What's the best age gap between children?

DH and I have always thought 3-4 years between children would be good... DS would be in kindy by then so I'd get to spend a bit of 1 on 1 time with a new bub, DS would be more independent and able to amuse himself, we could reuse major furniture etc etc

But I have just had a long discussion with a friend whom I respect heaps and he's pretty much convinced me that 2ish years is better. They'll be better friends as well as siblings, you're still in the 'groove', I can be off work until the youngest is at school then go back rather than disrupt my career with a few shorter breaks. But, one child is full on, how do you handle two? Does that mean buying a second cot, change table etc? How do you manage things like nap times and grocery shopping?

So, which is best? What are the pros and cons of having only 2 years between children?

I think the answer is different for every family. I love my two year age gap, my kids play together and entertain each other. There would be a million pro's and con's no matter what age gap you decide. You just have to do what's right for you and your family.

I have almost exactly 2 yrs and so far I'm loving it!! I was worried how on earth I'd have time to look after DD1 and a baby but it works out. Good news is it's waaaaaaaay easier than I expected. And having a second child is a much more relaxing experience than your first.

We didn't need to buy a second of anything. DD1 is in a bed with a side rail. You only need one change table, or none at all, I hardly ever use ours actually. Around 2 yrs old DD1 was able to put herself to sleep for nap times so no problem there. I use the ling a lot for DD2 so she can go to sleep while I can still do things for DD1.

Two years is a great gap for me and I think they're going to get on fantastically.

yep i agree with Heaven! it is waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay easier second time around and definalty much more relaxing!

We have 25mth difference and i think that is great! works perfectly!
Miss B is in her own big girl bed (has been for ages), she is toilet trained, makes her own lunch and gets her own snacks, and puts herself down for her nap, she is very independant which helps HEAPS!

So i think 2yrs is a good age gap for us and like Heaven said i think my 2 will get along fantastically also when they are a bit older. At the moment Miss B is like 2nd mummy to Miss Em, however Miss Em is now on the move and crawling and trying to pull herself up so i am hoping it is only a matter of time and they will be off playing together!

I look forward to hot cuppa coffee's than! heehehehe

15 years!!!

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15 years!!!

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:lol:

You just manage! It's kind of like the decision to have your first child - if you waited til the "perfect" time, you might never have one! You just decide when you are going to go for it and hey look at that, it all works out!!!

Having a second is the same - you decide when you think is right for you and just go for it. It all works out!

I only have 16mths between my two (some say I'm crazy... :lol: ) and it is getting easier and harder as they get older. We put DD into a bed with a rail, like Heaven, and again we hardly use the change table so you don't need a second.

Naps - when DS was very little, he just slept where and when he could - in the pram, sling or at home when we were there!

It's actually getting harder as he gets a bit older wrt sleep - he's on two sleeps where DD is on one, so I don't often get a time when they are both asleep at the same time. Nice that I get some 1-1 time with each of them but gee I would like a break sometimes!!!!

To try and encourage them to sleep together, we do a lot of activities in the morning and he's starting to push through and then on lucky days like today they are both now asleep. Woo!

Shopping - I do online sometimes but the delivery fee annoys me, so other options are taking just one of them, leaving the other with DH... Or all four of us go and it's an expedition! Or I go when they are down for the night and dH is here, or I leave them with the ILs... Or on some occasions I go on my own with the two of them. I tend to only do small shops when I have both of them - I have DS sitting in the trolley seat and DD in the trolley itself. She will stand/sit happily for a while, then when she wants out or if I get sick of her standing on my groceries :lol: then she gets out and "helps". She is much better these days at staying with me and not running off.

On the plus side - they are such gorgeous friends, DS is walking now and he's constantly walking to her and throwing his arms around her. She can make him laugh with the utmost ease... And they love being in the car together so I imagine we will be able to keep DS rear-facing for ages yet as he loves being able to see his big sister.

Good luck with your decision!

Cass72 - lol!

Thanks ladies - anyone else with their 2 cents worth? All this assumes I get any say on when we will conceive. It took us until 2 weeks before my IVF appointment last time, so I'm sure it'll happen whenever it happens...

hi!

i agree with the girls - it is all a personal choice.

I cannot vote on anything i havent experienced but i can share my own....

My 2 are 15 months apart.
We planned it this way, so minimise the amount of time off work etc and so they would grow up with simliar stages of life.

Early on it was great. with a newborn and a 15 month old, DD didnt get jealous or hardly noticed i had a baby. she was too excited about the joys or life and exploration.
Things slightly changed when DS was 6 months and started to crawl, DD realised she no longer controlled what the baby played with, but as DS grew she had a fun play mate.

