Do you wish you'd waited?

I was born three weeks after my mum's 21st birthday. Not so unusual given it was 1971. But my whole young life it was made clear that I should not have children until my 30s and that I should accomplish things - study, career, travel, relationships, financial stability, etc - before having children.

I did that, and I have no regrets (except waiting so long to have the second!) In fact, I have always thought I would tell my own DD the same thing.

Similarly, my social circle all had children in their 30s, not their 20s. Although my own sister bucked the trend :lol:

It's only since being on BB that I see how common it is for couples to have children while in their early 20s. I have to say it kind of surprised me (which is me being naive :lol: ) While it isn't a choice I would have made for myself for my own reasons, each to their own, and no judgement from me. I want to say that again - NO JUDGEMENT FROM ME HERE!

But I have always been curious. Do any of you wish you had waited? I am not asking whether you regret having your children, just whether you wish you had had more time as a couple, or focused on study or career or whatever??? In other words, you have same kids, just 5-10 years later.

My intention isn't to offend anyone, but I have always wondered.

DH and I were 22 when we had our first child. At 23 I had 2 children. I often wish we had waited.

In some ways yes and in some ways no.

I was pg at 20 and had my first at 21, I wish that DH and I had more time together as a couple, but I think that because I had them so young I won't be all that old when they are older, then I can do my travelling etc.

I had my first child when I was 23 (3 years after I got married), and had 4 children by the time I was 27. At times when I am paying my childcare bill I wish I had studied first but in fact I would never have found this career if I hadn't procreated first, so no, I don't wish I had waited. Apart from anything else I was so intensely broody in my early 20's that it would have been painful to try and suppress that. Now I am in my 30's and just as restricted in my social life as those of my friends who had kids in their 30's, but I know in 10 years I will have my social life back again whilst I'll still be young enough to enjoy it :)

We had a surprise baby when I was 24 although it had always thought I would chose to have children between 25-30.

Sometimes I wish I had been older, not so much for things I could have done but I feel like I am more confident and patient in my thirties, but then having three children has probably helped develop those skills :). Also DH is 11 years older and didn't want to wait too long to grow our family as he was concerned about being an older father.

I do think I would have followed a different career path if I had waited to have children. I think I would have done post grad study a lot younger and I am now looking at doing it in my 30s with three children and its not so appealing thinking about the logistics of it all!

No, can't say I wish I had waited. I was 23 when DD1 came along. I always said I wanted kids at a younger age so I can enjoy them when they are older also. DH and I married after DD1 was born. We have been together since I was 16 too though, so that's already a long time to have been together. We can travel when they are a bit older :)

I think that is another interesting variable bright sparkles. I went out with someone from 16-25. The thought of having had a child with him makes me want puke :lol: At the time though, he was the love of my life :redface:

No, I wish I was younger. I was 30 when I had DD1 and that took 13 months of ttc and I was 36 when I had DD2. I still have accomplished what I wanted to and would have done so if I were younger.

Sometimes I wish I had waited. I didn't decide what I wanted to study until I was 23 so I was just beginning my career when I gave into my cluckiness (and DH who didnt want to wait) and had my first baby just before I turned 27. Now it feels like that study was a waste because I don't work in the industry I studied for 2 years and worked as a trainee in for a year. Part of that is my fault because I couldn't bear to put them in crèche and go back to work.

My kids are awesome though and the logical part of me knows they woudn't be the same kids if I had waited and that's what I think about when I get all "if only we waited till I was 30" ;)

Yes and no. I wish the issues that DH and I ended up having had come to light sooner in our relationship, because I would have reconsidered the timing of DD until things were more stable. 20/20 hindsight, right? But I definitely don't regret the age. Maybe because I left school at 16, an did a lot of working, partying and a little but of travel between 16-20 (when I conceived DD). I certainly don't find myself mourning my 'youth' or anything like that. Maybe because my idea of 'youth' isn't necessarily all about partying or living that typical hedonistic lifestyle :dunno: I love being a parent at the age I am. DH and I have a stack of energy (not that that's really an age-based quality) and when I think about the future, I love how close in age we'll be to our kids. I have friends in their early 30's who have preteen kids, and the dynamic is just awesome. Same with friends who are in their 40's who have adult children. It's just really special to see. I feel like the first few years are/will be the hardest, because we're young, no established career yet etc, there's that period of living very simply, sacrificing and sometimes struggling as we learn to balance family, work, study and all the rest. But I think about where we'll be in 10 years as a family and it really excites me. Similarly, we think about our retirement, or even before that, when the kids have finished school. We'll be 40 when DD2 finishes school, and we'll probably aim to take a trip overseas and really kick back :thumbsup:

