Do you tell them?

Do you tell your LOs that you love them? I'm not questioning whether you love them, of course we do - but do you actually verbalise it to them (whether they understand it or not).

The reason I ask is my parents never really said it to me, and as a result I am finding as a parent that telling DS I love him doesn't come naturally. I know my parents love me, but they very rarely express it to me. Now with DS, I'm sure he knows I love him - but I haven't said it to him much.

How important do you think it is to actually tell your kids that you love them? I think I'd really like to make an effort to change myself to tell DS I love him, and to tell him often.

I tell my girls all the time - at least once a day. I always say it as the last thing at night too "Goodnight sweetheart, I love you" The best thing ever was when DD1 said "I lve you too mummy" for the first time.

I tell my children numerous times a day that i love them, i think it is a very important thing to tell them. I'm sure your son knows you love him just like you knew your parents loved you but to hear those three little words 'I Love You' is like muic to my ears.

Um.. rarely :redface:

For the same reason, I was never told as a child (or teen, or adult!) so I don't find it easy to say it to anyone (well other than people online - luv ya sterla ;)) but yeah, to actually verbalise it is VERY awkward for me.

DH is the same unfortunately :(

My parents never really said it much growing up, especially my dad as he's not big on "feelings". It wasn't something I thought about much untill I got a bit older and moved away from home.

Since living away from them and only getting the chance to see them every other month, I now make a point of trying to say it to them both as much as possible. It's funny how much I think just saying it has altered out relationships, I feel much closer to dad now that we can say it without it feeling weird or out of place, My Dad's always stoked when I finish a phone call with "love you dad".

I tell her constantly.... more than once a day!
My dad said it to me occasionally (maybe more when I was little but I don't remember) and I am pretty sure that my mother has never said it to me ever.
But with DD it just seems natural to say it often.
Maybe if you start to say it it will start to feel natural IYKWIM?

Mel, I'm the same - I can write and tell someone I love them easily (cards and letters were always filled with all sorts of mushy stuff), but I feel awkward saying it.

Yep I tell DS a lot. I tell DP a lot too. Just something I've always verbalised I guess.

I think you're right Pixie - it's something I just need to make myself start doing, and eventually it will feel natural.

i say it to my kids at least a couple of times a day and they say it back. DS is usually the one to say it first - 'mummy, i really love you and daddy and ashy and ruby" and i reply 'i really love you too, matey'. I say it to DD1 before school and before bed. i think it is important for them to hear.

i dont ever remember as a child being told i was loved but i always tell my girls how much ilove them, multiple times a day!

I always tell DD that I love her. I don't remember my parents telling me much when I was growing up but they did more when I was older.

Gosh, I feel quite bad now that I don't say it :redface:.

Mind you, come to think of it - when I say things to DS like "you dag" or "you funny little thing", etc, it's probably said with the same inflection as "I love you" - I've just replaced the words, lol.

Definitely something I want to work on, especially as DS gets older and understands more.

I too come from a family that never, ever says "I love you", BUT it was never a problem, I always felt loved. They showed me every day that they did indeed love me. Actions speak louder than words? :dunno:

Anyway, it is completely normal for me not to say I love you so I never have said it to my little ones. Then about 6 months ago, when DS really started to be able to string a sentence together, he started saying it to me all the time. I think our FDC lady says it to him all the time, so he naturally then just transferred it to a different situation. It is pretty amazing and very powerful. So now I do say it to them often. But DS now goes completely OTT with it and says "Mummy I just love you so much" (in a really soppy voice) and put his hands on my ears and twists my head so he can look me in the eye. I think that's kinda cute but kinda weird, anyway, I'm sure it won't last long. I'm sure he won't be still dong that when he's 16. :lol:

I agree if you start saying it ...eventually it will just come naturally you wont even have to think about it you will just be saying it.

I must say i am a little suprised with the amount of people who have never been told by their parents that they love them, i find it quiet sad to be honest. I have always been told by both my mum and dad that they love me, it's something we still say to each other every time we speak or see one another. Like i said i tell my children numerous times a day that i love them and my DH and I also say it to each other numerous times a day....maybe the reason i dont have any issues in saying it is because froma very young age i have alwasy been told by my parents that they love me.

My parents were pretty big on verbalising, actually, everytime they said no I couldn't go out it was usually prefaced by or followed by, we love you... They still say it now, and every time we are on the phone.

I say it alot. In fact, I usually say "hey Jazz, guess what..." and she comes to me for a kiss and laugh and say "I love you". It started out with me just saying "hey Jazz, guess what... I love you" and then kissing her. hehehehe, that happens multiple times a day! I say it a lot to Shel to. I'm just the kind of person who says it a lot.

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I must say i am a little suprised with the amount of people who have never been told by their parents that they love them, i find it quiet sad to be honest.

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Please don't feel sad for me. I'm not sad about it at all. It's just a complete non-issue. Just because we don't say it doesn't mean we don't feel it. And we know we love each other because we show that we do in all sorts of different ways every single day.

I tell Bella seveal times a day and same with DH,I always tell Bella before she goes to sleep or when i tuck her in.

I always say it to DH before work and when we go to sleep.

My Mum told me all the time when I was little and still does now - and my Dad didnt say it as much but did say it - I was daddys girl so I certainly knew!

It will come naturally!!

Kate

Yeah, I can't say I'm sad about not being told "I love you" by my parents. It's very clear to me that they do, I could never doubt it :).
It is, however, slightly annoying cause it's made me feel weird about saying it :doh:.

I tell DD I love her before every sleep. And the same with DH. I tell him I love him every night before I go to sleep.

It doesn't matter who says it and who doesn't. Just because you say it doesn't make it true (not that I'm saying anyone doesn't love their kids but ykwim). Acting on the feeling is more important. If saying "I love you" is how someone acts on their feelings then yay. If saying other things is acting on it then yay. If just plain acting on it is how you give your feeling meaning then yay. As long as kids know they're loved and cherished, thats what matters. 'Love' is just another word to kids until we show them what it means.

My parents said it to me growing up, but less so as I got older. As a result I find it hard to say to them now.

With my own kids I tell them all every day, several times a day. Most days we play the "I love you more than" game which involves us thinking of mundane or crazy things we love each other more than (eg a trip to the moon, chocolate, bright red buses, etc)

I think Epacris hit the nail on the head....actions definitely speak louder than words. DP doesn't verbalise it as much as I do, but every piece of him - what he does, how he acts, how he cares for DS - demonstrates how much he loves his son.

I agree with Leasha too....sometimes words can be very empty.

Sorry i didnt mean to come across as though those people who's parents dont tell their children that they love them, love them any less then a parent who tells their children 10 times a day that they love them (does that make sense).....i'm just saying that i for one would feel very sad if my own parents didnt tell me they loved me at all during my childhood.

I tell DD all the time, she knows the sign for love from a book she has and its basically just hugging yourself, i say i LOOOOVVVE you and hug myself...and DD will come and give me big cuddles! I think if you give them lots of affection and its clear to them that the 'are' loved it wouldnt matter if you actually 'say' the words ir not.
With my step dad...who has been my 'dad' since i was 6....i only really said "i love you" a few years ago when i moved to australia, and now i make a point of saying it every time we talk, it was a bit wierd at first but now its nice. :)

my parents did a lot, so I do too. Multiple times a day.
DH's parents did not, but for him it's the reverse. He doesn't want to be that way so is conscious of making sure he does.

i wasn't told i was loved as a kidlet, and very rarely by mum now (dad never - and his actions are clearly NOT showing that!) - i really struggled to tell DH i loved him even when i knew i did - so when he was working away, we started telling each other before the end of every call and it became second nature. if we leave the house, we say it to each other. when we come home we say it. sometimes just sitting there.

this has translated into us being able to say it to DD whenever she is around. before every sleep she gets a cuddle and a "love you bubba girl". when she wakes up, i walk up the hallway talking to her so she doesnt get distressed - and as i unwrap her i tell her that i love her

i grew up in a home where tehre was little to no expression of love and i don't want that for my DD. i know a LOT of households where there is love where it's never verbalised, but it's obvious in the actions of the people that they love each other. that wasnt' teh house i grew up in - and i don't want that for DD. we tell her all the time and she is a very affectionate little poppet already - she asks for kisses and will cuddle and kiss us all the time (she comes off the boob and says kiss kiss and wn't attach again til she gets her kiss!)

so yeah, we say it multiple times as it's just part of our normal day. it's not forced, it's natural - and we express it with both actions and words

i said it to DD2 the second she was born.
i tell both my girls i love them when i put them to bed and when i leave the house.
DF and i always say i love you before we leave the house and every night when we go to bed. We also kiss and cuddle infront of the girls too.
Everyday my mum rings me and when we're hanging up we always say i love you.
I think its important to tell kids we love them, they know and we know that we do, but there's something special about hearing it

Nai, same here, i say " Night night, sweet dreams, i love you " and Miss C will say the same to me which always, always makes me feel so warm & fuzzy when she says it :heartbeat:

... My Dad has never said to me that he loves me but having said that my Mum will say it to me but strangely enough i feel ' the love ' from my Dad more even though he has never ever said it to me ... they say actions can speak stronger than words but at the same time it's secure & comforting to hear it from your parents ... i say I LOVE YOU to my DD several times a day without even thinking much about it, it's more the emotion that's connected to it when i say it to her and at bedtime it's a bit of both ;)

As a child, every now and then I heard my folks tell me they love me - but I knew they did... I got plenty "bear hugs" and cuddles and happy memories...

Now for me being a parent I do tell my children often I love them and in different tones - in a fun giggly way, a serious way so that they know they mean the world to me and in a deep heart felt way that i feel only I can say it.

