I'm at breaking point :(

I don't want to do this any more. I CAN'T do this any more.
I need them to go away and just not come back. For how long, I don't know. But I can't have them anywhere near me right now. I'm a s*** mother and whatever I'm doing, it's wrong and it's not working.
DH is at work. My mum isn't feeling well and won't take them today. My BF is a bridesmaid in her friend's wedding this afternoon so she's booked up with that. I'm on my own and I'm not coping.

I'm about this close to just locking the kids in their rooms and disappearing. I can't be here. I can't be near them. I hate this.

I just need to get that out, and maybe I'll feel better. I'm such a failure. I hate myself, I hate them for making me feel like this. I hate all the bs, the tantrums, the mischief, the refusing to do as they're told. The mess, the need for attention... when do *I* get any attention? When does anybody give a f--- about how I'm feeling? I can't afford any more days at daycare. My parents are either at work or out of town or busy with their own stuff (fair enough). I wanted the stupid kids, I have to deal with them.
Except today I can't. I was so tempted a minute ago to just put my hands around DD1's neck and squeeze until she f-ing SHUTS UP. I just smacked DD2's bum and dragged her away from whatever she was into... now I'm outside listening to both of them yelling and babbling for me. SHUT UP, JUST SHUT UP. GO AWAY. LEAVE ME ALONE. I HATE YOU RIGHT NOW AND I WISH I COULD WALK AWAY AND NEVER SEE YOU AGAIN.

I need to get out.

:hug: :comfort: Oh hun.....you know what I could have written that exact post the other day and could probably write it in days to come! We all feel like that sometimes! You are an awesome mum but as you said YOU need some attention!

Wish i was closer I would come take the scallywags and let them cause havoc with my monkeys so you could have a break...see a movie have a coffe whatever!

Big hugs hun xxx

Sorry you're having such a rough day :hug::hug: Good on you for taking yourself outside while you're feeling like this

Is there a mothers' group or someone else you can call? I wish I had more constructive advice for you

oh sweetheart, i think everyone here can say they've had days like that, i sure as **** have.
you're not a failure, you're a person too, and a lot of people forget that.
maybe phone a parenting line or something to vent, and if things get really bad, phone your mum or dh and demand them to come home.
sometimes things get too much, if you want someone to talk to call me, i'll happily let you vent xoxo

its ok to take some time out darl :hug: give yourself some 5 minute breathers today, as often as you need to :comfort:

Oh sweetheart sounds like you are having an absolutely terrible day :hug:. This mum business is exhausting and so incredibly trying!!! Some days these kids just do our heads in. I'm so sorry that i can't help you out by taking the kids for you. When is DH home??? Sending you heaps and heaps of support and hugs. Can you put the kids to bed for a sleep so you can grab 10 mins to yourself?
I'm so sorry you're doing it so tough today.

:hug: I have had a week like that this week - it has been horrible so I know exactly how you are feeling. I think I got through by alternating crying and punching my pillow. I wish I had some advice for you but I don't. I know what it feels like and the only way out for me was the DH has taken an annual leave day today so I have a long weekend to get my head straight.

Do whatever you need to just to get through today. I wish I had more to offer than that, but sometimes you just need to get through the moment and when you get a few minutes come up with a plan that will help you feel good about the things you are doing.

FWIW, I think you sound like a great mum and you are doing a good job. It is hard work. Sometimes, as a mum, you feel like you are top of the world and other days it feels like the world is on top of you. Cry, eat chocolate, put on a DVD for the kids or take them to the park and let them run wild ... do whatever you have to do to get through.

I wish I lived closer to you, we could have had crap weeks together :hug:

Oh babe :cry: I wish I were closer, I'd be there in a heartbeat :hug: It's okay to have days like this. Just take some time to breathe and be alone right now. Maybe put the telly in one of the girls rooms, pop them on the bed and put a dvd on, have a shower and just relax. Can you call dh and see if he can come home early? I know you feel like the worst mother right now, but you are so far from that. A terrible mother would not be reaching out and admitting she was struggling, would she? Be kind to yourself my friend :heartbeat:

First of all have a hug :grouphug:

It's one of the great unspoken secrets of motherhood that sometimes it is all too much. I have been there more than once and I know many other BB members have too. So don't beat yourself up, it's ok to be having a shocking day and it does not mean you are a terrible mother.

