Your child's bank account

I think that DD will only need one savings account until well... not sure when but lets just say a long time from now. DP and I opened up a Commonwealth Dollarmite account for DD last week, we are both signatories on the account.

We were about to go to dinner with DPs parents last night and DP asks if we can take DDs birth certificate? DPs parents also want to open an account in her name so they can put $$ away for her - I say but she already has a savings account, we can just give them the details and they can make deposits at any Commonwealth Bank or give the money to one of us to put into her account. DP was not happy with this and thinks his parents should be able to open an account in DDs name. I rang the bank and was told that only parents or legal guardians were able to open an account in a minor's name.

When we got to DPs parents, DP told them that I had contacted the bank and the advise we had recieved. Apparently someone has wrong information... apparently they have already opened the account and just need her birth certificate to finalise it. So either I have been told the wrong info or DPs parents are... or haven't told the bank the right info. When they said they had already opened the account they just needed the birth certificate, I said that we didn't think it was necessary for her to have multiple accounts and as her parents we will open any additional accounts she may need. I offered to give them the account details so they could put money into that account. DPs parents scouffed at that and words were exchanged. I can be quite the spitfire so I bundled up DD and left. I asked DP if he were coming with and he stayed behind. On leaving I said I didn't see the need for secret accounts, they should have discussed it with us first and left. DP threw back at me that he didn't see why I was being so selfish.

I don't see why DPs parents couldn't have discussed it with us first, I don't see the need for them to have their 'own' account in DDs name as DP puts it. I feel they don't trust me with the money... I am going to have to write down my thoughts for DPs parents as they will not speak to me without it getting heated and DP will just give in to them and give them what they want.

This has caused a whole lot of commotion. I have been told either I give them their account or it is over between DP and I... way to blackmail! So at present I have said that I really do not see the need for any other accounts than the one she already has.

Am I being irrational? Am I being too controlling (which is DPs arguement). How many bank accounts does your child have? and who opened them? and who are signatories on the account?

Honest opinions please... I have tough skin... I need perpespectives of people not directly involved in this otherwise DP and I may well be done.

Why wont they just use the account you ahve set up already? Its going to the same child??? Unless they think you and dp will be taking money out...which i dont think you will? Maybe this is there reasoning beind wanting 2 accounts?

I dont think its fair that if you dont give them the birth certificate your relationship is over? Is there another underlying issue?

maybe just let them ope the account to keep the peace..as annoying as it is sometimes its better to just keep quiet and let them do what they want :P

Oh Ds has just one account that i set up which his great nana puts money into :)
Good luck hun :hug: xxx

I think its very strange that your PIL felt they should open an account and I would have thought that the advice you got from the bank was correct. Maybe call the bank again and see if the say the same thing again. If PIL have told the bank they are DD's guardians thats fraud.

I think its very strange that your relationship would be over if you didn't do this? You have every right NOT to give up the birth certificate, its not their child, surely you can make financial decisions for your own child?!?!?

If they are so keen on opening an account for her - tell them to open a separate one and "reserve" it just for her. Does it NEED to be in her name? Not at all, tell them to put it in their own bloody names, and just deposit money for her.

I'm sure they can be trusted to not touch the money themselves ;)

forgive me if I am a bit out of line :redface:, but I find it odd as well..... do they have some money to hide do you think? That's the very first thing that came to my mind when I read your post. Very weird too, that your DP give such a harsh ultimatum.
Best of luck working it out mate.

Oh thank you wonderful ladies... I thought I was going crazy because DP, his family can't see an issue with it.

DP has said that if I don't give the certificate to them so they can open the account than he and I are over... there are some other issues with his parents and things that have happened since DD was born (apparently I am the cow that gave birth to their granddaughter because my best friend held DD before MIL... sorry I didn't realise there was a hierarchy and that I had to follow a list of who could hold her :rolleyes:) but DP has said this is the clincher for him and if I can't trust his parents then he can't trust me.