And to hear my children come and tell me they love me is like hearing someone saying it from above - if you know what I mean... It fills apart of me that only those words can fill.

So if it's something you need to "practise" saying, go for it cause it's just wonderful when it comes right back at you...;)

I think its important. I tell my kids all the time. Even though my parents didn't say it much to me.

My parents never did until mum started when i was in my late teens after i said it to her. She said she never realised how important it was to say it. My dad still won't say it but I know he does. My ILs say it freely, FIL will say it to me at the end of phone conversations.
I have always said it to my kids cause i want them to know that I do love them. DD1 is quite happy to say it to me even now she is 18!
My class often say "I love you Mrsmac" and I say "i love you too " back to them cause i do love them.

Sterla, I just wanted to say that perhaps as your DS gets a little bit older and starts communicating with you more and more, especially verbally - it may start to feel a little bit more natural - perhaps it may well just feel right to tell him that you love him, especially when you know that he understands the meaning of those words, as well as all the love you give him in your actions.

He will always know the love you have for him whatever you do, hun. The words just define it in a given moment. Don't worry about every forcing yourself to say it if it doesn't feel right, but perhaps just be open to opportunities where the words form in your head and they feel right to say to your DS at the time :hug:

There is a great book called "5 love languages" that describes how each of us needs to be shown love. Maybe this is a good book to read?

My parents always told me how much they loved me when I was growing up.

My children will be told, but I am a very communicative person. My friends and family are always told when I speak/see them that I love them.

It has caused issues with boyfriends in the past, when I've meant it in the sense that I love them as a friend and have had to quantify the definition to them, so that they don't get the wrong idea.

For some people it is enough just to show love.

Please don't feel like a bad parent because you cannot vocalise those words to your partner and child.

Sterla, I found it weird at the start with DD1 as she couldn't speak but then I practiced just talking to her during the day and saying it in the everyday conversation eg, kiss her toes and say I love your toes and I love you. I also read to the girls a lot and one book that helped was "Guess How Much I Love You". Reading that regularly helped me say it more naturally.

Also once I could see her starting to understand what I was saying it made a big difference and she would smile when I said it so I think it reinforced me saying it.

I've never been told by my parents either - the closest mum gets is "lots of love to you" - it doesn't really bother me, I find it more amusing that she does it in a roundabout way rather than coming straight out and saying it.

Anyhoo, I say it to DD whenever I feel like it - which is not every day. That doesn't mean I don't love her every day, it's just not something I think of/feel like saying every day if that makes sense. It seems more natural (to me) to say other affectionate stuff. I tell her she's a beautiful girl CONSTANTLY - though I'll need to change that "beautiful" description at some point because I mean it in a beautiful personality way rather than a beautiful appearance way (though DD is darned cute IMO) but I don't want her to feel valued just cos she's cute IYKWIM.

TBH, saying "I love you" has come a bit easier to me since I saw how easily it comes to DP with DD and DSD. Though there is still for me a bit of a balance. DP and DSD say it at the end of most phone calls and to me that's a habit. A nice habit but it seems like they're saying it because that's what they always do, not because they feel it at that moment.

So yep, I'll carry on saying it when I feel it.

Well, I have said it to DS twice already today, but I have to say it does feel so weird and unnatural. We kiss and cuddle all the time, and I call him sweetheart and darling... but saying those actual words feels so odd.

Nai: I had that book "Guess How Much I Love You" from the library once, it's beautiful :).

My mum never said it to me, and it did make me wonder if she actually did love me so I make sure I say it to my children. I had to force myself at the start, but now it comes out automatically. I often just walk past and give DS a hug and tell him that I love him. He is yet to say it back though...

DH doesn't say it very often and that makes me sad because when I ask DS who loves him he will only say mum and Amelia and leave DH off the list, even though a dad couldn't love a son more.

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My mum never said it to me, and it did make me wonder if she actually did love me so I make sure I say it to my children

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That's one of my main concerns, and the reason I really want to make sure I say it. I'd be devastated if DS ever doubted that I love him.

My mum and dad did verbalise loving us as growing up, but as we got older it seemed awkward... really unfortunate. But my dad still says it after every phone call we have...

I also am one to call DS1 (DS2 not quite old enough to respond to it yet) from the other side of the room to say 'i love you' whilst he's playing away with his toys. I would say 'i love you' countless times a day and always as he's heading off for a sleep. I say 'sweet dreams i love you' multiple times before i walk out the room (to both boys). I have always asked for hugs and as a result now get asked for them all the time in return... love it :D

I got my first 'love you mum' as i left to go down the street yesterday and it was so great ;) As to whether or not he knew what he was saying i'm not sure because it's something i say all the time not sure if he said it out of routine more. But either way he said it... :dance:

I want my boys to grow up feeling confident to receive and give love and affection.

Having said that DS1 now thinks it's natural to give hugs and kisses to everyone as he says goodbye to them, even the electrcian... :redface: