Please help me! Tired, frustrated & over it (vent included)

Let me start by saying I am totally supportive of others peoples parenting techniques whatever they choose.
DD2 I need suggestions that don't involve co- sleeping please (if possible)
DD1 - I just need some reassurance.
This post also includes some venting.

DD2 is such a velcro baby. Yes - I know she is 2 weeks old but I can't cope with continuing down this road. She wants to feed/comfort suck every hour or so (this is better than the 30 - 45mins we had). I can't get her to have a dummy of any type (we have so far tried 3 different brands). I wrap her and put her down and she SCREAMS :wall: I give her to DH even just long enough for me to go to the toilet and she SCREAMS:wall: I have to cuddle her to get her to sleep or have her in bed with me until she goes to sleep but as soon as I put her back in her own bed she'll only be there for 5mins max and she SCREAMS:wall:
Last night I got so frustrated that when she woke AGAIN i threw the blankets and yelled. I felt horrible, I felt like I was failing as a mum because I couldn't settle my daughter. I know shes only little, I know she can't communicate unless its through crying, I know all this. I'm just at my wits end. Neither DH or I want to co sleep. I need 5mins to myself. I need to be able to put her down for 5mins without her screaming. I feed, change, burp and play - all the things I know I have to do. I just can't settle her!
I'm tired and frustrated and completely over it.
Last night I hung my shirt I had worn during the day over the side of the bassinet thinking maybe if she could smell me she might settle but nope didn't work. I'm going to see if anyone has a sling I can borrow and try. I don't have the money to spend on one to start with and it not work.


DD1 has gone from sleeping through to waking 2 -3 times a night. Please tell me this is just an age thing? :pray: I yelled at her last night too all because she wanted another bottle! The look on her face when I did that just broke my heart and made me feel so much worse.
We are already having issues with her not eating - I figure she'll eat when shes hungry.

ATM I just feel like i'm failing in so many ways. The only stimulation DD1 has had over the last week is 2 trips to the park and a daycare day. Every days she's with me we read and watch tv because DD2 is permanently attached to my boobs! I can't settle DD2, DD1 isn't getting any of my attention, I'm exhausted, DH is helping out where he can but I just feel like it's all falling down around me.

Does anyone have any other suggestions that we can try please???

I have a ring sling you can have, PM your address and I will send it to you. :hug:

Oh hun :hug: Your dd2 sounds exactly like my ds1 was with all the screaming. The only time he was happy was if he was sucking (boob, bottle, anything really!) It turned out he had silent reflux and the screaming was from the milk buring up and down his oesophagus everytime I tried to lay him down. The only time he was 'happy' was if he was bolt upright on my chest. I had to sit with a dead straight back and hold him upright. That way there was less chance of the milk burning and his tummy was warm against my body. Does any of this sound like what your dd2 is doing? Might be worth a trip to the gp or paed to have a chat. We ended up on medication and did all the standard things to help reflux.

Sorry if I've gone off on a reflux tangent there, I can feel your pain with the amount of screaming and lack of sleep. Hang in there hun. :hug:

Dd1 will be fine, throw some old sheets over your dining chairs, put some cushions underneath and she can have a cubby house to play in! Should keep her entertained for a little while! Maybe a special morning tea in there for her and her teddies???

For DD2 you could try a hammock or even one of those electric swings & slings can be very useful with Velcro babies, My DD2 was the same & the HAB worked so well for us.
As for DD1 we went through the same thing & she started sleeping through the night again once she got use to have a little sister, i'm sure your DD will do the same.

Your not failing those first few weeks are hard but things will get easier :hug:

Honey, i dont have any advice i just wanted to pop in and give you :hugs: and tell you, you are not failing anything. The only thing i can think of for the crying is maybe shes to hot? to cold? over-tired or uncomfortable?

When my DS was a couple of weeks old he was exactly like your DD, The best way i found possible to get him to sleep (during the day) was to go for a drive whilst he fell asleep and put on a cd of the rainforest/soothing music.or put him in the pram and take him for a walk. I dont know if this would work for you but it could also mean spending time with your DD1 walking to the park, driving around etc ywim? of a evening i used to give DS a warm bath and a light massage and a little play again i dont know if this would work for your DD just a few ideas.

Good luck lovely. xxxxxx

:hug: I'm feeling for you. I remember it well, it feels like it will never end, but it will :hug:.

Some settling suggestions I'll throw at you:

* Does she like the bath? Maybe a bath and massage will help calm her down.
* Could she have wind issues? DD had awful wind issues, I used Infacol before each feed (you can use Infacol from 3 days old, despite what the bottle says - my MCHN told me :)) and would stop feeding her every 4-5 minutes - burp her - then put her back on. This made a huge difference. A friend has a bub who had really bad wind. She started bathing her twice a day and it has completely fixed the problem.
* Can you get your hands on a baby hammock? I used one for DS1 (and now with DD) and it was a life saver. He would only sleep in my arms until we bought one. They are great if your bub has reflux too, because it keeps their head raised. I would put DS1 in his hammock and bounce him off to sleep in it and he would stay asleep. If he woke up, I'd just bounce him again.
* It could be reflux, I am no expert though! It might be worth chatting with your MCHN or GP.
* Take her to a paediatric chiro. They have great success with unsettled babies, they can resolve issues like colic, relux, wind, etc. The one I take my babies to is extremely gentle, no bone "crunching". This might be the answer you are looking for, it was for me!
* Settling in her cot/cradle: A trick that worked well for DS2 was to wrap him tight, put him on his side, pat his back and make a loud "Shhhhhhhhh, shhhhhhh" sound in his ear. He would settle pretty quickly and once he was asleep I could roll him onto his back.
* Keep persisting with a dummy! I know it is annoying, but she might eventually take one. It took 3 months for DD to take one, but it was a lifesaver when she finally did! We use the Avent ones.

I hope I haven't overwhelmed you LOL! I just thought I'd throw some suggestions at you :)

Your DD1 will be fine, this stage won't last and she won't remember it, I promise :hug:. The waking overnight might just be because of all the changes. Both my boys did this to me when a new bub arrived and it did pass.

I hope things get better for you soon :hug:.

Yeah I was going to suggest a reflux type thing - DD1 was exactly the same when she was a baby. So thats something to defintely get checked out. My mum always says that babies cry for a reason, even if we don't know what it is :hug:

And as for your DD1, you know we have struggled with DD1's sleep here (who is the same age as yours) and we just give her a bottle now when she wakes up, otherwise she can be awake for HOURS. We find if we give her a bottle she is more than happy to settle in her own bed again.

:hug: Its hard babe, but you are doing a great job.

One of the above ladies already mentioned what I was going to lol. My DD2 had horrible silent reflux and colic together so you can imagine the outcome. With a combination of medicines it did settle down but it took until she was over 18 months old.

Get it checked asap and put your mind to rest. You're doing a great job and being sleep deprived is no small thing. xxx

My DS was a very clingy baby which was a huge shock after DD..

I wasn't a carrier fan, but had to with him because I would have had my hands free.. I used the close carrier..

Would a baby swing work, so she still has movement to help her sleep? I also found DS slept better in the bassinette in the loungeroom where he could hear me going about my day..

And you are doing a great job.. The first few weeks with a newborn and a toddler and sleep deprivation are hard! I think we try to give our older child(ren) the same amount of attention they received before the baby came along, and it is just impossible, your DD1 will adapt and won't remember this phase as a bad time..

I have no advice for you, but couldn't read without giving you a :hug: .

Corelly x

I was also going to suggest reflux - both DD1 and DD2 were like that and it looked like reflux because they screwed their little faces up like they were in pain before waking up. Keeping DD2 upright in a HAB after a feed was an incredibly useful way to settle her and to stop the need to feed constantly. They feed to try to make themselves feel better which can add to the problem if it is reflux. We ended up having to use gaviscon for infants - it is not for tiny tiny babies though so you should probably have a chat to your GP or CHN before using it.

If you want more info about reflux, you can check out this link: Australian Breastfeeding Association - Breastfeeding and gastro-oesophageal reflux and there are lots of topics that you might find interesting here: Australian Breastfeeding Association

It's not easy dealing with an unsettled baby. You are only human and you can only do what you can do. Make sure that you take care of yourself and have some time out when you need it. Don't beat yourself up about getting angry, we have all done things like that when we are tired, overwhelmed and sleep deprived. You are doing a great job. It's not easy.

Hang onto the fact that this too shall pass. It won't go on forever. :hug:

Huge :hug: sweetie. You are not a bad mum and you are very capable, this just sounds like a very difficult stage. thinking back it was around Sheriden's age that DD was really tricky. It took a while for her to take the dummy but it worked in the end. I had to hold it in there for to get the hang of it but it helped.