Take some time to breathe. Stick a DVD on for the kids and tell them mummy needs some space. Have a cup of tea and curl up on the sofa. If you can, try and get them to take a nap. If they won't, then pop them in the car, stick on your favourite music and just drive to clear your head.

Tomorrow will be better

xx

get your DH home babe xx

I've done it and it is worth it. it WILL give you the support and the knowledge that someone can and will be there even at these worst of worst times.

get him home and get him to take the kids to the park (rain or shine) and take a nice long shower for yourself and get back on track.

big :hug:

Are there any BB buddies in your area that could pop over and give you a bit of respite? I know I would if I was closer...
Is there are park or a fenced off area (off leash dog park.. :rofl: ) you can take them to so they can just go crazy and you won't have to worry about them too much. I'd be asking if your DH can come home a bit earlier tonight too. We all have bad days, hang in there, it will be over soon!

nawwww sweetheart :comfort:
You are NOT a failure, everyone has days like this its perfectly normal.
I wish i were closer so i could help you out! Is there any chance someone could have the girls for a couple of hrs this arvo so you can take some time out?
Gosh i had to get my parents to take DS away for several nights as i had fallen apart due to my XP.
I know exactly how you are feeling.
Dont hate yourself for it! xxxx

:hug: :comfort:
Babe - i could have written your post on so many occasions.
PPs have all had great suggestions.
Look after yourself. :hug: xx

With children who are nearly exactly the same age as yours ( same gap and everything), I know EXACTLY how you feel. I have days like this too. I scream, I rant, I carry on.
it's tough.

If you ever need to vent to someone, I'm always around.
I hope your day gets better. Can you get out just you and your OH on the weekend?

:hug: We have all been there. You are doing the right thing taking a time out for yourself. I was going to say the same as traveller, can you pop on the tv and try and get a bit of a break. Hang in there. DH will be home at some point, and then you can leave the kids to him and go and hide somewhere, i like to have a long bath with the door locked, and put my head underwater so I cant hear anything going on, oh and I take a huge glass of wine with me... And remember to try and breathe, it might help... xo

I understand this feeling completely. :hug:

Thanks, girls. Really - thank you. I feel like I'm having the worst week ever and I want it all to go away :(
The kids ended up crying themselves to sleep... mummy fail again :( I keep sitting here looking at the dump that is my house and thinking I should use their naptime to clean up... but I just don't have the strength right now. I was writing this huge post in my head last night after DD1 got into MORE of my stuff and burned her eyes with hair serum (after being told about forty thousand times to leave it alone), I ended up just falling asleep because it's the only coping mechanism I have left :( I haven't eaten properly in weeks, I'm so stressed and burned out, I just don't know where to even begin...
It's my stupid birthday on Sunday and yet again, I'm disappointed because I won't actually get any presents. I've got some new lingerie on layby (which is desperately needed, I'm down to my last bra and the underwire popped through the seam about a month ago so I'm wearing it every day and have a big sore near my armpit where it's poking me constantly), so DH and my mum is giving me money to pay it out, there's my presents from them. Nanna sent me a cheque, which I've already banked, that will go on a haircut and a pair of ballet flats (which I also desperately need). I hate not getting things to unwrap... I know it's stupid and there's no point in sending anybody out to buy things like clothes for me because I have to try everything on... I just hate not having a surprise to open on my birthday. Looks like I'm going to have to cook my own dinner and not do anything fun, we were going to go out to dinner but my dad's out of town (AGAIN, he's away on my birthday every year because of this bs scout camp thing, he went down to Childers to see my brother for HIS birthday last week but nooo, I'm not important enough, his stupid scouting commitments are more important than me) and the kids are just feral anyway so no point going out. Mum will just get dirty as hell if DH and I want to go out without her so I can't get her to babysit or anything :( Because yep, everything's always about HER feelings and why can't SHE ever go out (never mind that Dad takes her out for lunches, coffees, dinners etc at least once a week, DH and I go out once a year on our wedding anniversary if mum is available to babysit, but nooo, Mum NEVER gets to go out, pfft). She won't even want to make dinner and have us over to her house because it's MY birthday so SHE should get to relax. Yeah, that makes sense.
DH's dad sent me a cheque as well but the stupid prison officers forgot to put the cheque back in the with the card he sent (they have to check all the mail) and he hasn't sent another one, so I miss out on that... not that I really want (nor did I expect, but he rang to ask if I got it and DH said I only got the card so I found out I was supposed to get some money) money from him but it would have been nice to get myself a little treat, maybe get a new pair of jeans or something else, so now I'm all disappointed about that... F*** birthdays. I hate them and I wish they didn't exist. I feel like the world's worst parent because tbh, I don't even want to spend it with the kids, to me the perfect day right now would be one where I can just be left alone and not have to answer to anybody, not have to deal with anybody, just go and do something for myself, BY MYSELF, but of course that makes me an awful person because who wouldn't want to spend their special day with their special little people? And usually I DO want to spend special days with my kids, I love them to bits, but God I've had it up to here with them right now.

