Please help me to help DS15

I just don't know what to do anymore. We have always had a battle with DS getting up in the morning. The problem is he won't get up. He is always late for school, would get there 10.00, 11.00a.m. This week he started a course organised through school by the wonderful principal who has taken him under her wing. It is an automotive course for 8wks which he was very excited about. Monday went well, no problems. Yesterday complained of feeling sick (heard this many times) so I made him call them, they are supposed to be treating this as employment. Today same again, he is still in bed and won't even get up to ring them. He asked me to ring, I told him it's his responsibility and that I will not lie for him as I don't believe he is sick at all. I now have his phone and wireless usb so no internet or phone for a week. He just doesn't see the opportunity he has been given, or just doesn't want to. We have screaming matches every morning and I just can't do it anymore. Please help.

Regards,
Dianne

:hug:

I don't have any real advice for you as i was exactly the same way at his age. It took for me to wake up and realise myself what i was doing. The more my mum tried to help me the more i rebelled against her.

Did something happen that hes not telling you about? Does he not like the course?

I really don't think anything happened, he said he really enjoyed his first day. He has been like this for ages, not getting up in the morning and he doesn't go to bed late either. He is still in bed right now, I just don't get it. I've tried in the past ripping his blankets of, asking him in a gentle tone to ending up yelling at him. He is a big boy so I can't even physically drag him out of bed.

Regards,
Dianne

Sounds like you've been very fair. All I can suggest is to let him suffer the consequences of his decisions on this one.
Maybe you could try setting up family routines so to speak for everyone for a while eg. we all get up at this time (except maybe the little one), we all do this at this time. It might encourage him to know he has to be up then???

I really don't have much advice on this one sorry. Big :hug: though. x

Could he actually be sick? Could he have something like chronic fatigue? Could it be depression? I know some children do suffer depression. I really don't know just clutching at straws....

I highly recommend checking out "Whatever! The science of teens". It really doesnt offer any advice, but it helps you understand and you can look at devising your own coping strategies. Last I checked it was still on Youtube.

Good Luck.

hun, i know you've had a few issues with your DS - i'm wondering if there is more to it? is it possible he is depressed? i know as a teen, i went through many periods just like this. i would get headaches for no reason, and the sheer effort of getting out of bed was just too much. it wasn't until i was 19 and in uni that i was first diagnosed with depression. i didn't take meds (i don't react well to them at all) but went to counselling to find coping mechanisms. i wish i had known a lot lot earlier what was going on...

Thanks everyone, it is very possible he could have one of these conditions or both. It's just going from bad to worse. I was expecting world war 3 because of his phone but not world war 4. He got up when I picked the kids up from school and as soon as I walked in the door he demanded his phone back. The arguing went on for about half an hour so he said he's going out, I said no your not. If you give my phone back I'll stay home. I told him I would compromise and he could have phone back in the morning if he gets up and goes to his course. No not good enough, he has left the house. I just want to cry but feel so angry at the same time. I think I'll take him to our GP and see how that goes. Thanks again everyone.

Regards,
Dianne

Just been googling and fairly certain it's not chronic fatigue but many of the signs mentioned for depression DS has showed. I can't believe I didn't pick up on these things. I feel terrible now. He still hasn't come back home.

Regards,
Dianne

Dont feel terrible, im sure he will be home soon.
I hope you can get a solution at the doctors. Its hard with teens as with my dd i always put it down to her being lazy, the not getting out of bed, doing homeword even doing menial things but my dd has a good friend who has just be diagnosed with depression lately and her parents mentioned alot of different behaviour to my dd. I think My dd has self esteem issues not depression. They are certainly a bread that is easily misunderstood.
Hugs and i hope he is home soon

I don't mean to be rude or pry but do you think he is smoking dope ? this can cause depression and lethargy- my adopted brother smoked a lot and had really bad depression for a long time.Your DS is at that experimental age where it may be possible. I am in no way making judgements, heaven knows my DD is a handful!

mrsmac that has certainly crossed my mind, no offence taken at all. There have been times when he has come home after being with friends, avoids looking at me in the face and then straight off into his room. DH and I have discussed this. If we were to ask him straight out I'm sure he wouldn't admit it if it were true. How can I help him if I don't know what's wrong? I have even thought of asking our GP to do a blood test but what if it all backfires, I don't want to lose his trust either. I just feel so lost at the moment.

Regards,
Dianne

What about asking a drug and alcohol organisation for advice ? I know my bro joined NA (narcotics anon) to get help, I am sure there is something to help families.
Hugs to you hun, parenting teenagers is the hardest job in the world i think!

Found this info on a drug info website in Aus.

Long-term effects

Research shows evidence of some long-term effects in some regular cannabis users.

