh guys Im so very touched for all your warm messages of love and support, you'll never know how much it means to me.

Thanks again I love you all so much I wouldn't cope without my BB family. :grouphug:

Oh No, Nadia.
I'm so sorry.
My heart goes out to you

We love you too Nadia :heartbeat: :grouphug:

Nadia I am so sorry to hear that, loads of hugs for you.

Ditto to what Bec said. :hug:

Nadia I am so sorry! My heart sank when I saw this thread, I can't believe I only just saw it now...

Ditto what kel said, let yourself heal a bit before making any decisions, there still might be light at the end of the tunnel, maybe you just need to find the right switch... and if not as you say your children will light the way... either way I support you I just want your happiness.

*hugs*
Cailin

Hi nadia

I too am so very sorry for your loss...there are no words of course and your decision is a tough one but only you know what is best for you. Time heals all wounds they say and maybe closer to crunch time you will have changed your mind and decide to try again.

You are in my thoughts plenty of :hugs:
to you

plse dont feel alone

I can't believe this has happened again, it's too unfair.

Please be very kind to yourself, give yourself some time before you make any huge decisions.

I'm really sorry.

Aw guys Im so touched by all of your messages, Im seeing the doctor tomor, so after I see him, I'll post as to what's going to happen.

Again you all have no idea how much your kind words and support mean to me, I love you all. O:)

Will be thinking of you tomorrow hun, take care :hug:

Good luck for tomorrow matey. I will be thinking of you. :hug:

Loadsa Love
Kazz
xoxo

Nadia, I am just letting you know I am thinking of you!

Tanya

Nadia - I`m also wondering how you got on today

Yes how'd you go today??

Guys I wrote a massive post and put it in windows and then William turned off the computer. :fuming:


Basically I had a massive talk with him over an hour it turns out that I've had a FULL miscarriage, which means everything has come away so there's no need for a D&C good news at least.
But the mass post was telling you guys how much of a pathetic hypocrite I feel, I feel as though I've been pushed into this decision of not wanting another baby coz this is the 2nd miscarriage in 3-4 months and according to my MUM :fuming: my body has had enough.... with the 10 operations for endometriosis and having had cin III, and various lapsroscopies (sp?) etc and all the others hassels having periods that last 50 days and then stop for 2 days then start again, blood loss etc just whole lot a bull$hit, others have been through much worse GOD!

Anyway I called DH crying telling him all of this and he's said it's our decision and I agreed, mind you in the same breath he states that I know how he feels!!!! (doesn't want anymore)....

Dr says he won't give me hysterectomy this year until we've ALL had a chance to talk it over, now most if not all of you would be thinking surely it's not her Mum's/Dad's decision it's her's and DH's, yeah at 32 I'd hope it was that way also, so why on earth does it effect me so damn much about what they think, WHY WHY WHY..... :fuming:

This is why I feel like a hypocritical loser coz I get one encouraging word from the OBGYN and then I'm all back on track for wanting to try again. He says that me losing the 2 babies in a row is Nature's way of telling me that these two babies weren't for me and I've always said it's Nature's way and I did say that it's her way that maybe Im only mean to have 2 and it's my bodies telling me something else, and he said look we both know you can carry babies to 35+ weeks and there's absolutly no reason why you can't do it again.

I feel I have been forced into excepting a decision I don't want, I have always said I wanted 3 not 2, and now I feel as though I don't have the right to change my mind AGAIN.... though as I said I believe that Im being pushed into it by others, this is why I'm so very confused and hurt,
do I even make sense....

I know that the financial hardships will be just that and I can provide better for 2 than with 3 I know this but I can't let this supress the need for another baby... or can I?
That's what Mum wants me to do, except that I can't have anymore and move on... She's had 6-7 miscarrages and some were well past the 5 mth stage I know 2 were for sure, so surely she understands the need i feel in my heart for another. Look I think I'm just rambaling on now and I just hope Im not judged by anyone, but I do want HONEST opinions about wether or not you think Im pathetic and can't make up my mind to save my life.......... Sorry for the long post :oops: