Lending Etiquette

Last November I lent a friend a book on birthing techniques (you know the Ju Ju Sundin / Sarah Murdoch book) as she was due in the following few months. At the same time I also lent her my pregnancy pillow as she seemed hard up for cash and was having issues sleeping. I offered to let her borrow the items, she didn't ask to borrow them or anything fyi.

Fast forward to last week I sent her an FB PM thanking her for a birth announcement card of her son as it was thoughtful etc. In her reply she said she'd return the pillow to me shortly. I replied back saying 'cool, no worries, would you mind returning the book I lent you too as I'll be needing that in the near future' - no response.

Today she drops the pillow in (when she knows I'll be at work and DH will be home) and tells DH she has handed the book onto someone else - and will see if she can get it back....

I'm a bit GRRRRRR at the situation. I don't know if maybe I'm just uptight about it all.....

Am I? Or would you be just as GRRRRR at the situation?

I would be grrrr at the situation. It is fine to lend books on but you remember who you've lent them to (I have a few books that have been passed onto a 2nd or 3rd friend that I've asked for returned so they can be packed). Or better yet if she found the book so great, tell the friend about it so they can buy their own copy and return the one you borrowed!

Hope you get the book back!

I must admit I do not lend out books anymore because of this very reason.

My books are very precious to me, but they are mine, and not for you to hand around like my study is a library! lol
Too many do not come back and it ticks me off - they are expensive, some of them sentimental and others just plain hard to get.

Anyway, I would call and tell her you want it back, so get it back or replace it - simple - none of this "see if I can get it back" rubbish!

Having worked in books for my entire working life, my collection became a "free for all". They were passed around and only occassionally I'd get them back. Two people still have books of mine, multiple books, and have had them for over two years. The belief was from them that because I worked in books, I must have gotten them for free. No matter how many times I corrected this myth, I was never believed. Books are not cheap and I have a lot in my collection that are special, signed copies, first editions, etc. I've had them come back with wrinkled covers, one even came back with chocolate smushed between the pages. So I completely understand your grrrrrr. I'm really careful who I lend them out to now.....well, it's pretty much just my mum now!

I think you have every right to feel like that. It's your property to lend to whom you want, if your friend wanted to share the book she should've asked for your permission.
I feel for you - very rarely do I lend someone a book!

I could thank her for returning the pillow, then add "oh, got the message about the book, if your friend likes it so much I don't mind if you just fix me up with the $40 and I'll buy another copy" ;)

Technically shes committed the offence of theft (handling the goods in such a way they may not be returned to the owner), but I don't think I'd go down that line just yet lol! A bit over the top, even for me!

I'm thankful I *cough cough* couldn't find a $150 text book she wanted earlier in the year! Phew!

:rofl:

I'd be just as grrr too leesa! If I had borrowed a book (or anything) from a friend, it's not mine to lend on to someone else. That's just rude IMO.

Hope you get your book back, I lent a wii game to someone and they said they returned it- half true they returned just the case and not the game, I told them at the time but hadn't seen them for awhile. And now they swear they have given it back, so great that is! It makes me think twice about ending something.

But I think lending something to someone that someone else has lent to you is a definite no no.

dh and I don't lend books to anyone anymore either, in fact the only book we have lent out since making this rule hasn't come back 12 months later! and that's even after telling them why we don't lend books out anymore :( people seem to get a little annoyed too when we say they are welcome to read it here but not take it home... I guess they take it personally but hey after you loose so many books to 'friends' there are just some you don't want to let go of. A girl I know was given a beautiful book for christmas one year and some guy who wasn't even that good of a friend who was there for a chirstmas party took it without asking and then dropped it back a few weeks later with a note saying he didn't think she'd mind if he borrowed it and he left it on the front door step and he'd underlined and doggy eared several pages :0 now that is RUDE!

this really annoys me too- and tbh, i'm having a similar dilemma. i lent a friend of mine a whole heap of maternity clothes for her pg, and then once she had her baby, instead of returning them all to me- she went and gave them to another friend of ours who is pg! i couldn't believe it! so now the pg friend is due in a few weeks and i just know there is no chance i will get all my stuff back. i am rather annoyed as there is a dress that was given to me and is very exxy and i honestly have no idea who even has the dress now. it just feels so out of control.
i think you have every right to ask your friend to buy you a new book!

I do not lend books out to anyone except my Father (and we get ours mixed up so often that unless it is specifically a part of a series, neither of us worry too much). I cannot believe the disrespect some people show towards other peoples possessions, particularly books. And the number of people who will then lend them to someone else! Sorry, but if I lend a book to someone - it is ONLY for them. I would be really ticked off. If you are finished with something that you have borrowed you return it.

Gosh I have borrowed books from friends pregnancy one's too, and would never consider passing on someone's else's book to a third party :o It is not hers to lend out.

Glad you've got the pillow back and I hope she gets the book back or you get $40 in your pocket ;)

I think this is why I have been a bit stingy about lending stuff out - until I am done with all my pregnancy/baby stuff it is in storage. That said - I have a copy of that book and I didn't really like or use it - I can GIVE you mine if you like?

Lol, thanks ControlFreak (hmm, recommend me another then ;)). Thanks for the offer, but she assures me she is just busy and will drop the book off to me late next week. She can't seem to visit our house when I'm here, only when DH is home *rolling eyes*.

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I'd be just as grrr too leesa! If I had borrowed a book (or anything) from a friend, it's not mine to lend on to someone else. That's just rude IMO.

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:yeahthat: ...and what is it with books? so many people I know (me included) hate lending them for this reason, I don't think you see it so much with other stuff?

Time for the handcuffs?
I wouldn't lend someone's book on to anyone else, but I must admit I'm terrible for remembering to return them. I actually don't borrow books anymore for this reason (so there's the flip side :D). I only borrow from my mum as I see her regularly and if it comes to it she can just reclaim it from my house herself.
I'm quite happy to lend books out though and take a fairly laid-back approach to if/when they are returned. most people I've found are far more responsible about these thigns than i am.

It would never occur to me to lend something on to another person if I've borrowed it from someone - WITHOUT CHECKING FIRST!!!

I don't lend out books to others unless they value them the same way I do. Which pretty much means nobody borrows my books!

BW

I would be so furious! 2 of my friends lend their books to me, and I will often pass the borrowed book onto the 3rd friend but only after asking first. I have in the past lent books and then not got them back and it just really winds me up.

I'm glad I'm not the only one that thought lending on an item which you borrowed from another person is rude....wasn't sure if I was being OTT ;).