* Respiratory illness
The way that cannabis is smoked means that more tar is inhaled and retained in the lungs than tobacco, placing cannabis users at an increased risk of respiratory illness such as lung cancer and chronic bronchitis. Cigarette smokers who also smoke cannabis have an even greater risk of respiratory disease.
* Reduced motivation
Many regular users have reported that they have less energy and motivation, so that performance at work or school suffers.
* Brain function
Concentration, memory and the ability to learn can all be reduced by regular cannabis use. These effects can last for several months after ceasing cannabis use.
* Hormones
Cannabis can affect hormone production. Research shows that some cannabis users have a lower sex drive. Irregular menstrual cycles and lowered sperm counts have also been reported.
* Immune system
There is some concern that cannabis smoking may impair the functioning of the immune system.


Also found this
Can you tell if teenagers are using cannabis? Although truancy,
falling performance at school and mood changes can be
symptoms of cannabis use, they’ re also typical teenage problems,
so don’ t jump to conclusions. If you suspect a young
person is using cannabis or find evidence of drug use you may
want to threaten or punish them. But it’ s better to stay calm
and try to find out why they use the drug. Adolescents need to
know their parents love them and want to help them. The fact
that they’ re using a drug may mean they’ re troubled - but it
may also mean they have only tried the drug once and may
not try it again. If you’ re worried about a young person’ s drug
use, don’ t hesitate to get help. It’ s a problem many parents
share and nothing to be ashamed of - and early help may pr event
more serious problems. For more information contact the
Drug and Alcohol Multicultural Information Centre on (02) 9699
3552, or your local community health centre.

Thanks mrsmac, I think I'll give Barwon Health a call tomorrow and see what services are available in our area. How on earth would I be able to get him to see someone if he is not willing? I don't want to push him away but at the same time I know I need to do something.

Regards,
Dianne

When my 16yr old DS carries on like this (it isn't often but I can tell when he is faking for a day off) I tell him that it is great that he will be home and I give him a list of chores I expect him to do whilst he is home. More often than not he gets jack of reading what is on the list and chooses to go to school rather than stay home.

I would definitely sit down and have a chat to your son and find out if there are any issues he has with school, his course or anything else. Tell him your concerns and let him know that you would be so proud of him if he could get up & go to his course without too much prompting from you.

Sending you many hugs Dianne... the teenage years are so trying :hug:

I'm such an idiot :wall:. The Intervention Order, the hearing is tomorrow. He thought he would have to come with me to Court and said he really didn't want to. I found out he doesn't need to be there but all that has been going on, OMG the poor thing no wonder he would be feeling depressed. He said the death threats didn't scare him and stupid idiot me believed him. He's still not home, I've rang some friends and nobody has heard from him. Oh God please let him be safe.

Regards,
Dianne

Hope everything is okay honey :hug:

I hope your DS came home and everything is OK. Thinking of you...xxxx

Did he come home Dianne?

So sorry I havn't updated until now, been in Court all day. DS did come home and we had a huge talk and I finally think we are getting somewhere now. He got up this morning and attended his course and had a fabulous day. He has accepted to come to our GP too. Thank you to everyone for your support throughout this.

Regards,
Dianne

I know this thread is old but I thought I would check and see how you are going. I know what you are going through.

My DD15 was dianosed with depression earlier this year. One day I accidently walked in on her after a shower and saw that she had been cutting her self so I started therapy with her straight away. I had so many people tell me tha she was doing it for attention but I knew otherwise. When she was diagnosed I felt like rubbing it in their faces (school was the worst of the lot)

For a while therapy help right up intil her absolute bestfriend took her own life and she was the pall bearer at the funeral (it is not fun to watch your DD carry her bestfriends coffin) and her cutting started again and she lost all interest in school work she couldn't concentrate and was struggling day to day.

Eventually she waqs placed on medication and since it has been in her system for a while now we haven't looked back. I went through so much guilt for my teenager needing meds but when it came down to it I needed to make her better and that is what it took.

This is just my story to possible help you out some, none, some or all may apply to your life who knows but I believe in talking about teenage depression and getting help for parents that feel lost by it all.

Hi Diane,I do not have any exp with a teenager but i do have exp of me when i was one.

I would miss school ,sleep in,drink loads of coke and stay up late.Always an excuse why i was not going to school, i would fight with my mum all the time.
I was depressed and had bad anxiety,do you think this could be it? I was suffering inside , but as a kid of that age as well i was not going to talk to my family about it, i was ashamed i was hurting , i wish i could hav spoken to mum but at that age i wouldn't and couldn't.
I think back now how hard it would have been for my mum so i can someone what understand how hard it is for you.

Maybe it is depression ,anxiety is common at that age with school and new things etc.
It maybe drugs.
It could be chronic fatigue but i doubt it as i would go more towards depression ,he may have lacking in iron or some form of vitamin that is making him more tired.

Just some of my exp for you ,big hugs xx