Do you have a fit ball? I used to sit on that and hold DD tight against me and bounce. It would put her to sleep. Also from 4 weeks, I started to put her in the bouncer. That way I could have some hands free time. I would bounce it with my foot and she would fall asleep. I would gradually stop bouncing when she fell asleep. The bouncer had a vibration thing on it and having that little bit of movement worked. Also noise worked, she hated being in a quiet space as it would wake her up. So havingthe TV or radio on for consistent noise might help, it also drowns out any sudden noises that DD2 might make. I know putting them in a bouncer is controversial but it worked for DD and I can lend you ours if you dont have one.
I cant help with the slings as I dont own any but its lovely that some of the beautiful ladies on here have offered. :hug:

At night time, I tried to do the whole bassinette thing but it didnt really work. I ended up co-cleeping for the first 3-4mths as I actually got more sleep. I know that you dont want to do this but it doesnt have to be forever. :hug: DD went to her cot at 4.5mths and was sleeping through 12hours by 6mths.

Might be worth getting DD2 checked out by an osteo?

:hug: I know how you feel, my DS was like this and it was hard enough having just him let alone an older DD! I'm gonna say reflux too, that's what DS had and after a week on medicine he was great! I found that bouncing DS on my knee really helped and being on his tummy upright on me too. If your bub does this I think that she likely has silent reflux! Have you got a bouncer? That's useful to getting them off to sleep, the bouncing somehow helps with the burning if that makes sense? We let DS sleep in our pram during the day because he could sleep upright, he loved it!

With the dummy, maybe try offering the dummy straight from boob when she's sleepy (when she's done feeding obviously) - she might be less likely to notice the difference in it and gradually get used to it enough to take it when she's awake?

I really, really hope you get some sleep soon. You are doing a fantastic job, take some deep breaths and remind yourself!

Oh gosh, I feel like we are the same person only 2 months ago for me.
My DS1 is 2 and DS2 is 3 months old now. At the beginning I found it really hard to deal with both of them and really it does get easier. We still have problems now, but mainly with my 2yr old. He is waking 3 times a night and wanting to get into our bed, so I have to drag myself out of bed and put him back in his. Or try to wake DH if the lil guy is having a feed.

DS1 still does watch a lot of t.v I have to admit but I think getting out to the park and daycare is great and more than I did when DS2 was 2 weeks old. My toddler goes to daycare 2 days a week and then the next day I don't mind if he watches T.V a lot as it really takes it out of them at DC.

I believe that the carrier would work if DD2 is quite clingy. I think the sling is a great idea. I made myself a hug a bub from using 3 meters of stretch fabric from spotlight and it cost me $20 and I made 2 out of it. I do like the hug a bub for a NB as it keeps them upright and close to your chest so they can feel your heartbeat. Maybe if she has a bit of an unsettled tummy too it may be helpful. Also great for BFeeding on the move, seems to be just in the right possie to feed them.
I have tried using every dummy around for both my kids. With DS1 I found that the Pigeon dummy in the shape of a nipple worked best, It wasn't very long either so he didn't gag on it. I would pop it in while he was in the hug a bub and his head was close to me so he didn't spit it out. I found that you just have to be super persistent with it. Even maybe expressing and giving a bottle may be easier for you and might make her take a dummy as well.

Do you wrap DS2 when you put her down for a sleep or when you have things to do. I found that when I wrapped both my DS's they calmed down so much and DS1 had bad colic and it helped him a lot.
I used a bouncer a lot too. I think the bouncing sensation calms them down too and that they both slept in there quite happily.

Well Hun just a few ideas you can think about.
You are doing great!!!!!! I was/am still dealing with the situation you are in, though DS2 is soooo much more settled than DS1 was.
I have been down a bit lately too and yelling at my toddler non stop.
You just have to think that they're not little forever and you are doing the best you can even when it doesn't feel like it. I am sure there are a lot of mums out there like you and me who are going through the same thing!

Thanks Everyone for replying. I will be trying all these different things that I haven't tried yet :)
I will def take her to the dr re. Reflux. Will elevating the head of the bassinet help this?
We brought yet another dummy today and so far shes taking to it. :crossfingers: it stays that way.
Both girls are quietly laying in the lounge atm which is making a nice break. I have a vibrating bouncer that I've been putting DD2 in so we'll see if that helps in settling her. I've had heaps of offers too of slings. I have a friend who lives close by that is going to lend me one to see how we go.

Re. DD1. I think I just needed to know that this pahse is normal and will pass. In my sleep deprived state I know i'm not htinking all that straight. She's had a massive dinner tonight so hopefully that will keep her tummy full and she'll be settled all night (am I asking too much here ;) :think: )

Thanks again everyone. I really appreciate it. xxx

Yup elevating the head of the bassinette can help with reflux. I put all my babies on their tummies too when they were sleeping, seemed to help settle them, think it was the warmth that did it. Course I don't recommend this because of SIDS, but we have a breathing monitor, so thats why I feel safe in our decision to let them sleep like that.

