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Thread: Please help me to help DS15

  1. #1

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    Default Please help me to help DS15

    I just don't know what to do anymore. We have always had a battle with DS getting up in the morning. The problem is he won't get up. He is always late for school, would get there 10.00, 11.00a.m. This week he started a course organised through school by the wonderful principal who has taken him under her wing. It is an automotive course for 8wks which he was very excited about. Monday went well, no problems. Yesterday complained of feeling sick (heard this many times) so I made him call them, they are supposed to be treating this as employment. Today same again, he is still in bed and won't even get up to ring them. He asked me to ring, I told him it's his responsibility and that I will not lie for him as I don't believe he is sick at all. I now have his phone and wireless usb so no internet or phone for a week. He just doesn't see the opportunity he has been given, or just doesn't want to. We have screaming matches every morning and I just can't do it anymore. Please help.



    Regards,
    Dianne

  2. #2

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    I don't have any real advice for you as i was exactly the same way at his age. It took for me to wake up and realise myself what i was doing. The more my mum tried to help me the more i rebelled against her.

    Did something happen that hes not telling you about? Does he not like the course?

  3. #3

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    I really don't think anything happened, he said he really enjoyed his first day. He has been like this for ages, not getting up in the morning and he doesn't go to bed late either. He is still in bed right now, I just don't get it. I've tried in the past ripping his blankets of, asking him in a gentle tone to ending up yelling at him. He is a big boy so I can't even physically drag him out of bed.

    Regards,
    Dianne

  4. #4

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    Sounds like you've been very fair. All I can suggest is to let him suffer the consequences of his decisions on this one.
    Maybe you could try setting up family routines so to speak for everyone for a while eg. we all get up at this time (except maybe the little one), we all do this at this time. It might encourage him to know he has to be up then???

    I really don't have much advice on this one sorry. Big though. x

  5. #5

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    Could he actually be sick? Could he have something like chronic fatigue? Could it be depression? I know some children do suffer depression. I really don't know just clutching at straws....

  6. #6

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    I highly recommend checking out "Whatever! The science of teens". It really doesnt offer any advice, but it helps you understand and you can look at devising your own coping strategies. Last I checked it was still on Youtube.

    Good Luck.

  7. #7

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    hun, i know you've had a few issues with your DS - i'm wondering if there is more to it? is it possible he is depressed? i know as a teen, i went through many periods just like this. i would get headaches for no reason, and the sheer effort of getting out of bed was just too much. it wasn't until i was 19 and in uni that i was first diagnosed with depression. i didn't take meds (i don't react well to them at all) but went to counselling to find coping mechanisms. i wish i had known a lot lot earlier what was going on...

  8. #8

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    Thanks everyone, it is very possible he could have one of these conditions or both. It's just going from bad to worse. I was expecting world war 3 because of his phone but not world war 4. He got up when I picked the kids up from school and as soon as I walked in the door he demanded his phone back. The arguing went on for about half an hour so he said he's going out, I said no your not. If you give my phone back I'll stay home. I told him I would compromise and he could have phone back in the morning if he gets up and goes to his course. No not good enough, he has left the house. I just want to cry but feel so angry at the same time. I think I'll take him to our GP and see how that goes. Thanks again everyone.

    Regards,
    Dianne

  9. #9

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    Just been googling and fairly certain it's not chronic fatigue but many of the signs mentioned for depression DS has showed. I can't believe I didn't pick up on these things. I feel terrible now. He still hasn't come back home.

    Regards,
    Dianne

  10. #10

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    Dont feel terrible, im sure he will be home soon.
    I hope you can get a solution at the doctors. Its hard with teens as with my dd i always put it down to her being lazy, the not getting out of bed, doing homeword even doing menial things but my dd has a good friend who has just be diagnosed with depression lately and her parents mentioned alot of different behaviour to my dd. I think My dd has self esteem issues not depression. They are certainly a bread that is easily misunderstood.
    Hugs and i hope he is home soon

  11. #11

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    I don't mean to be rude or pry but do you think he is smoking dope ? this can cause depression and lethargy- my adopted brother smoked a lot and had really bad depression for a long time.Your DS is at that experimental age where it may be possible. I am in no way making judgements, heaven knows my DD is a handful!