DD1 is just an absolute monster. She's into EVERYTHING she's not meant to be (you may have seen my Punching Bag post about the bracelet the other day), she answers back, hits her sister, flat-out REFUSES to even try to behave herself... whatever I do, I suck at it, it's not working. Time-outs, smacking, taking away her toys, yelling at her, talking nicely to her, every. single. thing. I've tried fails to have any impact on her. I threw every single nice thing I have (makeup, perfume, hair product, deodorant etc) in a big garbage bag last night after the hair serum incident and put it all in the bin... no matter what I say or do, she won't stay the f out of my room or stop climbing into high drawers/shelves in the bathroom/bedroom/laundry/kitchen, so probably easier to just toss out everything I have bar my underwear and a few shirts, that way at least she's not at risk of poisoning herself or sending herself blind with some chemical. Goodbye hair straightener, goodbye shampoo and conditioner, goodbye favourite perfumes and eyeliner and everything else that makes me feel good about myself. Why bother? It'll either get broken, emptied into the bathroom sink, or kill my kid.

DD1 is just impossible. She's not like any other kid I've ever met. You can't sit her down with a book or a DVD or some toys and expect her to play - as soon as my back's turned, she's up on the kitchen bench and pouring sugar into the toaster or something. She won't play WITH me. I try to do fun things like have craft activities with her, but instead of gluing sequins to the coloured cardboard I've given her, she starts gluing them to the leather couch or her sister's forehead or to her father's precious flatscreen TV. I take them outside to burn off some energy, and instead of playing on the swingset or trampoline DH forked out to give her, she takes all her clothes off, urinates in the yard and then unlatches the gate and runs off down the street, giggling like an idiot while I chase her, screaming that she'll get hit by a car.
I can't take her out in public - she refuses to ride in the trolley at the shops, and runs off to hide. She pulls everything off the shelves and throws herself on the ground screaming loud enough for Boyne Island residents to hear her if I say she's not behaving well enough to deserve a lollipop. Her idea of 'playing nicely' with her sister involves pushing DD2 face-first into the floor and then running away yelling, 'Don't smack meee!' while I scoop poor DD2 up and check for blood. I can't ever sit down and watch anything on TV because if it's not cartoons, she stands in front of me and SCREAMS until I put cartoons on just to shut her up. She won't go to sleep until 11pm at the earliest.

And of course, she behaves IMPECCABLY at daycare and for anybody else who looks after her when I'm not around. So everyone thinks I'm either a liar, or exaggerating, or just paranoid when I say I think there's either something wrong with her (ADD/ADHD?), or that I just can't cope with her.

And as for DD2, she's just a massive drain. So clingy, so demanding. She won't stay inside when I go out for a cigarette, she stands at the door screaming her head off until I let her out. I have to lay in her cot with her to give her bottles and pat her to sleep every single time she goes down for a nap. She hates my mum and won't go to anybody else when I'm around, and if I'm not, she just cries until I come back. She won't sit and play while I do housework, she wants cuddles constantly and gets hysterical if I don't drop everything and pick her up the second she opens her mouth to protest that I'm ignoring her. Nothing ever gets done around here between the two of them because while DD2's getting cuddles, DD1 is trashing everything I've just cleaned up.