Oh and DD1 hasn't had a day nap today, so we're hoping she'll sleep all night too.. LOL...

Big hugs hunny, these first few weeks can be very trying. She will feed less as the weeks go on but right now she needs the comfort as the whole world is scary and you are her safe place. She is also building up your supply so she can grow big and strong. You are doing a wonderful job, well done.

That said a clingy baby at any age can drive a woman close to the edge (I say with experience) so some things that worked for me were:

I didn't co-sleep either, apart from when the baby woke at 5am and it was the only way to get him back to sleep. This way I got most of the night to myself.
a musical swing - gave me a few minutes to have some food
a hot water bottle in the cot before I laid him down (removed of course when he went to bed)
handing the baby to my OH whilst I went for a walk/shower/bath or whatever just to have a few minutes to myself.

In 4 weeks time you will be amazed by how different your baby is and how she acts, but in the meantime don't be afraid to ask for help if you need to get away for even an hour or two. With a clear head you will be so much more prepared to cope.

Good luck

T
xx

Well, last night went kind of ok. DD2 slept for the first half of the night (and the majority in the capsule out of the car - but hey - she slept!) but was then awake fully or sleeping but VERY VERY unsettled between about 2 and 8am. In that time DD1 was up at least times.
I've got some infacol today so will be trying that out. Shes had a total of about an hours fully settled sleep all day. The rest of the day she has wriggled, screamed, gagged, cryed, whinged. Her little face looks like she is in so much pain but I can't make it better for her. I have been trying different ways of feeding to see if it helps, time in the vibrating bouncer, and lots of time cuddling her upright. Still persisiting with the dummy too. Also warm bathes and showers with me or DH to try and help ease any pain.
I know her screaming is driving me nuts and I can only imagine how everyone else is coping with it. Everytime she starts DH keeps telling me she wants more food. His doing my head in with it too cause he brings her to me for food everytime she starts screaming again. Trying to explain to him is like i'm talking to a brick wall atm. I get so frustrated with him.

Lets see what tonight brings. Think i'm going to have to rope in some friends to help me pack because it's just not going to happen atm I feel.

Well, last night went kind of ok. DD2 slept for the first half of the night (and the majority in the capsule out of the car - but hey - she slept!) but was then awake fully or sleeping but VERY VERY unsettled between about 2 and 8am. In that time DD1 was up at least times.
I've got some infacol today so will be trying that out. Shes had a total of about an hours fully settled sleep all day. The rest of the day she has wriggled, screamed, gagged, cryed, whinged. Her little face looks like she is in so much pain but I can't make it better for her. I have been trying different ways of feeding to see if it helps, time in the vibrating bouncer, and lots of time cuddling her upright. Still persisiting with the dummy too. Also warm bathes and showers with me or DH to try and help ease any pain.
I know her screaming is driving me nuts and I can only imagine how everyone else is coping with it. Everytime she starts DH keeps telling me she wants more food. His doing my head in with it too cause he brings her to me for food everytime she starts screaming again. Trying to explain to him is like i'm talking to a brick wall atm. I get so frustrated with him.

Lets see what tonight brings. Think i'm going to have to rope in some friends to help me pack because it's just not going to happen atm I feel.

you poor blossom!

:hug:

I'm glad that DD2 got some sleep last night - I hope you did too. sleep depravation is a terrible and dangerous thing.

loads of lovely ladies have given you plenty of ideas to try, and most of my thoughts have already been sent through to you ...

my only other idea is wondering whether more skin-to-skin time with dad would help, and whether if you expressed for a day and bottle fed, whether this would give you a bit of a break physically and emotionally - and you would also be able to see for certain how much she's drinking? to get an idea of whether she is actually over or under feeding?

but huge hugs to you, and please keep us updated. and don't feel guilty about getting angry - I think anyone in your showes probably would, and you're doing your best to be the most loving mum you can be.

I hope you're able to have someone mind the kids even for 10 minutes every now and then, so you can get outside alone, or have a long hot shower or something, just to stay sand xoxo

So dr today confirmed his pretty sure it's reflux. :( His given us some Zantac to try so have given tonight. So :crossfingers: it works

Last night was the best night we've had since we came home from hospital. Miss J slept through the night and Miss S only woke 4 times and seemed to settle ok, a bit restless but ok. We were co sleeping though so maybe that helped.

i'm feeling heaps better ok after a relatively good night sleep.

Glad you got some answers, fingers crosses it works so you both get some rest and then you can gave cuddles for enjoyment not just comfort.