First time birth-please help

Hi All. I have been reading many threads in here and a variety on other web pages also. My hubby of 4yrs and I have decided we are ready for a bub (yay, sooooo excited) but didnt realize how much information is out there. I have another thread up in regarda to searching for an ob and or hopsital/birth centre.

Anyway, after reading so many posts i have come to a conclusion that a hell of alot of women do the usual first birth thing, hospital, ob, on thier back on the bed, that sound as though 9 times out of 10 end in serious intervention ie; episiotomy, vacuum, forcep and or emergency caeser. Or just a really nasty tear. Then they decide that for subsequent births they do not want to experience such a traumatic ordeal and research other methods/ways to birth to avoid trauma experienced 1st time round.



Now my concern/question is to any out there that can please try help me is, why would i, after hearing all there nasty first experience stories, put myself through the normal option, (ob, lying on back hoping for the best) just to see how i go and put my body under the faith of the hospital system, who sound as though they can intervien uneccesarily, when i can take the advice of alot of women on these forums and use a family birthing centre, or waterbirth or some alterantive techniques from day one to avoid such a traumatic experience that alot of women tend to experience first time round.



OR----- Regardless of what i do or where i go, is the first time gonna be quite traumatic anyway purely coz it's the first time and everything has to move and stretch for the very 1st time anyway.



I'm totally confused, does the traumatic experience only happen to those who are under educated about birth and leave it in the hands of the ob/hospital, or is it just the normal result coincidering its the first time.



Sorry to babble of if anything spund so presumed, but it kinda is as i'm going on majority basis an dunderstand that not everyone falls into this catagory.



And just to conclude i think these style of internet sites that help women share and confide on each othe is just amazing. I'm loving reading everyones stories and experience (even the bad ones) because and the end of the day, it all results in beautiful babies.

Hi Mel, welcome to BB.

I don't want to be overly emotive, so I'll just type a short reply. (Sounds of "ha!" from those who know how much I type here LOL.)

A lot of women trust people who don't deserve their trust. Women do prepare themselves for birth to some degree or another, some more than others. But the ultimate thing is - has anyone else prepared themselves for your birth? Obs and midwives don't, to many of them you are just another customer. Probably can't remember your name if it wasn't on the notes in front of them. Trusting them is something that you WANT to do, but really shouldn't. You should be able to trust your birth support to support you, but if this is their first time and they haven't educated themselves, they won't be a support.

I was very educated and not scared, and while I was left alone I had a wonderful labour. Enjoyed it even. My husband was very disinterested in labour and birth beforehand, so caused a few problems. My midwives were more interested in my notes than me, and wanted the Obs to be more involved (he was lovely, in hindsight, and really didn't need to be!). That didn't help. TBH, knowing a few of the local midwives, they really aren't that fantastic with homebirths. The best way to homebirth locally is to acknowledge you are doing this alone, the midwives will turn up towards the end of the pushing - or just after the placenta comes out. There's no rush or concern. If they do arrive, they want to transfer you 9 times out of 10 so they can go home.

You need SUPPORT PEOPLE who SUPPORT you - then you can do anything! Be that birthing or walking naked around the world. (Just two of my dreams there LMAO.) It isn't about being a first-timer or under-educated, it's about the support and care you receive 99% of the time.

Oh yes - and from me, this is a short reply! Hope it helped and good luck with your conception, pregnancy and birth journey.

Hi and welcome Mel!

I did the usual first birth thing with DS - hospital, OB, on my back and I personally do not think the two are mutually exclusive ie: first birth = traumatic birth!

My birth story might help shed some light on your queries. I was 41+2 when my OB recommended an induction - my cerivx wasn't ripening and was still extremely high which made it impossible to even do a stretch and sweep, bub was however well and truely engaged. I had been measuring a good 4-6 weeks further along than my actual dates throughout my entire pregnancy so we were expecting a biggish baby - at no point did he mention c-section, if he had I would have declined anyhow. I had a cervidil inserted for 24 hours to try soften the cervix but it did nothing. He tried again to do a stretch and sweep and this time was successful - he did manage however to nick bub's head with whatever instrumentation he used - he knew as soon as it happened but said it possed no risk FYI he has a teeny tiny scar on the back of his head to this day - no biggy! Still no progression so I was put on the synto drip - this I do regret. I wanted to birth in the water but the contractions came hard and fast, I was in so much pain I could barely move and after much insistance the midwife did an internal to discover I had dilated 6 cms in an hour! They started to run the bath but it never did fill in time. I wanted a drug free birth but surrendered and asked for some relief, I recived a peth shot (i reget this too) but as it took 20 odd minutes to kick in I opted for the gas also... I was well and truely high and what seemed like an entire day passed, it was only 2 and half hours bub was ready for his big debut into the world - 7 pushes and he arrived, the whole 4.365kgs of him, I only had a small graze and needed no additional intervention.

It was a whirl wind birth but as I mentioned before definately not traumatic. As for my regrets - they seemed to spiral from agreeing to an induction.. I had not had a braxtion hicks contraction and really had no idea what I was in for, something must be said for the natural progression of labour and that is what I will opt for this time! I am again opting for a hopsital birth, private with an OB. They believe it may be another big bub but I have already made it clear that things will happen on their own accord this time round and my OB has no qualms about that!

And yes BellyBelly is amazing.. I have tried many different pregnancy forums and this for me is the hands down winner! I wish you all the best in your pending pregnancy, best of luck trying to concieve - that's the fun part ;) and may your decisions be informed and ultimately what is best for you and your bub to be!

Tania xo

Please forgive me if this is abit all over the shop (the grammar and spelling is terrible :doh:) it is half one in the morning and I have had little sleep for the last few nights due to heartburn UGH.. the joys third trimester pregnancy something to look forward too.... :D

I had the exact experience you describe; I was in hospital with an epi on my back for the first birth (no other intervention other than pain relief and only a 1st degree tear though) and had a beautiful home waterbirth for my second.
I do think that having had the first experience actually helped me cope with the second; I found the first time so painful, that the whole way through my second labour I kept thinking "this is nothing, it's going to get a lot stronger", right up until I started pushing lol! Having said that, my second labour was also posterior so technically it should've been MORE painful. I do think the degree of pain had a lot to do with the setting though.

I agree, it's all about support people. My downfall in my first labour was 1) expecting my labour to progress the way it does in the books, 2) expecting the midwives to actually help me when I asked them to (they completely ignored me and DPs requests for help when I became scared and they refused even though it was a quiet night), and 3) expecting that I would just "tough it out" no matter how bad it was. Actually the fourth thing I did wrong was expecting DP to be my support person. I think it's a very rare kind of man who will actually do the prep work and perform on the day, at best they do the best they can but still fall short. My DP fell asleep during both labours, in fact he nearly missed the birth of #2 altogether!

Anyway, my point is that if you have realistic expectations (hard to do when you've never experienced it for sure) and good support people, you should be fine. The other thing to keep in mind is that you have the right to refuse any and all of the interventions they push on you in hospital. I highly recommend having a doula if you're going to give birth in hospital. I don't think at all that trauma is inherent in the first-time birthing experience, the trauma is caused when things go wrong. Birth is a beautiful thing and can be the most amazing experience you ever have in your life. You don't need to have a bad experience just because it's your first, not by any means!

Wow, your post really looks at things from a different perspective from what I'd thought of before, it's good to hear different perspectives.

I don't think I can answer all your questions but I guess I feel I should point out a few things that struck me while reading your post.

Traumatic birth experiences - as much as we would like it not to be the case, delivering babies comes with risks. Unfortunately things can and do happen that make the experience traumatic. Years ago many women and babies died during child birth because the knowledge and methods were just not around to deal with when these risks became realities. So what you will learn from this site and others like it is that you make choices in your care and delivery that increase the chances of things going well or badly, but at the end of the day there are a lot of physical aspects of birthing that will go the way they are going to go regardless of what we do or don't do. For example some babies end up laying in a position that doesn't allow them to get down the birth canal. You can see an ob, a midwife, birth in a hospital, in a birthing centre, at home, heck try in the zoo if you like but that baby isn't going to come out sideways whatever you do.

You say that people most people see an ob, birth on their back and 9 times out of 10 this ends traumatically. I don't have statistics on this but the anecdotal evidence I have seen does not support this. Lots of women choose this model of care and have great births. I am on another forum where I would say 80% of women have chosen this path and probably 95% of that 80% have been really happy with their birth experiences. I guess what I am trying to say is that I think the members of this forum may not statistically represent the wider community. Because there is a lot of information about birth choices on here it attracts women who are looking for that information i.e. women who have had bad experiences and want future experiences to be better. I think this site is fabulous and has some exception information for women, but I wouldn't use it as a statistical measuring stick.

As for interventions leading to more interventions - I think the evidence is so strong that in many cases this is true. This is what I was talking about earlier, there are many choices that you can make that will increase the chances of a birth going well. But we also need to realise that different women are faced with very different births and any 'one size fits all' statement is not always true. So while I whole heartedly agree that unnecessary intervention can cause more unecessary intervention in many birth stories, there are equally birth stories where intervention prevents other intervention. For example I had some interventions which meant that I was able to be conscious when my DD was born, and my SIL was able to have a vaginal delivery after an induction which would have been a certain C-section had the baby arrived later and bigger (baby was large, got very very stuck, mother and baby suffered injuries from getting baby unstuck, was VERY VERY close to being a C-section).

I think the best thing you can do, as you have mentioned, is be educated. Know what choices to make to increase your chances of having a posative birth experience. At the same time keep in mind that some things are just going to happen how they are going to happen and you can only go with the flow and do the best you can.

First birth experiences aren't traumatic just because they are first births. I think if you are in the dark about the birthing process you are more likely to have a negative experience, but at the same time I know many women who are very in the dark who have had very posative experiences. I think it is a bit of education and a bit of luck.

Good luck...x

Thank you for all replies.

Lady Zaidie - Very true what you say about others not preparred for MY birth, i never actually thought if it on that way. My hubby just wants to go with an ob privately and endure our own first experience. Where as i am gaining all this information from people like yourself, so i can try avoid some of the mistakes made by others, and just getting people who have actually been there's advice to perhaps help me. I am glad you enjoyed your wonderful labour, even if it was lonely.

Tan 2705 - Congrats on the 3rd pregnancy. Thankyou for your story, i like that you included some things that you felt were the downfall, however fesulting in just a graze you must be happy with that.

Neenee - Thankyou for posting a reply. Waterbirthing sounds and looks amazing. Do you wish you's done that first time around. I think it byfar looks like the calmed relaxed way to have to do it. However my hubby does not particularly agree, not to mention my family too. And i am a bit concerned about my first time from home. As in Perth hospital dont really allow waterbirthing (bummer, otherwise that would be the ideal)

Sagrees - Thankyou for replying to my post. I totally agree that not every one is the same, however i was just seemed to be getting a general idea that that was a typical story of many womens experiences. My point was simply when so many women have waterbirths, or birthcenter births and homebirths second and third or more time around, do they wish they did that from the first, or would a waterbirth resulted in a simular result to thier first not so positive experience regardless purely because it was thier first. I dunno, i'm just knew at all this and hoped some peoples experiences might shed a lil bit of tlight into the topic.

I dont know if i what i have written has come across right, but i get what its meant to mean, i hope you guys do too. I dont want anyone to take any offence to anythink or feel as though i'm and generalizing too much, but i guess i kind of am.

Again thanks to all for you help.
Your all wonderful

will reply soon :)

:

---

My point was simply when so many women have waterbirths, or birthcenter births and homebirths second and third or more time around, do they wish they did that from the first, or would a waterbirth resulted in a simular result to thier first not so positive experience regardless purely because it was thier first.