I do know a few parents my age who obviously regret becoming parents so soon. We are the only couple in our group of friends and acquaintances who actively planned to be young parents though, everyone else we know conceived very early on in their relationships, and that would be hard. I have times where I worry that maybe we should have waited, so DD could have more toys or better clothes, or more holidays, but then I examine why I'm worrying about that, and I realise that it's not because it's really a personal concern of mine so much as it's a pretty common concern that much of society holds. But I'm content (and dare I say it) proud of our decision to start our family young, it's not something I lament or regret, so I'm not really bothered by other people's well meaning concern or opinions :)

i'll go the other way & say i wish i'd been younger. i didn't meet my dp until i was 32 so not much i can do about that (& given that he's 8 years younger than me, too much earlier would have been...awkward :lol:). but now i'm 38 & i would have liked 3 children but now i feel time is against me - not that i think i'm too old just that i'd need to work if we wanted another (we'd need a new car etc if we were going to go to 3) & by the time we'd be better off financially, i'd be past when *i* would want to have kids.

then again, i had my chance to travel, live & work overseas and feel semi-fulfilled career-wise before children.

I do wish we had waited. Not because of our age, but because of our circumstanes. I really hate our living circumstances. That said, who knows how long it would have been and how much the emotional toll of waiting would have affected our relationship. There is every posibility that we would have ended up in this exact same position anyway.

for me its not a matter of saying I waited... I had Spock when I was 28 and to me that was old to have my first. If life went to perfect plan I would have been having my 2nd at this age. (not just the LTTTC thing). Looking back I feel I wasted so much time before she was born. I wish I had use my time wiser and achieved more things before hand, because now I don't have the time to do it (she is still young and I know there will be time in the future). But I really do feel I wasted so much of my life, even though I did get a degree and a postgrad, I did have a career, I did get married and buy a house, I did go over seas, I did do a number of things on my bucket list, I still feel I could have done so much more, but only know that in retrospect.
Meeting DH late (in my perfect timelime of life meeting him when I was 25 was old), that along with his age, I feel we needed to make the most of our time together now, as later really might not be a option. but for me that meant kids too, so we had them earlier in our relationship than I probably would have otherwise.

I don't wish I had waited. My first was born a few months before I turned 20.

I waited long enough, in my book. I was raring to TTC for about two years (so, almost as soon as DH and I were engaged) but made myself a promise that I'd wait until after the wedding. About a month before the wedding, we figured we might as well start trying and if it worked we could pass it off as a honeymoon baby... The next day (or so) I found out I was already 4ish weeks :rofl:

ETA: Considering I started getting clucky around babies at age 12, I think I did alright ;) Ianto was born when I was 23, Amelia when I was 24.

My Mum had me at 20 and have 4 kids before she was 30. All my extended family has also had their children young. But they have all been really happy with the decision and I always heard from my mum how great it was having her kids young and growing up with them and learning things together. So I guess I had that view too.

I am really glad I had kids when I did and I want to have 2 more soon too while I'm still young. I love that we will have more of our life together and I love growing up and experiencing life with them. I have never wished I had waited. But I am also not a career person. This is my career. This is what I've always wanted to do. Before kids I did my Masters at Uni but I always just felt like I was filling in time, waiting until I was old enough to have kids, LOL.

I do. It's hard to say because I wish I had waited so I had time to realize my ex dh and I weren't meant for each other. Our relationship was never fantastic but I fell into the roller coaster of it and I was so young I thought I was right in everything I was doing.
Now that I'm with my current partner I wish I had waited and he was the dad of my kids. Of course I'm so glad I have the children I do though and without everything I wouldn't have them.
All my family apart from my youngest sister had kids before 20. I hope my kids wait because at 19/20 you still have so much to learn! I was (am) still growing up while raising kids myself!
I don't regret anything though. But if I had a do over I would probably do it different.
Gosh it feels mean saying it. But I don't love my kids any less than I would have if I waited I just feel sorry that now they are growing up in a separated family.

