Is this harsh?

Ok so tomorrow i have decided enough is enough and DS1 will learn to use the toilet. Some of you have probably seen my other post about him refusing to TT, if not the gist is, he's just turned 4 and absolutely refuses to use the toilet. Chucks major tantys, holds onto wee and poos if i refuse to give him a nappy etc. Ignoring the fact is just not doing any of us a favour. I keep hearing that if we stop trying then he will go but i only ever mention it between months at a time and still nothing. He's old enough to use the toilet and he's getting to big for nappies and it's just getting too hard to change him.

So as soon as his night nappy comes off in the morning he won't be getting another until bed time. Do you think this is harsh? I know there will be tears, tantrums, and probably a lot of accidents. I don't expect he will even enter the bathroom. But i don't really have any other options left. I told him just now that he will be learning to use the toilet tomorrow. He said no, walked into his room and slammed the door shut. *sigh* I hope i can win this battle.

Doesn't sound harsh to me, i'm sure if you stick to your guns he will be using the toilet in no time :D

Doesn't sound harsh to me at all, sounds like your DS needs a little push in the right direction :hug:

prepare for a tough week whilst he realises you are serious, but I think this could be a good move for you and your son

I think by 4 I'd be trying the same approach. Just keep it positive ' you're a big boy now, no more nappies for you' plenty of praise and rewards (bribes) if needed.

Good luck

Whilst I am all for no battling with TT and letting them come to use it in their own time (which i've done with my dd 2.5 and she's starting to say when she needs to go etc) I think there's a line ya know? By 4, I think I would be doing exactly what you are doing. As some of the others said, I think you will have some resistance so prepare for that. Because he's probably got it into his head (especially at 4, lets face it they're not stupid) that if he throws a big enough stink mum will give up.

We had a similiar approach with DD1 - I knew she was just trying to control the situation as I had expressed a keeness for her to try and was holding out on me. Literally took one accident and she was done.
Trust yourself - you know him best. xxxxx
ETA - I am constantly astounded by how challenging and logical my 4.5yo DD is, it is absolutely exhausting so be kind to yourself too.

i think by 4 he is ready but has some other issue that has convinced him that he doesnt want to/cant do it. like mak said...maybe hes just trying to control the situation...or you :) or maybe its something else, my friends DD was terrified of the toilet and it took my friend ages to work out that she wasnt just being stubborn but was actually too scared to go anywhere near the loo. lots of praise, even when he has accidents (atleast your trying etc). and a stong will and hopfully he will get the idea pretty soon that mummys not messing around :) good luck!!!

Yep, by 4 yrs I would be taking the same path as you. Firm, kind but consistent....is he at 4 yr old Kinder, I think once he gets the hang of this everyone's life will be easier, yours and his and if he is at some kind of day care/kinder, the carers as well. Good luck. Lots of praise, maybe a reward chart, try not to back down, it will be a challenging week but well worth it when he has got the hang of it. x

He used to be at preschool but no even they couldn't get him to go. They tried everything but there was no progress at all.

I don't like to bribe but i am going to bribe him with some new lego. He loves lego and usually does anything for it. So will see how that goes.

I think its a fab idea.. at the age of 4 he definilty knows!!

If he likes stamps or stickers that works a treat! We've just done up a Chart for ava ( a TT chart) where every time she goes she gets another sticker... she loves stickers so its exciting. And I always make a huge deal when she's gone

I've exhausted most bribing ideas. Starting to think even lego won't do the trick. Think i'm just going to have to tough it out. I mean he will learn eventually won't he if there's no nappy to wee in? Keep thinking he's going to be like this forever.

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I've exhausted most bribing ideas. Starting to think even lego won't do the trick. Think i'm just going to have to tough it out. I mean he will learn eventually won't he if there's no nappy to wee in? Keep thinking he's going to be like this forever.

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That must be hard and exhausting. Have you tried saying something like "all of your friends are BIG boys now and don't wear nappies.... you are a BIG boy so let's stop nappies now ok?" I'm guessing you've tried that too? What about the potty? Will he at least sit on a potty and pee/poo? That would be better than not using anything at least.... then from the potty to the big toilet? every time he uses the potty he gets a reward BUT to use the toilet he gets an even BIGGER reward.....

There is nothing wrong with a little big of tough love at all. I had to do it with DS1 - he was nearly 3 and not the least bit interested in TT, so I made the decision for him. Honestly, 4 is getting to the age where I don't think it is acceptable for them to still be in nappies during the day and you shouldn't be expected to the changing the dirty nappies of a child that age either kwim?

He will get it babe. I know it doesn't feel like it. But like I said, they know how to work us. You give up on something once cause its too much and they remember it. His mentality is if he just a big enough tanti over it then you'll just let him stay in nappies. But in saying that it will be hard and i'd say there'll be a few accidents. And hey if you don't want to bribe him you don't have to. Have you got any toilet training books to help you a little bit?

No books. Ive done a bit of reading on the internet and there's not much for TT an older child.

Really wish i didn't listen to anyone when he was 3 and refused to TT. Just kept being told he will do it when he's ready. Yeah when will that be then?

I just don't want to psychologically damage him, you know? But it'd be really damaging if he didn't TT.

I don't know fi i should just leave him be without the nappy or if i should tell him he has to wee/poo on the toilet? It's when i actually try to make him go to the toilet that he kicks up a massive stink. But if i let him be he'll just go where ever he is standing and i don't want that to become a habit.

Unless your screaming like a banshee and beating him, im pretty sure you'll be right in the not damaging him part babe. Just remember with kids it's consistency consistency consistency and eventually he's going to get it. I agree with Trillian, 4 is too old for you to be expected to change his bum ya know.