Boomba - they haven't openly said they don't trust me/us with the $$ but that is the feeling I get.

SnowyLove - that is what I am afraid of - that they have told the bank that they are DDs guardian and if I give them the BC they may do other things (gee am I paranoid much :redface:)

Arimeh - I thought DP and I could make decisions for DD as well but apparently not... apparently the time I have spent managing DPs and my own financial interests means diddly squat. I did mention that maybe they should open a new account for themselves and put the $$ in there for DD and give it to her when she is older. I got death glares and "hhhmmpphs" (you know that shrug of the shoulders, I am not talking to you motion... yep got that)

Nicambhar - no idea if they are trying to hide $$ but I did ponder it... apparently the $$ is from them and DPs grandparents (so DDs great grandparents) apparently it has been saved since we told them we were pregnant... I am sure we aren't talking millions... maybe a couple of thousand.

I just do not get the secrecy and the need for multiple accounts.

Hopefully this sorts itself out... at the moment I am not to phased if DP leaves over this... it is small and trivial but if he can't see any, not even a little bit of a problem then we have bigger problems than just this I am afraid to say

My opinion only, but from first reading this it doesnt sound like your PIL trust that you guys will last forever. For me it sounds like they want to open an account for your DD's future but dont want to give you access incase you do break up with DP...?

Hope everything sorts itself out, i think blackmailing that it will be the end of you guys from something this little (when both parties is doing it for the sake of your DD) is quite silly.

HUGE :hug:

I don't find it odd at all. Both my parents have accounts for the children. It's easier for them to stick money in if and when they feel like it.
Since they are contributing I think they can bloody well do as they please.

What I do find disturbing is that a relationship could be over on the basis of this kind of disagreement.

mum2onesweetbun - it is possible though DP and I have been together 10 years this December... we have lasted that long and 'problems' have only arisen since we found out we were pg as that is when a feeling of us vs them came along... it is a trivial thing and a shame if it ends over it. I love him dearly and thought we trusted each other and were on the same page with things... apparently not

Lulu - thank you for offering the flip side. DP tends to pull the "well it is over then" card often especially if I disagree with his parents parenting styles or wishes for DD. I am trying not to be 'controlling' as DP puts it but I can see that he would consider me controlling when I will not let him commence controlled crying with DD because his mum says it is the only way she will learn... I am the bad guy because I disagree with CC and even smaller things like not agreeing to tape down DDs umbilicial hernia... argh!

Just give them the birth cert then. It certainly is a trivial matter so just let it go.

You can get a trust account opened hon.....and depending on which bank you DONT need a birth certificate unfortuneately (dont tell them that). IS it not enough that both of you have to sign to withdraw money from DD account? Were is the trust to you guys?? Lovely thought that they are thinking about DD future...but you are the parents and you make the decissions about her life and financial well being...

now onto the PIL's???? Who exactly gave birth to your DD? Who's DD is she?? I really think they are stepping over the line and need to get back in their ranks. Its not just about the bank account..I gather its the icing on the cake and a build up of alot of things. Grandparents seem to go both ways...either neglect or go over board. Maybe you need to ask MIL if she can remember what it was like to be a first time mum with all the 'support' overwhelming her..tell her that ytou need to find your mummy feet by yourself.

in the mean time...hide DD birth certificate and ring the bank that they opened the account for DD with and tell them that you have not authorised it....2 can play at their game ;)

i wouldn't be handing over DD's birth certificate for something like that - there is no need for her to have multiple accounts - she is a minor, you're co-signing with your partner (can't call him a DP given his ultimatum) - it's not like you're going to bleed her dry. if what they are trying to do is to start a trust fund for her that is tied up so that she can't access it until adulthood, then maybe there is a call for another account - but they don't need to take her birth certificate - they can ask you to accompany them.

if your partner is prepared to leave you over this, i would have big questions about your relationship - and i would be putting everything you can in place as a contingency - bank account details including balances etc. make sure DD's birth certificate is put somewhere safe. it's a pathetic thing to play with your relationship like this. he sounds rather immature. your DD is YOUR DD - she is not the child of his parents - and if one of you isn't comfortable handing over very important proof of identification, he should respect that. there is a reason they only give copies of birth certificates to the informant!