---

I suspect (but don't know) that some women would have liked a home or water birth first time around but the information and 'confidence' wasn't available to them at the time.
I also suspect some women are looking for other options because their first birth experience was negative. If their first experience was less negative they may not feel the need to search for options. I know I was one of the ones who was in a hospital with a private ob and I was happy with my experience and will choose that path again (one of the advantages of this path is you can hand pick an ob and hospital that is most inline with your preferences), but I think if it had of gone different I may be looking for other options.
So the answer may be a bit of both :)

Sagres - Yeah so true what your saying. And i guess the home/water thing does need a hell of alot of confidence thats for sure. And yes i also believe that alot of people out there who had a pleasant/bearable 1st ones, are probly not inclined to comment and read/join these thread too much. Its mainly thed negatives ones searching for a better alternative.
However i'm so glad that you had such a possitive experience with your 1st birth and it hasnt given you any concerns for the second, what a relief huh?

To be totally honest I think a large part of being happy with the experience was due to what I think were realistic expectations. I'm pretty sure some other people would not feel happy with exactly the same birth as I had. Things didn't go to plan but I think between me and the midwife and the ob we made the best of the situation and I am happy with that. I feel sad for people who have very set ideas about how their birth is going to go and aren't able to achieve it due to very real risks and complications. I really wished they didn't have the complications but at the same time I think there is a correllation between expectations and satisfaction with outcomes.

LOL I wouldn't say I had no concerns for the next birth, the first happened so bloomin quick I'm scared I won't make it to the hospital and be the woman on the news that had her baby on the side of the road!

I am at work ATM so have to be quick - ditto what the others have said, plus I think it is extremely important that your husband be equally informed about these sorts of issues. Personally I had #1 with an OB, in a private hospital, on my back, but had a relatively good outcome (no forceps or c/s and no drugs other than useless gas). But it was my DH's insistence that I stay at home as long as I did during the labour that led me to be 9cm dilated before I got to hospital, so there was less scope for the OB to interfere. Also, earlier in my labour my OB suggested quite strongly that I stay at the hospital overnight - I insisted on going home and it was only because DH knew where I was coming from that we could stand firm on this.

So you need to make sure, whatever your decision in the end, that your husband knows as much as you do, otherwise it is more likely he will be the one pressuring you down an unfriendly path due to his own ill-informed fears....

:

---

To be totally honest I think a large part of being happy with the experience was due to what I think were realistic expectations. I'm pretty sure some other people would not feel happy with exactly the same birth as I had. Things didn't go to plan but I think between me and the midwife and the ob we made the best of the situation and I am happy with that. I feel sad for people who have very set ideas about how their birth is going to go and aren't able to achieve it due to very real risks and complications. I really wished they didn't have the complications but at the same time I think there is a correllation between expectations and satisfaction with outcomes.

LOL I wouldn't say I had no concerns for the next birth, the first happened so bloomin quick I'm scared I won't make it to the hospital and be the woman on the news that had her baby on the side of the road!

---

Well said.

It comes down to what your vision is for child birth.

My first was a hospital induction complete with epidural and stitches.

This time around I am eager to avoid the induction and have opted for the BC - HOWEVER I have said to my DH that once natural labour starts, if I think for a moment that I won't cope when it ramps up, then head straight to the hospital for an epidural.

I'm ok with this - after experiencing the epidural first time around - it brought absolute bliss. BUT I'd like to know the difference between an induced labour and a natural one - and if it looks like I can cope then I try to.

It comes down to being informed of your options, owning them and then not feeling guilt about them.

As others have said, first birth and traumatic birth do not necessarily go hand in hand.

Getting informed on birth and your options, having great support people and following your own instincts rather than what the ob says, will all help a whole heap though!

FWIW, I had my first baby last year - labour started on its own with waters breaking spontaneously (all over my bed!), DS was born 2 and a half hours later, no drugs/intervention whatsoever (no time really, by the time I got to hospital). I had an independent midwife and delivered at a birth centre. I think my story is an exception though, as the labour/birth was too short to even consider intervention. I was so pleased that it was a shortish labour, however some people tell me that it could have been more painful and intense than longer labours but I have nothing to compare it to so who knows!

Nonetheless, I'm so glad I did my research, joined BB, educated my DP, and employed an independent midwife. I felt more prepared and relaxed and I knew my options. HTH!

I def agree with the pp's who say that being educated and informed make the difference.

