and it starts again

DH has found a place to rent but cant move in til the end of April, so he is staying with me til then, which i dont have an issue with at all. So what usually happens is when he gets paid on a Friday he will pay the rent via Bpay. Last week we signed the lease over to my name only. I got my first centrelink payment today and figured I would pay half the rent and DH could pay half, seeing as he is living there still.

Well, I am 6 hours away on holiday with family atm adn DH is home, so I called him last night to make sure he would pay the rent via Bpay as usual. He said no he wouldnt be paying the rent anymore. Just like that. No discussion nothing, just no I wont be paying it. I told him he needed to pay it cause I dont have internet banking or a credit card so cant pay it from here. He reckons he will have to pay the rent for me with his credit card, and was none too happy about it and made sure i understood that i would be paying him back. RIIIIIGHT.

So firstly, where does he get off thinking he can live rent free all of a sudden.

Secondly, he is only paying me $100 CS when he is meant to pay $250.

Thirdly, why the hell hasnt he got money in his account to pay the rent as usual??? He only gets paid today, yet he has no money?

:wall::wall::wall:

Oh, and on the phone his voice was completely different to me and there was no "love you" at the end of the phone call like normal.

SO it seems the control games have begun again.

Game on, Im a heck of a lot stronger this time round buddy boy.

Aww :hug: hun... what a PITA.

When you get home i would pay him back your half and tell him if he thinks he is living in YOUR house rent free he can bugger off.
He doesn't wanna pay then he can come home and find his clothes out the front and the locks changed!

How dare he try and manipulate you like that.

:

---

Game on, Im a heck of a lot stronger this time round buddy boy.

---

Stay strong and remember your a strong, independent woman and you will do what you need to do for you and your lil one.

That'a'girl!

Don't you let him tread on you! Or I will come by on my way to the NT to back you up!

:hug:

thanks hun

I just remembered that he gave me $200 to pay for petrol adn food to come up here for a holiday, so I will let him off paying the rent this one time cause then we will be square and he will have nothing to hold over me. But I will be letting him know that he will be paying half the rent next pay. I will also be making CS more official.

yeah Kim, thanks for the backup!!

Get into the ring BOYO!

You are in for a biiiig shock...

yeh i would be making cs more official and don't let him take you for granted!
thinking of u hun and remember you are one strong women!

If he doesn't pay rent, then kick him out and change the locks. He can go doss with his mum or some mates. Sorry you're going through this again, but good on you for being stronger. I wouldn't be paying him back if he owes you CS either.

btw - did he say he wouldn't be contributing to rent at all, or just that he wouldn't be making BPAY payments anymore?

he made it clear that he has no intention on paying rent any more. And, yeah you are prolly right about the CS he hasnt paid....I need to take my own advice and not pussy foot around him this time, the poo will hit the fan eventually, might as well be now...

thanks BC x

Yeah Lulu, LOOK OUT!

Stay strong hun (though I know you will)
I say, he's still living under that roof, he should pay at least half
:hug:

Oh what a peice of work....


def make it all official with child support and kick him to the curb. If he lives with u he pays rent. its pretty simple..


good luck hun and we are here for you

thanks so much, it means so much that you are all here for me.

Called him today to make sure he had paid the rent for me. He said I have no intention on ;paying the rent I cant afford it. I asked where all his pay went and he just said, well I d have to moive out you know....ummm yeah...at the end of the month! Anyway there was no point arguing it with him, it would have been like talking to a brick wall. So, I have to go to my bank on Monday and organise internet banking and pay it through Bpay which is all fine, just a pain in the butt cause the rent will now be late. Oh, and BTW, he is hitting the town tonight in style, so good on him, GGGRRR.

I called him again and asked him if we still like each other cause I sense a lot of yuck between us lately. His answer was, he is just finding all of this a little difficult to deal with atm. Oh my, he is never gonna grow up and grow a set is he?

First :hug: uhuh doesn't sound like it.

Second :hide: Monday is a Public Holiday....

First :hug: uhuh doesn't sound like it.

Second :hide: Monday is a Public Holiday....

If he's not going to pay rent he needs to move. Now.

And I'd be ringing Child Support and get it taken out of his pay.

This bloke is a serious nong. Get rid of him.

thanks Kim, yeah I realised when i was in bed last night that Monday is a public holiday. It peeves me cause the landlord was understandably very nervous at the idea of letting me have the lease in my name only as I am not working, and now my first week of rent is gonna be a few days late DOH!

Div, yeah, hun he seems like a nong doesnt he? you made me laugh out loud when i read your post :D

Last night it took me hours and hours to fall asleep as my anxiety was right up there over all of this crapola again and now my IBS has flared up and I am running to the toilet all the time which is fun when Im staying in a house full of people. BUT, when i finally did fall asleep guess what I dreamt of and felt wonderful when i woke up??? Sunday Night Guy...says a lot I think.

Archie said to me this morning when he woke up, "I dont want daddy to leave cause then you will cry and i will cry and daddy will be sad" I didnt realise he was so aware of what happening, but I explained to them that when daddy lives in a new house we will all be very happy and have fun.

Oh, and as for all the money stuff, I find it hard to be tough about it cause I feel like i owe him. He has paid the bond in the house that i am staying in so i feel like i owe him for that and he should be able to stay there...He has 5 weeks holiday as of the 9th of April, the first week of hols he will be here in Mildura, I might leave Arch here with him adn go home by myself for the week, and after that week Im hoping he racks off to his friend in Melbourne for a while, I mean he cant afford the rent, but Im sure he'll scrounge up the money for a trip to Melbourne

definately get csa to collect the cs payments for you.

it only takes a phone call to organize it. They will get your bank details from you, will ask reason why and then they'll get in touch with him and let him know they will be collecting.

