Not drinking alcohol and socialising

I rarely drink these days. I pretty much quit when i started TTC 8+ years ago.

I used to. I used to drink plenty! But i have found it really affects my sleep and my headaches, so i just don't bother. I might have a dozen alcoholic drinks a year, so i'm not a tee-totaler.

When we are socialising with friends and family either at home or out, i tend not to drink at all.

My DH thinks it's rude not to drink when you are not a complete tee-totaler or driving. He thinks it's polite and social to have a few drinks and conversely that it's impolite and antisocial not to. He is (I think unnecessarily) bothered by what other people think about it. People often question it - are you unwell, driving, pg, on medication? I just say no, i'm just not a big drinker.

Do you think it's a bit anti-social? Impolite? Do you even notice who is drinking, or wonder why they aren't?

I think it's rude when people try to pressure you to drink when you don't want to. Happens to me all the time. I still haven't worked out why I have to drink in order for other people to have fun. Maybe I'm just that awesome!

Pfft. I have had some of the best times with sober friends whilst I'm sober or drinking. I think so long as the sober person doesn't make the drinkers seem odd for doing so (which I doubt you would!) then don't worry. I think your hubby worried too much ;)

I agree with Heaven - it's rude to try to pressure someone into having a drink when you *know* that they don't. I'm a non drinker by both choice and necessity - firstly it was out of choice because we live out of town so I always had to drive, but also kid and hangovers don't mix well either ;) then it was by necessity because of medication that I take and I can't drink because it can damage my liver. I think most people know me well enough now that it's not an issue but there have been other times when I've been asked to drink and they get all confused when I say no. I just don't think some people *get* how you can have a good time unless you're drinking. And I even had one guy ask how can I socialise with other drunk people when I'm sober. But I can still have fun - I just have more chance of remembering it the next day LOL.

However, that said, I went on a footy bus trip last weekend and I drank more that night than I have in the past 12 years! Only light beers and entirely my own choice to do it, and it wasn't bad, but I'm certainly not about to take up drinking again any time soon.

ETA - forgot to say that I don't think it's rude or impolite to not drink and I'd never ask anyone why they weren't drinking because I don't think it matters much if they are or they aren't.

Depends on the occasion. I hate going to bars for example and not being able to have a glass. Pretty much the only reason people are there is to mix alcohol with socializing.

House party on the other hand, or BBQ or something, I am much more willing to abstain happily. Although yes people do assume you are pg.

But I don't think it's rude not to drink, no! Personal choice and all that.

No - not rude not to drink. The only thing that would be rude is in the way it handled (which I am sure you do beautifully). Seen a fairly polite "would you like a drink?' turn into a lengthy (and rude) spiel about why they don't drink, when just a "no, thank you" would have been enough.

I do enjoy the odd glass of wine, but I tend to do that at home when I'm cooking dinner. Usually means in my own company! I often get asked about it, weirdly by my parents, who all know that I'm not really a drinker!

I cop it more over the fact that I don't drink coffee. It makes me bolt to the nearest loo and be violently sick, whether it's in a cake or as a drink. But people don't really understand that one either and just think I'm weird. Maybe I am :D

I certainly don't think it's a reflection on the people you're with whether you drink or not. If someone around me wants to drink, then go for it! Just because I'm not doesn't mean you can't.

Thanks guys. I think i'm pretty much the same if i've had a drink than if i'm sober. I still dance, laugh, tell stupid stories, eat all the nibbles. I try not to frown on all the drunkards (lol, just kidding!!).
It's only really become an issue because i have always had an excuse before (TTC, pg, breastfeeding). Now i think DH feels he needs to 'explain' for me.

Trillian - do you think it's easier to have a medical excuse? Rather than just 'no, thanks'.

Heaven - i actually don't ever feel pressured to drink, but just that my DH feels like i'm odd.

im not a huge drinker either and i often get the annoying questions about why i don't drink. like you i have been ttc for 3 1/2 yrs now and i want my body to be as healthy as it can be.
i do not think its rude not to drink. i hate the drinking culture in australia at the moment and think there is so much pressure at all social events to have to drink. why can't we just have water or a softdrink without having to explain ourselves...
im very passionate about this subject coz it just annoys me sooooo much.

Sorry Lenny, I didn't mean your DH was being like that, I was just saying that the opposite usually happens, well it does to me iykwim :)

Lenny, it's never really been an issue. I suppose I was *known* as being a non-drinker long before I started the medication and I haven't ever said in a social setting that I can't drink because of medication. I guess I've been lucky that most people have been happy to accept a 'oh I don't drink' answer and move on - they have too much drinking to do LOL. Although on Saturday when I was drinking I was also on the meds which is why I stuck to light beer. I'm just glad I had my liver function blood test on the Thursday prior ;) especially considering I had a dr's appointment on Monday.

