DH and I have always thought 3-4 years between children would be good... DS would be in kindy by then so I'd get to spend a bit of 1 on 1 time with a new bub, DS would be more independent and able to amuse himself, we could reuse major furniture etc etc
But I have just had a long discussion with a friend whom I respect heaps and he's pretty much convinced me that 2ish years is better. They'll be better friends as well as siblings, you're still in the 'groove', I can be off work until the youngest is at school then go back rather than disrupt my career with a few shorter breaks. But, one child is full on, how do you handle two? Does that mean buying a second cot, change table etc? How do you manage things like nap times and grocery shopping?
So, which is best? What are the pros and cons of having only 2 years between children?
I think the answer is different for every family. I love my two year age gap, my kids play together and entertain each other. There would be a million pro's and con's no matter what age gap you decide. You just have to do what's right for you and your family.
I have almost exactly 2 yrs and so far I'm loving it!! I was worried how on earth I'd have time to look after DD1 and a baby but it works out. Good news is it's waaaaaaaay easier than I expected. And having a second child is a much more relaxing experience than your first.
We didn't need to buy a second of anything. DD1 is in a bed with a side rail. You only need one change table, or none at all, I hardly ever use ours actually. Around 2 yrs old DD1 was able to put herself to sleep for nap times so no problem there. I use the ling a lot for DD2 so she can go to sleep while I can still do things for DD1.
Two years is a great gap for me and I think they're going to get on fantastically.
yep i agree with Heaven! it is waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay easier second time around and definalty much more relaxing!
We have 25mth difference and i think that is great! works perfectly!
Miss B is in her own big girl bed (has been for ages), she is toilet trained, makes her own lunch and gets her own snacks, and puts herself down for her nap, she is very independant which helps HEAPS!
So i think 2yrs is a good age gap for us and like Heaven said i think my 2 will get along fantastically also when they are a bit older. At the moment Miss B is like 2nd mummy to Miss Em, however Miss Em is now on the move and crawling and trying to pull herself up so i am hoping it is only a matter of time and they will be off playing together!
I look forward to hot cuppa coffee's than! heehehehe
You just manage! It's kind of like the decision to have your first child - if you waited til the "perfect" time, you might never have one! You just decide when you are going to go for it and hey look at that, it all works out!!!
Having a second is the same - you decide when you think is right for you and just go for it. It all works out!
I only have 16mths between my two (some say I'm crazy... ) and it is getting easier and harder as they get older. We put DD into a bed with a rail, like Heaven, and again we hardly use the change table so you don't need a second.
Naps - when DS was very little, he just slept where and when he could - in the pram, sling or at home when we were there!
It's actually getting harder as he gets a bit older wrt sleep - he's on two sleeps where DD is on one, so I don't often get a time when they are both asleep at the same time. Nice that I get some 1-1 time with each of them but gee I would like a break sometimes!!!!
To try and encourage them to sleep together, we do a lot of activities in the morning and he's starting to push through and then on lucky days like today they are both now asleep. Woo!
Shopping - I do online sometimes but the delivery fee annoys me, so other options are taking just one of them, leaving the other with DH... Or all four of us go and it's an expedition! Or I go when they are down for the night and dH is here, or I leave them with the ILs... Or on some occasions I go on my own with the two of them. I tend to only do small shops when I have both of them - I have DS sitting in the trolley seat and DD in the trolley itself. She will stand/sit happily for a while, then when she wants out or if I get sick of her standing on my groceries then she gets out and "helps". She is much better these days at staying with me and not running off.
On the plus side - they are such gorgeous friends, DS is walking now and he's constantly walking to her and throwing his arms around her. She can make him laugh with the utmost ease... And they love being in the car together so I imagine we will be able to keep DS rear-facing for ages yet as he loves being able to see his big sister.
i agree with the girls - it is all a personal choice.
I cannot vote on anything i havent experienced but i can share my own....
My 2 are 15 months apart.
We planned it this way, so minimise the amount of time off work etc and so they would grow up with simliar stages of life.
Early on it was great. with a newborn and a 15 month old, DD didnt get jealous or hardly noticed i had a baby. she was too excited about the joys or life and exploration.
Things slightly changed when DS was 6 months and started to crawl, DD realised she no longer controlled what the baby played with, but as DS grew she had a fun play mate.
They are now 4 (next week) and 2.5 ish and they are best of friends (and the worst of friends at times too - but i actually put this down to boy vs girl as the arguments are usually due to the fact DD wants to do hair and nails and DS wants to do pirates at her lol)
They cuddle each other on the couch watching movies, are at the same stage with bikes and scooters. TT 12 months apart so get to move out of baby stage at home for me.
Both in big beds and DS qwants to be like his sis. DD will pat DS to sleep and they enjoy the same outdoor games.
i was actually watching a lady today with a newborn and 4yo, ANd the 4yo wsa having a tanty and she was BF and couldnt move etc. ANd i thought i am glad that by the time the tantrums with #1 started #2 was old enough to walk and i could deal with her without a crying baby iykwim.
But like i said i havent experienced a big gap, but i can understand the joys or helpful 4/5yos though! they want to help with everything and wow that would be great for sure!! (imagine them grabbing napppies for your cause your hands are full etc! lol)
It is different for every family and I think it also depends on the childrens temprenents. My two are 15.5 months apart ( surprise pregnancy) and to be completely honest I've found it quite difficult. Just with the amount of attention they both needed and only one of me during the day. Nap times are now staring to get better but it was really hard for a while. Ds would keep coming into the room while I was trying to get dd to sleep. Thankfully ds has a bit more understanding now though. Still, they fight like no tomorrow some days. The first 6 months was the hardest. The baby was easy!! It was my ds, he would scream and scream the second I even stood up and was incredibly clingy.
Saying all this though, now that they are at an age were the can play more together it's getting easier and watching them giggling and playing is beautiful. They have their own funny little games that are gorgeous.
Also, i am ttc, so it's not so hard that I'm not willing to go again!
Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk so forgive spelling mistakes
It's whatever you feel comfortable with. I have 21 months and 18 months between my three and it's hectic but everyone fits into a routine. But I have to admit I love going out with the 3.5 and 9month old it's a nice age gap, it's easy to go out as dd1 can walk by herself.
You might also want to consider with the pre-school thing that as good as the one on one time will be, pre-school start/finish times seems to have a nasty habit of being at just the time your baby needs a nap so you are constantly waking them to take them for drop off or pick up numerous times a week. If you are trying to establish good sleeping routines this can be annoying. It is kind of good not being pressured to have to get out of the house the years before the whole pre-school routine begins. If you are having a bad day you just cancel everything and stay home which is hard once you have committed to pre-school.
We have a 28 mth gap and that seems to work quite well. DS is at kinder as well as family day care so I get a full day of one on one with DD. DD is down to 1 sleep a day so she will go down as soon as kinder pick up at lunch time is done so it works quite well.
I think a two yr age gap is great.
I have 17mths between #1 and 2 and 22 mths between #3 and 4 and they are great friends and have always gotten on well.
There is a 4yr gap between #2 and 3 and they do not get on at all...it may be personality as well though.
There is 11mths between #5 and 6 and 13mths between #6 and 7 and that is a little to close (not that I would change it but unless you are a tad crazy I would recommend it )
We have a 26 month gap between DS1 and DS2 and i love it. DS1 was talking really well and we had no jealousy issues. They play really well together now and love each other to bits. DS1 was still in nappies when DS2 was born which i actually liked; at least the nappy change could wait a few minutes while I was feeding or settling DS2, but he does need help going to the toilet now and that cant wait most of the time . I wouldn't be too worried about the clingyness; DS1 was really clingy too until about the 18 month mark; from then on he became gradually more independent.
I'm aiming for about 7 years with DS and a future bub, I think that's a pretty good gap. Originally wanted 5 years, but getting DS to school with a newborn is a bit harsh on DS. I've seen friends with small age gaps and their children are just their children - with a large age gap, I know my DS well as a person and he's my friend as well as my child. We have a great relationship and there has been a lot of benefit to him not having a sibling yet. Can't actually see any down-side of not having someone two years younger than him around, tbh, despite what my mother tells me I should want.
To my mind, the worst gap is 18m-30m. Six months either side of the two-year thing. I don't know any siblings who didn't make their parents' lives hell as teenagers with a 2-year gap - unless there were more than two siblings. I'm certainly guilty of that, although in my case it was clearly my sister's fault!
21 month age gap here and while it's tough at times (what age gap doesn't have it's issues??), it's mostly fantastic. DS was not one little bit jealous when DD was born. He was an amazing help!
There was no need to buy extra furniture as DS had finished with it all by the time DD came along.
Now, whilst they can be a handful and very noisy, they are such great kids. They love each other so much! They can play with each other and keep each other amused. DD misses DS when he goes to kinder, but then we get our 1 on 1 time together.
I can't imagine having a bigger age gap. Sometimes I try to and try to think how much easier life would be, but I LOVE my family and wouldn't trade them for the world. Best age gap I could have hoped for really
My 3 boys are all 2 years apart 18,almost 16 and almost 14 then i have Ella 11 weeks and i have enjoyed both the close age gap and the very big age gap.
I have 3 years between my girls and it is perfect for us! They are different enough for DD1 to understand that she is older etc but they still play together, share a room and just love each other to bits.
as others have said, it really comes down to your own family dynamics IYKWIM.
For us, what really truly decided was not so much the practicalities or timing but ultimately the heart. There was a clear morning that both DH and I woke up and just knew that it was time (of course that then took 10 months lol).
Our personal experience of 3 years gap has been wondrous! just loving that DD1 is that bit older (toilet trained, sleeping through, communication is clear etc). I guess for me, I have found it easier simply because I dont have two small babies ITMS. But that said, emotionally I just wasnt ready any sooner. and that was really the deciding factor above and beyond the rest.
goodluck with your decision! the time will be right and you will know it when it is
What's the best age gap between children?
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. I wouldn't be too worried about the clingyness; DS1 was really clingy too until about the 18 month mark; from then on he became gradually more independent.
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