The payments are made at the end of each month though, they charge him in arrears. So you may not see any money for 6-8 weeks to start with, but then you'll get the payment every month.

Also if he fails to pay, they can organize to have it collected from his tax payments (or tax return)

:hug: hun. Think of the bond as being in lieu of the CS he hasn't been paying you. Putting a roof over your son's head is also his responsibility.

He is a nong. You'll get through this.

Tell him if he doesn't want to pay half the rent, then he can leave now, and that if he wants you can have the police escourt him from the premises as his name is nolonger on the lease. What a TOAD!

So I have been having THE worst days ever the last 2 days, feeling that the writing is on the wall with my marriage and it was up to me to end it or keep plodding along with it. I have done the pros and cons list, there are plenty of pros, but 2 of the cons are biggies: untrustworthy and unreliable. I also know that if DH were to ring me now and tell me he shagged someone else last night, I would have no jealousy, I would feel happy cause it would let me off the hook.

Last time we separated I kept up my hopes the whole time, til he absolutely convinced me that he didnt love me anymore, then i was shattered, absolutely gutted, thought i would die of a broken heart. But i didnt die, i greived the life we should have had, i grieved my marriage and our little family. I cried myself to sleep for months. Then I moved on and was on cloud nine, so happy in myself. And then DH beeged me to come back cause he realised he loved me after all. So of course i went back thinking I had to give our fmaily another chance. BAD decision.

So now I am 6 hours away from DH and I wont be seeing him for another week and I know that I am gonna call it quits for good, but I dont want to tell him over the phone, I am thinking of going home on Sunday/Monday to tell him....I am dreading it SO much, I know what it feels like to have your heart broken and I dont want to be the one to do that to someone else :( BUT it has to be done.

blah blah blah, I will live, and i should go to bed and stop thinking!

:

---

Aww :hug: hun... what a PITA.

When you get home i would pay him back your half and tell him if he thinks he is living in YOUR house rent free he can bugger off.
He doesn't wanna pay then he can come home and find his clothes out the front and the locks changed!

---

:yeahthat:

Freaking rude b@st@rd!

Stick to your guns girlie!

Its never easy hun

but us girls at BB are sending you all our strength and are here for you


xox

:

---

That'a'girl!

Don't you let him tread on you! Or I will come by on my way to the NT to back you up!

:hug:

---

... and i will come from the other side of SA !!

OMG Elissa it's been such a rollercoaster for you, i truly feel for you ... all i can say gorgeous woman is you did above and beyond as any human being could do ... and one day Archie will know what a determined Mum you were to try and try and try ... so PROUD of you matie but sadly it is time to move ahead in life for YOU, who's looking after YOU, Archie will always have you to look after him but you need to look after you from here on and free yourself of the emotional stress you have endured all this time ... I said on someone's else's thread awhile ago love isn't everything infact it's not always enough ... you know what comes close to enough doesn't have to be happy-joy-joy BUT just to be content within yourself & your life ... and one day when you do find a companion that you just feel comfortable with & no looking over you shoulder look at it like they are adding to your life ... don't met someone that's gonna take something away from you or your life cause that aint enriching your life.

I'm not gonna lie the loneliness is the hardest part & yeh as you know the nights, not all nights just some ... will feel the worst of times but just remember this IT WON'T LAST FOREVER !!!!!!! ... (trust me i have experienced those feelings)

My biggest warmest hugs to you Elissa, it takes a lot of courage and you have that in you ... YOU & Archie deserve an atmosphere of some level of peace & harmony, you can do it :hug:

Lorelle, thankyou so much, your words really made a lot of sense to me x

well I drove back home on Saturday, got home at tea time and all i wanted to do was hit the town and pick up Sunday Night Guy again. Ended up going out with my sister and having fun, Sunday Night Guy was out of town, but was keen to catch ASAP. SO, I got home at 2am and DH woke up and came and hugged me told me how muched he missed me, I just started bawling, couldnt say a word, I mean, had Sunday Night Guy been in town I would have gone home with him!

I told DH I didnt love him like I used to and he said he could tell, but that he loves me more than anything and I am his everything and I am amazing and he is so sory I dont realise that. I told him I was happy to cheat on him that night and that must mean we need to split up, but he just kept being so wonderful and supportive and telling me we can fix things and he will look after me and make me happy.

OH GAWD! I told him all that and he still loves me and doesnt want to leave??? GOLLY!

SO, of course then I feel like maybe we can eventually work all this out. So freakin confused and emotional all over again. I feel like a broken record in here! round and round in circles I go.

Widdly i think only you can make the decision, follow your heart or head or both.
but until you REALLY know what you want in life for yourself you can not expect to find it in someone else.
do not wait for someone to fill in what is missing.

great advice, thanks :)

Maybe I just need my space and freedom to do whatever i want whenever i want and down the track I will work out what/who it is I really want in life for the rest of my life. Why didnt i do that BEFORE i got married and had a child???!!!!

Oh Widdly. Sorry I didn't see this post earlier to offer you some support.

I don't have advice for you except you are amazingly strong and have been my inspiration, you owe it to yourself and Archie to do what you think is best. Don't let nonghead put the guilt trip on you. Sometimes there is just too much dirty water under the bridge to work it out successfully. I'm afraid it sounds like too little, too late for him.

But at the end of the day, whatever you choose to do know that the BB girls will be here to support you every step of the way.

I would get the CS collected for you, it is one less thing that you have to worry about. As for rent, he can contribute! I bet he isn't going to contribute to the electricity/phone and whatever other utility bills you have when they come in. Get used to it buddy, Widdly is not going to be here to mother you and hold your hand because you suddenly realise what a nong head you are!

xx