Partner wants me to have a termination!!!

Hi all, well yesterday after having an ultrasound I found out I was 11 weeks pregnant :)

My partner wants me to have a termination. We have been together for 7.5 years we have 3 children 2 are from his previous R'ship they both live with us permanently our elsdest is 11 and then 9 and we had a child Together -Adam who will be 4 in November.

Partner says we struggling now with 3 kids, paying bills and daily living expenses how are we going to cope with 4 kids, bills etc. Not only that but I had Post Natal Depression after adam was born and still have a bit of depression but am on medication for this. We some times do find it hard to parent the 3 children I know sometimes i can find it overwhelming but feel we will make do and adjust as necessery.

My partner is adament that we are not having any more children and that I need to terminate this pregnancy. I already had a termination early in march I was 6 wks for his same reason that i have mentioned above. But I have told him NO I want to have another baby I want to be able to have a 2nd child with him. I feel I have been given a 2nd chance at being a mum again.

I do see to a certain point what my partner is saying about money etc but there is lots of people out there with 5 and 6 + kids i'm sure if they can do it so can we - whichj i have said that to him but his reaction was 'Good for them their idiots' it breaks my heart knowing that i may have to terminate as we are in some debit- bit behind in bills etc and trying to pay them all off before end of year. Oh please can some one help me :wall:

what are peoples thoughts can anyone help me

Bec 31

Only you can decide what YOU want for your family.... Only you know how you are coping and how things will affect your family.

I would definately have the baby... personally because having only one biological child id want another, but then you say you did terminate in march this year already and if the reasons are still the same as to why you shouldnt have anymore children, and with your partners attitude.. I would have sorted birth control out in March...

You certainly shouldnt feel forced to have a termination and at 11 weeks it will be a surgical procedure .....I hope you come to a decision soon and hope its the best choice for you and your family....

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Only you can decide what YOU want for your family.... Only you know how you are coping and how things will affect your family.

I would definately have the baby... personally because having only one biological child id want another, but then you say you did terminate in march this year already and if the reasons are still the same as to why you shouldnt have anymore children, and with your partners attitude.. I would have sorted birth control out in March...

You certainly shouldnt feel forced to have a termination and at 11 weeks it will be a surgical procedure .....I hope you come to a decision soon and hope its the best choice for you and your family....

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Hi Mum2Romone,

thanks for your reply I terminated in March for my partner, because he belives that finanicaly we can't have anymore children, and yes only having 1 biological child I so want to have another biological child.

Bec I am so sorry your partner is not supportive of your new pregnancy and wishes you to terminate. What a tough situation you are in. Is his reasoning only financial? I personally would not go through with his requests again if you want to continue with your pregnancy. Your right plenty of people have more children and many of us struggle financially. I guess you need to way up the benefits of another child over the risks of having another baby. Is there a chance you will end up a single mum and struggle emotionally on your own, your partner resent you and the child if you stay together and if so is what a child brings into your lives more valuable then what may happen to your relationship. On the other hand if you terminate your pregnant will you spend a large part of your life with regret and sorrow over loosing your pregnancy you wanted! Just some thoughts. I'm sorry your in this position. For me I think I would continue with the pregnancy but thats me. Financially you might fall behind more with another child but there is plenty of time to claw your way back out. Just my opinion anyway. Goodluck with your decision.

Bec, congratulations on your pg hun! I'm so sorry your partner feels this way though :hug: The only advice I have for you is do what feels 100% comfortable for you. If you have any doubts at all, listen to your gut feeling/instinct. GL sweets, I hope it all works out for you.

:hug: It's one of the toughest decisions you will ever have to make, both individually and as a couple. I'd strongly suggest seeing if you can talk to a counsellor both separately and together, go through your budget with a fine tooth comb and really assess if you can afford another child and discuss your findings with him.

Ultimately it is your body and he cannot force you, but if you continue with the pregnancy and he's not on board, it may breed significant resentment and come to breaking point - could you face that? Likewise can he, if you do terminate?

There is no easy answer to this one, and really, no one else can tell you what is going to be right for you and your situation/family.

Oh Bec, this is a awful situation for you. I'm sorry you are in this position and your partner isn't being very supportive. It is true financial woes will always be there for nearly all of us but I personally don't think this is a reason to terminate baby. As you have already terminated once for your partner and now am in the same situation again YOU need to decide what is right for you. It is your body and in the end of the day emotionally, physically and mentally you will be the one to suffer if this is not what you want so I hope your partner realises this and understands he was apart of making this baby too so he isn't the only one in this relationship to demand what you should do. Only you know what to do but please try to talk to your partner so he really understands why you want this little baby.

Bec - it sounds like you want this baby very much. Perhaps that's why contraception wasn't used. I concur with PP about going through your budget, getting relationship counselling. You need to work out can you do it alone. Is it worth your relationship? Only you can determine that. I also think you need to discuss contraception with your DP. If he doesnt want any more kids is he willing to get the snip?

GL with your decision

Please don't let your DP pressure you into terminating this pregnancy, sit down with him and tell him how you are feeling. If your partner is so adament about not having any more children why is contraception not being used? You have obviously been through this before and it will happen again if precautions aren't taken.

Regards,
Dianne

Tashybabe has said it all perfectly as usual.

op, I really hope you and your partner can come up with a solution. I cannot even begin to imagine how hard this is for you. I dont have anything more to add that hasn't been said already so I'm just going to give you great big hugs.

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I agree with CK... i thought BB was a place any person could come and express themselves and not be judged. I think Bec understands terminations aren't used for contraception. Anyway thats my 2c.

Bec i personally think speaking to someone both you and your partner would be a great idea, just so you both understand where each party is coming from. Although ultimately it is your choice in the end, however i personally feel it is also a joint decision that needs to be made.

Thank you everyone for your thoughts and words - all to which have had me in tears as this already a hard enough decission to make. I want to have this baby it is my partner that is being not supportive and i feel if i have to be a single mum then so be it, I hope over the next few days he will have a change of mind. :wall:

I need support, and NOT CRITICISM!!! Thanks for the support.

Bec

LMS - thanks for your words termination is not something i want to do again or wish upon anyone else it is not nice and stays with you forever i feel. I'm just needing some support from outside my R.ship and yes ultimately i'm the one that is going to have to make a decision but i don't want to loose a family over it either. I want to be a new mum again I just wish my DP could see that, and understand that. He needs to deal with his issues of having another child and having to be responsible.

I said it because i know its not something that any woman should ever have to go through, i also said it because some men are under the misconception that a termination will fix it and you can just move on no harm done. But if you have already been through one this year then another right now won't help your state of mind. He sounds very scared and worried. I do think speaking to somebody, even another family who have 4 or more children. there are quite a few on BB. There are ways to deal with a new addition. You can get second hand things, im sure your other children would help you out. As for the money side of things i agree on sitting down and working out a budget. You should be entitled to more money from centrelink and theres the baby bonus or paid parental leave which assists families.

I'm sorry if my words were harsh maybe its what he needs to hear. BIG BIG :hug:

Bec - take your time it's a big decision. I hope you guys can work it out. If not, there are lots of single mummys on BB who can help you.

LMS - whatever your views (& you're entitled to them) it's a bit insensitive beating up on a woman going through this. Talk about slamming the barn door after the horse has bolted. Fyi, termination is definately one way to deal with an unwanted pregnancy. The OP wants this pregnancy. The issue is with her DP and them making a decision based on what's best for their family. Not about the right or wrong of termination.

Bec BellyBelly is normally a very supportive environment and wish you didn't have to endure such critisism as such a new member - please stay around you will find majority of members are very supportive who come from all walks of life.

Thanks LMS for your last post much appreciated. it is something i think he needs to hear I believe that we will get through things but he can be so negative at times and not believe everything will turn out. I hope he will change his mind as i don't want to take my nearly 4 year old away from his daddy - he loves his dad so much and it breaks my heart to know that it may very well come down to that.