I drink occasionally but am just as happy with a non alcoholic drink, so generally go with that option. It took a long time for people to get that I wasn't being rude or anti social and my DH's family use to ask me 'what's wrong' all the time when I turned down a wine. After 10 years they have got use to the fact that I will still join in on the socialising it just I prefer to do it with a lemonade. Friends seem to accept this too. My family have always seen it that way, but my mum was the same and now drinking affects her diabetes so she just doesn't. Although she went out recently and felt like she was in high school with all the pressure to have a drink and in the end she left.

I don't think it is anti social or impolite at all. Regardless if you are driving or otherwise, who cares if you drink alcohol or not? On many occassions I have not bothered to drink alcohol & I would usually have one wine if driving but sometimes I don't feel like it & I agree it affects my sleep. I don't really notice anyone drinking alcohol or not, unless I know they are ttc & I wonder if they are pg! Also, I have alot of friends on health kicks & alcohol just doesn't fit into the equation. I don't understand why it is anyones business if you drink alcohol or not. It's a bit like coffee & non-coffee drinkers, hey?

I've never thought or heard this! I can count the number of alcoholic drinks I've had in my life on one hand and go out plenty with my friends and family to bars, clubs, bbqs, parties, weddings and such... I don't think I'm rude, why would that be rude? I can't even understand any reason for it to be rude! I'm there to chat and dance, I find water fuels me more haha. People generally know I don't drink these days, I do notice my Mum is quick to tell people I'm breastfeeding when they are offered whereas I'm happy to just say I'm not a drinker without any qualifier so maybe its a generational thing? She is 50, I'm 24. Might also be the circles somebody mixes in, although my friends are regular drinkers it isn't a big deal, I suppose - whether you want lemonade or gin is as similar as whether you are having fish or chicken. I've never really noticed whether people around me are drinking or not, I assume most people do and I'm fine with that - their body, their choice!

I also have never drunk tea or coffee and don't have soft drink or juice (never had coke), I only drink water aside from maybe a few times a year so I must be super rude lol.

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im not a huge drinker either and i often get the annoying questions about why i don't drink. like you i have been ttc for 3 1/2 yrs now and i want my body to be as healthy as it can be.
i do not think its rude not to drink. i hate the drinking culture in australia at the moment and think there is so much pressure at all social events to have to drink. why can't we just have water or a softdrink without having to explain ourselves...
im very passionate about this subject coz it just annoys me sooooo much.

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This...

the Australian drinking culture has alot to answer for, it has gone on since day dot and is now a pretty serious problem....from what happens on schoolies, to serious health issues...gosh, I would never think someone was being rude if they said no to an alcoholic drink, but it seems to be a very Australian thing to assume that all social occasions warrant copious amount of alcohol in order for fun to be had and there is a great deal of pressure for people to drink in order to fit in. - pretty sad actually.

I find it very frustrating myself as well. I get this problem with family, not friends though. Go figure hey?!


My own family enjoys a responsible well-earned celebratory toast, while DP's family enjoy the whole bottle, plus extra, including drink driving.
After 8 years, and yes I do enjoy a nice drink, I still have trouble convincing the in-laws that I just don't want to have a drink or don't need a drink to socialise (albeit because I HATE what they drink ;)) My IL's just cannot fathom being happy or sociable without being 'under the influence'.

I guess some people might think it's rude not to be a social drinker but I haven't met any yet... that I know of.

I live on a uni campus during the semester with 200 other, mainly younger students. You'd think the peer pressure would be significant but it's not. I know more than a dozen who chose not to drink and it's not just because they are under-age (many are 20 and older). It's just because they choose not to for various reasons and they don't even have to explain... people just accept 'no thanks'. One girl doesn't because alcoholism runs in the family, others don't because of religious reasons but that doesn't stop them from being 100% involved in the social occasions... yes, they dance and have fun along with the rest of us. Maybe the education is finally filtering down to younger generations about the damage done by peer pressure... if so then I'm seeing it in action with these kids :)

I don't get why it can be such a big deal to not drink..I think it's more rude to drink too much, make a fool of yourself and potentially drive home drunk..
I don't drink all that often and on the rare occasion we are out I couldn't care less if I have an alcoholic drink or not, it really doesn't phase me and it annoys me if people are persistent about it. Was worse before I had DD, at least now I have the 'excuse' of having to deal with a toddler the next day.