Things you never thought you would have to say as a parent

After having to call out to my girls 'no diving in the bath'! I was wondering what things other parents have had to say that you would never have imagined saying or ever thought needed to be vocalised

Another was 'cheese doesn't go in the washing machine'

Please share your experience :)

I'm not a parent, but 'NO! Don't touch the poo in the toilet!'

"You need to work hard at school to be able to do things when you are older."

For some reason, DS reckons that when he gets to a set age he will just "know" things magically. Learning to read now makes no difference to being able to read as an adult. I'm starting to accept he isn't as clever as I wanted.

"Stop sniffing me!!!!"

"stop licking the wall"

'The cat doesn't like being put in the wagon, try your blocks'

'Please don't drink from the puddle'

'Your father is not a duck.'

'Mama will wear the colander on her head if you sit down.'

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Don't smell, then lick your toes :sick: (DD1)
Don't hit your sister (DD2) she hits if she doesn't get what she wants from her big sister :wall:)

ETA: please don't fart then ask if it smells good (DD1) - yep raising a real lady there :redface:

Stop sitting on your brother
Toothpaste is not a toy
Don't dip your potatoes in your milk

Don't eat that millipede.
Don't play with your bottom after you've done a poo.
Get your foot out of my mouth/face.

Stop sticking your hands in your poo!

You need to wear underpants in public

Don't drink out of the dog's bowl

Oh man... So many things I wish I could remember... :doh:

My first ever "I never thought I'd say that" moment was
"no, thats not an elephant it's broccoli"

Stop licking my freckles lol

"Stop sucking on Mummy's hair."

Oh I almost forgot this one...don't eat your poo arghh

No, you cannot fill your sister up by pouring water into her bottom while she bends over . . .

These are awesome! I know I've said some interesting things but can't for the life of me remember at the moment.....

"take the 2 Nurofen plungers out of your nose!"

Bring back mummies knickers/bra.
No you can't stick your hand in the toilet while I'm using it.