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I think its very strange that your relationship would be over if you didn't do this?

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This is my biggest concern of your entire post.

Regarding the bank account - my parents have an account for both boys, but its not in their name as they didnt aske for birth certificates or anything like that. I dont have a problem with it, becuase I *know* Id take money out of the ones we have for them if we needed it (bills etc, not for frivolous things).

As a result, we have ASG accounts for the boys, and money I want to save for htem I give to my parents and they bank. We dohave accounts in their name but only becuase we have relatives who'd write a cheque out to a newborn so it was the only way to cash them.

I think you know your PIL better than any of us, therefore if you have ill feelings about handing over the BC then don't do it. But DO ask yourself are you genuine in your feelings or reacting to this recent event.

If you genuinely feel "off" about handing over the BC (forgetting the recent event) then don't do it as a lot can be said for mothers instinct.

If it really is just about this bank thing then that is up to you.

Personally I do not see the need for multiple accounts for a child. I cannot see why they cannot open an account for her in their own name. I would find it pretty unusual that a bank would allow someone other than the parent or guardian to open an account for a child - has your DP had a hand to play in it?

To me something does seem off. I wouldn't give the BC personally and I would be contacting the bank society that they have (or plan to) open the account with and speak to the branch manager. Yes its behind their back but it just doesn't seem right.

Nae x

My mum has an account for DD (in DD's name). My grandmother had one for me (& all my cousins & sister) & my mum's grandmother had one for my mum & her siblings & cousins.
Generally it is given to the child between 18 - 21 or we can choose to keep it there for when we buy a house or get married.

I hope to do it for my children's kids too

If Andrew said to me that the relationship would be over if I didn't give his parents a birth certificate, I would be saying "seeya later then"

Do you know what bank they have done it with? If so I would be ringing their bank and seeing what their policy is on opening bank accounts for minors that don't live with them. Personally I would throttle my in-laws and my own parents if they ever tried to do that with my kids. Like you we already have an account in each of the boys names. Money can go in, but it can't come out. Well not for a long time anyway.

I think the problem here isnt that they have opened a bank account..its that they did it without even bothering to ask firstly and that DP is being a twat! Its a lack of respect in my opinion in not discussing something so important firstly with the you both. I bet you girls who's paretns have done bank account for your kids have talked to your parents about it and its something that was agreed upon together..not done behind your back.

Maybe a seachange ;) would be in order now

Even if they didn't ask I still can't see what the problem is.
What bad can come of this? It's not going to hurt the child in any way is it? Who really gives a crap if the kid has mutiple accounts? That's not going to hurt anyone either...

Last I heard eye rolling or disagreeing with someone else isn't a crime - all bad blood aside, it isn't going to hurt anyone, it doesn't mean anyone has lost control of any situation. does it?

lulu - i can see why you're saying no one will be hurt - honest i can - but for me, i can't see a need for multiple accounts if both parents don't agree with it. and i really can't see why handing over your DD's birth certificate to someone is something that should be discarded as a non-event. it is proof of identity. having it gives you access to lots of services for that child - not just opening a bank account. if the partner is threatening to leave if it isn't handed over, i would feel VERY protective of that piece of ID for the child. you know yourself all it takes to prove ID for a child for FTB purposes is a birth certificate...

maybe i'm thinking it through too much - but really, how hard is it to put money into an existing account? it's not. how hard is it to talk things through rather than going behind someones back? it's not.

i think if TK feels suspect, then she is right to not go ahead with handing over the documents - if they want her to go with them to open an account and the bank can confirm that a non-guardian can open the account, fine - but you shouldn't feel obliged to hand something over to grandparents if you don't want to... i sure as hell wouldn't hand over DD's birth certificate to anyone - including my parents - and i'm on reasonably good terms with them and see them weekly!