There are always dirty dishes in the sink. Food scraps and crumbs on the floor. Dirty laundry, toys, half-chewed bits of plastic, etc etc etc strewn all over the house. I can't keep any one spot of it clean. DH hates it, he's so anal about neatness and cleanliness and swears that if DOCS ever paid a surprise visit to the house, we'd lose care of them because nobody would consider this house liveable. He works 10-12 hours a day, then comes home to filth and he hates it. He works OT on weekends because we need the money, so I'm alone with the kids even more, the house gets messier, he cracks the poos. When he's not at work, he's either mowing the lawn or painting the stupid house or doing something that needs doing, so I don't expect him to clean up, it's not his mess (and he's very tidy, all his stuff is put away, dirty clothes in the basket etc etc, the mess is all from the kids).

I love my kids, I really do. I'd never hurt them. I just need a f-ing break because the past few weeks have got me so strung out I'm about to explode. I lay in bed at night wondering in all seriousness if it would be that difficult to slit my own throat. Would I be best to go ear-to-ear like in the slasher films, or would just a little cut under my jaw, where I can feel my pulse, work? Probably a good thing I've lost the plug for the bathtub, or it wouldn't be hard to 'bump my head on the tiles and fall face-down into the tub'... but that's just f-ed, and I know it. I don't want to die, I just want an out from the stress. I need a break. God, Sydney can't come around fast enough. It's all that's keeping me going right now :( I just feel sick all the time, this stupid 'suspected PCOS' has me in so much pain constantly, the treatment the Dr gave me didn't work at all, stupid AF is here again and it HURTS, I'm all alone, I'm supposed to be looking forward to my birthday and instead I just wish I could disappear.

I'm sorry.. I know this is an epic rant. I don't expect or want sympathy, or help... I just need to get it all off my chest before I have an aneurysm or something. DH can't come home early because he had yesterday off so we could take the kids to see Dora (which was awesome, but as always, DD1 takes a perfectly good day and destroys it), and he's got a Dr's appt on Monday so he'll have to take time off then :( I hate that they rely so heavily on him at work, I hate that he wants to be at home helping me out but he just can't because his stupid lazy employers and fellow employees sit around expecting DH to do everything for them, and he's been looking for another job for so long but nothing has come up that suits our situation (we'd need another car if he were to get a good job with one of the industries as they're out of town and I'd be stuck at home all day)... I'm just tired of being on my own so much, with being stuck with the kids 24/7 while all my friends can go out and enjoy themselves every now and then because they have friends or family who can look after their kids for them... I can't even go out on my own because DH resents having to go to work and then come home and watch the ferals while I go off and do something for myself (which is fair enough, he's in pretty much the same boat as HE never gets 'alone time' either)...

Argh, I just wish the kids would behave, behave, behave, stop acting like this, stop stressing me out, just for a couple of days... I don't know how single mums/those with partners who work away etc do it... I need to just shut up and get on with it because it could be so much worse, I know I'm just a useless POS who whines too much, I don't even have it that bad. I'm sorry :( I just need to get away for a while :(
Thanks for listening. I really, really do appreciate it.

hugs to you sweetheart. sounds v tough. xxx

I'm sorry. I wish I had some magical words to say and to help you out.
:hug: :hug: :hug: :hug:

Darl, you make me wanna get on a plane RIGHT NOW and come to your house and clean and babysit :hug: :hug: :hug:

First things first, enough of this 'Mummy Fail' - you are NOT a bad Mum!!! The fact that you are so low at the moment just reinforces that point, because you're looking at everything you're doing and feeling like its not good enough. If you were a bad mum, you wouldn't give a damn.

I can't remember if you're in a rental or not - but can you put a lock on your bedroom door? Something to keep DD out, and therefore create a 'safe space' for you? And that way you can keep all your things as well, because she won't be able to get to them. And for your youngest, do you have a sling? My sister's just bought one coz her youngest is clingy as well, and this was the only way she could get anything done.

And at the risk of telling you that everything you've said is wrong...you're not a POS either, you're a hardworking SAHM who needs a break. Hey, do you have an IKEA near you? You could always take the kids there, drop them off at the creche and sit in the restaurant for 2 hours :)

hun you know you can call me if ever you need to right? Or text me, and i'll call you, so you don't use up credit (rich childless person over here :lol:) I know all mums have bad days...but how long have you felt like this, really? Maybe not all day every day, but if it's been like this for a while...I don't know, do you think you're depressed? It sounds that way to me right now, but I guess without a face to face it's hard to know. I just want you to look after yourself hun, please. :hug:

i just wanted to offer more :hug: - probably not exactly what you need right now, but it's the thought, right?!!

i have no magical words or advice, cos i'm a novice at the mummy business & as much as i have the 'right' words in my brain, they just never come out so well. i can totally feel your frustration & pain though & think the PPs are right - it's not a case of mummy fail at all. reaching out when you feel like this is the best thing you could have done :hug:.

i know your DH works alot, but would you guys ever consider him cutting back a little (if he can) and then maybe you working a day here & there? sorry if i'm way off base, but just thinking that it's maybe a way for you to have time out of the house & get to meet new people & even though it's work (boooo!), it might be the change you need to get your groove back. sorry if that's presumptious or anything, but just a random suggestion.

:hug:

wow both of your posts could have come from me! In all honesty they could have. I to am exactly the same.My house is absolutely horrendous !!! And like you it dont matter if i clean cause for every thing i pick up they put at least 10new bits of crap on the floor!!

The bedroom thing......i have the same DS2 is forever going through my things and i bloody hate it and are sick of it. We rent BUT i did what i had to i put a key lock on our bedroom door.I got so sick of him destroying MY things!. Im allowed to have things to.

I dont wanna preach or anything but i found sometimes (when they were lil) the best thing i could do for them and myself was to let them cry(with in reason)to sleep. Its good for them to learn to self sooth and its was freakin good for me to put them in there cott/bedroom shut the door and go sit in the back yard with a cuppa.Let me tell you i needed it.

My boys are the same nothing i do works charts taking toys ect ect it makes it so hard when they just dont care.The best thing ive now found that works is sitting them in the middle of the floor where they cant reach a thing no tv ect ect they stop pretty quick.

Dont feel bad for your feelings at all......trust me at times i honestly sit and think wow i wonder if i could just drop em at my mums and leave.........its all apart of being a mum.dont ever feel bad for it,were only human hun and *lots and lots of hugs*

It sounds like you're having a really tough time right now Donna and that really sucks!! It sucks you don't have anything to open on your birthday :(

Sure, being a SAHM is really tough!! It's a 24/7 job, no breaks, no holidays. I think we've all felt like we just wanted to run away and not look back!! That's totally normal. However, thinking about killing yourself, esp how exactly you would go about it is not a 'normal' reaction and makes me really worried about you. Can you go and see your GP? Tell them what you just told us. Or maybe you have a counsellor you have seen before who can help? At least with some strategies to help you deal with all the stress you're under at the moment! And maybe also to talk about DD1 and her behavior if you think something is not right there.

Try not to be so hard on yourself. You are definitely not a bad mum. We all do the best we can and want the best for our kids. It is so impressive that when you are feeling like this instead of hiding away and bottling it all up, you spoke out and reached out to other people. That is so hard for other people to do bc they often feel too embarrassed about how they're feeling. But talking about it is always the best thing. Well done.

I hope you can somehow get a break very soon. And most of all big big :hug: for you.

Oh honey, I'm nearly in tears reading that...do you think you should have a chat to your dr about how you are feeling? And maybe someone about DD1's behaviour? If you think it isn't 'normal' for her, then there is probably something else going on...

big hugs for you, and again I wish I was closer so I could give you a hand, I also wish I could send you my cleaning fairy but she's gone walkabout...

Whens your birthday girl?

:hug: I feel you. I've had a crap of a day here, and my girls are running in opposite directions, screaming and tearing things out of their places... I can't keep up. :( I hate it. I locked them in the yard this morning to phone DH & scream.... its hard. I tried to get them out of the house to the park to settle things, but DD1 kept running off. DH offered to "come help me out" and I wound up screaming at him that their his kids and he's not helping me out at all, he's looking after his kids.

My house is a mindfield and I can't stand it. I need a break.... I hear ya.