They are now 4 (next week) and 2.5 ish and they are best of friends (and the worst of friends at times too - but i actually put this down to boy vs girl as the arguments are usually due to the fact DD wants to do hair and nails and DS wants to do pirates at her lol)

They cuddle each other on the couch watching movies, are at the same stage with bikes and scooters. TT 12 months apart so get to move out of baby stage at home for me.
Both in big beds and DS qwants to be like his sis. DD will pat DS to sleep and they enjoy the same outdoor games.

i was actually watching a lady today with a newborn and 4yo, ANd the 4yo wsa having a tanty and she was BF and couldnt move etc. ANd i thought i am glad that by the time the tantrums with #1 started #2 was old enough to walk and i could deal with her without a crying baby iykwim.

But like i said i havent experienced a big gap, but i can understand the joys or helpful 4/5yos though! they want to help with everything and wow that would be great for sure!! (imagine them grabbing napppies for your cause your hands are full etc! lol)

xx

Well, we would have liked a two year age gap but that hasn't worked out due to secondary infertility issues. I am not pg yet & it looks unlikely unless we go down the IVF path. DD will be four in June, so if by some miracle if I fall pg next cycle, the age gap will be nearly 5 years...

Maybe run a poll & that will give you an average of the members who reply?

And he baby-sits!! That being said - if I was to go for number 3 (which would technically be number 5 for our family) I doubt I would wait another 15 years :rofl: I am feeling very very broody and time is a ticking!

Cass - you have me in stitches! :rofl:

RhiChiChi - I totally hear you. :pray: that things work out for you soon.

PinkPalace and OP - Some great points and cute kids too by the sound of it! :D

It is different for every family and I think it also depends on the childrens temprenents. My two are 15.5 months apart ( surprise pregnancy) and to be completely honest I've found it quite difficult. Just with the amount of attention they both needed and only one of me during the day. Nap times are now staring to get better but it was really hard for a while. Ds would keep coming into the room while I was trying to get dd to sleep. Thankfully ds has a bit more understanding now though. Still, they fight like no tomorrow some days. The first 6 months was the hardest. The baby was easy!! It was my ds, he would scream and scream the second I even stood up and was incredibly clingy.
Saying all this though, now that they are at an age were the can play more together it's getting easier and watching them giggling and playing is beautiful. They have their own funny little games that are gorgeous.

Also, i am ttc, so it's not so hard that I'm not willing to go again!


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk so forgive spelling mistakes :)

We have a 3yr gap and it was great. DS was old enough to really understand when I needed to look after DD and entertain himself for brief periods (which was lucky since she had bad reflux and hardly slept!). He was at preschool so I could nap some days, and he's such a loving big brother. They are still close enough to play together and they are good mates and have a lot of fun.
I would want the same or more if we had another one. It's worked well for us. Also I get very sick when I'm pregnant so I'd not consider it again until DD is at preschool and a lot more independent.

Almost 3yr gap here. I am happy with it, but then again I know no better. You just make it work the best you can. I had planned for them to be closer, more like 2 1/2 yrs, but it did not work out that way and to be honest it was probably for the best. Physically, mentally and financially it was better for us to have that age gap. If anything looking back at it, I rather like the concept of a 4 1/2 yr gap.

DD1 was fully day toilet trained, so only had to worry about 1 in nappies during the day. She was a bit more independent and able to "help" mummy. Just like any kids they can get on so well one minute and fight the next.

I would just be cautious over setting an ideal gap, how would you deal with it if it did not happen? Would you spend your years going "of if only the gap was ... instead of ....1"

Glad to hear some opposing views. And to hear from those who've had DS's first. I wonder if that makes a difference...

Loulabelle - DS is clingy, doesn't play well by himself, follows me everywhere (including from the bed to the wardrobe when I'm hanging clothes up) and can be quite demanding. I worry about adding to that mix!
Kiwimummy - The preschool thing is a huge pro for having a bigger gap for me too! I want to be able to have some 1 on 1 time with a new bub.

It's whatever you feel comfortable with. I have 21 months and 18 months between my three and it's hectic but everyone fits into a routine. But I have to admit I love going out with the 3.5 and 9month old it's a nice age gap, it's easy to go out as dd1 can walk by herself.

You might also want to consider with the pre-school thing that as good as the one on one time will be, pre-school start/finish times seems to have a nasty habit of being at just the time your baby needs a nap so you are constantly waking them to take them for drop off or pick up numerous times a week. If you are trying to establish good sleeping routines this can be annoying. It is kind of good not being pressured to have to get out of the house the years before the whole pre-school routine begins. If you are having a bad day you just cancel everything and stay home which is hard once you have committed to pre-school.

We have a 28 mth gap and that seems to work quite well. DS is at kinder as well as family day care so I get a full day of one on one with DD. DD is down to 1 sleep a day so she will go down as soon as kinder pick up at lunch time is done so it works quite well.