i'm going to tear....

Okay... slight freak out session.

DH and i just DTD for the first time in about... hmm 4 weeks? We haven't done it much at all really, because whenever we do i get really swollen down there and it gets quite painful. But anyway... We just DTD and :redface: .. i am sooooo tight... it is ridiculous!!! I had to stop half way because it was hurting so much.. i felt like a virgin all over again! :(

What do i do??? Is it too late for me??? How do i loosen up before birth day?!?!

omg.. soooo freaking out right now!! I don't want to tear, and i defiantely don't want an episiotomy (sp?) !!

HELP!!!!!

Only suggestion I have is kegels? They are supposed to make the pelvic floor stronger to reduce the risk of tearing aren't they?

Are you guys using lubrication? Maybe your hormones have changed again & you are just very dry. Maybe its that simple?

:hug:

I have been find it a bit dry down there during DTD (despite all that pregnancy discharge, who would have thought...) and have been using some Sylk as it was getting a little painful and it's worked wonders. Give that ago before you start stressing ;)

Did you have any trauma from our first child? There are ways to try avoid tearing. I am about to run out the door to work so Ill only mention a few. I know water is great during labour at softening the vagina and peri to make it more supple and your less likely to tear. Also if you have a good birth attendent who can encourage you to pant, cough etc the baby out when your crowning rather then push it out quickly it gives the skin time to stretch which does help prevent tearing. This can all be done at the birth itself so your definately not out of time. You can also start with some perineum massage now which might help.

Teagz and BJrose - yep we were using lube :redface: *sigh*

i can't believe its taken me this long to realise! Grrr!! Should have just been a horny devil and not worried about the swelling afterwards :rolleyes: haha

Emmy - i had a very small tear with DD, i think i had like 2 stitches.. nothing major at all. But i can't remember ever being this tight during my pregnancy with her. The hospital we're at allows you to labour in the bath, but not birth - so would that still help do you think??

I've told DH we'll be doing the perineum massage like clockwork from now on. I'll just have to read up about it and remember how they're done.

farr out... why would i only realise this now?!

You will be fine hun.
Your body is fully prepared to do this and the fact that you felt so tight when DTD isn't a indicator that you will tear at all.
The hormones when you are in labour will make your muscles relax and loosen up and prepare your body fully for this all over again. Dont stress too much because stress will make your muscles tense up and can then cause you to tear.

In the mean time, if you want to DTD with your DH take it slowly, maybe get him to give you a massage before to help you get in the mood and relax a little. Perenium massages sound like a good idea too.

Have you read 'Birth Skills' by Juju Sundin? It's an awesome book and should help you with ways to prepare your mind and body so you DON'T tear. Get hold of it - hopefully it will make you feel more confident!

I'm sure all will be well, just relax. Is there a possibility it was in the back of your head that you might be a little bit tight before your DH entered? I'm just asking because if I think something *might* hurt, I automatically tense up and yup - it hurts!!

Try to think positive thoughts - I won't tear, I won't tear, I can expand to fit this baby out without help - dunno if it will help, but certainly won't hinder.

Oh and I'd say try the peri massage too - we're doing it on and off here - haven't done it for about a week now cos it bloody hurt last time - and I told DH he hurt me, and he went and did exactly the same thing AGAIN two seconds later - men!!! :rolleyes:

We could be peri massage buddies if you like... LOL... message each other with how painful it was and how silly our husbands are.. bwahahaha

thankyou tannedangel :hug:
I really needed to hear you say that. And we didn't take it slow, we were kind of trying to rush things because i didn't know how much longer DD would nap (turns out for another hour :shakehead: )

I know what you mean...I was having the same thoughts a little while ago. Everything seems to have tightened, which is great if you're not about to push a baby through there :doh: :lol: I find, personally, that DTD....backwards....:dance:.....helps to stretch out that perenial area, plus I find that I can make myself far more comfortable during the process than if I'm on my back. If you're finding you're tensing yourself up, have a nice warm bath first, and get DH to concentrate on you for a bit before hand, nice massage and some foreplay, and it should help to get your natural lubrication happening as well and relax those muscles.

Good luck x and happy stretching :dance:

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I find, personally, that DTD....backwards....:dance:.....helps to stretch out that perenial area, plus I find that I can make myself far more comfortable during the process than if I'm on my back.

