My first M/C

Just need to get my feelings out there and out them at eye sight hoping it may ease the pain im feeling after losing bub.
I would of been 9 weeks pregnant when I found out that I had actually M/C. Had a brown discharge sunday morning then a little blood monday morning, my DP raced me into the hospital which is 30kms away and they sent me in for an U/S. The U/S found no baby only what looked like a clot inside me. The dr informed me that I have had a missed M/C and they can't tell me when it may of happened. I have since had some spotting but only very light nothing that even resembles much of a bleed. I am to have another U/S Tuesday then back to the Dr Wednesday to see if they will be sending me for a DC and to get my blood test results.
This bub would of been my second but it was my DP first bub to be. I am feeling like I have let him down hugely even though he keeps reassuring me this is not my fault and deep in our hearts we both know that there's nothing that either of us could of done to prevent this happening.
The Dr has advised us that we wait for 3-6months before we try again but how do you get over losing a bub you never got to meet and how do u remain positive in thinking that the next one will be OK?
I'm a bit of a mess at the moment and I've even noticed since finding out about my M/C that I find it harder now to let my 4y.o DD out of my sight.

I am so very sorry for your loss hun :(

Sending big cyber hugs your way :hug:

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:angel: Noah Thomas (20w5d) :angel:8w2d :angel:5w2d
& 4 beautiful earth angels

Sending HUGE HUGS to you and your DP!

I'm so sorry for the loss of your precious bubba!

I myself have lost 6 precious angel babies, and also have a DS, and I know how hard it is to let your living babies out of your sight, even just for a moment. You never get over losing a baby, whether it was at 4wks or full term, or anywhere in-between or afterwards. You just learn to live with it and keep going one second, minute, hour, day, year. One step at a time. Somehow you keep going. Focus on the small things, like your DD, your DP, cooking a nutricious (or not so nutricious if need be) meal. Do something for that precious bubba, like planting a tree, writing a letter, or keeping a journal.

Me, I bury myself in my Jewellery making to take my mind off everything for a little while. Even though everything comes back afterwards, for those few hours when I'm making a gorgeous piece of Jewellery I don't think or remember, and I get some respite that allows my emotions to recover a little bit before facing it all again. Reading a good book can sometimes help as well.

I'm not sure what your doctor was talking about recommending that you wait 3-6 months, the majority of doctors give the go ahead to try again right from the word go, or at least after the first cycle after m/c. Although, I know from my first loss that ended in a D&C that I was told to wait 3 months to let my body recover.

You have come to a wonderful forum, where you can get as much support as you need/want. None of us will judge you, we will only support you on your journey through grief, and give you a 'shoulder' to cry on should you need it.

Your DP sounds like a lovely guy, and you are lucky to have somone so supportive with you.

BIG BIG BIG HUGS!

Thanks Lisa and Jenna,
It means alot knowing that I can share my experience with other mums and they understand what I am feeling right now. I also have a huge suspicsion that this may actually be my 2nd MC as before I fell pregnant with my DD I had a late AF that was very heavy for about a day or so then eased right off after passing a very large clot which was a very dark red colour. I have no idea if I was pregnant at that time though so no way of knowing for sure, my regular AF are never usually heavy in any way at all.
I still have no real bleeding with this MC is that normal? I am only having light bleeding and a small amount of brownish discharge, I really dont want to go and have a DC would rather do this naturally but I do think I feel this way because if I go for a DC it makes it all very real that I have lost a bub where if I do this naturally maybe I think I can pretend it's just another very unusual AF.
Dr told us to wait 3-6months as she believes it will give my body sufficient time to heal and get myself healthy again and on some multi vitamins.
Very confused ATM and all I want is to know that one day I will definately go full term and hold our baby in our arms. I really don't cope well with the unknown.

I am very sorry to hear of your loss:hug:

Sweetie - it's not your fault... but feeling guilty is a part, a sad part of grieving. I don't know the magic answer, except to say one day at a time is how you get through, or one moment or one hour. We each have to find our own way in our grief. For me, I find being thankful for the small things - the furbabies ( x3), the sunshine, the rian, the butterflies. It doesn't work for everyone, but it works for me.

There can be some good arguments for waiting as it does allow your body and soul to heal. But at the same time, you will do what is right for you. Only you can know what that is.

Take care.

i have no words of advice just massive hugs and welcome to bb. take time to heal and take care of yourself. rach xox

Thanks Dory and Rachael,
Your support means alot to me. After bleeding very heavily on Monday afternoon I had my 2nd US Tuesday a.m and this time they found the yolk sac and a 5 week old embryo.
My DF and I are now really confused and wondering why they never found the embryo at my first US. I am still bleeding as I type but it has eased off alot since Monday. Both US were TVag. And they told us at my first one that there was no baby I only had a clot in there and they were hoping it would come away by itself. I did pass what I believe was a bub on Monday afternoon but now they are telling me that there's an embryo and he couldnt say if the embryo was alive and well or not yesterday at the US. I have a Dr appointment this afternoon to get my results of last weeks blood tests and I have a million questions ready for the Dr. But I would love some info from anybody please I'm really confused and scared of what the hell is going on now. How could they of missed it at the first US or was the clot they seen my bub forming and maybe I am only 5 weeks now.

