What do you expect to pay for??

If your asked to be in a bridal party? Dress, Hair, Make up, jewellery, lingere to go with the dress? Do you still give a gift on top of this???
I'm curious to know as one of my bridesmaids is cranky because i paid for her hair, make up and jewellery for my wedding. I did this because I felt like I should do it. I didn't expect any gifts, however she and her DF chose to give something.

Did I do things the wrong way? I don't want her to pay anything now if i have done...just curious to know.. should they have paid for all this?

I know alot of people expect their bridal party to pay for at least some things.

Personally, I chose to pay for everything for my bridesmaids and the groomsmen including suit hire, dresses, makeup and hair. My bridesmaids already had shoes and jewellery they could wear so neither of us had to buy that. One of my bridesmaids still bought us a present and my other bridesmaid (my sister mind you) didn't get us anything (not even a card!). The best man also bought us a present. Even my mum and dad didn't buy us a present (a whole other vent!).

I don't think you've done anything the wrong way. If I was asked to be a bridesmaid, I would assume that I would need to pay for my outfit, hair and makeup unless the bride said otherwise. And yes I would still get a present even if it was just something small.

My BM's paid for their outfits and shoes. I paid for hair and make up and bought their accessories and a gift.

There are so many ways people do it these days I don't think there is a hard and fast rule. DH and I haven't had a formal wedding yet but if/when we do I would pay for the dresses/make-up/hair etc. Maybe ask the bridesmaids to buy their shoes and pay for any little extras like a spray tan etc. On top of that I would give each bridesmaid a small gift of thanks. In return I would expect them to do a proper job of actually helping me to organise the whole thing!!! I hear so many stories of bridesmaids just kinda going along for the ride and being too busy to help the bride look at reception halls/book flowers/ organise the cake etc.

I also wouldn't expect them to buy me a wedding gift. If they did that would be up to them... it wouldn't be expected.

It is up to you. I think it is not automatically assumed that the bridesmaid will cover their own dresses etc as the bride often chooses the outfit and the costs can run high. I gave my bridesmaids dress material and some money to get the dress made but in the end they paid a little bit too. I also paid for their makeup etc. I think especially if you want everything to be 'just so' ie you want them to wear specific lingerie then getting them to pay is a bit much. Not sure why she is cranky that you paid? I understand if she feels a little uncomfortable but is she actually angry?

My Bridesmaids didn't buy me a wedding gift and I didn't expect them to either. I figured them being a part of my wedding and paying for their outfits was enough.

My 3 bridesmaids all paid for there dresses, shoes, hair and make up. I bought then jewlerry for the day as a gift.

All groomsman paid for own suit hire and we gave them cufflinks as a gift and to wear on day.

I have so far been bridesmaid 3 times abd have always paid for everything myself and for 2 was given jewlerry to wear as gift. DH been in 2 weddings and paid own hire of suit, at 1 they were give ties to wear on day.

I am bridesmaid in march for brother and SIL to be and paid for own dress etc and will be paying for hair and make up and she has bought jewlerry and hair clips for all.

All my bridesmaids paid for was thier dress and thier shoes. I paid everything else, but per my other thread had a bridesmaid that didn't agree with me paying everything else. So was curious to see what other people though.

I don't think I could afford to be a bridesmaid! Especially if my bride told me I had to pay several hundred dollars for my dress that I might not wear again.

Do bridesmaids actually help organise the wedding these days or that that notion a bit old fashioned?

Bath, my bridesmaids organised my hens party and of course helped me get ready on the day and helped organise people for photos, etc, etc. I did everything else myself or with the help of DH. I figured it was our big day so all the stuff like cakes, decorations, reception venue etc was our decision as a couple.

i paid for the dresses & hotel they paid for there hair :) i didnt espect anything from them.

i brought my maid of honour a charm for her panadora bracelet because i was greatful for everything she done and she is also my DS god mother

I don't think you did it the wrong way.. I would pay for my bridesmaids stuff if I had bridesmaids (I didn't have any hehe).

Perhaps the ones that get cranky with things being paid for by the bride don't like the precedent being set because they don't want to have to pay for their bridesmaids in the future? haha.