I had a positive, although difficult, first labour. I researched the options open to me (don't have private cover) and chose to do midwifery group practive in a birth centre attached to a hospital (ie it was two rooms, at one end of the labour&delivery unit). Had I gone the obs/private route, I think my labour would have been a completly different story. If you know you want to avoid intervention etc, then its best to inform yourself and find a place that supports this.

In my case, DD's labour from my waters breaking to her being born was around 30 hours, although probably only 15hours of this was classed as real labour. Nothing much happened in the first 15hours, but luckily my mw left me to it at home. Once things got going, she visited me at home and tried to encourage me to stay there even longer, but I was anxious and nervous so we headed into hospital. DD was posterior so got stuck and I was pushing for 2.5hours. During this time, the mw monitored DD's hb but was never concerned so again let me just get on with it. She even at one point talked me out of forceps when I asked her to "just pull the baby out"!

I really think that it was the good relationship I had with the mw, the model of care, and DH's support that meant that I got to have a natural birth. As I said, if I'd have gone the obs route, I probably would have been said to be 'failure to progress' or whatever they called it, and it would have ended up with some form of intervention.

Good luck in getting the birth you want!

I can see where your coming from and before i had DD i thought the same, had a birth plan that listed all these things i did and didnt want to happen. I read all the books, educated myself quite well i think. had a plan. had DP clued up a bit and thought it woul be different for me....all these people who let them selves be walked on by thier carers or dont educate them selves...how silly...not me!!!

How wrong i was!

I didnt take into account how uncontrolable things are when its actually going on.....my birth plan was never read, DP forget everything we had talked about, I forgot everything we had talked about and read. being told to jump be the midwives and just sheepishly asking 'how high'. It all just went out the window! like a little snow ball, turning into an avalanch(sp)...before i know it i had needles in my arms, an epidural, on the bed on my back!! and there goes my first birth...not how i planned at all....but none the less a beautiful day as i had my precious DD and a family i had always dreamed of.....

needless to say, next time will be different, the only difference is that next time i know what to expect, I know what i will be like if i dont stick up for myself and try to achieve what i want and that next time i will have a doula!!!!! to be the third party i need to make sure i dont end up in the state i did before......unless its unavoidable of course, because thats the main thing i learned-you never know whats going to happen and each birth is so different and you CAN NOT PLAN for it really, only set your self up as best you can to get the outcome you think youd most like.

Good luck and welcome to BB :)

I just wanted to reiterate what everyone else has pretty much said- support people who actually support you, and are clear on what you want, are vital. Sometimes birth- even a really good birth- can leave you in a state of shock, wher you just - "uh, yeah, ok" to whatever anyone. You really need someone who is very clear on what you wnat, who will jump in and remind me of what direction you wanted to head in (and tell your medical staff the same). I think that is where a doula can come in really handy.

Good luck with your birth :D

I get what you're asking Mel, and while I don't think that first births are always traumatic, it seems to be that the majority of traumatic births are firsts. Consequently, I have sometimes wondered how many women experience 2nd, 3rd, 4th, 5th, etc births that are traumatic? Or is it that by nature of the fact that with 2nd and subsequent births you know what you're in for, you're more likely to know what you want, and less likely to be traumatised by the exeperience?

Anyone else have thoughts on this?

I think the fact that the body has not birthed before could make first births generally more difficult/traumatic than 2nd and subsequent births (I mean generally speaking; there would of course be many women who have not experienced this to be the case!), but I think there are several other first-birth factors that contribute to the fact that there are higher rates of first births that are traumatic birth compared to 2nd and subsequent births that are traumatic. I think some of the factors include: the nature of the expierience and lack of preparation/understanding about the physiological process of birth (unique to firsts), unnecessary intervention (when the woman doesn't understand her options, more likely in firsts) and poor/inadequate care (when women don't realise that their chosen 'care giver' doesn't necessarily care! Also more likely in firsts). The good news is that by nature of the fact that you're doing your research, you should avoid most of these :) But, as others have said, there are also factors in traumatic births that would have been there regardless of whether it was a first birth or not - positioning, foetal distress, etc.

Mel, I had an OK time for the first 28 hours of labour - I would say fantastic, but sometimes midwives appeared and whinged at me and told me off. The last five hours were fairly crap. I've been told by another midwife for that trust that they didn't listen to me ("I am in labour." "I'm not in pain." "I am aware of drugs, I don't want them at the moment, it really doesn't hurt." "I am going to push because that's what my body is doing and you've just said I'm fully dialated.") because it was my first time. So maybe the first time is worse not because of the mother being unprepared, but because of the expectations of the midwives to just treat you as an idiot and not listen to a word you say.

I did it the opposite way around. Numbers 1 and 2 were both Birth Centre Water Births. My midwives were wonderful, and knew my name. I have seen them since and they have said my name when I said hello in the shops.

My health with #3 in the last trimester precluded me from the birth centre. I had been booked in but had to be transferred to the L&D system. My BC MW is one of my FB friends, and I saw her partner (they work in teams) and even she remembered my name when we had only spoken on the phone, because I told her that I wished DD3 could have been born there.

The L&D MW though didn't have a clue who I was and tried to tell me that I wasn't ready to push. 5 minutes later my baby was born, with a smaller head than average so I did not need to be 10cm to be fully dilated anyway, the diameter of her head was 9cm.

Definitely go for the more physiological to begin with. If you need to you can be transferred to L&D but it doesn't work the other way around. All the best for your family!!

NOOOOOOOOOOOO MEL!! You CAN give birth in water in any hospital in WA! The legislation changed last year. Don't let them try to tell you otherwise!! And even if they didn't "allow" it, they can't really stop you anyway. They're not allowed to try to pull you out because that's assault. I would definately have a home waterbirth again and would have the first time had I had the opportunity. Unfortunately I didn't know about the Community Midwifery Program, I thought I had to have a private midwife to have a homebirth and I couldn't afford that.
It's up to you what you decide to do of course but I really wouldn't worry about what anyone else thinks. Labour and birth is the biggest physical feat you may ever experience, and while other people are entitled to their opinions it affects you fifty thousand times more than it does anyone else including DP. My partner was against my having a homebirth as well, and I point blank told him I didn't give a rats. My first birth was so horrible (even though both me and bubs were physically fine) I couldn't face going to hospital again, it just wasn't an option. Now that he's actually witnessed both, he's as pro-homebirth as I am and gets really annoyed when uneducated people act as if there's something wrong with it.

Here's my two cents....

A first time birth can be a little more difficult to get through IMO, than second or third, etc. That DOESN'T have to mean traumatic! It's all new, and your body hasn't stretched that way before, but with good support and education, you'll be just fine. You were made to give birth, and your body can do it. It might take a little more work the first time, but, as I said, that doesn't have to mean trauma!

When it comes to labour and birth, I'd definitely recommend a doula. She'll be there to support you and advocate for you when you are too focussed on contractions to put up a fuss. She'll help make sure that your wishes are met, as long as that's possible. She'll help you cope with the contractions and keep you focussed. She can also show your husband how to help you.

And, for practical advice in labour - stay up and stay active, and use water for pain relief in whatever way you can.

All the best! :)

Oops! Double post....

I don't know if it's FIRST births in itself, but FEAR of the unknown that gets people in situations where they give into their ob/middy/hossy because they don't know any better and have not thought to learn during their pregnancy!

Do your research & read birth & labour stories. Find what appeals most to you, your comfort zone. Ring midwives, hospitals, etc, see what they offer, and what pricing plans are available. Do NOT worry about what your family think, if you want to be at home, do it. YOU are having this baby, YOU are having this pain, YOU need to be in your comfort zone, NOT THEM! Hubby on the other hand, you will want him on side, so research. Ask him to go to an interview with a middy or a tour of the birthing centre, etc, with an open mind.

Read labour stories, and google episiotomies, vitamin k, everything and anything at all, and read the pro's and the con's.

