Waiting

Why is it that no-one tells you that a miscarriage can take days! I'm still not sure what's happening, it's been three days of bleeding that's getting worse and I still don't know if I'm losing my baby, I'm nearly 8 weeks. I had an ultrasound today and they still couldn't tell me. They said it was too small to tell and just to have another blood test. I think I would be coping much better if I just knew one way or the other.
Do people actually bleed this long and still keep thier babies?
I also have a heap of in laws visiting so I'm expected to be social and I just want to sleep and cry.
This sucks

:hugs: awww hun, I am so sorry!! I have no advice or knowledge of miscarriages, but just wanted to give you a huge hug.
All the best to you.
And family will understand if you just want some time alone.

Hun it is extremely hard especially when the world seems to go on with out grieving for your little one, I never miscarried early but had very bad bleeding for 16 weeks:( She left us at 16 weeks. I know how confusing it is to get doctors to give you unreasonable answers. I once sat in A&E for 5 hrs bleeding and then the doctor said ohh no one knows how to use this machine WTF it was an ultrasound machine. I wanted to run and hide. Hugs hun it is a bad time at any time of year but worse at this time.
Bec

It's a very difficult time for you right now. I've seen posts from ladies who've had major bleeds and still gone on to have healthy babies and then there's other's like me who had very light bleeds but had actually miscarried. Unfortunately there's no way of telling until you get more blood tests done and/or confirm things with another ultrasound.

I know how hard it is to entertain when you think you may be miscarrying. I had visitors when my last one started and I started to act a bit weird and they disappeared quick smart. They knew something was up, but didn't know what was causing my odd behaviour.

If it gets too much hide in the bedroom for a while and cry if you have to. I have my fingers crossed that all is OK.

Thanks for your thoughts ladies. I feel a bit better today, was just a mess yesterday. Still have some bleeding but am staying hopeful because the cramping seems to have stopped and I still haven't passed any clots etc.
I will ring my doc on Monday and hope he has the results of my blood test.
Meanwhile I must try to be cheerful. Thankfully I have two other kiddies whose excitement about xmas is wearing off on me.
Merry Christmas everyone. Hope the new year brings us all what we wish for.

Hi Megsie. I am thinking of you at this time. I know how hard the wait is to get a straight answer from anyone.
Let us know how it all goes. My fingers are crossed.

Hi Megsie, I was about 8/9 wks pregnant when bleeding started for me. I bled for about a week, at one stage quite heavily. It was an extremely stressful time for both myself and DP, but as you can see everything was fine and we ended up with a healthy happy baby. Thinking of you and praying that this will be the same for you.

sending you a big hug

Just an update. I'm still not sure what is happening, this is so frustrating! The bleeding stopped initially after about four days and was just what I would call 'old blood' for a few days after that. I was feeling quite positive and then on Friday I started spotting again, not much and again the brown blood - very light. I have however been having strange cramping intermittently, again not that frequent but quite strong when they come. I saw my doc on Friday when the spotting started again and he had the results of my third HCG test, my results have been 21000, 24000 (4 days later) and 26000 (another 6 days later). My doc said that with a slow rise like this it is likely I will miscarry and he expected that it might happen over the weekend. But here I am still no wiser. The spotting is still there but not getting any worse. I have not passed anything like a clot the whole time.
Sorry to keep going on but this is just so difficult. I keep preparing myself for the idea that I am losing this baby, I think I will be OK if it happens. I keep telling myself that it would be because there is something not right, my oldest boy is severely disabled and I can't imagine myself coping if I had another child with difficulties.
At the same time, I keep thinking maybe there is still some hope.
These last two weeks have been so stressful and I have read stories of it taking months to miscarry!

megsie - I just wanted to let you know that I am praying for you. good luck hun

barbara

Hoping the new year brings you a new start

Oh honey, I felt just that way in November when I started spotting at work.I found BB and it's been amazing to talk things through with others in similar situations, Hope things work out for you:hugs:

So sorry for what you're going through and you're right--it's easier pscychologically if you KNOW what's happening and you can prepare yourself.

The longest I bled with an MC was 6 days (before I passed the sack--then there was like three more weeks of bleeding). But maybe you're not MCing. Keep us posted and I'll be praying for you.

Meggsie, my heart goes out to you!!

I have heard of lots of women who have had bleeding during pregnancy and delivered healthy babies, i hope you get some reassurance soon. I think its a good sign it stopped, and maybe the spotting is just whatever was bleeding clotting back up a bit IYKWIM

And if the worst is to come, i hope you are ok. Hugs to you xoxoxxo

Meggsie - I just remembered that my friends wife had a lot of bleeding early in pregnancy. Her OB prepared them for m/c. Well it didn't happed and their son is now 5 months old.

