19 week old does not sleep through the night - please help!

Hi,
19 weeks ago we became parents for the first time and DD was a treasure. slept really well at night. Then at about 13 weeks we introduced the dummy and he started waking every hour to 2 hours through the night. the only thing that got him back to sleep was a feed! needless to say the dummy lasted 3 days and it was out the window :)

SInce then we have tried Tizzie Halls "Save our Sleep" book, as the sleep pattern continued as mummy's breast was the replacement dummy.....so we moved DD onto 4 hourly feeds during the day and a dream feed at 10, however he is now such a clockwork baby, he wakes and demands food every 4 hours...7am, 11am, 3pm, 7pm, 11pm, 3am. DD is 100% breastfed and when we offered him formula in the hope he would sleep through he takes about 30mls, then screams the house down about the bottle you are giving him and possibly the formula. We have tried offering him water at night too, but he just associates the bottle with formula now so screams inconsolably until he is breastfed.

Any suggestions as to how to stop him getting his 3am feed? or is he just a big baby (9lb 9oz at birth) that he can't manage without the extra food??!!!:wall:

Any suggestions you have would be most welcome....thanks :D

Can I suggest you try a couple of other authors? Maybe your local library might have them.
When i had my first baby, I found that Pinky Mackay's books helped me out heaps. I also really liked a book called 'The Science of Parenting' by Margot Sunderland.
At 19 weeks, your baby still needs to be breastfed through the night. Formula will not help you there, it's just something you have to go through.

oh and welcome to BB too :)

Thanks Ginger....the library is the first port of call on my agenda tomorrow morning. thanks for the names of books and authors that helped you out.

:)

I think 19 weeks is still normal for a bub to waking during the night. My DS didn't sleep through the night until 17 months old. I would definitely try Pinky McKays books if you are wanting to try to change the routine.

I also think its normal for the age m y 14mnth old still wakes twice through the night. It gets difficult when i used to compare him to my friends dream babys who slept through every ones different. Then again maybe you could change the cycle. Let us know how you go.

Hi & welcome to BB :)

My 10 month old still wakes every night, as did my other three kids. None of them slept through until well after 12 months.
It sounds to me like he just needs his 3am feed.

Good suggestion from Ginger as to other authors...The Science of Parenting is great reading.

Good luck :hug:

I think at 19 weeks it's pretty normal for babies to wake for feeds. If it's just for a feed and your DD is straight back to sleep I probably wouldn't change anything at this point.

Can I gently suggest that if you have a baby that 'only' feeds four hourly that you thank your lucky stars??? ;)

Seriously, that is completely normal baby behaviour. Perhaps reading some of the books that Ginger has mentioned to you will help you to feel more comfortable with your baby's feeding and waking patterns. It's so hard with your first baby, you don't really know what to expect, and they are ALL different. And don't come with a manual LOL! Honestly, there are so many babies out there that feed 2 hourly, or more often. If your baby feeds four hourly and thrives, you are one lucky mama :). Even formula fed babies can wake often, despite the myths that they sleep better (usually not true). At least if you're breastfeeding you CAN breastfeed your baby back to sleep. FF mummies have to use other means if their baby has woken for reasons other than food. Babies wake for lots of reasons.........it sounds like yours wakes for a feed, and then is happy to resettle?

Oh, and good work on your breastfeeding efforts, sounds like you're doing a great job :clap:

Oh dear, I hate to say but 19 weeks is totally normal to still be waking like this. My DD is 2 and a half ans still only sleeps through a couple of night a week. Hang in there, I know it's rough....

My first didnt sleep through until 8 months.. was a habit the 3am feed..

Hun, as the others have said, babies are supposed to wake in the night at that age. They have tiny tummies and are growing and developing at a huge rate. Of course they need to feed frequently. Unfortunately, many of the so-called baby experts give parents unrealistic expectations, and often set up families for more problems when they talk about routines etc. One thing you mentioned in particular is about your baby substituting you for a dummy. Actually, dummies are all too often used as a substitute for mum. Babies and mums are designed by nature to be together all the time - frequent skin-to-skin contact and feeding set up all sort of positive responses like maintaining milk supply, and a feeling of security for the baby. Babies are used to feeding 24/7 in the womb - how could we expect them to come out and be happy about waiting until we are ready to feed them?

It sounds to me like you are doing a really great job, and have good instincts. Throwing away Save Our Sleep and trusting yourself might make things easier for you. All the best hun.

:

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Even formula fed babies can wake often, despite the myths that they sleep better (usually not true).

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Yep, DD is FF and still wakes at least once a night, sometimes twice a night. Just give it time, at 4 months your little one is still just that, little, and chances are probably needs those feeds. Sleep deprivation is hard, but try and enjoy the nightly snuggles, one day you'll probably miss that time!

