Bad mother for choosing C Section

I would really like to know if anybody would choose to have a c section if offered? My first child was born naturaly without much pain relief (just pethadine - didin't have much effect). It was a simple birth with no complications and although I am glad I have given birth naturaly I didn't enjoy a second of it and was so exhausted after that it took a while for me to bond with my son. My second child was breech and when they offered me a C Section I agreed. I had a much better experience and lots of help to recover after. I am now pregnant with my third and they have offered me another Caesar and i'm thinking about taking it. I have read alot of comments from people who seem to look down and critisise women who choose this option and I would like to know what people really think.
I almost feel ashamed when I talk about it to some other mums and it really taints the whole wonderful pregnancy experience.
Phew, thanks for listening!

Regardless of everyone's personal opinions on what they wouldn't want for them - it is ultimately about what is the right thing for you to do. Because you have experienced both sides of the coin so to speak, you probably have different feelings about both ways of giving birth and no doubt this has influenced you decision to a degree.

If you have chosen to have a c/s, then be proud of it, not ashamed. we all make the choices that we think is right for us and no one has the right to critise you for it.

ETA - If I was offered a c/s, I wouldn't have one unless my unborn baby was in danger by not having one. But that is just me because I have been lucky to have great vaginal births

I agree with Sherie,
Noone has the right to make you feel ashamed or bad by your choice on how your baby is born!
Nomatter which choice you go with, know it its the right one for you, and as long as your child is born safely, and you are happy with that choice, then that is all that matters.
Good luck with deciding :)

I think the thing is when a choice is taken away from the mother, so for instance if you were told that you wouldn't be able to give birth naturally & that is why you had the c/s, where in fact you may have been able too. Does that make sense? The main issue I have with c/s is that often the choice is taken off the women in situations where it doesn't have to be. For instance, the number of women told they will be having big babies where in fact they are well within "normal" weight ranges...

I had a c/s after 20 hours of labour and felt like everything was out of my hands from the moment I walked into the hospital. I'm okay now, but I think at that time I felt robbed of my natural birth experience. Had I been told that the baby was breech or some other identifiable reason I would have accepted it heaps better & made my decision accordingly. & I may have chosen a c/s.

So, like Sherie said, you make the best decision for you. Not for someone else ;)

rachaelmason, only those that have had a c/s would know it wasn't taking the "easy way out."

Even though mine was an emergency c/s i have been asked "Why didnt you try to give birth naturally, then go with the c/s if that didnt work?" My daughter would've died if i didnt, as her cord was being clamped with each contraction,and each minute her placenta was dying, as there was an infection in my uterus killing it (and therefor killing my baby too). So you can see, you get cr@p for "needing" a c/s, let alone choosing one. So ignore them. All that matters is your baby is born safely. HTH (sorry for hijacking your thread)

ps i would choose a c/s over natural with a breaech bub yeeeouch giving birth naturally!!

Very well said Brooke!

I would only have a c-sect if there was no other choice, I think it is best for the baby to be born vaginally (complications aside).
Labour isn't meant to be easy, it is exhausting and it hurts - but it is so no matter how the baby is born.

At the end of the day it really is up to you, so if you are looking for opinions you will get lots. the only ones I really hate are from MEN and people with no children themselves.

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I had a much better experience and lots of help to recover after.

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I think you've already answered the question yourself! You will do whatever is right for you, and whatever that is, is the best thing for you!

BTW, I had DD vaginally, had an out of body experience and nearly didn't come back. My medical records show no hint of what happened to me during that time (all the 'health care providers' were having a chat in the corner at the time) but I won't be risking my or my baby's welfare next time. So ppl -probably including my gp- will think I'm MAD when I insist on a C/S, but sod the lot of them. It's my body and my baby and I'll damn well do what I think is best. God help anyone who criticises me cos I'll sure give them a piece of my mind **Scary Woman Alert** LOL.

I wish you the courage to do whatever you feel is best and not feel like you have to answer to anyone but yourself and what is right for your family.

Marydean and Brooke - I think that was very well said!!!!

I have not had a C/S personally, but I totally respect any woman that does have a C/S be it emergency or elective!