I m so sorry for where you are at and what you are going through. It was only yesterday that i was given a clear answer as to what had happened with me and the news was not good but at least i knew. I hope in your situation the news is completely different. What you are going through now is the worst part. The bleeding but not knowing. Scared to do anything incase it impacts on baby and the result ends up bad, afraid of basically everything. As for the inlaws...... trying to find the words to put it nicely but i cant. Maybe try what I did. I through the biggest tantrum at their place on Christmas Day then stormed out. Their attituded changed very quickly.
I waited for 4 weeks. Crying continually hardly leaving my house. Walking around shopping centers doing christmas shopping with tears that just would not stop. What you are going through is the worst part.
Dont give up though. They dont all end in miscarriage. My closest friend has 2 beautiful girls, one 13 and the other 12. They were both meant to be miscarriages.

Hey Megsie, just checking in to see how u r going. Hugs to you xoxoxo

Hi, thanks for all your replies, it is comforting to know others understand what I'm going through. I am still pretty much in the same situation. I have this dark spotting/discharge still, it stops every once in a while but not for long. The cramping has practically gone although I can't be sure whether that's a good sign or not. I am going in for an ultrasound this week which should tell me what's happening.
I can't help but still have hopes as much as I keep telling myself all the signs are bad. I had to book in for a twelve week ultrasound and for midwifery care last week even though I don't know if I'll need them, that was difficult.
Most of the time I'm doing OK but I am terribly preoccupied with the whole thing. It's strange as well to have to keep up with the pregnancy considerations when I'm not even sure there is a baby in there anymore.
I will let you know what happens at the U/S, wish me luck.:pray:

good luck megsie, hope it all turns out well

Hi Megsie. Good luck and I will say a prayer for you.

It's so hard for you to go through this not knowing. I'll be praying.

Hi Megsie,

This must be such a hard time not knowing - but i am holding onto hope for you. I am sending everything positive i have to you and :pray: that all is okay.

wow, i am hoping hard for you megsie!! I really hope this little one sticks for you. it would be such a hard spot to be in for you!! what a roller coaster!! Fingers and toes crossed for you mate!!

Take it easy
SB

I had the ultrasound on Monday and as expected it showed that things have not progressed. So now I am waiting to miscarry. Strangely enough I actually feel better now I know what's going on. Also my spotting has now turned to bleeding so I'm hoping things will happen soon and it doesn't drag on forever like some I've read about.
My heart goes out to those who are also going through this terrible experience.

sorry it was bad news ,my heart goes out to you, just take one day at a time,we are all here for you

Oh Megsie, big huge :hug: I'm really sorry sweetie.

Are you going to have to have a D&C? I wish you a speedy recovery, i will be thinking of you. I'm sure you do feel relief at knowing, but it's still so very sad. I'm truly sorry, i dont know what else to say, other than i am shedding a tear for you.

Take care over the next few days. xoxoxxo

Star
xoxoxoxo

:( hugs megsie

I'm so sorry. If you need to talk, come here.

Thanks ladies for your lovely support, it's funny how these difficult experiences bind us together. I have a son who is disabled and I always find I have a bond with other mothers who have walked the same path.
I am doing OK, I think. Mostly I am able to get on with things which was something I was finding difficult before I knew what was happening. I think when the event finally arrives I will probably have some more time of grief. Certainly I find myself wishing I was pregnant and longing to be again. I am however going to give myself a couple of months for numerous reasons, not least being a hectic workload.
I am managing to get myself through the work day, I just wish I could face telling anyone what was going on so maybe they would understand why I'm not quite myself.
Nothing seems to be happening just yet although I have started to bleed much more I still have not much in the way of cramps. Today I am very tired though, maybe it's the start. Also I keep dreaming about miscarrying so I don't even get relief when I'm resting!

Megsie the best advice I can give, and I m certainly no expert I only lost my angel babies 9 days ago, but my advise would be DO IT YOUR WAY. Dont worry about what people are saying or thinking or sometimes even what you think they are saying or thinking (if that makes sense). This part, the next few days and then beyond as you greive, it is for you and your baby. Dont let anything else interfer with your personal dealings. I dont know if i m wording this correctly, but if you want to cry then cry, cry until you think you can no more. if you want to scream then scream, scream until your you can hardly breath. if it hurts then allow it to hurt, dont try to hold the pain in. Be true to your feelings, be true to yourself and do not worry about others. I would love to say the pain will be over soon but I can not. Each day I will be doing something and I will just cry a thought of my babies will come to me and I ll just hurt. I do believe deep inside that I wont ever miss them any less than I do but I will LEARN to deal with it.

My thoughts are with you and as I say to myself constantly............ One Day At A Time!!!!!!!!!!!!!

One further thing, I found a poem on the internet the other day.

