Do you ask permission?

I don't spend any money without checking it with DH first - he is in charge of the finances, he knows how much we have and which bank account its in etc. So I've always automatically checked things with him first.

We're waiting on a cheque to clear, and I've gotta ring some people once it does, so I just went in and checked our account. And I found that he's been buying credits for Street Racer on Facebook - I didn't know anything about it!

Would this bother you? I mean, i've never said he has to check things with me, or vice versa, but we just always have - and he's asked me to wait on buying a couple of things until the cheque clears, while meantime he's buying credits for a GAME! :wall:

How would you feel?

I think it depends. Within our financial position we can't afford to just do anything without checking first. But it depends how much was spent on the credits. If it was just a couple of dollars I wouldn't mind, but if it was 50-100 yeah I wouldn't be too happy. But we do discuss everything, its not about permissions for us its more about what is the budget, is there anything I need or the kids need instead its about prioritising our spending which we do together as he doesn't always know what we need, and I don't always know what he needs kwim?

lol, I think he's being a bit sneaky prob because he thinks you'd say no.
Yes, I would be annoyed. We always check with each other so that we know who's spending what and how much we have etc.

Oh I would be spittin CHIPS if it was anything over about $30! Ok if it was something of an essential nature (even so he should've said something so you can factor it in to your plans), but a game...?

Niliac - Yeah, I've used to wrong word - it's not so much 'asking permission' as it is just double checking with each other before making any purchases :)

Heaven - That's exactly what I was thinking, he's done it without checking because he thought I'd say no. Which I probably would've, but we would've at least discussed it, and its not a HUGE amount money, so if it was that important to him I might've said yes, KWIM? But I wasn't given the chance, he just went out and did it sneakily :(

Oh, the urge to buy those new shoes online now! But that would be wrong, wouldn't it *evil smile*

ETA - Marydean - It was $30, not heaps in our budget, but its the principle, you know? He's not actually that bad, he doesn't generally buy things for himself, but it just annoys me that he didn't say ANYTHING about it, just snuck it in!

lol @ spending money on a facebook application - he's probably just embarassed more than anything.

I wouldn't be concerned about anything under $50, but everyone's situation is different and if you've been trying to tighten the purse strings then he robably shouldn't have.

We have part of our budget allocated to our own personal pocket money which we can each spend on whatever we want no questions asked. So DP could spend his money on that if he wanted however if he went and spent other money that wasn't his on something then I would be pretty peeved. Maybe you need to have something like that allocated so that you can each spend as you wish.

The thing about our personal money though is once it's gone, it's gone and you can't spend any more, plus if you want something more expensive you have to save for it.

We do the same as Nai - both our wages go into the joint which we use to pay mortgage, bills, groceries etc. etc. but we have the same amount of pocket money that goes into separate personal accounts to spend as we wish, no questions asked.

But I have told DP that if he spends all his pocket money, too bad, I won't be his buffer. He got into the habit of asking me for $20 close to pay day. I'd often give it to him and would end up with no money for lunch myself because our pay days are the same.

I look after the money side of things, so a lot of the time I don't ask DH, but sometimes I will run the larger expenses by him. He gets some pocket money and asks me about what he is allowed to spend other money on (this is after him blowing out a $1000 credit card on nothing).

There is a real downside to all of this, it is all my responsibilty. The load is not shared. If I say yes to something, then grumble about it later DH says that it is all my problem as I had final say. So I have just told him now to no longer ask for anything (if he wants to fulfil the dream of rebuilding then he has to stop spending). I often feel conned and bullied into to saying yes to many purchases, DH is very good at justification and just plain wear me down tactics. I do not want to be the bad guy saying no anymore, so it is better that he no longer asks.

In my situation, it wouldnt bother me at all, except I would have a dig at what a crock waste of money it is :rofl:. However, I am sure i buy things that he thinks are a waste too - like eyebrow waxing, nails occasionally, you get the idea.

He knows me well enough and vice versa that we trust each other with money, and also life is too short to worry about $30 really.

I'd talk to him about it. If you're supposed to be saving, then you save together. We do similar to Nai and Fiona, we budget some pocket money for ourselves and have to save it up, so perhaps you can suggest that for the future? Short term saving for everyday fun to help you not to cave with the long term saving. :)
All the best!

Yeah we are another one that budgets in pocket money, we then can spend that on whatever we choose without having to ask or justify to the other. We actualley operate a money in the jar budget, so both of us know how much money is available for groceries, general spending etc- we found this is useful because if it is in a bank account we just spend it without thinking.