Bathesda out of my 3 bridesmaids 2 came looking at wedding dresses and bridesmaids dresses. 1 even came and picked up my dress and took it home to care for for me so that DH didnt see it.

My matron of honour had a 9 month old baby at my wedding but even when he was little she still came to help with thinsg when i needed unlike my other slack one who did nothing!!!!!!!!!!!!

My 2 helpful ones organised hens nights with tiny amount of help from other one (lucky i had told plenty of people details in advance as she took till 5 days before hens night to ring and invite people))

She didnt even see my dress till the day as it was too much effort for her to come down 3 or 4 levels in building to where bridal shop was!!!!!!!

The ones i have been in have helped a bit with 1 (girl who took my dress home for me) with what ever she needed me to do.

Another non of us helped at all as we all lived a very long way from each other!!! so with dresses it was actually skirt and top. We alll bought skirt from shop she told us too and she has tops that we were paying her back for and was massive luck they all fitted on day!!

Other did a fair bit to help there also.

well my bms paid for the dress and shoes done there own makeup and had their hair and jewellery paid for one was my sis and the other my brothers ex both under 18 and both managed the boys had their suits paid for by MIL

I had one MOH - I paid for dress, hair, make-up, bought jewellery as pressie as well as bouquet etc. She paid for own shoes (Myer sale). And she flew down from Sydney twice before the wedding and then the wedding to help etc. She was a star on the day, looking after me when i got stressed, carrying bouquets and dresses, heading off disgruntled SIL :) I figured, if I was asking her to do this (especially knowing how financially strapped she was), then it was up to me to pay for it.

When I was a BM I apid for my own dress shoes and hair. As it was a good friend I didn't mind too much but all the costs did eventually add up and we struggled a bit afterwards (wedding was also interstate).
I think everyone and everything is different.
If I do ever get married I would get my BM to pay for their own dresses but at same time I'd also tell them to pick what they wanted themselves so can wear again.

The plan was I would pay for the bridesmaids dresses - until they we stuffed up by the dress maker the weekend before the wedding (we palnned the wedding in 5 weeks, so no time left for more dresses) and we went shopping. The dressmaker refused to refund my money so had none left. The girls bought their own bridesmaid dresses, cost $180 each from Myer (BARGAIN!! lol)

My sis, one of the BMs did their hair.

I paid for their makeup ($85 each) There were 3 BMs

I bought their jewellery as part of their BM gifts.

They also bought their own shoes for the dresses because they liked them adn can wear them again with the dresses, they were $100 each.

None of the BMs got me presents, except for my sister, who helped buy my wedding dress as the present :) But the other 2 were not in a financial position to and I didnt expect them too.

WRT to lingerie - they required strapless bras, which they all had anyway, but no, I would not have bought lingerie for them anyway!! - just like I didnt by them matching handbags! lol

I think your BM should be grateful you paid for everything!

I might be dumb....but she's cross cos you paid????? Far out...ever heard of gratitude?
Congratulations Jen. Hope you had a lovely day anyway :hug:

we paid for all of our bridal parties stuff.
i see it that i am the one wanting to have the wedding so you shouldnt expect someone else to have to pay for things.

we got presents off 2 of the bridesmaids but my MOH didnt get us anythign and complained the whole time about ablsolutly everythign even though they got to wear colours and styles and hair how they wanted.

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Perhaps the ones that get cranky with things being paid for by the bride don't like the precedent being set because they don't want to have to pay for their bridesmaids in the future? haha.

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I might be dumb....but she's cross cos you paid????? Far out...ever heard of gratitude

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Maybe LOL
She paid for her own shoes (which all the girls got to chose so they could wear them again) and $10 for her dress. So in reality, she got out of the whole event quite cheap.
Not to mention i brought her an extra present (a pandora braclet $130 on top of everything else) She should be the one being grateful here now!

I paid for everything - I would never expect someone to purchase a dress of my choicve that they would possibly never wear. So, I paid for everything and I gave them a small gift.