A lot of ladies seem to go into pregnancy and birth seeming to have the total trust in the medical system (on the surface, why wouldn't you? one would like to think they work in our health's interest, but unfortunately it doesn't always seem the case). This total trust allows the patient to follow every instruction or precaution the doc/ob/nurse says, without questioning WHY SHOULD I, or what happens IF I DO NOT, or asking I DONT UNDERSTAND. End result can often be learning in hindsight that perhaps some interventions weren't necessary, or that really they weren't given a choice, or had a lack-of-information. One friend of mine was telling me about her labour on her back on the bed, docs had put her there, I got out the Sit Up & Take Notice book on birthing positions, and showed her how she'd been cheated of an extra 2cm room for baby to pass through when the tailbone lifts up, she was shocked! She was also all over checking out our placenta which we kept, as she'd not been given a chance to even look at hers!

End of the day, knowledge is power. Do your research, and you'll get the birth you want. And if interventions come into it, you'll be educated enough to make the choices necessary, and feel comfortable making them too!

My first was a hospital birth complete with induction, morphine, gas, epidural, tearing - you get the idea.

I was petrified of a repeat experience when I got pregnant with my daughter and made an effort to do everything I could to avoid this happening.

Well I did this - I waited until I went into natural labour, used a Birth Centre rather than a hospital and I LOVED LOVED LOVED every bit of my labour and birth.

I have learnt that trust in your body to do what it knows to do is essential as well as having the right people around you to help you achieve your birth.

I would suggest reading everything you can get your hands on, having a FLEXIBLE birth plan and start meditating/visualising your "perfect" birth.

Good luck!

Mel, I'm going to move this to Birth and Labour for you.

Mel, I really want to congratulate on reading up about this already and being prepared. My biggest regret is not knowing more about labour and birth before DS1 was born.

I am one of "those people" too, who did everything wrong the first time. I allowed them to lie me on my back for an internal, and when the contractions were more painful that way, they bullied me into an epdiural. From there things went downhill and I was lucky to escape with a vaginal birth using forceps and an episotomy that gave me grief for a long time afterwards. Second time I was informed and prepared, and although it was still a hossy birth, it was much better - no epidural and the best feeling in the world afterwards - and no painful stitches!!

If you are comfortable with a birth centre for your first, good on you. I think that's an awesome way to do it and you should go for it. Read up everything you can, starting with New Active Birth, and go in there informed and empowered. And believe me, you'll feel even more empowered after a positive birthing experience.

Well my first birth was a home birth by accident. I think of it as a mish mash of positive and traumatic experience. My waters broke on the bed at 5.30am. I toddled off to the bath room and that is where I stayed for the hour and a half that DD took.Obviously a totally natural labour. My xp (abusive partner) did not call an ambulance until she was born. I got to birth DD the way I felt needed. I stood the entire time and got to push when I felt the urge to push. So in that way I feel it was positive however like the other women have said support is critical. Xp didn't help until after she was born. I was ALONE the entire labour and petrified. To be completly honest I didn't even click I was in labour. I didn't have contractions every few minutes it just felt like one major one. I was in so much shock it was very traumatizing. If I had a do over I would of loved to had a family birthing suite and still got to be mobile .

kylie - sorry to blurt out.... but he sounds like an ABSOLUTE *****!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm glad he's an ex, not calling ambulance & leaving you alone at a moment like that, shame on him!

:

---

Now my concern/question is to any out there that can please try help me is, why would i, after hearing all there nasty first experience stories, put myself through the normal option, (ob, lying on back hoping for the best) just to see how i go and put my body under the faith of the hospital system, who sound as though they can intervien uneccesarily, when i can take the advice of alot of women on these forums and use a family birthing centre, or waterbirth or some alterantive techniques from day one to avoid such a traumatic experience that alot of women tend to experience first time round.

---

I'd just like to say that being in a birthing centre is no guarantee that you will have a wonderful birth experience first time round.

For my first child, I chose this option. I went into the birthing centre as opposed to the labor ward. I had no intervention for 26 hours. I had a grand plan to have a water birth so i spent a lot of time in the water, i had no pain relief, i did all the things suggested to help labor along...i was up walking around, i didnt spend any time on my back, i was in the shower, i had the lights dimmed, I had the music playing, i had the aromatherapy going....you name it, i had it.

and Yet, i ended up with an emergency c-section

so dont believe that the birthing centre is going to make your first birth wonderful....it could do, but then again it may not.