Clairesmummy - I can't help based on my experience, maybe only a few ideas. For my first m/c the u/s showed an empty sac, it was very clear and the actual process of the m/c started soon after. There was no confusion. Maybe the sonographers had different levels of experience? Maybe the clot and bleeding obscured the view on the first u/s? I don't know. I am just so sorry that something that is so heartbreaking is made more so by it all being unclear.

Write out a list of questions you have for the Dr, if you're like me you remember some, forget others, or you might just be so upset all you do is cry and listen and don't remember to ask questions.

In my experience, I was presented with two medical ways to "manage" a m/c - one is a D&C which requires you to undergo a light anaesthetic and the other is "expectant management" - ie wait and see. One the risks of m/c is that some tissue will remain in the uterus and cause infection and possibly scarring - both of which are not good for you.

Talk to your Dr about (a) what you prefer and (b) what the Dr says is recommended based on the scans. For my first m/c I was open to a D&C but the Dr suggested I wait for a couple of days to see how things progressed. In the end I was happy with being guided to that decision as everything resolved - although had the bleeding not stopped when it did the Dr had arranged for an emergency D&C. In expectant management it is important for you to keep an eye on your lochia and also to take your temp - as a consistent rise in your temp of 0.5 degree can indicate infection.

They are tough decisions to make, especially when your heart is already so sad. Good luck and I am thinking of you.

After a lot of dr visits and being transfered to another hospital and 3 ultra sounds I am no longer pregnant. Feeling ok with it all still having my down times, obviously there must of been something terribly wrong for me to lose my bub so early on in my pregnancy. We will try again sometime in the future when the time feels right for us both and hopefully next time I will have a very sticky healthy bub and be able to give my DF and DD a lovely little package at the end of the 9 months. As much as losing this bub is heart breaking best it happen now then later on down the track. I have a wonderful supportive DF and could not of went thru this without him by my side every step of the way.
Luckily I had a natural miscarriage and did not need the D&C like my dr thought I may have.
Anyhow hopefully soon and I have all my FX that next time I start a thread it will be saying that I have a BFP and a very sticky bub.
Thank you all for your very kind words and hugs I wish you all the very best for your futures.
Now it's time for me to move on and get back in my saddle and work my horses again.
Cheers
Helen:pray:

Hi Helen
Im in a similar position so just wanting to say you're not alone and Im terribly sorry for your loss. Big Hugs!
Our lil 1 only made it to 4 or 5 weeks, and even though Ive been coping fine because I knew all along things werent good its still kinda heartbreaking. Our's was our 2nd IVF attempt and I had bleeding right at the start when AF would have been due and then around 4 weeks I had a heavy/clotty bleed and thought I was miscarrying. I had emergency U/S the next day and there was something in the uterus and no heartbeat. They said it could have still been just too early for a heartbeat but I didnt get my hopes up because of the bleed. I had a Blood test 2.5 weeks later and my HCG had fallen to 50. So I knew the pg wasnt viable then. I had been prepared at least. I havent bled since that big bleed so hoping AF arrives soon so my system is back to normal. DH and I certainly wont be waiting we'll be TTC from now on.
Im just happy we actually got that step closer and I got to see those magic two lines but obviously still sad it didnt all end with a happy ending and that I lost a bub that was inside me.

Chances are though for both of us that it was just one of those fluke things and next time we get healthy bubs. Good luck, FX for you!

Thank you for your hugs Loops12 they are greatly appreciated. Our bub too was only 5 weeks into my pregnancy when he/she left us. Although it's a terrible experience I truly feel it's time to move on and not dwell on this. I am now back riding my horses and have bought my young gelding in to start breaking him in. We will give it some time before TTC again and I do feel the next pregnancy will be successful (I hope) At least now we both know that my DF is not infertile as he believed he was. He is 36 with no children as yet and I am 34 and have 1 very delightful DD who is very switched on and does not miss a thing. We both love her dearly and we are looking forward to adding to our family sometime in the near future.
I wish you all the luck in the world on a future BFP and a healthy happy bub soon.
Kindest regards
Helen.;)

Thanks Helen and you're welcome, hugs are good.
Thats it, we just have to find things to occupy ourselves. Wish I could have another horse. But can't really afford it at the moment and have to many other things happening. Def when I have children I'll get them into it.
Thanks for your wishes and same to you, wishing you a BFP very soon. GL :pink-babydust::bluedust:

Kind Regards
Louise x

Im so sorry for your loss :hug:

Helen

Good to hear you are back in the saddle and with your horses. They are just such divine animals. Just something to have a think about for when you are thinking about tcc and your journey to date....

Dr Gavin Sachs in Sydney specialises in recurrent miscarriage, esp early miscarriage. He will do phone appointments. He is a proponent of natural killer cells ( being too high in the uterus) an emerging and controversial area.

There are also lots of other tests -that other Obs and FS can recommend for coagulation problems in your blood such as Factor V Leiden, tests for auto immune diseases such a Hashimoto's, and tests to look at the structural anatomy of your uterus. There is a really good sticky by Innanna in teh recurrent miscarriage thread which details the main areas of investiation and tests. Just something to think about.

Good luck and I do hope that the next we hear from you is a BFP and news of a sticky bub.

Thanks again Louise,
Maybe and hopefully we will both get :bfp: soon, until then we have to keep our chins up and just keep soldiering onwards and upwards. So I am also sending you lots and lots of :bluedust::pink-babydust: and :stickyvibesboy::stickyvibesgirl: your way.
Thank you Mumma Mia for your kind words it's greatly appreciated. I feel so much better with in myself today after a few tears again last night, I went for a bit of a ride this morning and I am slowly accepting my miscarriage. I am really starting to look forward to being able to try again, although I will be terrified that it may happen again there's also a chance it won't. I was unsure if I wanted another child before I had the miscarriage but now I know for sure that I do want another child more than anything else I could ask for.
So here's to all of us and hopefully we all have lots of :stickyvibesboy: real soon and then we will be in here on a positive note.
Keep smiling and take care girls, hope to keep chatting to you all in here.
Helen. xox

Thanks for that Dory,
The drs (3 of them in total) have told me not to be overly concerned about the MC as it happened so early in my Pregnancy. They all believe that there must of been something wrong with bub for me to lose it so early on as I have had 1 daughter with no real complications and I fell Pregnant this time with in 12months of coming off of birth control. Would have been pregnant earlier but DF has been away working for over 12months. I fell pregnant in the 2 weeks he was home on his holidays. This is my first MC and if this was to happen again I would then look into why it has happened but I truly feel that this has happened due to some deformaty with bub while trying to develop. When I found out I was pregnant with bub #2 I felt with in myself that something just was not right and did not feel like I did with my 1st pregnancy. I thank you so very much for the info you have passed on to me, I will store it for a later date though just in case.

Helen - I am always surprised (and not at the same time) that women can know their bodies so well. I find it amazing that you just didn't feel right. I hope that next time it's all good, with none of those feelings. There might be some anxiety of course. Take care.

I was very surpised how I was feeling after I found out I was pregnant, it also truly amazes how in touch with your body you can be with out even knowing you are. I have heard other women say that something just didn't feel right while pregnant and then they lost thier bub and until you experience it yourself I couldn't really undestand what they meant by it. But as I said I truly did feel that something just was not right, I felt like I was not pregnant and like the tests I had were all wrong cause I wasn't pregnant and could not get my head around that I was going to have another bub. Please don't get me wrong in saying that as I did want another bub but something was holding me back in believing that I was going to have one. I kept putting these feelings down to being unsure if I wanted more children before I decided we would TTC with my DF. But it 's obvious to me now that these feelings were because I obviously knew that this one was not meant to be. In my heart I know that my darling and dearest friend in the world whom was taken tragically from us in 1993 is now taking care of our bub and they are both with me everyday in my heart.
I'm sure that next time I will have plenty of anxiety when and if I fall pregnant again, every trip to the loo I will be to scared to look and every twinge will be horrifying the first 12 weeks I will be a total wreck and it will pass by so slowly. But I will listen to what my body is telling me and pray that everything goes to plan.
I am a positive person and I really don't survive well living on negatives so if I concentrate on the positives and keep my chin up whatever is meant to be will be. I know there are many women out there that are going through alot worse than I am and i just wish them all the happiness and sticky vibes in the world.

Well my dr has given us the all clear to start TTC again in August/September this year as I am to have my chicken pox and whooping cough vaccinations first due to having a low immunity to chicken pox which came back in my blood tests but on a good note I am immune to Rubella which is great. So both DF and I are off to the drs yet again tomoro arvey to have our shots.....
And yes I am counting down the days and months until we can start TTC and praying that it all goes well next time around. FX.

Clairesmummy - awesome! Good to get your vaccinations up to date. This gives you some time to just chill and get yourself ready for the TCC ( which I hope will be really quick for you). Did you have Hep B/C/A testing done? My immunity was low, despite keeping it up to date. Oh well, a task for me. I hope that you just are able to enjoy the relative tranquility of this "gap time". Make the most of it girl!

Thanks Dory,
Yep all testing was done with my blood tests and chicken pox was my drs only concern for me. Been reading alot of dif articles on the net about early MC and so on and OMG I have never really been into the whole science of falling pregnant there is so much to take into consideration when TTC. And I just thought you did a bit of bedroom dancing when you were ovulated and if you got lucky that's great if not you just keep trying. It has all really blown my mind away and I feel like a bit of a fool not knowing what I know now. Guess my MC has been a huge eye opener for me in many areas of my life and I am now noticing that I have changed dramatically since my loss, which is a great thing I might add. I do want another bub more than anything and I have started looking after me alot more and taking my life alot more serious.
I must say a huge thank you to everybody that has given me advice over the past few weeks it is greatly appreciated along with everybodies very kind words or support with it I would not of coped at all through my loss. I may have lost our bub but I now know that there was a greater need for my bub else where in this world and it has taught me a lesson in my life that I will cherish forever.