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If Andrew said to me that the relationship would be over if I didn't give his parents a birth certificate, I would be saying "seeya later then"

Do you know what bank they have done it with? If so I would be ringing their bank and seeing what their policy is on opening bank accounts for minors that don't live with them. Personally I would throttle my in-laws and my own parents if they ever tried to do that with my kids. Like you we already have an account in each of the boys names. Money can go in, but it can't come out. Well not for a long time anyway.

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My thoughts exactly!!

Lulu - I don't think the problem is the bank acc itself, but rather the persistance and lack of respect to the mother in persuing this, against the mothers wishes.

Tk - I would be sticking to your guns. I would tell them, look if you really want to open a bank acc - make it a trust acc so that they don't need to have the birth certificate (and then everyone's interests are protected as they can stipulate on the trust when your DD can get the money - ie, 18th birthday.)

Personally I wouldn't feel comfortable with this. Only parents/gardians are allowed to open normal saving bank acc for children, for anyone else to open a bank acc in anothers name is fraud. Furthermore if they do open an acc in your DD's name - YOU (being her legal gardian and DD being a minor) can legally access it. Perhaps point that out to them.

So like I said their only real choices are a)use the acc you set up, or b)open a trust acc .

Absolutely no way would I tolerate that from my IL's or DP. To me, your IL's wanting to open up *their own* account for your DD just screams "we want control"!! If they simply wanted to add to your DD's financial future, then they would be more than willing to deposit money into her existing account. But they don't - they want control. Not on!!

I think you've handled it very well and poo to them and your DP. If your DP wants to leave over this, then as Astrolady said, "seeya later!" Sorry if I'm out of line, but it seems to me from what you've posted, that your DP would rather please his parents than even give your opinions the time of day. He should be working with you as a team, not against you :shakehead:

:hug: You have every right to be annoyed and angry! If I were you I wouldn't be handing over the certificate either.

If I am correct, I am sure that any family member can obtain a birth certificate from BDM's.... So even if you don't give it to them, I am fairly sure they will be able to order one.

nope - birth certificates can only be given to the informant - in the case of parents, it's both parents can apply - but he would have to pay for a second one, and provide ID etc. the grandparents can't get them. DH had trouble getting his OWN birth certificate (needed it for ID) cos he didn't have enough ID - go figure!

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If I am correct, I am sure that any family member can obtain a birth certificate from BDM's.... So even if you don't give it to them, I am fairly sure they will be able to order one.

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I certainly hope not. Im pretty sure the privacy laws in Australia would mean only the parents can do this.

ah, just checked the BDM QLD site... you need written consent. My appologies for scaring anyone :redface:

Eligibility
To get a birth certificate, you must meet the requirements of our certificate access policy.

You can apply for a copy of your own birth certificate.

You are also eligible to apply for a copy of a person?s birth certificate if you are any of the following to the person:

parent
spouse, child, grandparent or sibling (you must obtain written authorisation from the individual)
legal custodian or guardian (you must show proof that you have custody or guardianship of the person)
executor of will or estate (you must show proof of your executor status and give a reason for your application)
solicitor, statutory body or government agency (you must show proof that your firm/agency represents the person, proof of your employment and give a reason for your application).

Hmm this seems very suspect to me. I would not hand over that sort of ID for a child unless I trusted them 100 per cent!!! I wouldn't do it in this situation. It sounds like there are all sorts of issues here, and you can use a BC to get a passport etc, and all sorts of stuff. not to be paranoid!

But the issue of opening an account? Hmm doesn't bother me too much, even if they didn't ask - TBH I know of lots of people with trust accounts etc. I would say that you will go WITH them to the bank, but that you will not be handing over the BC. Then hide it somewhere good!