I get really angry when people feel they have the right to criticise someone's choices when more often than not those same people have no idea of the actual reasons behind those choices!

I chose to be induced with DS No 2 for a few reasons, and I have been criticised for chosing induction, but for me it was absolutely the best decision.

So I say go for it and bugger off to anyone who choses to judge you!

Hi Rachel and welcome to Belly Belly. On this site, you'll come across women who have had vaginal births, VBACs, (all with or without drugs and intervention and induction) emergency C/S and elective C/S. Some are happy with the way their births turned out, some are still coming to terms with it all.

But I think Christy's right. It's not so much the way you birth your baby, it's whether or not you have an informed choice in the matter.

We all have different opinions, and by posting this particular thread you'll probably hear most of the strong ones;) , but I really hope no-one on this site would look down upon you or criticise you for your decision. They're entitled to their opinion, of course, but not to yours, IYKWIM.

And so I'm not going to mention what birthing choices I made, and for what reasons (although I'm sure I've mentioned them elsewhere on this site), but I do strongly recommend you check out all the articles on the main page regarding vaginal, VBAC, induced and C/S births.

And don't worry too much about what others are thinking/saying. You'll know when you've come to the right decision when you feel a sense of peace about it.

All the best, and I hope you enjoy trawling about these boards Rachel.

Rachel it sounds like you have made your decision and you shouldn't feel ashamed about it. As long as you are happy with your choice then that is all that matters! If a c/s will mean a better birth experience for you, then so be it. You do not have to justify yourself to anyone.

Rachel, you will always get people giving you unsolicited advice about anything you choose to do with either your pregnancy or your birth or your child. I only know firsthand about the pregnancy part so far as this is my first, but I was reading "Up the Duff" and something she wrote about these people really hit home: it's not about you, it's about them. Do what's right for you and ignore them.

Hi,

I have had 3 c-sections. My first was an emergency (my dd's head got "stuck" and Dr believed a high forcep delivery was risky). My Dr. recommended a c-section for my 2nd and I was glad I went this route (my dd's head was in the 99% percentile). After 2 c-sections, my Dr. convinced me (easily) to have a 3rd - if I even wanted to consider a natural delivery, I would have been considered "high risk" and I would have had to change hospitals. Well, I didn't want to be "high risk" so I opted for a 3rd c-section. All my babies are happy and healthy, and to be honest, I haven't ever felt guilty for having my children by c-section as the doctor recommended. I didn't particularly love the c-section recovery (after all it is major surgery), but to me it was just a means to an end. I have heard from some women who feel so "cheated" out of a natural delivery and I don't really get it. I know that a woman's body is suppose to be made for birthing babies, but before interventions such as c-sections, sadly some babies (and mothers) didn't make it through. I'm just so happy that my babies all were born healthy and are now growing up to be great kids. How they were born and which part of my body they came out of really isn't that important to me.

Having said all that, it is a personal decision that you need to make in consultation with your doctor. Good luck with your decision. Cheers, Mary

I had to have an emergency CS as DS was stuck and my BP plummeted and his heart rate plummeted also. I have been criticised for having a CS and been told that a Vag birth is better or the baby and I should of stuck it out!!!!
You choose what is right for you. I am a firm believer in a woman's right to choose. Unfortunately I did not have a choice as we both would of died, but the imprtant thing is that I have a healthy happy baby and my own health!!! That is the main thing. Don't let anyone make you feel guilty!!!

I agree with MistyFying, just be sure your decision is an informed one. Perhaps being further informed on vaginal birth (great info and advice given on this site) can help you feel you can have a fulfilling birth experience this time. First time birth is a scary thing, and much can be learned to be improved on the next time.. do you know what I mean? I'm actually looking forward to my next one, as I will be even more informed, and ready to "tweak" the birthing experience. LOL.. hope that made sense!