:

---

ie: first birth = traumatic birth!

---

This is spot on.

no mum to be has any idea what labor is like and just how traumatic and painful it is.

I remember my friend telling me..."its kind of like really bad period pain" :doh:

Yeah Right!. Don't think labor is going to be a walk in the park is all i can say. Its not. Its excrutiating!!! and IMO this is why many women seek intervention...they want it over and done with quickly.

Hi Mel,
I haven't read everyone's replies but this caught my eye cos you sound sooooo much like me when I first embarked on this journey!
All I can say is I totally agree with those people who replied that EDUCATING yourself, TRUSTING yourself/your instincts and having the best SUPPORT is key to a great first birth experience. The physical location is not so important (though granted, some come with more risk of intervention than others).
I have a fully supportive DP and together we hired an excellent doula, read every piece of info we could get our hands on, discussed all our options at length with her and experienced friends. For myself I did HEAPS of mental and emotional preparation and by the time week 40 rocked round I TOTALLY believed in my ability to birth my baby without intervention - but with this important caveat - that we were at a point where we felt that if any interventions were to occur they would be warranted because we wouldn't just "lie back and wait and see" what would happen. (eg if our baby had been posterior and made for a longer harder labour etc things may have gone differently)
As it was, we had a fabulous first birth experience (in a Birth Centre - though I reckon it would have been so at home or even in a labour ward).
You sound like you're on the right path and asking all the right questions hun :)

:

---

no mum to be has any idea what labor is like and just how traumatic and painful it is.

I remember my friend telling me..."its kind of like really bad period pain" :doh:

Yeah Right!. Don't think labor is going to be a walk in the park is all i can say. Its not. Its excrutiating!!! and IMO this is why many women seek intervention...they want it over and done with quickly.

---

You're right about not knowing what labour is like, but I don't think just because the pain is unexpectedly excrutiating means that intervention is the best option. So again, education is the key - especially coz epidurals can slow labour down - so if you want intervention to speed things up, you might be disapointed.

For what its worth, DD was posterior for the whole labour, she didnt turn at any point- which I may have mentioned earlier - anyway, apparently this makes for a more than normal painful birth - I was in excruciating pain but didn't know that it wasn;t the normal 'healthy pain' - it was my first time, I'd never done it before and they didn't tell me till afterwards. And if it hadn't been for my amazing DH and mw, I would not have got through it and still delivered naturally with no intervention and no pain meds.

So, I think both educating yourself and having fantastic support people around you will help your first birth be empowering, rather than traumatic. (I know I get weird looks when I say that my 24hour, with a 2.5hour pushing stage was empowering! but it could have been so much different!)

Hi Mel, I had a planned home birth for my first, and it was wonderful.

Education is paramount. I spent countless hours reading birth stories and watching birth videos on YouTube (search for unassisted birth in particular so you can see how amazing a womans body can be)

I had no intervention and no tearing. Labour was 22 hours. It can be done.

I recommend hiring an independent midwife rather than an obstetrician (even if you want to birth in a hospital). Nothing beats the care of someone who comes to your home for visits and can provide after care in your own home as well.

GL. Labour is a journey unique to everyone. There is no right and wrong way.

:

---

You're right about not knowing what labour is like, but I don't think just because the pain is unexpectedly excrutiating means that intervention is the best option. ....

So, I think both educating yourself and having fantastic support people around you will help your first birth be empowering, rather than traumatic. (I know I get weird looks when I say that my 24hour, with a 2.5hour pushing stage was empowering! but it could have been so much different!)

---

lets be realistic

all the education in the world is not going to help some women.

Great if a womans body goes thru labor the way it should, but this isnt the case for everyone...for some women, intervention is the only option.

Its simply a matter of being prepared for what 'may' go wrong rather then expecting everything to go the way the labor lessons tell us they are going to go.

very true - sometimes there is nothing you can do to avoid intervention, but being educated will still help you make informed decisions when it comes to that intervention, and having the right support people will also help in making those decisions.