Simply shocked by the way DD's friend is dressed

DD9 invited her friend over for a swim, she has arrived with only her bikini bottoms, rash top and towel. The reason why I'm so shocked is that this girl is a larger girl and her bikini bottom is either too small or is a ladies size because they are extremely high cut and from behind practically go up her butt, no joke. Now mum knows I have 2 teenage boys in the house and a husband, it's very awkward. I asked if she brought some shorts with her, she doesn't, DD's wouldn't fit anyway, should I offer her a pair of mine? Honestly don't know what to do. The boys are in their rooms and won't come out, they are extremely :redface:. The girls are in the pool for now, maybe I'll ask her to keep the towel around her waist :doh:. Any advice appreciated.

Regards,
Dianne

I'd offer her some shorts, if yours are too big maybe on of your boys's shorts will fit? There's no way I'd put up with that.
And, then yes, a towel around the waist is a must unless she has other clothes to change into immediately after getting out of the pool.
Good luck.

She is a kid! If your husband and teenage sons have a problem then they should stay away.

I would offer her some shorts for her comfort, but not for 'decency'.

Really, I wouldn't embarrass her. She feels comfortable in what she's wearing so it's obviously not bothering her :dunno: If someone had pointed something like that out when I was at that age, I'd have been mortified and not gone swimming for a very long time in anyone else's company. In fact, I still feel very uncomfortable swimming without shorts on because a few years ago someone pointed out the tops of my thighs were hairy and I should start shaving there too... I still feel that way, even though I took their advice!

I think its good that she has enough confidence in herself to wear something like that. Pity her mum didnt pick the right type of outfit for her. I wouldnt make her feel horrible by asking her to cover up but maybe have a word to her mum and see if she minded if her DD was a little more covered up if she comes over for a swim.

That being said, if it is making you all uncomfortable, offer her a pair of your shorts. Tell her you dont want her getting sunburnt or something.

Mine will definately fit her, I have a pair ready and can just say she can wear them over her wet bathers. I just can't get over it though, I wouldn't even let my DD wear something like that inside the house.

Regards,
Dianne

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She is a kid! If your husband and teenage sons have a problem then they should stay away.

I would offer her some shorts for her comfort, but not for 'decency'.

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Right on!

Slightly disturbed by the notion of a 10 year old girl needing to cover up for your husband...

She is a kid, yes, and is not dressed in any way appropriate for her age. The males in my house should not have to feel uncomfortable, I just wasn't sure how to go about it without embarassing her, I understand it's not her fault.

Regards,
Dianne

I'm assuming your DDs friend is the same age? My opinion, which you will likely disagree with, is that it is her body and you should ignore YOUR feelings about her being dressed inappropriately, and treat her as though you would if she was wearing her school uniform, or trackpants and a tshirt. It's just a body. We are all different shapes and sizes. It's very possible that she is self-conscious about being a larger girl (I truly hope she is completely oblivious to being 'larger') and so telling her to cover up, I think, even if you think you're doing it 'nicely' by offering her your shorts, is unnecessary and cruel. Perhaps her parents couldn't afford new swimwear this summer and she's outgrown her swimmers from last year? At that age, if that were the case for me I would have already been embarrassed but even more embarrassed if someone pointed out that my bathers were too small, or that I was too big.

It also might be a great lesson for your boys in maturity an acceptance if you tell them you expect them to treat your DDs friend with dignity and respect.

Dianne I understand where you are coming from. Yes she may be comfortable in her skin, but it's YOUR house so if you feel uncomfortable then it's your right to say something. Basically from what I understand it's like she's wearing a g-string bottom because the togs are riding up? I think that it's perfectly acceptable for you to ask her to cover up a bare bottom.

Ok, maybe I'm just an old fuddy duddy but I"m talking about close to a g-string and I'm quite shocked by some of the responses. Would you truly send your 9yr old out like this?

Regards,
Dianne

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She is a kid! If your husband and teenage sons have a problem then they should stay away.

I would offer her some shorts for her comfort, but not for 'decency'.

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Agreed whole heartedly with this post. She is 9 if the high cut stuff is too revealing then bring it up with the girls mother but by you offering her things you could also do her harm by puttong emphasis on her physical appearence and kids that age should not be worrying about how they look.

Perhaps these bottoms were the only ones that fit her - surely she is still too young to be trying to be "sexy". If the men in your house are embarrassed by the way she dresses for swimming in a private setting, I wonder how they would be coping with scantily clad women and topless tots in a public beach/pool.

its more your reaction to this that bothers me (only slightly though ;) ) then anything else espcially when she is at an age where body image really starts to become an issue for some kids.

:hug:

I do mean this in the nicest way possible honestly :hug: just relax , if its such a big deal for your family's morals then speak to the mother or don't have her around for a swim but please don't push stuff onto the child :hug:

I wouldn't.

She's only 9 I wouldn't worry about it. Perhaps they were last years bathers and she didn't realise they wouldn't fit properly until she put them on. Get her a pair for a late Christmas present if it bothers you to this extent :-)


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I don't know, I can't see it.

But what I would or wouldn't let me daughter out in at the age of NINE is irrelevant. Pretty sure I would be more concerned about the fact my teenage sons and husband can't look at a NINE year old in bathers without assigning her sexuality. She is a prepubesant girl. IMO it would be far more inappropriate if she was 15.

She's just a child - maybe she doesn't know the swimmers are inappropriate, maybe they're all she owns. At the moment she feels comfortable and happy in your home why would you do something that takes that from her?
Maybe what you consider inappropriate isn't what her family considers inappropriate. My SIL is South American. Her swimmers raise eyebrows every time we step onto the beach. I wear a burqini so my swimmers raise eyebrows too for a different reason. Both of us dress as we consider appropriate and IMO other people just need to deal with it.

Don't know but when I was that age we used to go outside in our undies (which no doubt became see through) and play in friends sprinklers when we were there. Would be different if it was going shopping attire.

I think your family needs to feel comfortable in their own home.
Maybe to get around this in the future is have a rule that all female swimmers need to wear boardshorts or shorts when in your pool.

I would be uncomfortable if one of the girls friends dressed this way in my house.