As for other people's opinions and making you feel bad, it's none of their business, and it certainly doesn't make you a bad mother for making a choice that is best for you and baby. So long as you are certain that whatever you choose IS best for you and baby.

in my mind every woman has to make her own decision
if you decide on a c/s stick by it and dont feel ashamed.
you dont have to give an account of it or for your movements

but: i will neverever understand, why women have an abdominal operation voluntarily.
it is a real operation with all risks an operation implicates
why povoke luckyness when there is no reason for?

Everyone has a right to an opinion, but at the end of the day you are your own person, if you want a c section then you go for it. It frustrates me when people try and degrade you for your own choices.

I suggest be nice and just nod your head at them but choose what you want. If people are going to belittle you i would maybe say something to their face of how you feel when they do say things just to see the reaction you do get from them. Then they will be embarrassed and they may not try and degrade people as often or not at all.

These people also think they know everything but they don't and one thing that i can't stand is someone who has never been pregnant or given birth before, telling you the rights and wrongs and bla bla blah - I had a friend who did this to me :angry: so i shot her down in flames didn't i! She then backed right off and didn't say much at all, she got the message clearly.

Anyway i am sure you will sort your feelings out and good luck

Jen
x :hug:

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For me, knowing that the risks of a VBAC (from research) are higher than the risks associated with a C/s - makes that a decisison totally out of the equation for me.

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I'm not trying to get into a debate here, being a c/s mum myself, but I just wondered, as I have done some research into VBACs myself... Where did you found this research Brooke? I'm considering all my options for the next bub & nothing is set in place yet, so am researching the risks & benefits of repeat c/s vs vbac. I haven't found much that favours a c/s over vb, so would like to look if you can give me some more info. Like I said, not trying to cause a debate here, just want my research to cover everything!

I think that you just need to do what will work out best for you and bub. If they have offered you a c/s then they must think it would be beneficial for you to have it, over a vaginal birth.

The people that will criticise you the most are probably the ones who havent been in your situation.

I think every woman is entitled to their own decision and shouldn't be made to feel bad for making the decision they make, as others have said providing its their own decision. Just as one woman shouldn't be made to feel bad for chosing a c/s another shouldn't be made to feel bad for choosing a vbac. You need to do whats right for you, and how your child is born does not determine what kind of mother you are, its how you treat your child that makes a difference. I say poo poo to anyone who says that kind of rubbish!

*hugs*
Cailin

I had a normal straight forward natural delvery with my first son. I fully expected to have another natural delivery with my 2nd but due to GD (gestational diabetes) we were told the baby was quite large and I would need a c/s. I kept saying I didn't want one how could I avoid it ect ect.. My waters broke at 37 weeks ( 2 hours before my ant app to discuss birthing choices) I was given the option then to deliver naturally or go and have a c/s. After weighing up the risks of going for a natural we chose a c/s. 2 hours later son numer 2 was here and healthy. That didn't last though, 12 hours after Isaac was born he started having breathing issues and seizures. Finally after 16 long stressful days we got to bring him home... Thankfully he is now a healthy 3 year old with no on going issues.. When we became pregnant with son number 3 there was no question. I was not going to risk anything. I even had to have a mini spit with a midwife about my choice but I knew what was best... If we had gone for a natural with Isaac he may not be here and I wasn't going to risk anything just to have a natural delivery. Everything went fine for the 2nd c/s and apart from Jacob having low blood sugars from me having GD he was healthy. He came home on day 4 :)

Good luck and go with what your heart is saying.. listen to intuition. oh and I recovered so much fatser from my 2nd c/s then the first. I recovered very well from the first but I knew what to expect 2nd time round :)

Well, If I am a bad mother for having an elective C Section with NO medical reason.....Then so be it!!!!
I wouldnt change my decision for the world....I am a healthy happy mum who has a very healthy happy baby. I had a very straight foreward smooth, pleasant birth experience, and I am so glad I didnt have to suffer ;) .....It doesnt matter how you "birth" your baby....Its the end result that matters....I say do what you want, its your body, your decision...If anyone has to negatively comment about it, then obviously they are jealous, and need to get a grip on modern technology; why suffer if you dont have to? Would you let a dog suffer in pain? NO!
Good luck with it all...All the best xxx

Rachel

I have had 3 c/s. With DD#1 it was an emergency c/s due to PE and GD. With DD#2, myself, DH and OB discussed it and it was decided that bubs would be a little on the large side so it would be safer to have another c/s, she was only 7lb 5ozs but almost 3w early. I changed OBs for DD#3 and he asked me early on how I would like to have this baby. I chose c/s, mainly for my own benefit, as I like having things planned and having other kids to look after I needed to know when I would have my baby. Things didnt go to plan though, I went into premature labour, my waters broke and a c/s was the best for me. Despite all the dramas that went with it, I never once regretted my decision and if I had the chance all over again, c/s is my choice.

I dont care that people think its the wrong way, I am a bad mother etc...I know that my decision is the best for me and my baby. A happy Mum = a happy baby!

Never feel like you are a bad Mum for your choices. You do whatever you want!

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why suffer if you dont have to? Would you let a dog suffer in pain? NO!

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That's why there are many options for pain relief for women who have a vaginal birth - a VB does not necessarily mean heaps of pain and suffering. Just wanted to add that - not having a go or anything.

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need to get a grip on modern technology

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I wonder if people who drank radium water for their health all those years ago told everyone to get a grip on their modern science breakthroughs? :D

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why suffer if you dont have to?

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c/s aren't always smooth sailing tho. There can be terrible complications with any kind of surgery. I personally trust the ancient art of letting my body give birth, and certainly embrace modern medical intervention if/when complications arise. I'm not inclined to put both mine and my baby's life in the hands of a doctor unless it becomes necessary.

I'm afraid I'm one of those that would feel terribly cheated of a vaginal birth if it came to a c/s. When told bub was breech, I was devestated that at my next visit we were to discuss a c/s. Thankfully he turned, and we had a vaginal delivery.

That's just how I feel tho :) A client of mine had 3 elective c/s, coz as she said "I was too chicken to go through labour". I personally believe she is braver than I would ever be.. I'm terrified of c/s! LOL.

Girls, I was just stating my opinion and support to Rachelmason....I wasnt after advice about MY thoughts and opinions or to feel the need to justify them, otherwise I would have started my own thread ;) and I totally respect YOUR decisions for a Natural Childbirth....Each to their own.

Aww c'mon Ally.. no fisty cuffs? ;) It's funny tho, the way you feel about vaginal birth (why suffer if you don't have to) is exactly how I feel about c/s. hehe.

I don't doubt that everyone makes the decision that's right for them. But as was said earlier, it needs to be an informed one. Electing abdominal surgery is a big decision. Wouldn't like to see people electing it thinking it's a way of getting around the 'suffering', coz it doesn't always work out that way. Just the same as some people pop out babies naturally without a worry, while others have complications.

Exactly LIz, I totally agree.....Honestly, my decision was not made lightly at all, I even spent years deciding, before i even fell pregnant....There are many reasons why pple elect for cs, and I can guarantee, medical or not, they arent taken lightly!!

Hi Rachel,

I think if you're asking to know 'what people really think', you often will get answers that both support and contradict your decision. But whether or not you feel these opinions affect your confidence in your decision is the real issue.

Many of the decisions I have made while pg, during childbirth or in raising my son have been criticised, questioned and frowned upon. But I hold no guilt, I withstand any pressure, and I know I do what is right for me and my son, because I make infomed decisions. If you are confident in your decision, whatever it is, that's all there is to it. No one else's opinions should matter.

The risk of miscarriage from an amnio is higher than a uterine rupture from VBAC which I think is important to point out. There are also LESS risks in regards to the anaesthetics and surgery involved including infection, staph etc. Even a first time mum can rupture as a result of an induction or a caesarean - having a c/s doesnt mean you escape the risk of rupture altogether. There is more risk in the more caesars alone you have that you will more likely have a hysterectomy, hemorrhage etc - the figures jump significantly every time. I am not debating but pointing out a few things which are not going to be considered especially in studies like above which dont include other things like hysterectomy etc in future pregs.