A Pair of Shoes

I am wearing a pair of shoes.
They are ugly shoes.
Uncomfortable shoes.
I hate my shoes.
Each day I wear them, and each day I wish I had another pair.
Some days my shoes hurt so bad that I do not think I can take another step.
Yet, I continue to wear them.
I get funny looks wearing these shoes.
I can tell in others eyes that they are glad they are my shoes and not theirs.
They never talk about my shoes.
To learn how awful my shoes are might make them uncomfortable.
To truly understand these shoes you must walk in them.
But, once you put them on, you can never take them off.
I now realize that I am not the only one who wears these shoes.
There are many pairs in this world.
Some woman are like me and ache daily as they try and walk in them.
Some have learned how to walk in them so they don’t hurt quite as much.
Some have worn the shoes so long that days will go by before they think about how much they hurt.
No woman deserves to wear these shoes.
Yet, because of these shoes I am a stronger woman.
These shoes have given me the strength to face anything.
They have made me who I am.
I will forever walk in the shoes of a woman who has lost a child.

Megsie1977: It sounds from your post like you hadn't told a lot of people you were pregnant yet. DH and I never told anybody about our pregs until we heard the heartbeat, but all our MC's were before that point. I still think it was the right thing for us to do, because I've worked with women who told everybody as soon as they got thier BFP, only to have to un-tell everybody later when they MC'd. And I'm kind of a private person. But sometimes I wondered what kind of impression I was giving, because I tend to get very withdrawn and avoid people when I grieve (kind of like an injured animal finds a burrow to lick its wounds until it feels well enough again). That's another reason I like this site, because there's enough anonymity that I can really be myself when I'm on here and not have to act any particular way.

Megsie - My heart goes out to you.

angel babies - That poem is beautiful and so true.

Barbara

Just checking in to see how your going. My thoughts are with you

Hi Megsie,
I have just found your post and have read it with tears in my eyes as some of the emotions that you are describing are very familiar. I am so sorry to hear what you have been through. It must have been terrible to wait so long to find out what was going on with your baby. How are you coping? Have you talked to anyone? One of my best friends came over when I felt able to face the world again, and she just let me talk and talk and talk. I also found it helpful to have some time off work and discovered that I have a very understanding boss.
These are just a couple of suggestions, but I am sure you will find your own way. Good luck.
Thinking of you,
Cx

Thanks everyone for your thoughts. I am doing OK but still waiting to actually miscarry. I'm scared this is going to take a really long time, it seems impossible to move one properly until 'it' actually happens. I have read about some women waiting months! I will be seeing my Dr in a week and a half if nothing has happened and I suppose I will then consider a D&C.
How long have others waited?
I have to say that I am still shocked that I never knew a miscarriage was often such a drawn out process. I think there is a real lack of awareness.
I try to be an open person and discuss my feelings with the people around me, I think our world suffers in general from an unwillingness to communicate emotions and feelings. I like to (sometimes) open up and share with others when they are willing to listen. I have to say though, that this experience is very difficult to share. People are uncomfortable and unwilling it seems to discuss what is really a natural and VERY common experience for many women.
My moods are all over the place, my DP has been really good and has managed to shake off the worst of my rages. My kids go to their Dad's this week so at least I won't have guilt over being such a neglectful Mum for a while.
Thanks again to everyone who has read and replied. x

Big :hug:,
waiting is the worst.
Things happened fairly quickly for me, I found out on the Monday and by Tuesday evening I started to m/c naturally, all happened so quickly for me, I hope the extra time for you will help you prepare yourself mentally, well as much as you can for something like this.
I hope everything isn't too hard on you.
Good Luck,
..Laura

Megsie.... I had to wait a while. Hard would be an extreme understatement. Then it all happened and even while it was happening because I had twins I was still hoping, praying that only one had passed. It was that night, 1st January this year, that I found this web site. I went into the chat room and the wonderful ladies in there settled me down and suggested going to the A & E. The following morning I woke up with cramping stil, went to the A & E where they put me straight in, did tests and confirmed that they had both passed. I had my answer, it had happened, the wait was over...... the following day I was fine. The day after that and then the day after and day after etc I was far from fine. Even though the wait was difficult, long and painful it did allow me one thing. Time to sort my head out to some degree. Not to greive because that was the difficult part, i couldnt greive until i had something happen, but I think of where I would be right now it I had found out and then it happened straight away and I really do not think I would be doing to well right now. We can only do this one day at a time, and the waiting whilst difficult allows the mind to prepare to adjust.

The fog does lift eventually.:hug:

Megsie: so sorry for what you're going through. The longest I ever had to "wait" was 6 days from when bleeding started to when I passed the sac. However, it had died 4 weeks previously, just didn't know. Most docs won't make you wait past 2 weeks, which sounds awful. They won't make you wait months before a d&c.

But I agree about how little information is out there for the public about MC. My pet peeve is the way MC is portrayed in tv and movies--the woman screaming and thrashing around. My MC's were all very quiet events physically, although emotionally they took a toll.

I'll be praying for you.

Just checking in on you again Megsie. I did not have a good time of it when I was in the position you are right now and I hope that you are dealing with it better than I did.

My thoughts are with you each day :hugs: