When things just don't workout the way you thought they would
Ok so here it is I am no longer scared to post this and feel that I owe it to other members who maybe going through similar been through something like this that there is someone else out there that knows what it feels like.
Now I address this by saying I did not post my fears or questions on many of these topics because I was scared of what would be said to me and that I would be judged. But to ensure BB remains the supportive community I want it to be I have to be prepared for the comments and place this information here. Because I know a good friend of mine went through similar issues and did not know things were not working 100% and if I had posted her maybe she could have spoken to me.
Many of you may know my story and know that after 2.5 years of IVF I now have a beautiful 11 week old girl and this is also as much to celebrate her as it is for others to read.
I got my BFP after my 6th IVF stim cycle and started to spot at 5 weeks just before my first scan one of the scariest moments in my life until at 10 weeks I was on my way to the airport in Melbourne and had a full on bleed and passed a blood clot the size of my hand. That was it I had miscarried they told me lost my baby she was gone I was alone away from my husband yes my family were there but that was not the same. I come home the next day cry abit and go back to work on the Monday ring my FS to arrange the D&C and check-up. Lucky for me he scans me and we see a heartbeat me still bleeding and spotting has a strong baby with a heart beat :dance: the bleeding and spotting went on till 12 weeks and I was put on a limited moment preg routine. Work, Home, Rest and walking for only 15 mins a day. Not the pregnancy I planned but worth it.
Charlotte was a baby who liked to lye diagonally across Mummy's Tummy for most of the pregnancy. Then at 30 weeks she magically had gone head down yay now it was only my health to consider to weather we went CS or not. At my 32 week visit she was diagonal again now we had a decision to make, I was Anaemic and the chance of a haemorrhage would mean great blood loss and maybe a baby without Mum and is it worth Mum stressing for her to turn. Then I came home and spoke to my husband I was not aware of how uncomfortable the risks I would be taking with a natural birth made him so with consultation with our OB we decided that 1 child was a blessing and if we got a 2nd another CS would not be the end of the world and for the health and sanity of all we opted for a CS.
My CS was the most amazing experience I was led and fully involved in the birth of my baby girl and would do it again in a heartbeat. Not anywhere near as scary or terrifying as people made it out to be. In the end there was a vein over Charlottes head so I was very lucky that a CS was our chosen way.
Then came my dream of Breastfeeding, my iron levels were tested and I was given the ok to feed my girl. With G cup breasts though however my little girl's mouth was too small and no matter how hard we tried we could not get her to attach. The midwifes were helpful they tried and tried to show me different ways to attach and feed. Finally one night while I was in tears a lovely lady came on and into my room and said love sometime it just does not work. I have large breasts too I express fed my little ones when they could not attach. Well I thought I have a pump at home if it is there as backup if I need it. We struggled through the next 24 hours of feeds and then after 2 hour and no real attachment at 2am in the morning I tried the pump and the bottle and she drank up straight away my poor hungry baby. The exclusive expressers were a great support on BB but I had a few comments from other members that expressing I may lose my milk supply sooner so when this happened I was way too scared to post about it going on.
The thing is my family have a history of losing milk at about 4 weeks and my GP stressed to me that it was normal and I was in no way harming my baby by feeding EBM and FF combo to my darling girl. Thank god I was feeling like such a crappy Mummy at this stage. Charlotte told me when the EBM that I had stored and was expressing was no longer enough and the formula was what she wanted and at this stage I had absolutely no iron stores and an iron count of 91 which meant she was not getting what she needed from Mum. It was time for me and her to stop the breast milk and move onto full time FF.
Today she is a happy alert 11 week old girl who loves to sleep in her Mummy?s sling, looks adoringly into her Mummy's eyes when she has her bottles and sleeps every well. We did what we had to, to ensure Mummy, Daddy and Baby are all healthy and well and we can enjoy our lives as a family.
If you have made it to the end thankyou and if you need support don't be afraid to ask for it there are others out there that have been through the same you are not alone
