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Thread: Bad mother for choosing C Section

  1. #1

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    Default Bad mother for choosing C Section

    I would really like to know if anybody would choose to have a c section if offered? My first child was born naturaly without much pain relief (just pethadine - didin't have much effect). It was a simple birth with no complications and although I am glad I have given birth naturaly I didn't enjoy a second of it and was so exhausted after that it took a while for me to bond with my son. My second child was breech and when they offered me a C Section I agreed. I had a much better experience and lots of help to recover after. I am now pregnant with my third and they have offered me another Caesar and i'm thinking about taking it. I have read alot of comments from people who seem to look down and critisise women who choose this option and I would like to know what people really think.
    I almost feel ashamed when I talk about it to some other mums and it really taints the whole wonderful pregnancy experience.
    Phew, thanks for listening!


  2. #2

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    Regardless of everyone's personal opinions on what they wouldn't want for them - it is ultimately about what is the right thing for you to do. Because you have experienced both sides of the coin so to speak, you probably have different feelings about both ways of giving birth and no doubt this has influenced you decision to a degree.

    If you have chosen to have a c/s, then be proud of it, not ashamed. we all make the choices that we think is right for us and no one has the right to critise you for it.

    ETA - If I was offered a c/s, I wouldn't have one unless my unborn baby was in danger by not having one. But that is just me because I have been lucky to have great vaginal births
    Last edited by Trillian; October 14th, 2006 at 12:04 PM.

  3. #3

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    I agree with Sherie,
    Noone has the right to make you feel ashamed or bad by your choice on how your baby is born!
    Nomatter which choice you go with, know it its the right one for you, and as long as your child is born safely, and you are happy with that choice, then that is all that matters.
    Good luck with deciding

  4. #4

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    I think the thing is when a choice is taken away from the mother, so for instance if you were told that you wouldn't be able to give birth naturally & that is why you had the c/s, where in fact you may have been able too. Does that make sense? The main issue I have with c/s is that often the choice is taken off the women in situations where it doesn't have to be. For instance, the number of women told they will be having big babies where in fact they are well within "normal" weight ranges...

    I had a c/s after 20 hours of labour and felt like everything was out of my hands from the moment I walked into the hospital. I'm okay now, but I think at that time I felt robbed of my natural birth experience. Had I been told that the baby was breech or some other identifiable reason I would have accepted it heaps better & made my decision accordingly. & I may have chosen a c/s.

    So, like Sherie said, you make the best decision for you. Not for someone else

  5. #5

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    rachaelmason, only those that have had a c/s would know it wasn't taking the "easy way out."

    Even though mine was an emergency c/s i have been asked "Why didnt you try to give birth naturally, then go with the c/s if that didnt work?" My daughter would've died if i didnt, as her cord was being clamped with each contraction,and each minute her placenta was dying, as there was an infection in my uterus killing it (and therefor killing my baby too). So you can see, you get [email protected] for "needing" a c/s, let alone choosing one. So ignore them. All that matters is your baby is born safely. HTH (sorry for hijacking your thread)

    ps i would choose a c/s over natural with a breaech bub yeeeouch giving birth naturally!!

  6. #6
    Kirsty77 Guest

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    Very well said Brooke!

  7. #7

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    I would only have a c-sect if there was no other choice, I think it is best for the baby to be born vaginally (complications aside).
    Labour isn't meant to be easy, it is exhausting and it hurts - but it is so no matter how the baby is born.

    At the end of the day it really is up to you, so if you are looking for opinions you will get lots. the only ones I really hate are from MEN and people with no children themselves.

  8. #8

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    Quote Originally Posted by rachelmason View Post
    I had a much better experience and lots of help to recover after.
    I think you've already answered the question yourself! You will do whatever is right for you, and whatever that is, is the best thing for you!

    BTW, I had DD vaginally, had an out of body experience and nearly didn't come back. My medical records show no hint of what happened to me during that time (all the 'health care providers' were having a chat in the corner at the time) but I won't be risking my or my baby's welfare next time. So ppl -probably including my gp- will think I'm MAD when I insist on a C/S, but sod the lot of them. It's my body and my baby and I'll damn well do what I think is best. God help anyone who criticises me cos I'll sure give them a piece of my mind **Scary Woman Alert** LOL.

    I wish you the courage to do whatever you feel is best and not feel like you have to answer to anyone but yourself and what is right for your family.

  9. #9

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    Marydean and Brooke - I think that was very well said!!!!

    I have not had a C/S personally, but I totally respect any woman that does have a C/S be it emergency or elective!

    I get really angry when people feel they have the right to criticise someone's choices when more often than not those same people have no idea of the actual reasons behind those choices!

    I chose to be induced with DS No 2 for a few reasons, and I have been criticised for chosing induction, but for me it was absolutely the best decision.

    So I say go for it and bugger off to anyone who choses to judge you!

  10. #10

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    Hi Rachel and welcome to Belly Belly. On this site, you'll come across women who have had vaginal births, VBACs, (all with or without drugs and intervention and induction) emergency C/S and elective C/S. Some are happy with the way their births turned out, some are still coming to terms with it all.

    But I think Christy's right. It's not so much the way you birth your baby, it's whether or not you have an informed choice in the matter.