Sunshine, I don't understand your bridesmaid at all. I think it's good and proper you paid for everything (minus a 10-buck dress and a pair of shoes). Why is she cranky? I think the "precedent" theory is right. Fear the day you're asked to be her bridesmaid, she's going to be one hell of a bridezilla.

I didn't have bridesmaids as such but included my sisters in the ceremony and let them wear whatever they wanted (they both used it as an excuse to go shopping). I can't help noticing at weddings how the bridesmaid dress always looks great on one bridesmaid, chosen to suit her body shape and skin tone, while the other bridesmaids come out looking like they're wearing a sack. Clearly someone has a bit more of a say than the others.

If you're going to punish people, please don't make them pay for it.

I think it is a negotiation between the bride and bridesmaids. My parents paid for my wedding so they paid for everything for our bridesmaids and groomsmen (including gifts for them). My BMs and groomsmen did give us gifts, but we didn't expect them. DH and I paid for our photographer.

I have since been a bridesmaid for 2 of my bridesmaids and for one of them, I had to pay for everything and the other I didn't pay for anything as her parents paid for the reception and bridal party. I bought a gift for my friend who paid for everything and for my friend where I had to pay, I went in for a joint present with the rest of the bridal party.

Bath - In answer to your question about duties of BMs - mine organised my kitchen tea, hen's night, came wedding dress shopping and flower shopping with me and helped to set up the church for our wedding rehearsal. They helped to make the wedding invitations, pew decorations, place cards and books for the church. They also handed out cake at the wedding reception, held my flowers during the ceremony, participated in the bridal waltz and carried all my make up, tissues and other bits and pieces. DH and I along with our parents picked the reception venue and DH and I organised the photography on our own with the photographer.

When I was a BM for each of them, it was basically the same. I did a lot of the preparation stuff and then on the day helped them get ready, took fruit and sandwiches to the hairdresser, carried their personal items, handed out cake etc.

I think every bride and every wedding is so different, I don't think there can be a hard and fast rule for everything. My parents paid for everything for my BMs because that was what they believed should happen. I would have paid for it if my parents didn't want to pay for my wedding. It doesn't mean that I expect the same from my friends when they get married. If I want to be a part of it in that way, I am willing to pay for what is expected, within reason.

Sunshine - Sorry, I'm a bit confused ... what is your friend actually upset about ... that you paid for the hair and make up or that you didn't pay for the dress and shoes? I probably missed it somewhere there or read it wrong ...

but why is she cranky- i dont get it

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ISunshine - Sorry, I'm a bit confused ... what is your friend actually upset about ... that you paid for the hair and make up or that you didn't pay for the dress and shoes? I probably missed it somewhere there or read it wrong ...

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Yep - she was upset that I paid for everything except the dress that cost $10 and her shoes, which she got to choose. I paid hair, make up (which coincidently her mum did for everyone and cost me more than the celebrant and the cake combined :o), scarves and jewellery. I should add - apart from how expensive the make up was - I had ABSOLUTLY no issue paying for any of this. I felt I should as I asked them to be in my wedding.
As she was the only bridesmaid who was living close enough to help out with anything she organised my hens night and that was it. I did everything else for the wedding (oh she did come to one dress fitting after the dress was brought) with DH and my mum. As I was so appreciative for the fact she organised that I also brought her a pandora braclet as a thank you. After all this and she has the ordasity (sp) to say that I'm ungrateful and should be ashamed of my behaviour??

When I posted this i thought about teh expectations thing adn my response to her was "well maybe you'll begin to realise how difficult it can be when it comes to organising your own wedding" Guess thats not happening now since she left her fiance to "go overseas and find herself" 6months before the wedding with no plans/dates on returning....

Did she have this conversation with you recently? Wasn't your wedding a few months ago.

Sounds like she might be trying to get together some cash for her overseas holiday to me ...

Just Me - Yeah it was a while ago now...god I can't believe how long ago it was...it's gone so quick! hmm 5months now...

Sorry, I just realised the date of your first post was back in October sometime :doh:

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Sorry, I just realised the date of your first post was back in October sometime :doh:

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LOL - it's all good - i have lots of moments like that! :)