Nope. I couldn't think of anything worse than being 45 odd and having a 10 year old, to put it bluntly :)

:

---

Nope. I couldn't think of anything worse than being 45 odd and having a 10 year old, to put it bluntly :)

---

i would have to agree with you there

Nope. I was 27 when I had DD1 and as far as we were concerned it was perfect timing. She was planned, we were married a couple of years and living o/s when we conceived. We moved back to OZ when I was 35 weeks pregnant and haven't looked back since :)

We were the first amongst all of our friends to have a child and now I see them all with their first or second at a similar age to us and we have finished our little family and I certainly don't regret it at all. In fact I am glad we had ours before 30. I am the youngest mum in DD1's class (which has surprised me) and one of the youngest in DS's...who knows next year with DD2.

Not at all. My first was conceived when I was 21. My second just shy of my 25th. For me fertility was the reason we decided to have children early. When I was 18 I was by my gyn told it would be a struggle. My first was a miracle baby. The dr laughed in my face when I told her I was pregnant :/ The struggle came with DS, albeit not as much of a struggle as some. 2 miscarriages and a fertility specialist later we conceived DS. I think had I waited till now, it would have been even more difficult.

I was ridiculed and judged a lot as young mother. By my family, by friends and even mothers groups. Yet I did it. And now my life is in a great place. I don't feel as though I suffered career wise as I have had a lot more time to decide on what I want and still focus on being a mother. It's the mindset of others I struggled with more than being a young mother. I love my life. I love how I have raised my kids and I'm very proud of our achievements.

I actually often think would have been better younger - the idea of a career after children seems better to me for a few reasons, one is you might have different perspective so have different career path (like Trav) two - unless you want to work full time and not have much of a break is difficult getting back to what you may have spent years building up. Personally I think the idea of waiting till have a career sorted is flawed until it is easier to return to work access part time employment etc.

I conceived DD1 at 28, younger than both of our sets of parents were to have number one, actually. I wish we'd started a few years earlier! We met when I was 22, but I had always assumed two kids, so no rush. We were waiting until our 30s and DD1 snuck in.

I had no idea how much we'd both love parenthood and we could have managed more children if we'd started earlier. Although you never know what the future holds. ;)

Also, we are extremely fortunate and fertility isn't an issue for us at this point. I have lots of other friends who did wait and suffered the heartache of infertility and multiple losses in their late 30s. If I had a do-over I wouldn't want to take that chance.

Yes. I was 28 when I conceived Ds1 and I had been married for 4 months. It would have been nice to enjoy more time together travelling without kids before we started breeding. Tbh I didn't expect to conceive within 2 months of coming off the pill or I would have stayed on it lol.
I'm incredibly grateful that I didn't fall pregnant when I was younger. I would have hated to miss out on my irresponsible early 20's and not seen the amazing places I travelled to. Not that I have stopped travelling but it's different in the company of children. More playgrounds lol

I don't wish I'd waited to have kids, but I do wish I had studied before having them. I left school at 16 and worked in low paid jobs until getting married and having kids. I still can only get low paid work and find it really hard to study now with little ones running around.
I had mine at 22, 24, 28 and 30. So if had finished school and gone straight to uni I still could have had babies at the ages I did. I'm glad that when I'm old enough to retire my kids will be old enough to either have left home or take care of themselves while DH and I travel. (we already have a few plans of where we want to go.)

I'm both ends of the spectrum here. I wish we could have waited and spent more time together. I fell pregnant on our honeymoon, lost that pregnancy and then went on to conceive DD1 a couple of months later. We were married 18 months after we first started seeing each other, so it would have been lovely to have had more time together just the two of us. Given our age and my OB history, waiting just wouldn't have been advisable.

The flip side is that I wish we had met 10 years earlier so that our children could have been born 5 years earlier than they were ITMS. I have no problem with the ages now - being an older mum while not appealing to many has enormous benefits (as I'm sure does being a younger mum) - even getting 5 more years at the end of my life to enjoy my grandchildren would be wonderful.

nope. my mum had me at 19 and I didnt want to be like that. I had ds 3 weeks after my 29th birthday. I always wanted 2 kids by time I was 30 that clearly didn't happen lol I didnt want to be on of those older parents that when my kids got to school people thought I was the grandparent.

It's funny. I had dd when I was 31. I was the youngest by far in my maternity ward, and I am one of the youngest parents in her school year level.

I very much wish I had waited. I was 24 when I got pregnant with DS. I had been married for nearly a year. I feel like I have missed any opportunity to travel and to have a career. I know we can travel with kids or when they have left home, but travelling in your 50's isn't the same as travelling in your 20's and doesn't give you the life experience to share with your kids itms.

I will be advising my children to get out and experience the world before they get stuck at home with kids.

I'm one of the younger parents in my children's classes N2L so perhaps that depends on where you live. I used to be amazed by how youthful some of the Mums were but then I realised they were the nannies lol.
I imagine that if I still lived in the suburb where DS2 was born that I would have been one of the older Mums.

:

---

I'm one of the younger parents in my children's classes N2L so perhaps that depends on where you live. I used to be amazed by how youthful some of the Mums were but then I realised they were the nannies lol.
I imagine that if I still lived in the suburb where DS2 was born that I would have been one of the older Mums.

---

Or maybe I just look younger? Either that or I am delusional ;)

I think it's all three. You do look youthful but you're probably younger too and possibly delusional :p

Some of the parents at our school are in their 50's.

My family have all been on the young side and DH's have all been on the older side when starting a family. Ideally we wanted to wait - DH really wanted to have more time as a couple first and wait at least a year after we were married before trying to have kids. I really wanted a baby NOW LOL, and lucky for me fate intervened and our first baby was born 6 weeks before our first anniversary and I had just turned 23 a few weeks prior. Sometimes I think it would have been nice to have that year to ourselves - a lot of people we know have done that and taken holidays together as well etc, but I'm not unhappy or regretful about it at all. Once we started having the kids, I wanted to have them all by the time I was 30 and DS2 was born when I was 29. Now we're looking forward to when the kids have grown and (hopefully ;) ) left home. We will still be young enough and financially stable enough to do all the things that we couldn't do because of having the kids kwim? I'm loving the idea that I will only be 40 when DS1 finishes school and not even 50 by the time DS2 finishes school.

I had my first at 28 & I kind of wish I'd started earlier. I wouldn't change anything now though, we're happy. I was brought up the same way N2L. Career was the thing to have. Meh. I could take it or leave it. I'm an accountant. It's not that exciting. I have not worked overseas. I didn't want to and still don't but it was a consideration when choosing what career to undertake. Most of my friend's waited until late 20's early 30's too.

We are the perfect ages for us. I was 20 when we got married (DH 27) and we both wanted a baby when DH was 30. DS was born 3 months after DH was 30 (me 23).

Career wise, DH is well established and a senior at the company, who are looking to have him as an associate in the next few years. He's well travelled (mission work in some Asian and pacific island countries included). Me, well I never knew what kind of career I wanted,.always had a feeling, and now I know for sure its what I want to do and conveniently its something o can study at home. If I'd have studied straight out o school I'd have ended up doing something completely different and I shudder at the thought of it now lol

I've never had a huge desire to travel the world. DH and I have travelled the west coast of Aus together, been on 4 holidays together and thinking of going to NZ next year (we both have already been). So we've spent plenty of time enjoying each other and we have recently bought our own home which is a work in progress.

I don't in the end but that doesn't mean I don't realise the downsides to my situation, just that they are outweighed by the positives. My children were not planned so it sort of happened when it happened (first born just after 21, second after 24). If I had of chosen I'm not sure I would have ever had children so I'm kind of thankful it happened this way because I had no idea what I was missing out on. I feel forever grateful for this twist in my life.

Things I love about being a young mum is that I have a lot of energy. Little to no sleep doesn't phase me so I can parent the way that speaks to me with ease (co-sleeping, feeding to sleep, letting them sleep through in their own time which was just before 3 for the first and yet to be seen in the second), the running around and constant demand of it all is not overwhelmingly tiring (I can baby-wear my youngest all day while exploring with my oldest), I just feel in a good place to be dealing with the whole thing and motherhood feels very suited to my life right now. I had easy pregnancies and birth which might have been influenced by being young and fit. My parents are young enough still to chase after the kids and give them a lot of time and energy. They are very involved and it makes me think that I might have a similar relationship with my grandchildren should I ever be blessed in that way because there is every chance I'll still be quite sprightly. It inspired me onto a pathway in life I never would have chosen myself, it led me to my partner. It taught me SO much and made me a better person. I appreciate my parents and time in a whole new way, I am motivated in a whole new way. I'm glad I have gotten this insight to life at a young age.

Things that aren't so great are not having ANY time as just a couple with DP (already had DD1 when we met). We often wistfully imagine what life would have been like just as us two before kids although the good thing about being young is we have many years once they are more independent to enjoy. Having DD1 not being my partner's kind of sucks although I love who DD1 is so it is a tough thing really, I guess the genes were a good combination. I couldn't have DD1 without her dad, it is just an extra complication I could do without. Not having set up ourselves more financially although we have no debt so I guess it could be worse, we do pretty well.

I absolutely adore being a family of four. I love just kicking back together at the beach or the park, I just feel happy being together (just got back from the pool actually and having some quick downtime while they nap before a late lunch out and then off to the grandparents to explore the Christmas lights and that is just the absolute perfect day in my book). If somebody could timelock my children as they are right now for me to defrost in a few years I don't think I would be tempted to take them up on the offer although I can appreciate what benefits there are to having waited, I like things just the way they are.

Not sure if this influences things but I had already traveled pretty extensively overseas (although there are still places on my list) and was never a big drinker (never been drunk) or partier.

DH and I started TTC desperately to have a baby when I was 25, after many years and fertility treatment we had our First when I was almost 31, and will be 33 by the time our second arrives. Sometimes I feel like things were meant to be that way because as much as we did want children earlier in life, we enjoyed so time together being irresponsible.
I wouldn't change a thing :)

Just a side note. There are downsides to any age I'm sure. And it's not always easy being a parent in your 20's or your 40's.

I wish we hadn't waited as long as we did...
I always wanted kids young...DP and I finally agreed when I was 25 (he was 24) to start trying, didnt get pregnant until I was 27, miscarried, got pregnant again 6 months later with DS.
We have now been trying again for #2 for just over 2 years.... it's just not happening...

I wish I had of had the children I have now younger but not my first. I was 17 (hence why I am glad I wasn't younger), 23 and 28 when I had my babies. I have been having fertility problems since I was 24. I ideally would have loved 4 children but its now got to the stage where I most likely will only have the 3 (in which I am very happy with and grateful)
The issue I have is I have never ever had time for me since been an adult. Although we own our home (no morgage) and I have a career (RN/RM)I now wish my kids were closer in age. There needs are so different and 12years on from starting a family I am still unable to work the amount of hours I want which impacts on us financially. I've never been away on a holiday without them, and in the last 2years have never been shopping without atleast 1 child.It seems a long way away before I have some time for me.
One could argue that if I waited until I was older I would have done all the things I mentioned above however if I did it that way I would not have fallen pregnant in my 30's naturally and there are no guarantees with IVF so for this reason alone I am glad I did not wait to have children. As a midwife I see too many women struggle for years to have children and that can takes years away from your life (the depression and desperation that comes with not been able to conceive) I just see it as the longer you delay conceiving the higher the chance of having difficulties (simply because there is more time for things to go wrong) I certainly wont be encouraging my children to get pregnant young but I wont be encouraging them to wait either. I know for a large percent of us various things mean having babies is not an option (other future parents feelings, relationship status, financial, illness etc) But when my children feel ready emotionally and really want to be parents I will be very excited for them despite there age (as long as they are over 18)
I am also really excited about the future with my adult daughters and the fact if my health permits I will be relatively young when they are young women so hopefully they will want to come on holidays with me and go out for coffee or shopping.