I guess though if you have a check first before spend then you have a right to be a bit grumpy, but if i didnt mean you couldnt eat, or put fuel in the car etc, is it really worth the energy?

Yes most of the time I do check with DH before buying something. However today I did buy myself a dress without checking hehehe....

Our stuff works the same as Astrid's does. I do the finances, have all the bank cards, do the buget ect AND get bullied into buying "him" stuff more than "me" stuff. We don't have pocket money and if we want something we check with each other. I don't check with him about food, bathroom and baby stuff, also not about clothes for the kids. But anything else, gets run by him.

And yes, I would have been pretty upset if he did something like that without telling me, because that would mean that he "stole" the card out of my purse to buy something ... big no-no, even if it was $2. It's the principal, not the deed.

I think if you have to ask then so should he.
DH is also in charge of our finances and we generally either ask before spending money, or just let the other one know we spent this much on this item or we are going to spend this much on this item on this day. At least one of use checks the bank everyday.

we always check with each other simply because we think its the right thing to do.. having said that we both always agree with the other person and have never said no out right... it may be yeah thats ine can it wait til next fortnight i needed new work uniforms this week or something.

It depends on how much it is...and very much on how things work in your relationship.

With us, I do all the financial stuff but I let DH know where we are at, and decisions are made by both of us. TBH he is a bit better at keeping a lid on the spending than me, I tend to drop $10-$20 here & there without asking - but I do let him know after (when the time is right ;)) - he isn't a spender at all. Anything over $30 is definitely a joint decision, but we both understand that.
He got into online poker a while back & asked me if it was ok to put $50 in an online account - I would have done the same (ask I mean).

But like I said, it's down to both of you undersdtanding where things stand. you might need to let him know what you expect & negotiate some 'rules' (for lack of a better word...)

I'd be a bit peeved depending on how much money it was, and what you/the kids had to go without in order for him to spend it on himself, kwim?
DH is the big earner in our house (we're single income but my fortnightly FTB payments, and now baby bonus payments, go towards some bills and cover things like nappies and clothes for the girls), and he's better at saving than I am so I usually check with him if I want to spend some money on myself, just to make sure it can fit into the week's budget without making too much of a hole. And he will check with me if he wants to make a big purchase, because we're both putting our spare money into savings accounts (we're in the process of looking for a joint savings account to save us the hassle of checking how the other is doing) to put towards a BIG purchase - a deposit on our first home. So he realises that him making a big purchase needs to be checked with me because it's taking away money from our joint goal, and he wants to make sure I'm aware of it and am okay with it first.
Sometimes he will buy a video game or a new item of clothing without asking me, or I will go and buy myself a new dress or a pair of shoes without checking with him, but generally the amount we pay for that kind of stuff is within our budget and usually only bought when DH has done some overtime at work so it's 'spare' money, if that makes sense.

So, yeah, I guess more than the actual 'you spent x amount of dollars', I'd feel more insulted/disrespected that he was being sneaky about it, kwim? Because I feel a bit dissed if DH goes and buys something expensive without asking me - what if I'd needed to 'borrow' some money off him this week for daycare fees/extra groceries etc because I was short, kwim?

Yeah, I'd be annoyed, but I'd probably get over it quickly - Only because that's how I am :p
As it is, we can barely afford anything right now anyway

Well as I said in another thread, everything $200 and over in this house is a joint decision.. But the smaller spends don't just get done. Its all with consideration to the budget so really you could say that really - everything that isnt food or an essential household item is a joint decision. The "extras" we buy without talking first are usually never more than a few dollars each - or needed.

What would **** me off about that situation the most is he said no. More than once. I know for me at least, if I am asking for money for something then its something we need - and most of the time its not for me anyway! Right now I need a baby wrap sling so this klingon on my starboard bow will give me back my arms, but I know we don't have it in the budget yet - so I will wait. DH knows I need one - so he knows that if he pops out $30 on something frivilous he would lose any future procreating ability.

If it *was* something just frivilous for me - then yeah, I'd still be annoyed. If I have to wait, so the bloody hell can he! What makes HIS wants more important than mine?

Basically - IMO - he lost the right to blow $30 on crap the second he said you had to wait.

We have tried and tried to budget - but something always manages to goes wrong

As for spending money without "permission" I just don't do it. We have one account into which all our pay goes and our payments come from ... the only thing we spend money on without checking are essentials: groceries, petrol, work-necessities. If I went ahead and bought what I wanted, we'd be living in a tent with alot of musical instruments!

That works for us, but doesn't work for everyone. Just something to ponder on