    We all have different opinions, and by posting this particular thread you'll probably hear most of the strong ones , but I really hope no-one on this site would look down upon you or criticise you for your decision. They're entitled to their opinion, of course, but not to yours, IYKWIM.

    And so I'm not going to mention what birthing choices I made, and for what reasons (although I'm sure I've mentioned them elsewhere on this site), but I do strongly recommend you check out all the articles on the main page regarding vaginal, VBAC, induced and C/S births.

    And don't worry too much about what others are thinking/saying. You'll know when you've come to the right decision when you feel a sense of peace about it.

    All the best, and I hope you enjoy trawling about these boards Rachel.

  11. #11

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    Rachel it sounds like you have made your decision and you shouldn't feel ashamed about it. As long as you are happy with your choice then that is all that matters! If a c/s will mean a better birth experience for you, then so be it. You do not have to justify yourself to anyone.

  12. #12

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    Rachel, you will always get people giving you unsolicited advice about anything you choose to do with either your pregnancy or your birth or your child. I only know firsthand about the pregnancy part so far as this is my first, but I was reading "Up the Duff" and something she wrote about these people really hit home: it's not about you, it's about them. Do what's right for you and ignore them.

  13. #13

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    Hi,

    I have had 3 c-sections. My first was an emergency (my dd's head got "stuck" and Dr believed a high forcep delivery was risky). My Dr. recommended a c-section for my 2nd and I was glad I went this route (my dd's head was in the 99% percentile). After 2 c-sections, my Dr. convinced me (easily) to have a 3rd - if I even wanted to consider a natural delivery, I would have been considered "high risk" and I would have had to change hospitals. Well, I didn't want to be "high risk" so I opted for a 3rd c-section. All my babies are happy and healthy, and to be honest, I haven't ever felt guilty for having my children by c-section as the doctor recommended. I didn't particularly love the c-section recovery (after all it is major surgery), but to me it was just a means to an end. I have heard from some women who feel so "cheated" out of a natural delivery and I don't really get it. I know that a woman's body is suppose to be made for birthing babies, but before interventions such as c-sections, sadly some babies (and mothers) didn't make it through. I'm just so happy that my babies all were born healthy and are now growing up to be great kids. How they were born and which part of my body they came out of really isn't that important to me.

    Having said all that, it is a personal decision that you need to make in consultation with your doctor. Good luck with your decision. Cheers, Mary

  14. #14
    spreckemily Guest

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    I had to have an emergency CS as DS was stuck and my BP plummeted and his heart rate plummeted also. I have been criticised for having a CS and been told that a Vag birth is better or the baby and I should of stuck it out!!!!
    You choose what is right for you. I am a firm believer in a woman's right to choose. Unfortunately I did not have a choice as we both would of died, but the imprtant thing is that I have a healthy happy baby and my own health!!! That is the main thing. Don't let anyone make you feel guilty!!!
    Last edited by spreckemily; October 14th, 2006 at 11:21 PM. Reason: spelling

  15. #15

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    I agree with MistyFying, just be sure your decision is an informed one. Perhaps being further informed on vaginal birth (great info and advice given on this site) can help you feel you can have a fulfilling birth experience this time. First time birth is a scary thing, and much can be learned to be improved on the next time.. do you know what I mean? I'm actually looking forward to my next one, as I will be even more informed, and ready to "tweak" the birthing experience. LOL.. hope that made sense!

    As for other people's opinions and making you feel bad, it's none of their business, and it certainly doesn't make you a bad mother for making a choice that is best for you and baby. So long as you are certain that whatever you choose IS best for you and baby.

  16. #16
    beastie Guest

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    in my mind every woman has to make her own decision
    if you decide on a c/s stick by it and dont feel ashamed.
    you dont have to give an account of it or for your movements

    but: i will neverever understand, why women have an abdominal operation voluntarily.
    it is a real operation with all risks an operation implicates
    why povoke luckyness when there is no reason for?

  17. #17

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    Everyone has a right to an opinion, but at the end of the day you are your own person, if you want a c section then you go for it. It frustrates me when people try and degrade you for your own choices.

    I suggest be nice and just nod your head at them but choose what you want. If people are going to belittle you i would maybe say something to their face of how you feel when they do say things just to see the reaction you do get from them. Then they will be embarrassed and they may not try and degrade people as often or not at all.

    These people also think they know everything but they don't and one thing that i can't stand is someone who has never been pregnant or given birth before, telling you the rights and wrongs and bla bla blah - I had a friend who did this to me so i shot her down in flames didn't i! She then backed right off and didn't say much at all, she got the message clearly.

    Anyway i am sure you will sort your feelings out and good luck

    Jen
    x

  18. #18

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    Quote Originally Posted by B456 View Post
    For me, knowing that the risks of a VBAC (from research) are higher than the risks associated with a C/s - makes that a decisison totally out of the equation for me.
    I'm not trying to get into a debate here, being a c/s mum myself, but I just wondered, as I have done some research into VBACs myself... Where did you found this research Brooke? I'm considering all my options for the next bub & nothing is set in place yet, so am researching the risks & benefits of repeat c/s vs vbac. I haven't found much that favours a c/s over vb, so would like to look if you can give me some more info. Like I said, not trying to cause a debate here, just want my research to cover everything!

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