I do think that people will give their opinon to you on all maters, birth and parenting which aren't always what you want to hear, I copped lots for my choices even from family, but its just what you choose to do with that information. You can choose to be angry about it or just accept that is their view based on their experiences and ignore it. We choose how we feel about it. We could reduce so much 'mother guilt' if we chose different ways to deal with things and swept comments like that under the carpet. If we believe its the best choice for us why worry? :)

Ally I totally respect your birth choice, I just wanted to make the point that VB can be pain-free too :)

I am also one of those women that find the idea of a c/s a bit scary, but I would never question anyone else's choices. I am a big believer in informed choice when it comes to pregnancy, birth and everything after!

All is good Bon! I am interested in discussing Pain releif etc...but I thought it might take over this thread a bit..... I really do want to hear about those good stories....I might start another thread ;)

Wow, thank you all so much for your thoughts. I never expected to get such a response! I find it really interesting to read peoples opinions on here as they are so much more informed than people who decide to spontaniously give you unwanted advice (even from people with no children). I do have a question though, somebody said "I'm not inclined to put both mine and my baby's life in the hands of a doctor unless it becomes necessary." I thought that a C Section was more of a risk for the mother but actually the safer option for the baby - is that not right? FYI...I am doing further research on this but its good to get answers in "laymens" terms on here.

Well, it does depend on the circumstances on why the c/s is being done too. I do know that the process of a vaginal birth prepares the baby's lungs better by squeezing the muck out of them.

There are people wiser than me that can answer that question for you better though.

In this article on the main site, it lists some risks of c/s for baby https://www.bellybelly.com.au/birth/...tually-happens

I thought a straightforward vaginal birth was the safest for both mother and baby. When I say straightforward I mean one without complications. I am sure I read that somewhere...but then I don't know for sure.

Rachel, I would suggest reading Silent Knife which has alot to say about the risks for both mum & bub. Its a great book IMO :)

And yep as Bon said, the safest birth is an uncomplicated vaginal birth with no intervention. But sadly it doesn't always work out that way.

Like Sherie said, when bub is born naturally as they go through the birth canal all the muck is squeezed out of their lungs whereas in a c/s it isn't. Zander has trouble with this for a few days after his birth & was choking on mucus. It was quite distressing for me as I was unable to move properly to hekp him so had to buz the midwives each time it happened.

There are risks of bub being cut when they make the incision. I'm not sure how often this happens, but it has been known to be severe enough for bub to need suturing.

Also, with elective c/s there is the chance that bub will be premmie if your dates are wrong. I'm pretty sure it said that breathing difficulties in elective c/s bubs are more common due to them being early sometimes.

The other risk for bub is from the anesthetics they use. Bub can be sleepy due to the epidural / spinal block & can have problems with sucking because they are so drowsy.

For what it's worth, I'm not putting this out there to scare anyone, the question was asked & I have answered as best I know.

Since this thread has become a bit about c/s research.. thought I'd ask some questions that I've often wondered on how it works. Is -anything- passed through the vagina at all? eg.. the placenta? or is this removed same time as the baby? How exactly do they get the placenta to come away? Is there a risk of the uterus contracting while you're still 'open'? I'm assuming lochia is the same when the uterus contracts after the birth?

Just curious :)

Is -anything- passed through the vagina at all? eg.. the placenta? or is this removed same time as the baby?
The placenta is removed the same way as the baby is, through the incision.

How exactly do they get the placenta to come away?
This I have no idea on!! I expect though that it gently pulled away, same as if you have a retained placenta??? :dunno:

Is there a risk of the uterus contracting while you're still 'open'?
Again, I'm not sure LOL! I was having contractions immediately before my c/s and still had the synto drip induring so I would assume that yes there are some contractions going on unless the meds for the operation stop the contractions. Afterwards I still had the synto in so my uterus would contract down after the birth.

I'm assuming lochia is the same when the uterus contracts after the birth?
Yep, you still get lochia the same as a vaginal birth. I would have thought it was less due to *stuff* being sucked out during the op, but apparently c/s lochia can be quite a bit heavier from what I've heard. With nothing to compare it to I can't say.

Anymore??

Hey again Rachel,

I can have a chat to you more about this when we catch up sometime :) I have been through the same thing...