I guess the main thing is to enforce it. I have sat down and scheduled a break a week, and I will have to enforce it. I will have to beg for it, and I will have to make sure everyone knows that it is desperate. This isn't a "break" this is recharging so that we can get through the day... I have 2 hours off on Sunday and 2 hours off in just over a week planned to clean the house. I will have no one here in my house but me & my music. I have discussed with DH that he comes home from work early one day a week so I can have a bath....

I think the little things help us be able to cope. I just need 1-2 little things a week in order to get through the tough times.

:hug:

I could have written this almost word for word. :hug: :hug: :hug: I know this is all about you, but do you know how much of a relief to know that I am not the only one who feels like this? Thank-you so much for writing all this down.

For me, the housework can get frustrating because if everything else around me feels like it is falling down the house is like a visual example of how messy my life feels. My house is a shambles at the moment - DD2 has been sick all week and has cried all day. I haven't been able to put her down. Any housework that I have managed to do has been using only one hand which means I barely get her highchair clean. I feel like all I do all day is make food and clean it up. I don't want to touch mushy squishy half chewed food anymore. I don't want to try and think of 3 meals a day plus snacks, I feel like a glorified cafe worker. While I am busy balancing a baby and cleaning up or making food, DD1 and DS jump on their beds or slam their door. When I finally get DD2 to sleep, they stand in the hallway outside her room screaming so she wake up. DS is constantly breaking into the toilet and playing with the toilet paper. They throw toys from one end of the house to the other and I have to step over things to get anywhere I need to go. DS has also been moved to a big bed in the last two weeks so he spends until nearly 11 every night breaking into DD1's room and waking her up. So there is no break at night time either. They do the same through their afternoon nap time so they are tired and cranky. I am so tired from holding DD2 all day while she cries and squirms. If I take a toilet break and they pull apart the collages that they made at Grandma's so there are straws, pom poms, match sticks, paddlepops sticks, paper and glitter all over the house or they pull all the clothes out of the cupboard. They are always fighting and hitting, biting and pushing each other or hitting each other with toys. They scream like banshees whenever anything goes not their way. If I say no, all hell breaks loose.

Sorry, that was about me but I totally get what you are feeling. I could go on and on about that last week and the fact that I have not coped well and I am not proud of what I have said and done either. Most of what I have said to my two older kids this week has been in a yelling angry voice and it is not how I want to speak to them. I just need a break and I feel trapped because no-one has been available to give me a hand. It really feels like all my problem. I tried talking to DH about it and he just didn't get it. I had a bit of a breakdown yesterday which led to him taking today off just because I need a break. I feel bad because I feel like I am pulling him in all different directions too. He has a lot going on at work and he needs to be there, and I feel like I am adding to the pressure. I feel like a bad wife and a horrible mother. Then I think about all the single mums and mums with partners that work away and feel even worse because I know I have it good with the help and support I get from DH but I still struggle so much. It has been an awful awful week.

I guess I am writing this here to let you know that you are not alone, the way that you writing down what you are going through has helped me. Sorry, if it wasn't helpful to write all that - I am not trying to make it about me. Everything you are going through is so normal.

I think that I got into a really bad negative cycle and honestly, the only way out for me is to have a break. I have talked to DH about the things I need to get done this weekend to get on top of everything so we have set some goals for both of us to work towards. To get the washing clean and folded and put away, to give the house a general clean - tidy the toys to a managable state, to get the groceries (which I did last night online - I haven't had a chance all week to do the grocery shopping), to get out of the house (partly because I haven't been coping and partly because DD2 has been sick, we haven't been anywhere all week and I need to get out), to have some 'me' time away from the kids to clear my head and to get to bed around 10.30 every night. I don't know if I am being hopeful about getting this stuff done but something has gotta give because I can't go on like this. I can't do another week like this one.

I don't know if there is anything you can do, but you sound like you desperately need some time out to do something for you. I really wish I could offer more than what I have and I wish I lived closer because our crappy week probably wouldn't have been so awful if we could have shared them (though there were days that I would have contemplated the 8 hour drive just for the sanity). I hope things turn around for you soon. It is not easy. It is flippin' difficult!