  12. #12

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    mrsmac that has certainly crossed my mind, no offence taken at all. There have been times when he has come home after being with friends, avoids looking at me in the face and then straight off into his room. DH and I have discussed this. If we were to ask him straight out I'm sure he wouldn't admit it if it were true. How can I help him if I don't know what's wrong? I have even thought of asking our GP to do a blood test but what if it all backfires, I don't want to lose his trust either. I just feel so lost at the moment.

    Regards,
    Dianne

  13. #13

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    What about asking a drug and alcohol organisation for advice ? I know my bro joined NA (narcotics anon) to get help, I am sure there is something to help families.
    Hugs to you hun, parenting teenagers is the hardest job in the world i think!

  14. #14

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    Found this info on a drug info website in Aus.

    Long-term effects

    Research shows evidence of some long-term effects in some regular cannabis users.

    * Respiratory illness
    The way that cannabis is smoked means that more tar is inhaled and retained in the lungs than tobacco, placing cannabis users at an increased risk of respiratory illness such as lung cancer and chronic bronchitis. Cigarette smokers who also smoke cannabis have an even greater risk of respiratory disease.
    * Reduced motivation
    Many regular users have reported that they have less energy and motivation, so that performance at work or school suffers.
    * Brain function
    Concentration, memory and the ability to learn can all be reduced by regular cannabis use. These effects can last for several months after ceasing cannabis use.
    * Hormones
    Cannabis can affect hormone production. Research shows that some cannabis users have a lower sex drive. Irregular menstrual cycles and lowered sperm counts have also been reported.
    * Immune system
    There is some concern that cannabis smoking may impair the functioning of the immune system.


    Also found this
    Can you tell if teenagers are using cannabis? Although truancy,
    falling performance at school and mood changes can be
    symptoms of cannabis use, they’ re also typical teenage problems,
    so don’ t jump to conclusions. If you suspect a young
    person is using cannabis or find evidence of drug use you may
    want to threaten or punish them. But it’ s better to stay calm
    and try to find out why they use the drug. Adolescents need to
    know their parents love them and want to help them. The fact
    that they’ re using a drug may mean they’ re troubled - but it
    may also mean they have only tried the drug once and may
    not try it again. If you’ re worried about a young person’ s drug
    use, don’ t hesitate to get help. It’ s a problem many parents
    share and nothing to be ashamed of - and early help may pr event
    more serious problems. For more information contact the
    Drug and Alcohol Multicultural Information Centre on (02) 9699
    3552, or your local community health centre.

  15. #15

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    Thanks mrsmac, I think I'll give Barwon Health a call tomorrow and see what services are available in our area. How on earth would I be able to get him to see someone if he is not willing? I don't want to push him away but at the same time I know I need to do something.

    Regards,
    Dianne

  16. #16

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    When my 16yr old DS carries on like this (it isn't often but I can tell when he is faking for a day off) I tell him that it is great that he will be home and I give him a list of chores I expect him to do whilst he is home. More often than not he gets jack of reading what is on the list and chooses to go to school rather than stay home.

    I would definitely sit down and have a chat to your son and find out if there are any issues he has with school, his course or anything else. Tell him your concerns and let him know that you would be so proud of him if he could get up & go to his course without too much prompting from you.

    Sending you many hugs Dianne... the teenage years are so trying

  17. #17

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    I'm such an idiot . The Intervention Order, the hearing is tomorrow. He thought he would have to come with me to Court and said he really didn't want to. I found out he doesn't need to be there but all that has been going on, OMG the poor thing no wonder he would be feeling depressed. He said the death threats didn't scare him and stupid idiot me believed him. He's still not home, I've rang some friends and nobody has heard from him. Oh God please let him be safe.

    Regards,
    Dianne

  18. #18

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    Hope everything is okay honey

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