At that age, both my DD and DS were feeding 2-3hrly at the least!! I agree it is totally normal for your bub to need feeds through the night still. DS is bf and DD was ff, so the formula made no difference at all.

And I might add that even at 22mths, my DS is still waking through the night 1-2 times, even my 3yr old will still wake at times too!

Thanks for your input guys. Janine - thank you for your gentle suggestion. I just need to think of the positives and not get bogged down in the sleep deprivation ;) a glass half full approach instead of the glass half empty lol! Yes we are very lucky to have a DS (oops - I think i refered to our DS as DD in my original post :redface:!!) that sleeps and only wakes to feed.

Thank you all for your encouragement. we will persevere and get some other input from the authors suggested.

how is everything going gerry?
did you find some of the other books to help you?

Hi Gerry

Its very confusing when you have a little newborn who sleeps so perfectly and then they change over night and are waking all the time. My DD as a newborn used to sleep at least 8 hours feed and back to sleep for another 4! At 17 weeks she started to feed every 3 hours for a period of time and then went back to her usual self. Could your DS perhaps be experiencing a growth spurt and need the extra boobie to help with his growing bones. I believe that this will pass soon hun once he gets past whatever his little upset is, it may be he is gonna grow 3 inches this week! Have you heard of wonder weeks? There is a book based on these and 19 weeks is one of those weeks, so perhaps that is what going on. I also bought the SOS book and have since tossed it the same place your dummy went, go with what your heart tells you to do....:hug: you really are doing great.

Glad you're feeling a bit better about things. I think sometimes it's necessary to adjust our expectations a bit. We're told all sorts of things about what babies 'should' be doing and there's all kinds of 'receieved wisdom' about what's normal, but little of it actually corresponds to real-life experience.
19 weeks and feeding 4 hourly, waking only to feed and sleeping well otherwise = very very good sleeper!
Just give him time - I honestly doubt you need to do anything, he'll get there soon enough.

Hi Ginger,

thanks for the follow up - I managed to get to the library yesterday and have a copy of sleeping like a baby. Wow what an eye opener, thank you so much for the advice! Last night was another rough one - with DS waking every 2 hours for a feed, perhaps i will investigate these wonder weeks......

I must say the response i have received from my little post has been so positive and wonderful. Thank you ladies.
xo

Gerry, you sound like a fantastic mummy :D Glad you are enjoying Pinky's book, that's wonderful! Hopefully you'll be able to get a copy of Pinky's other books, as well as perhaps The Science of Parenting, and The Wonder Weeks. But most of all (as Pinky says :)) follow your heart and your instincts..........everything else will follow. There is no ONE 'right way' to do things with our children, they are all individual, as are we!

So glad you found the support you needed :)

so glad you found pinky's book gerry. i love pinky cos she helped me get a great perspective on mothering, helped me to sort out in my head what's important and what's not, and most importantly, taught me to trust my instincts.
sounds like you're doing a great job so far, hopefully we'll see you around BB a bit more too :)

Well I know you are all eager to hear how we are going!

I think something to do with the stress levels of mum, because after all of your lovely/positive comments I have managed to beast the expressing beast.....so no formula for my DS and he has been Mr dream baby ever since....still waking a couple of times a night, but sooooo happy and giggling at 05:30.

:p

PS and the library came up with the Margot Sunderland book today too xoxox

my 22 month old feeds at 7pm, 2am, 4am, and 6am. we co-sleep so it doesnt really bother me much. i think at 19 weeks they are still growing SO much and will go throw stages of feeding more often. also every baby is so different, i gave up on the books pretty quickly as i just found that the presure of trying to make DD fit in to the form the books laid out was more stressfull than any issue i was trying to cure! sounds like your doing a great job! good luck.

that's great news gerry!
maybe you should join a baby buddies group here on bb for the month that your ds is born. that way you can talk to other mums of babies the same age as yours.

maybe someone smarter than me could post a link here for gerry? LOL

great idea. thanks Ginger. I'll look into that today....;)

My 6mth old always wakes at about 2am for a feed - I have tried EVERYTHING but nothing works - I have since given up and relised its just her...Hopefully one day she decides its nessacary to sleep through the night lol

just thought i would update you one my now 24week DS. he has just cut a tooth this week and had his 6 month jabs. he is in bed by 6:30/7pm, wakes around midnight for another feed then sleeps till 7 (with a little grizzle around 2/3, but puts himself back to sleep).

Thanks for all your support adn encouragement. We just rode it out and as you all suggested - he'll get there when he is ready :)

That's great to hear, sounds like everything's going really well :)