I really understand the not wanting to die but seeing it as the only possible way to get a break. :hug:

Oh Donna :(
Sending some major, major hugs your way :hug: :hug: :hug:

Huge hugs Donna - You saw my Facebook yesterday/last night.
Although my DS can't talk back - I was at that point yesterday. My status of 'Anyone want an 8 month old?' got my MIL upset and I had to lie and say I was just joking, even though I wasn't.

:hug::hug::hug:
I wish I was closer to help

oh hon, I have been there :hug:

Can you get in to see the Dr for you and also your DD1? I think it would be a good place to start. Its not good to have those kind of thoughts, maybe he can recommend a counsellor? You really do need some time out. Have u and your hubby considered swapping roles? you going to work and he staying at home? my hubby would swap with me in a heartbeat. 2 kids is a handful particularly if their attention span is not good and also not listening to the rules when you ask them to do something or not do something. At my worst hubby had to work part time and look after me and the kids and I saw a psych once a week and got put on anti depressants. If you ever need to talk, im just a pm away.

I have no words of advice honey, but I wanted to know I really feel for you. Please take care yourself. You have to be happy first to make the children happy. Big hugs to you. :grouphug:

aw hun.. no advice because mine is still stationary.. but big squishy :hug:

:comfort: babe...

I wish I knew where you lived so I could send you a gift basket on Sunday :(

Remember there are resources out there to help people in exactly your situation... Lifeline and the Parent Helpline are set up for exactly this sort of thing... give them a try - it can't hurt, can it? They might even know something you don't and even just talking to someone might make you feel better.

:hug: I hope it picks up for you soon... :grouphug: We're here for ya hun..

Donna - please don't think you are hopeless, it's a really, really tough gig. I've worked on multi-million dollar projects with deadlines coming out of my ears yet most days I can't get DD fully dressed with her hair brushed and I feel like a complete idiot too. Many, many times I say to DD - it should NOT be this hard to change your nappy. Some days it literally takes a couple of hours inbetween her running off. I too get sick of the absolute monotony of trying the same things over and over again and them not working and even simple things like having a shower turning into bedlam.

You're not alone and it's not a reflection of how capable you are. You sound very capable and very resourceful in very tricky circumstances.

First things first - you do need to get a few hours by yourself asap. I know you know this. The only thing I can think of is can your DH take the girls for a drive over the weekend? You stay home or go out and do something on your own. There've been many days for me lately where I've considered going to counselling but I know my mood completely changes when I get some 'me' time - that tells me that I don't necessarily need counselling, I just need more 'me' time and I don't want to waste what could have been 'me' time sitting and talking to a counsellor when I'd have to arrange babysitting anyway, if that makes sense.

hun, i dont have any great words of wisdom tonight, but while I was reading about your DD1 I was thinking its so the same as my DS was behaving 18 months ago, then I looked at your DD1's birthdate and she is about that same age. DS is wonderful now, can be left alone and not wreck a single thing, so its just a really hard testing stage (I actually asked my XH to take him full time at one stage, thats how much I wanted to run away)

Hope you can get a breather very sooon xxx

Giant :hug: i hope things start to look up for you, i had a couple of days like that last week, i was in tears and i SCREAMED in DD1's face because if i didn't yell i was scared i was going to throw her through a wall.

It makes us feel like crap but having days/weeks like this does not make us bad mums it just makes us human, we are entitled to have feelings, get frustrated and act like crazy women.
Our kids can throw tantrums, get angry and frustrated so why can't we????

Maybe you can get the kids to sit down and 'make' you some thing to unwrap on your birthday, maybe they could design their own wrapping paper and find random household objects to 'surprise' you with.
Not only does it keep them occupied but might be just what you need without the stress of spending money!

You guys... thank you. Again. SO much. Really - THANK YOU. I'm so grateful to have a resource like BB to turn to when I'm at my lowest. Every single one of you deserves a huge hug for being there for me.

Thanks so much for sharing your own stories, it really helps me not feel like such a complete failure. Why, oh why do these kids of ours have to be SO testing? Surely the universe isn't just having a big laugh at our expense... :/ I can't wait until they grow out of it (if they ever truly do... I remember what I was like as a teenager. Oh, the joys I have yet to look forward to).

