Are we doing it wrong or are our friends just being idiots!!! need some advice

We are getting married in august in a tiny chaple a friend built on thier private property, its amazingly beautiful and once we had seen it we couldnt imagine getting married any where else! but it only holds 20 people se we decided that we would just have our close family at the ceremony and everyone else to the reception.
alot of our guests are from nsw or further. (we are in qld) my closest friend in aus is the wife on one of DPs friends and i wanted her daughter to be a flower girl with my DD. I looked after her DD alot when we lived in sydney and am close her and her DD
I just got a message from one of DPs friends complaining....im going to post the message so i dont have to explain....

hmm.. to be honest I find it a little strange and actually kind of stupid that we would come all the way, hire a house and bring the kids just to go to a party... the whole point is the ceremony and seeing your friends tie the knot ,the party is secondary really.
DD has been asking about it for so long and she could not understand that we don't get to see you get married, then she hears friends DD is a flower girl... ?
Personally I aint fussed as it does not surprise me as Sam has always done things a little askew.
I also don't get what is so lucky about a church full... of no friends... hello..? Sorry except the *removed name(friends)* family.
I think you should have gathered by now from other peoples reaction that it is definitely weird.

Im upset and angry but i wanted to get others opinions before i say anything to him. im not sure what to think now. i was so excited about the wedding now i just feel like im an idiot and im doing it all wrong and i need to explain our choices to these people, who havent really been the best firends to us over the last year any way. and it sounds like other people have been commenting on it and i just feel so stupid! :( :( :( :(

Err. Is this how you want to do your wedding? YOUR wedding? :lol: (okay that is coming across wrong but suddenly by brain switched off. It's weird. It's just stopped working. I'm just laughing because it's your wedding so you do what you want, I'm not making fun of you. You know...it probably would have just been easier to delete this first sentence...but what if you've already read it...so I can't...I might go to bed...)

I do understand that they might find it weird to not go to the actual wedding but come to a reception - but they should respect that it's your choice. If they can't see the point in that and decide not to come, then that's their choice and the ball's in their court on that one. But you get married how YOU want to.

Alot of people prefer to have just family at the ceremony, then all friends at the reception.
I guess I'd say that if they don't see the point in coming all that way just for a party, then don't come! Its your wedding & your choice. it has nothing to do with them how you do it. To me it sounds perfect :)

You know, my personal philosophy is that I'd prefer to be or have people at the ceremony rather than the reception. But there's the thing - that's me, and how I carry on my weddings, and that's totally my business. Regardless of your "friend's" feelings, that message was breathtakingly rude and inappropriate. I think I'd be politely rescinding their invitation. "Thanks for that - I've taken that as a regret, and crossed you off the list. Have a nice life."

While I can appreciate what they are trying to say, I find that message just rude! We have close friends who were married in the celebrants lovely yard with only the brides brother and grooms sister as witnesses and they had lunch at a restaurant for all their friends and family to celebrate and we thought the whole thing was just wonderful.

Seriously, do it your way and remember it is all about you and your future husband - don't do it for anybody else! My husband and I went to Scotland to get married and had 8 friends there to celebrate and it was the best day of my life. Not to put a spanner in the works, but is it possible to have people outside the church where they can hear the ceremony and see you walk in and out together? A little chapel built on a friends property sounds like a perfect place to get married.

All the best x

Agree with everyone else so far. YOUR wedding, YOUR decision as to who attends what. If your friend doesn't like it, too bad - and seriously, what's all this nonsense about her DD being disappointed that she's not going to be flowergirl? If you'd asked her to be flowergirl and then taken the invitation back, sure, I might be a bit offended, but if you never offered to begin with (or, I assume, it was a tentative 'depending on x, y and z', and it ends up being that she can't be FG), that's HER problem to deal with for putting ideas in her daughter's head to begin with!

Don't let it get to you, honey. If you back down for their sake and hold your wedding ceremony somewhere you don't absolutely love, you'll regret it. And I'm sure they will regret their pettiness if they refuse to attend your reception for the sake of making a point. Do things your way, hun - it's your special day, and we all do it differently. Whatever works for you :)

it had NEVER been mentioned that his daughter would be flower girl. i was never going to have any other flower girl other than DD but when i saw how good my friends DD was with my DD i thought i would be great if she could help my DD be flower girl, as she will only just be 2 and this other girl is 5.
I just replied and said 'at the end of the day we invited you to share our day, if you think its stupid or wierd thats a shame, but we want you there cause we love you and your family' what i wanted to say was 'well eff you then, stay at home with you misserable wife, see if i care'' but i held back!! :)
Its a shame that hes being so off about it. he actually said, 'i dont care is if its just family, at the end of the day you should have got a bigger church'
grrrrrrrrrr

I thought the message they sent you was really quite rude. I don't think there is anything wrong with what you are suggesting either. It's your day!

Mmm. What does your partner think? I think you've been incredibly gracious in your reply.

I'd tell that person to go jump! "at the end of the day you should have gotten a bigger church" pffft who the heck does this person think he is? God? Your own personal wedding planner? I wouldn't worry about him or what he's said, he's clearly not nice. Who tries to make someone feel bad about their wedding plans, seriously! Even if he felt a bit hurt over it, the day isn't about him so the proper thing to do is suck it up and be happy for you on your special day. If he was a friend, that is. But it sounds like he's not.

Hun, have your wedding how you want it - It's YOUR day and don't let anyone else say otherwise!

I agree with everyone else. It's your wedding so you get to do what you want. And the reception is not just a party, it's a celebration. If this person isn't happy to share in the celebration then he isn't much of a friend.

thanks so much everyone for your comments. he hasnt been a very good friend over the past year or so to DP anyay . and generally stuff is all about him most the time anyway. Hannah: thats exactly what i said . its not a party it a celebration.
i think Hes just bent out of shape cause this one couple is invited and he isnt. very childish really. if he carries on after the last message i sent then DP is going to send him a message just saying "we recieved your RSVP, its a shame you cant make it to our special day, see you soon" and that will be that. dont really want him there now anyway, i think he will just be judging the day and *****ing to people about it. thanks again all !!!!!!

OMG I can't believe someone would be so rude! The nerve! It's your wedding and none of their business if you want a small ceremony. They should be happy they were invited at all. Your reply was VERY diplomatic, good on you for not stooping to his level. I hope your wedding day is wonderful.

Wow - that is just SO rude! I would never give any unsolicited advice or opinions on how anyone should go about their wedding because that is what it is - THEIR wedding, NOT mine! I have been to a number of weddings where I have not been to the church but have been to the reception and the other way, where I have been to the church and not the reception. I think the ceremony is the most personal aspect of your wedding and you need to do whatever you feel suits you both best - FWIW I think your wedding sounds lovely.

Wow i agree with everyone else! That is soo damn rude!
I liked your reply you "wanted" to send :-P

It's your day, your decision, do hat YOU awnt :-)

WOW! I cant believe he has the nerve to tell you YOUR wedding is going to be "weird" at the end of the day its between you and your DH who you want to be in the church. He has no right to expect anything. You have asked him to come celebrate the uniting as 1 not just a anyday hooohaa party!
If he doesnt like that then tuff luck tell him his not wanted.
Please dont even consider changing the venue.

I think your wedding sounds lovely- dont let this "friend" bring it down!

i think what you are going ot do sounds perfect. if this so and so doesnt like it then tell him to jump. it is your day do wat you want. weddings always turn into wat everyone else wants so just stand your ground so you have your perfect day.