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I don't find it odd at all. Both my parents have accounts for the children. It's easier for them to stick money in if and when they feel like it.
Since they are contributing I think they can bloody well do as they please.

What I do find disturbing is that a relationship could be over on the basis of this kind of disagreement.

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:yeahthat:

er I wouldn't be giving it to them. That is just plain odd! And I wouldn't be happy at DP for blackmailing you that way either.

That is totally unacceptable, as her father and your partner he should have discussed it with you, not bullied you in front of them. And they should be ashamed for making such a big deal about it all.

Hugs hun.

Oh TK sweetie, first of all, big hugs to you :hug: I cant believe DP is treating you with such little respect by siding with his parents, and giving you an ultimatum like that. If it was me personally, I wouldnt have an issue with say a Trust account been set up, but i do find it odd that the In laws are trying to set up an account in her name, and without even asking. If I were you, I'd be keeping that BC under lock and key. There are plenty of ways around this issue which dont involve using it.

Hoping and praying that this issue can be resolved peacefully hun :hug:

I can see why they might want to open an account - they want to bignote themselves to your DD to (when she's old enough to understand obviosuly) by having their own little stash and saying "Here is money WE gave to you". Ok, fair enough, my grandparents did the same and at the end of the day we have items that we say each grandparent "bought us" because it was "their money" IYKWIM. Not a huge issue. Yeah it might seem silly to have multiple accounts, and in a way it is, but sone people are funny like that and like things to be acknowledged, especially if it does eventuate into a large sum, they probably just want to know that they'll have their feet kissed and their praises sung when the time comes :rolleyes: (sorry, my own grandmother issue comin through here LOL!)
I would be telling them you won't be giving them the birth certificate, but you'll go down there with it with them (that way the bank knows who the guardian is ;)). Really, what bad can come of grandparents putting away some savings for DD?

It's pretty immature and a huge overreaction to say "The relationship is OVER if you don't do this". Thats a terrible thing to hang over you every time you disagree, and if thats his way of controlling your actions, I'd tell him to go move in with his mummy then.

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I don't find it odd at all. Both my parents have accounts for the children. It's easier for them to stick money in if and when they feel like it.
Since they are contributing I think they can bloody well do as they please.

What I do find disturbing is that a relationship could be over on the basis of this kind of disagreement.

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This is how I feel also. Maybe it is because of the relationship I have with my partner and in-laws; I trust them and I feel that all of the Grandparents me, my partner and the choices we make. I don't feel they do this as a form of gaining control but as their way of supporting DD. They have always said and reassured us that there are no strings; the money is to assist in our choices and their contribution in no way entitles them to weigh in on any decision although if we are after advice they are and always will be there for us. If you feel uneasy about it though then I would trust that feeling. I would be trying to open up the lines of communication; it is unfortunate that your partner has reacted in this way because threats really don't help anyone.

:hug:

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I don't find it odd at all. Both my parents have accounts for the children. It's easier for them to stick money in if and when they feel like it.
Since they are contributing I think they can bloody well do as they please.

What I do find disturbing is that a relationship could be over on the basis of this kind of disagreement.

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Yeah I kinda of agree... when they start playing around with money I have contributed towards my DDor DS's bank account then I think I'd get stroppy.

It is a bit of a worry though that your DP is blackmailing youw ith your relationship that way. I think when a couple starts a family, or even when a couple become committed, the parents of that child should always show a united front, if there is a disagreement then you should come to a compromise before having a fight infront of PIL/Parents otherwise there are going to be weak points of display that some people have no problem taking advatage of.

Just my two bobs worth :) GL, I hope everything pans out ok.

i wouldn't be handing over my DS birth cert to anyone let alone whether its family or not. your DD has 1 bank account they should just put the money into that.

Like many others, there is no way I'd be handing over my DS's birth certificate to anyone! The trust issues seem to be going both ways here. They obviously don't trust you that if they put money into the account you created for your DD that it will stay there, and you don't trust them in handing over the Birth Certificate.

The air needs to be cleared. You are the parents and I would say buggar off to your DP as well for not supporting you. It's not about the bank account, it's about who wants to be in more control.....and as far as i'm concerned, they don't have a right to even think they can gain it!

MY DS has a bank account opened by ME and my MIL would give me $ to put into it for him. She trusts me I guess.....but honestly, as if I'd rip off my own SON! Here we are trying to give them a good start in life by opening them a bank account so young, and for people to think that we are going to rip off our own kids and take the money for ourselves is crazy! (this is the impression I get from your story)

Like someone else said though, it's not going to hurt to have more than one account for your DD, but maybe if the IL's are so intent on opening it, then you go with them and take the BC and take it straight back...don't hand it over to them!

GOOD LUCK

I think I agree with Lu about this.
I personally just don't see the issue...I am not one of those parents though that believes every decision needs to be vetted by me. Grandparents do all sorts of things without asking parents, and so they should - they are grandparents! What harm does it do you if they open a bank account? Why should it be anything to do with you if they want to open an account for their granddaughter?
Sorry but to me it doesnt sound like they are trying to control things, it sounds like you are scared of losing control and giving an inch.

I too though have a massive issue with your DHs response of "its over then" THAT is what I think you should be concerned about...the lack of support and unity in front of your PIL - disagreeing with you is one thing, but you do not pick sides in front of others

jmo though

I wouldn't be handing my DD's birth certificate over but would go with them to the bank so the bank can have a copy if its needed.
Maybe they want to put it in your DD's name for a tax break or something?

I'd be more concerned about identity fraud than anything else, how do you know what they will use their copy for in the future? or whose hands it will pass in to?
A BC is not something to hand over to anyone.
Maybe its cause my DH works in fraud for a financial institution that makes me skeptical but I certainly would not be handing a Birth Certificate to anyone.

I'm sorry to hear that what should be a generous gift is causing so much strife.

A non-guardian can open an account for a minor, but their name will also be on the account, and they will have full access to the money as it is also in their name. My sister tried to open an account for my son when he was born, but in the end didn't as she didn't think it was right that her name would also be on it. So it can be done.

If it is a regular account, and not "In Trust" then the other account holder (parent etc) has to pay tax on the interest made on the money each year. Is it possible that the IL's have money set aside that they are trying to avoid paying tax on?

If they are worried about you being able to access "their" money, have you considered letting you partner open an account with his name on it instead of the IL's?

My sons both have small savings accounts held "in trust' for them with their name and mine on it. My DH's name is not on the account purely because he was not at the bank when the accounts were opened.

I am also sorry to hear of the tricky situation. If the idea is purely for the sake of them wanting to save for the grandaughter that is lovely but if there is something else behind it then they should be ashamed of themselves and to bully you like that is just wrong. Follow your instincts, if you don't feel it's right stick your ground. You are the childs mother and your wishes should be respected by the IL's and your DP should be sticking by your side.

I have opened youth saver accounts for my boys purely because working in a school i could deposit while at work. I had the converstaion with my MIL the other day that we aren't going to buy DS2 much for Christmas because he doesn't need it with all of what we have from DS1, instead we will deposit money into his account. I mentioned this to MIL and she was happy to do this also.

I don't think i would be comfortable handing my child's birthcert over. I would be giving them the option of having the bank details to deposit when they wish or open up an account in their own names and save for the child as they wish.

It's a tricky situation and i hope you find a way out of it with your family still somewhat intact.

my DF's mother made an account for Jonathan without us knowing but she gave us his little passport thingy as a gift and said she would put money in every week and we could add to it when we want. She never asked us but she said she also needs the birth cert. I dont think you are being irrational at all, the way they went about it was wrong and the fact you had expressed that you didnt want that should have been enough for them to back off. Also the account our son was given is not allowed to accessed by anyone other than Jonathan if thats what they are worried about.