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I'll have to remember that ><; I find jumping on top too helps, you have a bit of control over how fast things go in and sort of ease yoruself into it ;)


Wow, this thread is getting raunchy :p

tellytubby Im glad that I made you feel a bit more at ease, I keep telling myself, and friends, that our bodies are designed to do this, and to remember that. It always seems to work, purely because its true.

Don't stress hun. I too was scared of tearing, and was warned about it by my midwife (because I have done ballet my whole life, and dancers are notorious for tight pereniums). My midwife massaged my perenium during the second stage and put heaps of oil down there too as well as applying hot washers. Could a support person do that for you?

I seriously thought I was tearing at one point. But nope. nothing YAY!

HTH!

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Have you read 'Birth Skills' by Juju Sundin? It's an awesome book and should help you with ways to prepare your mind and body so you DON'T tear. Get hold of it - hopefully it will make you feel more confident!

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I agree 100% Pix - This book (and my doula), were my bibles leading up to my labour and what a FANTASTIC labour i had :)

Someone just PMed me about the book (and thanks for the second cookalooks ;)) and it occurred to me I should go into a bit more detail. Juju is a physiotherapist who specialises in birth and postnatal physio. She actually runs birth skills classes in Sydney but I think they are pretty booked up! The book actually goes through the physiological process of birth and gives you exercises that you can practice beforehand which will help you through each stage of your labour. Specifically when it comes to tearing it tells you exactly what to do/ not to do during the crowning phase to minimise the possibility of tearing whether you are drug free or having an epidural. Absolutely the best most must-have birth book out there. I will definitely buy one next time.... instead of just spending hours in bookshops surreptitiously reading it :rolleyes:

Thank-you ladies :hug:

Arimeh - you're so right! When i think something might hurt, it almost always does because i tense up aswell, and yep! - I had an incling that it might hurt, so i wasn't fully relaxed... Hopefully that might explain a little, next time if i relax it might be a better experience. I remember DH doing the peri massage when i was preg with DD, and he hurt me too, :rolleyes: that was the last time we did it! haha. Peri massage buddies :lol: sounds like a plan! I'm sure when we start tonight it won't be the most joyous massage, but i'm hoping i stick to it this time! :goodluck: Do you use an oil to help the massage? I don't have any here so thinking lube... ??

the pixie and cookalooks - i'll definately keep an eye out for that book. Can you buy it in regular books stores do you know? Or is it really only online?? Just wondering cause i'm not sure how long it'll take to get them delivered if its only online. I got 4 birthing books at the start of this preg and they took 6 weeks!! (from the US tho and i got standard shipping). Sounds great tho, i love reading my books so i'm definately keen!

Becsbub - yeah great if you're not having a baby! haha. Even my DH commented something along the lines of "gee its nice and tight.. but you gotta get a baby out of there in a couple of weeks!". I'll try doing it backwards.. do you mean... doggy :redface: ??? hahaha omg!! Yep this thread is surely getting into some detail! :redface: Thank you for your kind words and support xx

Teagz - lol - yes i agree, definatley getting a bit raunchy!! but its making me smile - which is great! :p

Anna - thanks for the tips. What type of oil did your MW use?? The hot washers sound like a good idea too. I'm sure DH wouldn't mind doing those things for me when the time comes, he's not really phased by things like that.

Hi tellytubby
I found the very same thing happened to me the last few times DH & I did it when I was pregnant. Things do get sooo swollen down there :)
But guess what - I birthed a 9lb baby & didn't tear!!
My advice is to listen to your midwives. They directed me as DS was crowning & I did exactly what they said.
Good luck!!

Try a big dymocks or borders hon, they both have it here in Sydney (hence I was able to read without buying :redface:)

Cheezel Monster :dance: woohoo!! you go girl! hahaha
that is AWESOME news!!! THank you for sharing :hug:
I need to hear things like this - makes me feel a lot more confident.
MWs are gems aren't they?? Filled with so much knowledge, i love em

lol no worries.
Keep thinking those positive thoughts!!

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Do you use an oil to help the massage? I don't have any here so thinking lube... ??

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DH went to the health store and got some apricot kernel oil but you could use olive oil or water ;)

I'll give him another shot at it tonight - if you do... LOL

Oh - and I was the one to PM Pixie chick about the book, I just got one off ebay - so there are a few others on there going off in the next few days. Check them out to see if someone is selling one near you, then you could just pick it up instead of waiting for delivery.

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Thank-you ladies :hug:

the pixie and cookalooks - i'll definately keep an eye out for that book. Can you buy it in regular books stores do you know? Or is it really only online?? Just wondering cause i'm not sure how long it'll take to get them delivered if its only online. I got 4 birthing books at the start of this preg and they took 6 weeks!! (from the US tho and i got standard shipping). Sounds great tho, i love reading my books so i'm definately keen!

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I got mine from Borders :) - you could also check your local library?

The oil I used was made up by my naturopath, but was essentially apricot kernel and avocado oil. I also really listened to my midwife when she told me to pant as I was crowning...I am actually glad we didn't get the birth pool set up in time, because my midwife was able to help me a lot more than if I was in water. That being said, I have heard water makes the whole area more stretchy...so...anyway. I am secretly in love with my midwife, so I am glad she helped me the way she did!

GL! And how exciting to be so pregnant! Now long now!!!

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Becsbub - yeah great if you're not having a baby! haha. Even my DH commented something along the lines of "gee its nice and tight.. but you gotta get a baby out of there in a couple of weeks!". I'll try doing it backwards.. do you mean... doggy :redface: ??? hahaha omg!! Yep this thread is surely getting into some detail! :redface: Thank you for your kind words and support xx

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LOL Yep, I meant doggy. I just didn't want to be the one to say it :lol: Good luck with it and I hope you have some fun out of it as well as a good stretch :dance: And you're most welcome ;)

Hi TT, I thought this excerpt from a birth story might encourage you:

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Having had two c-sections and being told I could never expect to have a vaginal birth, I internalised the idea that I would never use my body in this way and that conditioning is hard to overcome. Also...well I don't know how else to put it, but a rather uncooperative vagina over the years, I was sure I would tear top to bottom. I tend to tear and bleed a little during normal vaginal sex, but I had an 11 pound 12 oz baby and no tears.

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Pretty cool eh? Also Jenny Blyth's book Birthwork has some lovely stuff about looking after your vagina. When you do the perineal massage, you are not trying to 'force' your body to 'stretch more', it's more about confidence and awareness. So, let it be gentle and soothing, and notice when you are holding tension in your abdomen and chest. Then, use your breath to soften by gently exhaling ... letting the tension drop away as you exhale .... and you soften down there, too ... then you an gentley resume the massage. It's a great skill that works well for birth, too.

More info about preparing for an intact perineum here

I think a kneeling position or variation of it, in a birth pool, is the gold star standard for taking care of your perineum & vagina. This research talks about the kneeling position thing, the birth in water idea just comes from my own observations & experience.

Look, I know this sounds weird but my second baby and the tearing has actually fixed the first tear.

I had DS1 and I tore - I was consequently stitched up and my vagina was never quite the same. I had a significant scar I could feel and it just wasn't right. With the birth of DS2 I was really worried because the stitch job on DS1 was pretty dodgy. What the heck was going to happen the second time?

As predicted, I tore with DS2, but..... the Dr who stitched me up with DS2 was an absolute master. I tore in exactly the same place and I've just about returned to the way I was before DS1 - it's pretty funny. He stitched me up so well. He took ages doing it, but I'm glad he did.

After two babies my vagina is back the way it was. Pretty odd actually.

PS. I told my dad who did the stitches and he said the same Dr stitched his hand back together after he drilled through it. I'd forgotten about that - Dad had always commented on what a good job he'd done on his hand.

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Look, I know this sounds weird but my second baby and the tearing has actually fixed the first tear.

I had DS1 and I tore - I was consequently stitched up and my vagina was never quite the same. I had a significant scar I could feel and it just wasn't right. With the birth of DS2 I was really worried because the stitch job on DS1 was pretty dodgy. What the heck was going to happen the second time?

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OMG, me too

I was so stressed about tearing the second time around as it took me 12 months to feel comfortable DTD after DD's birth.

Well...my GP told me that tearing again would most likely fix my probs from first time around. I birthed in an all fours position with head down, MW had hot washer on peri to help and I panted the head out, only pushing the body as DS had his cord around his neck, and this is where I tore.

BUT saying that I felt amazing second time around, and have had NO discomfort and everything is fixed. DH and I even DTD 4 weeks after giving birth (funny as I waited about 20 weeks last time) :D

Good luck

Glad it wasn't just me then nellnell.