I'm feeling a lot better now that DH is home, and having read your kind responses. I'm torn between feeling glad that I'm not completely alone in feeling like this some days, and sorry that most of you are going through the same thing in your own lives. :(

PZ - Thanks so much, babe. I'm glad to know the offer's there :) I seriously can't wait until Sydney, hanging out with you is just what I need, I reckon ;)
I know I am depressed, I've had trouble since I was about 14 and been on and off medication and in counselling periodically since my teens. At the moment I'm just fighting through it on my own with no real help... I know it's incredibly bad to say it, but I'm terrified of the weight gain that I've found is inevitable with anti-depressants, and the one counsellor who's been there since day dot and helped me through the most difficult times of my life has left town and I'm too scared to start over with someone new... it's a really big trust issue with me and I found it so hard to allow her into my life in that way even as a bratty kid who was just p*ssed at the whole world, now I feel like I have a lot more to lose and placing my trust in the 'wrong' person could be disastrous... Thankfully BB has helped me so, so much over the last couple of years, and I've managed to stay out of the deepest troughs thanks to the support I get here.

Sloane & Mishca - thanks for the suggestion, hun :) I would love it if I could go back to work and let DH be SAHD, but I'm not a skilled worker and he gets a pretty decent paycheck as a manual labourer (which I could never do), so we'd be in a big hole if the roles were reversed :/ I think he'd be a great SAHD and the kids love spending time with Daddy so if I had the chance, I'd go for it. We might be able to in a few years, I'm supposed to be starting studying next year so depending on how much money a qualified midwife can make, it may be on the cards later on. Thanks for throwing it out there and for your support, I really appreciate it.

fionas - Hun, you have NO IDEA what a relief it was to read your experience... thanks so much for sharing it with me. My goodness, if a superwoman like you can't get through a simple task with a toddler without it turning into a shambles, what hope do I have?! FWIW I think you're a fantastic mum :) I hope that doesn't sound insensitive of me but it does make me feel a bit better to know that my difficulty in coping some days is NOT purely a symptom of being a generally useless human being...

LizJessie - Oh hun, I saw that comment on your FB and wanted to lay some smackdown on your behalf - I know EXACTLY how you feel and I felt awful that someone thought it was okay to talk down to you for it, instead of offering their support :( Big, big hugs to you hun, thanks for your reply, I know we're on the same page... it is SO hard sometimes and sleep deprivation is the worst form of torture... I know lots of parents are jealous of me because my two are pretty much perfect sleepers, but when they're not asleep they're being feral... I guess it goes both ways :/ *hugs* to you.

JustMe - feel free to hijack away, hun ;) If we can't talk about it here, where can we? I feel so bad for you that you're in the same boat babe, just know that I'd be there in a heartbeat if I could to help out... get the little monsters together and let them go nuts while we relax over a coffee! I totally agree about the mess, and the food, and feeling like a slave, and OMG THE TOILET PAPER HERE TOO! I think I have a big string of it stuck to my heel right now, actually :/ *hugs* Thanks so much for sharing, babe. I really hope you can get a break when you need it, too. x

Every single one of you - thank you so, so, so much. Huge hugs all round from me. I showed DH my post when he got home from work so he could actually 'listen' to how I'm feeling... when I talk to him, he hears me but I think he gets preoccupied with how HE feels after working all week and thinks, 'Oh, like you have it hard, you sit around in your pj's all day'. He's organised my mum to watch the kids for a couple of hours on Sunday evening so he can take me to the movies (Gold Class, even! My first time ever!) for my birthday, which will be almost as good as having a present to actually unwrap, and mum's watching the kids tomorrow morning so we can go shopping to get my laybys out and get a couple of other things for my birthday. So, a few kid-free hours, it's a start - I'll keep working on it. I think this is just what I need... but MORE of it lol. Oh well, baby steps ;)

I want every one of you to know how much I am humbled by your support... how grateful I am for you sharing your stories and extending your sympathy when I need it most. How much I wish each of you the same as you wish me - a break, some time to recharge, the kids to behave, etc etc. For the text messages, the PMs, the FB messages... thank you so much. BB is literally saving my life, I cannot thank you all enough for reaching out and holding me up when I'm not sure I can keep going.
xoxo

Go your DH!!! It's great that you have something special to look forward to on Sunday night. A few kid free hours with DH ... sounds great!!! I hope you have a wonderful night.